CoupleTime.net: Must Have Recipe To Avoid Conflicts With Your Lover: Hot Cross Buns

Thought for the Day: In the last post, I shared a recipe: Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away, the first in a series The Joy of Loving Relationships for CoupleTime.net, The Relationship Spa. I hope you tried the recipe and will share your results. +Krishna Patel shared her results earlier this week: "I tried your recipe today morning while he was leaving for office. First he got confused and than gave me a tight hug and left for office. Thanks for a wonderful recipe."  Today’s post was written by my partner at CoupleTime, Melissa Glaser, MS, a Master's level licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience working with couples and families. I’m sure her recipe for Hot Cross Buns will be a helpful addition to your favorite relationship menu. We hope you will share this with your partner and friends and let us know how it helps.

Hot Cross Buns

Time involved: 7 minutes

Ingredients:

                       -   1 comment or interchange that rubs you the wrong way
                       -   Patience
                       -   Thoughtfulness,
                       -   Restraint, and
                       -   A dash of humor

Read on to learn how to make this recipe...

Directions: After a comment or interchange with your partner that rubs you the wrong way, remove it from the heat and let it rest for 7 minutes before serving.

     Often couples interpret comments, innuendos, body language and attention given or not given to something, differently. What one person sees when they enter a room is likely very different than what the other sees. What one person hears in a disagreement or moment of frustration is often different than what the other hears. What one person feels about a momentary situation is often evoking or not evoking very different feelings for the other. If the heat in the oven gets too hot, you may burn the dish if you react too quickly.

     A great strategy when you are about to defend, attack or even point out your frustration, annoyance or hurt is to first, wait 7 minutes.  I have found that 7 minutes is a good amount of time to collect your thoughts, evaluate your feelings, ask yourself why this is important to point out and figure out your goal in articulating your thoughts.  Then, if you still believe it is important to bring up your concerns; express it with your well thought out goal in mind. 

     Finally, when you do bring up the subject, add a dash of humor. How you deliver your message in the end may make it easier for your partner to hear, taste, understand and maybe even laugh about your Hot Cross Buns. Because after all most of what we experience in the moment is small stuff that seems even smaller the next day.

     Try this recipe and see how it works in your relationship. Feel free to share it with friends and family. 

     We hope you will check out CoupleTime.net and see how it's programs could enhance your relationship even more.