Need An Intimacy Boost? Prepare Our Recipe for a Love Martini

Need An Intimacy Boost? Prepare Our Recipe for a Love Martini

July 1, 2016

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Melissa Glaser, MS, LPC and Dr. Barbara Lavi

 Here's another post from my new blog. I hope you like it and will share with others! Have a great holiday weekend!

   I must admit that as a psychologist, when Melissa sent me the photo for today's recipe, I was a bit worried. I spend too much time in my practice helping families battle the impact of alcoholism to have ever written about martinis on my blog, The Wake Up and Dream Catalyst. However, when I looked at this recipe, it became clear that this martini needs no alcohol to produce the desired effect of intimacy, joy and pleasure. You can serve this Love Martini as often as you like without worries of addiction. read on for the recipe...

Love Martini

Prep Time: Make a date with your partner for a few hours of quality CoupleTime

Ingredients:

• 1 oz of Excitement
• 2 oz of tenderness
• 4 oz of passion
• 4 oz of sexy feelings
• Several pinches of tender touch
• Your best glasses

Directions: 

     Fill a shaker with cool tenderness. Pour in excitement with thoughts about a long, sustaining future. Add in sexy feelings and passion. Shake all the ingredients together till you leave your stressors behind.

While pouring the martini, strain out any interfering thoughts andwatch your partner’s expression of joy. Garnish with your tender touch.

Enjoy sharing the sweetness of the moment with your partner

     Sometimes we need to leave the cares and responsibilities of the world behind, to clear our minds in order to enjoy fulfilling intimacy.  Giving yourself permission to focus on the physical connection with your partner is a great gift for both of you.  Relax, unwind, and get high on connecting with your partner.

     If you find this post helpful, please share it on social media with your friends. We'd also love to hear how this recipe helped you and your partner reconnect after a difficult day!

CoupleTime.net: Must Have Recipe To Avoid Conflicts With Your Lover: Hot Cross Buns

Thought for the Day: In the last post, I shared a recipe: Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away, the first in a series The Joy of Loving Relationships for CoupleTime.net, The Relationship Spa. I hope you tried the recipe and will share your results. +Krishna Patel shared her results earlier this week: "I tried your recipe today morning while he was leaving for office. First he got confused and than gave me a tight hug and left for office. Thanks for a wonderful recipe."  Today’s post was written by my partner at CoupleTime, Melissa Glaser, MS, a Master's level licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience working with couples and families. I’m sure her recipe for Hot Cross Buns will be a helpful addition to your favorite relationship menu. We hope you will share this with your partner and friends and let us know how it helps.

Hot Cross Buns

Time involved: 7 minutes

Ingredients:

                       -   1 comment or interchange that rubs you the wrong way
                       -   Patience
                       -   Thoughtfulness,
                       -   Restraint, and
                       -   A dash of humor

Read on to learn how to make this recipe...

Thursday's Psychological Trivia Answers: How to Prevent Divorce

Thought for the Day: Here's the question posed on Tuesday & the answer. Did you get it right? Read on to see what you can do so that you: "Don't let your mouth work faster than your mind." DrB
  
What is the #1 predictor of divorce?
      a) lack of physical intimacy
      b) lack of similar interests
      c) poor communication skills
      d) financial problems
      e) infidelity

Answer to Tuesday's Psychological Trivia question:
The  #1 Predictor of Divorce is c) Poor communication skills

      To a degree this was a bit of a trick question, since often divorce seems to be due to the other 4 answers provided. People will say that they, "grew apart" & had little in common. Others will complain about financial problems and arguments leading them down the path to divorce. Lack of intimacy & affairs are often central to explanations of why a marriage fell apart. However, the results of over 20 years of research on couples may indicate that although the other answers on this quiz may be contributing factors, they appear to be secondary to poor communication skills & contemptuous communications between partners. How people fight about finances or other issues may lead to lack of desire for intimacy, infidelity or neglecting common interests. Being respectful of your partner may be the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship. 
       Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. reports in Psychology Today (March 3, 2013) the findings of extensive research by Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, an expert on couple studies. Dr Gottman concluded that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship. Contempt, the opposite of respect, can be expressed in many ways. Negative judgments, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual are some of the ways we communicate contempt. Preston Ni discusses four major ways we can convey contempt, intentionally or unintentionally:
1. “You” language plus directives; "You are not good enough..."

2. Universal statements; "You never take my feelings into consideration..." "You always ignore the kids."

3. Tough on the person, soft on the issue; 
Contemptuous communication: “You are such an idiot!”
Effective communication: “I know you are an intelligent person, but what you did this morning was not very smart.”
and
4. Invalidate feelings.  "I don't care what you think, you are so oversensitive that your feelings are always exaggerated."
The good news is you can learn to communicate differently. It may be awkward at first, but you can practice better communication skills & learn how to communicate respectfully even when you disagree with your partner.
     A large part of couples' counseling is focused on learning healthier communication skills. Rebuilding respectful ways of interacting after contemptuous arguments have occurred is extremely important if you want to prevent a breakdown of communication & divorce. If you recognize any of these negative patterns in your interactions, it may be time to call a professional & learn how to fight fair.

To learn more about these types of communication & how to change these patterns go to: Communication Success Be ultra-effective at home, at work, and in the world by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. This article gave me the idea for the trivia question & post, so thanks Preston Ni & Psychology Today.