Wake Up and Dream Catalyst: Short inspirational thoughts for the day. Raising questions & hopefully opening a dialogue with people interested in learning how to turn their dreams into plans and start navigating their way towards them.
Thought for the Day: I just came home from Boston. While there I had the privilege to sit at Mile 20 of the Boston Marathon in Newton MA in the middle of Heartbreak Hill. I watched as the wheel chair competitors passed, the female front runners, the male front runners and then the waves of runners from around the country and around the world who came out in full force to support Boston as they took back the Marathon.
Thought for the day: The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. - Unknown
The try-angle approach to problem solving must be followed by the Try-Try-Again-Angle.
- Dr. Barbara Lavi When 'wake up' dreamers are given lemons in life, they dream anyway, but they too must confront their feelings of discouragement. Here's my reflection on how to deal with the impact of all the bad news we are inundated with of late.
When current events begin to get me down, I try to find a way to 1st make some sense of what has transpired. I write about it, find lessons to take away from what has happened. I don't just make lemonade, as I wrote in a previous post, I open a store. I also try my best to keep structure in my life & adhere to routines. I have been working hard to deal with the events following the Boston Marathon Bombings, as my posts for the past week plus, have shown. I hope they have been helpful to all who have read them. Today would have been scheduled to be Thursday's Trivia Answer to a Tuesday's Psychological Trivia post, however, I have been playing catch up all week. There was no trivia question last Tuesday. I'm finding myself in a more serious mood. I usually have no trouble finding something to write about, but today, I am at a loss & I think I know why.
The magnitude of the events in Boston, the explosion in Texas & now fires blazing in Alabama are simply difficult to handle. This has been an exceptionally hard year for us all. It began with Hurricane Sandy & was followed by the Sandy Hook Tragedy. In times like these we all, psychologists & healers included, must take some time to reflect. Ironically, not having a trivia question to answer forced me to stop.
Yesterday, one of my readers commented on my post Wednesday's Words of Wisdom on whether schools should be helping children learn to act according to obedience or follow their conscience when there is a moral conflict. Here's what the reader wrote & how I responded:
Although
I agree with your sentiment, I just can't see how this going to happen
in the public school setting. There has been a lot of backwards
thinking for so long; I find it hard to believe that they are going to
change very much despite this or any other tragedy.
Thanks
for commenting Clayton. I agree that it will be hard to get public
schools to change, but parents need to let their school systems know
that it is important to them. Speak with your PTA about the need to
address these issues. It is worth it for the future of our world.
I am not a Pollyanna, I know that
all change takes time & hard work. When people came to me in Boston
discouraged that things will simply never change, I encouraged them to
remember the changes that have transpired in the not so distant past. It
took years, but the United States withdrew from the Viet Nam War due to continued protests by the people.
Mothers Against Drunk Driving have changed the laws surrounding drunk
driving & have made a difference. The Berlin Wall came down.
Segregation was outlawed in our country. The brave people who fought for
these & other causes were discouraged, but they took the time &
made a difference. Sometimes, we need to let the feelings of
discouragement get to us, take the time to reflect, regroup &
discover the ways we can make changes happen to improve the plight of
our troubled world.
What do you do when you feel discouraged? Has all the bad news made you feel fatalistic? What has helped you when you have felt this way?
Thought for the Day: This would have been my Motivational Monday's post, but I was too busy to complete it yesterday. Given the circumstances, I hope you will understand. I have a policy, whenever I can I do critical incident work following traumatic events. When Cigna EAP calls following bank robberies, deaths, & other traumatic events, I reschedule my private clients & go to help on site. I see this as preventative care & work with as many people affected by these events as I can. Last Tuesday & yesterday, I went to Boston. Here are some of my thoughts, impressions & advice from my recent experiences. I hope they will help you as well, since "We Are One Boston."
As I drove from CT to Boston, I did not know what to expect. After a week-long ordeal with tragic losses, injuries, a lock down, followed by a successful manhunt, how would the city I called home from 1981 to 2000 be handling the trauma? As I approached on the Massachusetts Turnpike, I saw the 1st sign of how Boston is coping. There were literally 4 electronic signs, the kind used to post traffic warnings, which said, “We are One Boston… Thanks for everything.”
After I exited the turnpike, I entered Newton, driving along Commonwealth Avenue, part of the route of the Boston Marathon. As I noticed the beauty of the sunlit day, the second signs appeared loud & clear. On both sides of the street there were joggers running & parents pushing carriages. It looked like any ordinary spring day in Boston. People were showing not only their relief that the terror was over, but also their determination not to let the events stop them from living their lives fearlessly.
When I reached the infamous Heartbreak Hill, I noticed that the statue (photo above) which has honored the Boston Marathon for years had been decorated. Both bronze runners had been given number tags from this year's runners. One statue holds an American flag; the other is raising flowers. The statue pays tribute to the courage of this year's runners & is a signal to all Bostonians to carry on.
On Monday, as I drove to Norwood for the critical incident assignment, I saw more signs. While following a city bus, I noticed that intermittently, in addition to the number of the route, were the words, “We Are One Boston.” A car dealership’s sign proudly stated, “Boston Strong.” There were signs everywhere that people finding creative ways to cope, show their support & recover from the surreal events.
Yesterday, I went to a large company in the Boston area I spoke with employees from around the Boston area including Watertown. They wanted to know how to help their children, friends & themselves deal with the aftermath of a mass tragedy. Some had been at the finish line & moved seconds before the blast. They recognized the wounded as having stood beside them. I spoke about survivor’s guilt & shared ways to speak with the children who by the grace of a few seconds were saved from injury.
Some people were having trouble sleeping or fearful of going out alone. Others were struggling with memories of previous losses of loved ones from illness or violence brought back by the traumatic events. Many people wondered how to help injured friends who are still in the hospital. There were native Bostonians grieving for their city. There were also new immigrants feeling isolated, wondering why they had come to a country beleaguered by violence.
In this day & age, whether you live in the Boston area, across the USA or abroad, we are truly. "One Boston." Television brings tragedies such as these into our homes. To a lesser degree, events like these impact on us all. We all have some survivor’s guilt & fears. It is normal to have questions about how to help family, our selves & especially our children cope with these traumatic events.
Here are some of the things I encouraged people to do:
The first & most important thing you can do is ask for support. Talk to friends & family about how you feel about what has transpired. As hard as it may be to speak about our feelings, tears, anger, disbelief & helplessness are normal responses to trauma. It is important to talk about your feelings to recover. Many of the people had trouble speaking without crying at first, but by the time they left, they felt more in control & had ideas of things they could do that would help.
It is also important to remind yourself & your children that there are many more supportive, good people in the world than those intent on doing harm. In traumatic events, we are exposed to both the worst & the best parts of human nature. Media often focuses on the shocking, dramatic worst elements. Pay attention to people's natural instinct to help other human beings in time of crisis.
Turn off the TV or internet if you are feeling overwhelmed by the coverage which may be traumatizing. Take care of yourself, make sure you rest, eat, exercise & follow as normal of a routine as possible. Volunteer to help out. You will feel in more control of the situation if you feel there is something you can do to alleviate the situation. Allow yourself to grieve if you have recently lost a loved one or have a loved one who has been hurt in the tragedy.
The Most Valuable Ring
I told the story of The Most Valuable Ring (You can listen to the story on the video, it may help you with this challenge as well.) to one of the people who came to see me. After I finished, she took off her wedding band & showed me an inscription: “We fall to conquer.” I asked her permission to share it here & she agreed. Tragedy can strengthen us. If we experience the loss, process it & cope with the fall, we can become stronger & conquer. We are one Boston.
o
