The Wake Up and Dream Catalyst: The Power of One Positive Thought

           
Here's another shared post from my CoupleTime.net blog, where I share simple easy recipes to enhance your relationships.
     Today's recipe is slightly different. Current research in psychology has proven that resilient people tend to be positive thinkers. They tend to see the glass half full rather than half empty. One way to fill that glass is to practice thinking positive thoughts, one small thought at a time. Read on for the recipe...

Need An Intimacy Boost? Prepare Our Recipe for a Love Martini

Need An Intimacy Boost? Prepare Our Recipe for a Love Martini

July 1, 2016

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Melissa Glaser, MS, LPC and Dr. Barbara Lavi

 Here's another post from my new blog. I hope you like it and will share with others! Have a great holiday weekend!

   I must admit that as a psychologist, when Melissa sent me the photo for today's recipe, I was a bit worried. I spend too much time in my practice helping families battle the impact of alcoholism to have ever written about martinis on my blog, The Wake Up and Dream Catalyst. However, when I looked at this recipe, it became clear that this martini needs no alcohol to produce the desired effect of intimacy, joy and pleasure. You can serve this Love Martini as often as you like without worries of addiction. read on for the recipe...

Love Martini

Prep Time: Make a date with your partner for a few hours of quality CoupleTime

Ingredients:

• 1 oz of Excitement
• 2 oz of tenderness
• 4 oz of passion
• 4 oz of sexy feelings
• Several pinches of tender touch
• Your best glasses

Directions: 

     Fill a shaker with cool tenderness. Pour in excitement with thoughts about a long, sustaining future. Add in sexy feelings and passion. Shake all the ingredients together till you leave your stressors behind.

While pouring the martini, strain out any interfering thoughts andwatch your partner’s expression of joy. Garnish with your tender touch.

Enjoy sharing the sweetness of the moment with your partner

     Sometimes we need to leave the cares and responsibilities of the world behind, to clear our minds in order to enjoy fulfilling intimacy.  Giving yourself permission to focus on the physical connection with your partner is a great gift for both of you.  Relax, unwind, and get high on connecting with your partner.

     If you find this post helpful, please share it on social media with your friends. We'd also love to hear how this recipe helped you and your partner reconnect after a difficult day!

Passion Fruit Compote: Bring Romance Back Into Your Relationship With This Recipe!

Here's another recipe from the CoupleTime.net The Joy of Loving Relationships Soulmate's Cookbook. 

     If you and your partner have been lacking intimacy, it’s time to disconnect from the virtual world into which we constantly immerse ourselves. This scrumptious recipe will help you bring back the romance. Lock your IPhone in a drawer. Instead, of staring at the phone or the computer, lock eyes with your partner over a soothing, candlelit dinner.  Recent studies have shown that social media is destroying our society’s social skills because it reduces face-to-face interactions. Use the delicious, de-digitalized dish below to communicate and connect with one another the old-fashioned way!

Candlelight Passion Fruit Casserole 

       Prep Time: 1 - 2 hours of uninterrupted couple time

       Ingredients: 

               * Candles, 

               * 1 tablecloth, 

               * Dinner,

               * Soft music,

               * No cell phones, tv, iPads or other    distractions,

               * No children (make sure they are in bed),

               * Heartfelt listening,

               * Sharing the highs and lows of your day, 

               * Element of surprise (optional) may help make this recipe more exciting

       

Directions: 

Schedule a date with your partner, prepare or purchase dinner, set the table with your best China, tablecloth, flowers and candles. Turn on soft romantic music and light the candles. After dinner slow dancing (optional). 

If you use this recipe, feel free to share a selfie and/or let us know how it worked. We'd love to hear from you! If you'd like to get more recipes like these, sign up to follow the blog. As always we hope you will share this with friends as well! Have a great week.

CoupleTime.net: Must Have Recipe To Avoid Conflicts With Your Lover: Hot Cross Buns

Thought for the Day: In the last post, I shared a recipe: Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away, the first in a series The Joy of Loving Relationships for CoupleTime.net, The Relationship Spa. I hope you tried the recipe and will share your results. +Krishna Patel shared her results earlier this week: "I tried your recipe today morning while he was leaving for office. First he got confused and than gave me a tight hug and left for office. Thanks for a wonderful recipe."  Today’s post was written by my partner at CoupleTime, Melissa Glaser, MS, a Master's level licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience working with couples and families. I’m sure her recipe for Hot Cross Buns will be a helpful addition to your favorite relationship menu. We hope you will share this with your partner and friends and let us know how it helps.

Hot Cross Buns

Time involved: 7 minutes

Ingredients:

                       -   1 comment or interchange that rubs you the wrong way
                       -   Patience
                       -   Thoughtfulness,
                       -   Restraint, and
                       -   A dash of humor

Read on to learn how to make this recipe...

Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away

This post is part of a new series related to a new project, I am involved in, CoupleTime.net. I will be sharing recipes for healthy relationships on a regular basis. Please let me know what you think of these posts. Feel free to share the recipes with friends and family just as you do food recipes. These are food for your soulmate & you!

  Everyone knows the saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." I know it may seem ironic that a psychologist would suggest that saying cheese would keep the therapist away, but if CoupleTime.net is successful I hope it will help prevent couples from needing to see therapists. Don't get me wrong, I am a staunch believer in psychotherapy to help couples overcome crisis in their relationships. However, Melissa and I decided to develop CoupleTime.net as preventative medicine for healthy couples to enhance their relationships. The weekly tips here will be easy to follow recipes to keep you and your soulmate satisfied, happy and connected. The first recipe is an appetizer, Say Cheese Bits. Read on to get the recipe...

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: Are Smart Phones and Computers Turning Us Into Vulcans Like Dr Spock on Star Trek

Thought for the Day: It is amazing how dependent we become on our computers. Yesterday, while anxiously awaiting to pick up my new computer with all my programs loaded into it, I felt somewhat handicapped when I tried to work on my cell phone. Although I was able to upload a photo, when I tried to post it to my blog it would only capture a video that was not related to the post. Late last night, I was thrilled to get my new computer. It is faster, lighter and far more powerful than my 7 or 8 year old Mac. I was planning to write about the days of awe between the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement, but something else which seems related arose in light of my new acquisition. It's a longer "tip" than usual, but I hope you will take the time to read it and let me know what you think about these important issues.

While talking to a colleague about the benefits of new technology, we wandered into the down sides, dangers and challenges it represents for parents, children and people of all ages. On the one hand, technology has opened new avenues of communication with people worldwide. The opportunities to communicate with people are endless. It's easy and quick to just write a text, tweet or send an email to anyone, anywhere in the universe. Skype makes it possible to talk and even see the person in real time, whether they are around the corner or on the other side of the world. There is no doubt in my mind that these communication techniques as well as the wealth of internet support groups and chat rooms can be invaluable resources.

However, there are dangers and challenges that worry me both professionally and personally, as well. Could all the technological advances be jeopardizing our ability to connect face to face and maintain real relationships? Could smart phones and computers turn us into dumber human beings with limited, robotic interpersonal skills? Are immediate gratification and shorter attention spans produced by the speed of technology actually impeding our ability to delve deeper into both concepts and relationships? Will we become like the fictional character, Dr Spock, on Star Trek who was incapable of understanding or expressing human emotions? 

Read on to see some of the questions it is raising for me...

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Who's Responsible for Good Communication?

Thought for the Day: On Wednesdays, I go searching for quotes which often lead me to write a response to a quote. Today, I found a quote on google+ from +Kurt Smith  a counselor from California who works on men's "stuff." Communication between men and women is one of the areas he focuses on. Somehow the quote rubbed me the wrong way. What do you think, are we only responsible for what we say and have no responsibility for what the other person understands? Here are my thoughts...

Sunday's Comic Strips: The Joy of Tech: Not the Best Marital Communication Technique

Thought for the Day: Here's a funny comic for your Sunday enjoyment from Joy of Tech. As a psychologist, I would not recommend this as the best communication technique for couples. 

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Rebound Relationships and Brokenhearted Blindness

Thought for the Day: Yesterday while driving in my car, I overheard 4 words from a song that stuck in my mind: "Broken Hearts Are Blind." Since I write songs when I hear a phrase like that I wish I had thought of it! I don't know who was singing an did not hear the rest of the lyric, but this morning I came up with a quote that I think may help people understand why it is important to take time between relationships. Here's my words of wisdom:

"Caution: Rebound relationships tend to fail because they are founded by people suffering from brokenhearted blindness." Dr. Barbara Lavi

Over the years as a clinical psychologist, I have seen hundreds of couples in marital therapy who report that they began their relationship just months after a failed long term relationship. This bit of history is like a red flag for me.

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings Fault

Thought for the Day: I hope you have taken a few minutes to look at the brief confidential survey on Children and Violence. I'd really appreciate it if you would spend 5 minutes and fill it out. Help be part of the solutions.

It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question so I'm sharing one I did a while back:

 True or False: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings Fault

What do you think? What were your relationships with your siblings and cousins like growing up. Did you fight a lot or get along. How did you resolve conflicts with them or other close childhood friends? Did you yell, have physical fights or avoid talking to them hoping the problem would blow over?

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Do Opposites Attract?

Thought for the Day: Today's psychology trivia question continues February's Valentine's Day (Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Albert Einstein & Dr. Lavi On Gravity, Levity & Love) theme:

"True or False: Opposites attract"

Although many people believe that opposites attract, research does not uphold the common myth about love relationships. It may be that during the infatuation stage of romance people are attracted to traits which they wish they had. For example, a shy reclusive person may be attracted to a more outgoing gregarious partner, hoping that they will make their social interactions easier. However, when push comes to shove, if the relationship continues, that personality trait may pull them apart in the same way that opposite poles of a magnet push away from one antoehr. The introvert may prefer to stay home, watch TV, read or play games on the computer while the extrovert will feel bored and caged in at home, craving social interactions, parties and events. The same holds true for fitness activities, hobbies, educational differences, and ambitions.

If you would like to read more on this topic, Karl A. Pillemer, Phd, a professor of Human Development at Cornell University, recently released a study, 'Opposites Attract' Or 'Birds Of A Feather' -- What's Best For A Long Marriage? He interviewed older couples who have been married for decades. His findings suggest that even if there are differences, similar core values and outlook on life are the most important ingredients for happy long marriages. He also looked at couples who were married for shorter amounts of time.

If you are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, keep in mind that while opposites may be attractive at first, it may lead to friction as you get to know one another.  Similarities will predict better long term compatibility.

Don't forget to enter our Valentine's Day Voting Contest. It's easy. Just like our facebook page in order to enter & vote for your favorite photo from twenty of last year's blog posts. One lucky winner will receive a free 1/2 hour phone consult with me and a free copy of The Wake Up and Dream Challenge. The voting ends on Feb. 12th so that you can start moving towards your dreams by Valentine's Day.

Flashback Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Albert Einstein & Dr. Barbara Lavi: On Gravity, Levity and Love

Thought for Today: I have a busy day & decided to repost these Words of Wisdom and updated the image associated with the post. I really like what I can do on BlogGif. 
Thought for the Day: It's February and since Valentine's Day is around the corner, I searched for quotes about love and relationships. This light hearted quote by Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize Winning physicist caught my eye:

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein

Miraculous Mondays: How To Move On When Relationships End

Thought for the Day: As the year draws to a close, it is a time for reflection. On Mondays, I have been sharing Miraculous Moments from therapy with couples. Up to now I have shared techniques that I used with them to help resolve their differences and make their marriages work (Psychotherapy: Miracle or Science? &  Can Writing a Letter Save a Marriage?). Today, I will share a technique that I used to help someone move on after a divorce. In light of the New Year, ways to move on when we are stuck seem relevant.

Judy, came to me for an initial session many years ago. She reported that she was depressed, had no energy, cried for no reason and had no motivation to go out or have fun. When I took her history, I found out that 10 years prior to coming to see me, Judy's ex-husband, John, had an affair with and then married her best friend, Colleen. John and Colleen lived just blocks from Judy. She spoke about the affair as if it had happened yesterday. She said it. "still felt like a bad dream and that, eventually, I will wake up and find out it was just a nightmare." She told me that she had kept everything just the same as the day John left.

Thursday's Psychology Trivia Answer: Does Facebook Change Us for Better or for Worse?

Does Facebook Change Our Personality, Make Us Happier, More Outgoing? *Photos

Thought for the Day: This week the blog has been exploring the impact of online "community living" on our work, lives, & relationships. Yesterday's Words of Wisdom brought renowned psychologist, Howard Gardner's view on online communities. On Monday, I asked for help from the people behind over 43,000 page views to understand what they would like to see here on my blog. (If you missed the post, I hope you will visit, since I really need some help!(A Twist: A Psychologist Needs Your Help, "We Need to Talk.") On Tuesday's Psychology trivia, I asked this psychology trivia question:
            Facebook & Facebook profiles, photos & posts have been found to change our personality by:
                   a) Predicting a couple's happiness
                   b) Contributing to breakups of relationships
                   c) Impacting on Self Affirmation
                   d) Increasing narcissism
                   e) Increasing extroversion
                   f) all of the above
                   g) b), d), & e)
     Now, it's time for the answer. Drum roll please! The answer is f., Facebook (and other social networking sites) have been found to impact on users in both positive & negative ways. Although the negative findings like option b) strain on marriages, option d) increases in narcissistic tendencies & an exaggerated sense of option e) self-importance among teens, get more publicity, there are studies showing positive effects of participating in online communities as well. According to a study reported by Reuters there appears to be a correlation between the number of Facebook "friends" & the size of some parts of the brain. Could online social networking change our brains? Some studies seem to indicate that more extroverted people post more often & are happier than those who post less often. Is not clear yet, if extroversion, increased size of the brain or nacissism come first & lead to being active on virtual communities or increased social networking leads to option e) increased extroversion & d) narcissism.
     An article by TARA PARKER-POPE, Does Facebook Turn People Into Narcissists? in The Well Column reports the findings of a CT study. The study found that frequent Facebook users tended to be more open & less worried about privacy. They therefore do not think that all those who post frequently are narcissists.  Lynne Kelly, director of the school of communication at the University of Hartford & one of the study’s authors, believes, “It’s a huge oversimplification to say Facebook is for narcissists.” She believes that sharing information on facebook is a way to maintain & develop relationships. Privacy concerns which need to be addressed may keep some people from sharing & using online communities. 
      Catalina L. Toma from the University of Wisconsin & Jeffrey T. Hancock from Cornell University found Facebook profiles are (c.) self-affirming in that they enhance users’ need for self-worth & self-integrity. They also found that often promoting a Facebook profile helps people feel better about themselves "after receiving a blow to the ego, in an unconscious effort to repair their perceptions of self-worth." 
     In  Can You See How Happy We Are? Facebook Images and Relationship Satisfaction results of a study by Laura R. Saslow, University of California; Amy Muise,  University of Toronto, Emily A. Impett & Matt Dubin  Claremont Graduate University were cited. They found that couples who posted pictures of both members of the couple in their profile pictures on Facebook, reported (a) "feeling more satisfied with their relationships & closer to their partners" than people who did not share joint photos on their individual profiles. They also found that "on days when they felt more satisfied with their relationships, they were more likely to share relationship relevant information on Facebook."   
     It seems to me that the jury is still out on how Facebook (& social networking) impacts on our lives & relationships. It can be detrimental, beneficial or neutral depending on how you choose to use the communities. Online connections can develop into offline relationships. Relationships can be maintained & enhanced or severed & hurtful in "virtual" online or in "real" offline life. What seems to be clear, however, is that virtual communities are growing in all age groups & are here to stay for better or for worse. My suggestion is that we should learn how to use online communities for social good, since the potential benefits seem worth it.  
     What do you think? Do the benefits outweigh the risks? How can we enhance the benefits & reduce the negatives of online communities?  
 
*Photos
Facebook logo (top right)
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/westm/4690323994/">west.m</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

Photo Painted girl
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/5848390943/">kevin dooley</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

From FlicrCC.net
'Portrait of a sweet lass giving out free hugs at the 2011 Carnevale+in+Venice+(IMG_9803a)'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/72213316@N00/5817538354

'Makeup Design for Film & Television - Final Projects'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/38174668@N05/4903132605

'g^2'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36613169@N00/2245501
Found on flickrcc.net

'AndrerbnA'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/73344134@N00/2416560163
Found on flickrcc.net