Saturday's Song for the Soul: I Am Light, India Arie

Thought for the Day: I heard the song, for the 1st time during the cool down at the end of a Zumba class. It blew me away. I asked the instructor who it was singing. I have not shared a Saturday Song for the Soul for some time, but believe this one, I Am Light by India Arie,  is an important one for these divisive times. We all need to remember that we are the light that emanates from within. May the wisdom of this song strengthen you and give hope that we will find a way to heal the great divide in our nation. Be the light. Shine on your neighbors. Help one another. This too shall pass.

Part II: 2014 Reader's Choice Top 10 Blog Posts: #Music, #Inspiration, #Psychology, and More

Here's Part II of the Reader's Choice 2014 Top 10 Posts. Thanks to all of you for reading, liking, commenting, sharing and for over 145, 000 page views! Have a wonderful start to the New Year!

#5 Saturday's Songs For The Soul: "Brave" By Sara Bareilles With A Video That Will Touch Your Heart

#4 Thursday's Psychology Trivia: True Or False: Children Raised By Single Moms Tend To Be Emotionally Handicapped For Life 

#3 Thursday's Psychology Trivia Question: IQ Counts 4 What % Of Success In Life?

#2 Wednesday's Words Of Wisdom: Guest Post From Margie Bogdanow, LICSW

#1 #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Designing A Good Life, Photos, Homelessness, & Tornadoes

#FF Wonderful Weekend Review: Music, Humor & Inspiration

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Thought for the Day: Today, I had the 2nd phase of my December miracle, which began 2 weeks ago. I'm feeling great and taking it easy today while I'm trying to catch up by posting a flipboard review planned for last Friday! The picks are lighter than usual with some inspirational music and some funny selections. Hope you enjoy them and have a wonderful holiday season!

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Thursday's Psychology Research Results Part V: Note To Younger Self: Keep Learning

Thought for the Day: Somehow I feel like I’m playing catch up lately. My clinical work has been busy and there have been several critical incidents which impact on my writing time. Perhaps by trying to do qualitative clinical research, I have slowed down my process as well. The richness of conversations with readers has been worth it to me and I will be posing additional questions soon. Here’s the last group of responses to the question: "If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in just two words?” (You may want to take a look at the other posts in this series to get the full picture.  Part I: Results From Advice To Your Younger Selves: What Makes Us Regret Our Youth?, Part II: What Makes One Person Survive And Thrive & Another Bend & Surrender? & Part 3: Mind Games Or How Do We Learn To Trust Ourselves? Part !V: Are You A Social Learner An Action Taker Or Both?)

In my mind, I have saved the best for last. I must say that I am a bit prejudiced since this group shared my two word advice to my younger self. I did not want to share my to word choice till the end, since I wanted to hear your thoughts without influencing yours. There were only seven out of 73 respondents who saw education as key to gaining insight and wisdom in life. 

Although I have put this group into a separate category, it actually belongs in at least two of the other groups, the Mind Gamers and Action Takers as well. I called this group “Eduction As the Answer.” They like the Mind Gamers encourage their younger selves to not only trust themselves, but to keep learning. They are also action takers who focus on learning, education, the pursuit of the truth and focusing deeply as the kinds of action needed. As one person said “Education = Survival.” 

They came to this decision for various reasons. Some of the people in this group learned the hard way after making mistakes in their younger years. One of the responders said, 

"I regret every decision I have ever made in my life without prior knowledge and learning, consideration and thought. Mistakes made at the beginning of anything are difficult and sometimes impossible to recover from. Knowledge before action is my greatest life lesson.” 

Another person in this group, realized later in life that she should have studied harder when she was younge. She was struck by a disease in her thirties which impacted on her memory. She wonders now whether the disease would have done less harm if she had been more diligent as a student in her younger years. 

For me the words “keep learning” have been a mantra from when I was a young curious child who loved to read. My grandmother encouraged me to cherish every opportunity to learn. She was the youngest 85 year old woman when she passed away, I have ever known because she practiced what she preached. She never stopped learning and challenging herself. The more you learn the more prepared you will be for any of life’s challenges. Although formal education is important, I believe there are opportunities to learn from every person you meet and from any and all life experiences. Mistakes are simply opportunities to learn and correct them. 

In some ways this response is an answer to the people who are in the "Defeatist" group. If they could learn that it is never too late to learn and correct mistakes they would be able to overcome their negative attitude towards life. It can also be helpful for parents (or grandparents) to help inspire them to grow and learn throughout their lives, but it can also help each of you as you face life's challenges and regrets with new conviction and determination. Have a wonderful weekend!

#FF 10/19/14 Wonderful Weekend Review: #Psychology, ##Songs 4 the Soul and #Comics

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Thought for the Day: This weekend's review includes some interesting articles on #mentalhealth and gun control; how to have fun, a wonderful new movie, "Skeleton Twins," that deals with the difficult topic of suicide in a sensitive;  thought provoking way, #Inspirational #Music from +Carrie Underwood   and a creative, colorful video with music from +The Rolling Stones . Then there's lots of #comics and #quotes for your enjoyment on this beautiful fall weekend.

Thoughtful Tuesdays: Note 2 Younger Self Part II: What Makes One Person Survive and Thrive & Another Bend & Surrender?

Thought for the Day: Yesterday, I  began sharing the results from my mini research project. I am excited to let you know that people have already written responses to some of the questions I posed. By doing so, I hope that the posts will become even richer. Thank you in advance for your thoughtful comments. Today, I want to address another type of two word notes of advice to your younger selves which reflects a group of inspirational people, I called “survivors.”  This group is in many ways the one we can all learn the most from since they have learned from and overcome painful life experiences. Even without knowing the stories behind their two word advice my heart could feel that there lives had not been easy. They learned their lessons from the school of hard knocks. They reach out to their younger selves with messages like:

      "So Sorry, Tell Someone, Set Boundaries, Grow Anyway, Waste Your Youth, Why God?, Don’t Worry, Behave Yourself. Quit Drinking, Stop Crying, Choose Happiness, You’re Not to Blame, Endure.”

A few of these brave survivors shared their stories. I will cautiously tell you about their journeys without giving details that could identify them. There were thirteen people from the 72 in the study whose responses seemed to fit this category. One person explained, "because I am not where I want to be in life. I could never have imagined that my life would turn out like it has. Essentially, I feel drained, beaten, and slighted by fate. I turn to God and ask why.” They went on to say that they chose a question for their younger self which they could interpret on their own. It had taken ten years, but somehow they trusted that their younger self would find the answers. 

Another person from this group who is only in their twenties would advise their teenage self "not to worry." They had learned that worrying made it harder to cope with raising three young children. Becoming a parent may be a fast track to wisdom beyond your years. 

It was interesting to learn that many of the survivors in this study were in their teens when they broke away from a painful life experience. Literally, some “burned” their path to freedom when they stopped trying to fit into someone else’s expectations or were forced to build boundaries between themselves and someone who was abusive to them. One of these “survivors" took only 90 minutes to escape, moved away, started a business and made a “fresh start” when she had barely entered adulthood. 

For others the journey would take much longer with the issues coming back to haunt them after 40 years. Some found their strength through therapy, others through volunteer work with young adults coping with similar difficulties. For some the death of the person who abused or the loss of a loved one reopened wounds that they had considered buried and resolved.

The conclusion to “Choose Happiness" came to one of the members of this group after “spending a lot of (their) life letting clinical depression get the better of (them) and taking a long time to realize that (they) had to decide to get the better of it.” 

Only one woman (now just in her early 20’s) from all the participants in the study had different messages for herself at different ages. Her progression and development were reflected in the shift in the advice she would give to her younger selves. Although she did not say what led to her tears and fears, her first comment to her 18 - 20 year old self, "stop crying.” would place her in the survivors group.  As she matured and found more strength, her self talk would bring her into one of the other groups with words of self encouragement: “Go On” and finally to the recognition of “You’re right.” 

This young woman’s journey is similar to others in the survivor’s group. They needed to learn that they were not to blame for things that happened to them or those they loved. One participant’s touching powerful words would be applicable to many of the others in this group,  "I was reminded that.... I needed to forgive myself. Not because I thought I could have done something differently, but because I kept blaming myself for what others had done to me. This left me consumed with rage and anger and as a result, I was NOT living life to the fullest." 

Although the survivors have suffered and made mistakes, they, unlike those who surrender, seem to intuitively have gained wisdom and found resilient ways to overcome adversity. What gives these people the strength and wisdom to break away and save themselves from the tenuous situations even when they are barely adults? One of the threads that they seem to have in common is that they were forced into roles of responsibility in order to survive and stepped up to the plate. Some had to fend for themselves at a young age. Others became young parents. It could be that being forced to learn to parent yourself at a young age, even if your parents were neglectful, acts as a catalyst for growth, self awareness and wisdom. One of my readers, +Sidra Luna,  sent me a link to an article on the positive aspects of the twentysomething brain. When tragedy befalls someone at a young age, their developing brain may have some unique qualities which are advantageous and help them cope. For some of these young survivors, their youthful passion, fearlessness in the face of risk and curiosity about human nature, may help them discover solutions to their dilemmas.

I have worked with people who are survivors throughout my career and am always impressed by their strength, wisdom and bravery. My guess is that somewhere along the way there was someone, a parent, grandparent or teacher who loved them and helped them know they were worthy of having a better life. What do you think? What allows one person to survive and thrive when another bends and surrenders?

#FF Wonderful Weekend Review: #Psychology, #Songs 4 the Soul & Sunday #Comics

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Thought for the Day: Today's magazine has more comics than usual. Somehow, I kept finding funny photos, GIFs and video clips, so I kept adding them. Don't miss, the amazing gif on the cover, the walk on water or water skiing that demonstrates how to make the best of a bad situation. Although the funny and inspirational quotes may distract you, interspersed among them are some great serious articles related to psychology. There's a report on why adolescents don't sleep well and a Harvard researcher's findings on "thinking dispositions." The story of the accomplishments of a man with Down's Syndrome can be an inspiration to parents of people with special needs. There is also a touching story of how the Utah Jazz Basketball team helped a young boy with cancer accomplish his dream. Finaly, for songs for the soul, I chose a new song by Neil Young, "Who's Gonna Stand Up." I love the message, but the orchestration doesn't work too well for me. What do you think? I also found a great video clip of Eric Clapton's pick of the best guitar rendition of "Hey Jude."

Have a great end of the weekend! Tomorrow I plan to begin to share the stories behind people's 2 word advice to their younger selves and what we all can learn from their words of wisdom. If you have not shared your 2 cents, I mean words yet, feel free to add them. Here's the initial assignment photo:

Click to read more about this research assignment

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Be Part of a Psychology Research Project: Keep Sharing Your Words of Wisdom to Your Younger Selves

Thought for the Day: On Monday, I did an experiment and started a research project. I posted an image asking people to share their 2 word advice to their younger selves. I promised to write more about it later in the week. Since then, I have had multiple conversations with readers on all my social networks. The stories and candid sharing have been amazing. I am truly touched by what I am learning and want to think about them in a thoughtful way. Writing too quickly may take away from the process of hearing your thoughts and stories. Instead of analyzing what people have been sharing, I made a slide show of some of the words of wisdom that have come in so far from people responding to this question. I hope their thoughts will encourage you to find your own words of advice to your younger self. I hope you will keep sharing your 2 words of advice to yourselves and wait to hear how these words of wisdom can help you and others improve your lives. Thanks to everyone who has shared so far and in advance to those who will add their thoughts in the next few days.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Make Time Your Best Friend Or It May Become Your Worst Enamy

Thought for the Day: On Monday, I showed how time can be the greatest motivator. It can help people change. On Tuesday, I gave you an assignment and promised to explain why it is important in today's post. If you have not read Tuesday's post or completed the brief assignment (5 - 10 minutes), I would encourage you to do it since it will be helpful to you in making time your best friend. Today's quote will give you insight into the task I gave you on Tuesday. Here's the quote, incase the movement makes it a bit hard to digest:

"To make time your best friend, dream as if you have forever and act as if you only have today. To Make time your worst enemy, act as if you have forever and dream as if you only have today."

Here's how you can use this quote and the assignment I gave you to start making time your best friend...

Tuesday's Psychology Tip: Make Time Your Best Friend (Part I)

Thought for the Day: I started this post yesterday, but am not even sharing what I wrote. Ironically, I had too little time to complete it. Perhaps the scope was too broad for a simple psychology tip and I will use it some other time. Since the Jewish High Holidays start this evening, I saw most of my clients on Monday and Tuesday leaving too little time to write a post I would be willing to publish. Either way, it serves as a lesson about making time your best friend. Best friends are flexible and forgiving with one another. I hope you will be as well. So today, I will be posting Tuesday's Psychology Tip right now, followed by Wednesday's Words of Wisdom later today. To do this, I need your help.

I'm also going to do something slightly different today. I always try to make my posts thought provoking. Today, I want you, my readers, to do more than just think about the post. I'd like to give you an thought provoking assignment. Although it could take longer, all I ask is that you spend one to five minutes on the assignment today. You can come back to it when you have more time, but for today, take just a few minutes. It will help you turn time into your best friend.   Read on to see the assignment...

Motivational Mondays: The Greatest Motivational Tool Is Time

Thought for the Day: In preparation for each week's writing for the blog, I mull over a few ideas. My thought process this week began by focusing on the turn of the seasons. Then it moved to something a client said about four months ago which helped motivate me and many of my clients over the last few months. The client's suggestion dovetailed with something I learned about my grandmother's nephew, Herb Crane, z.l., whom I wrote about in another post after he passed away at the age of 95 last May. It also resonated with and fit well with psychological research findings about habit change. Somehow these four thoughts collided inspiring what appears to be another miniseries on time and motivation.

Back in May, one of my clients came in and told me that she had started working on getting fit. She had been working long hours and neglecting all physical activity. Not only was she uncomfortable with the extra pounds she had gained, she also wanted to improve her life style. One of my client's friends with similar concerns about her own health and fitness suggested that they could help one another stay motivated. They decided to start walking together whenever possible. The friend had heard that it would help to practice this principle: "Don't break the chain." The basic idea behind the "Don't break the chain" method is simple. Most great ideas are simple and here's why I believe this is a great motivational concept...

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Depression and Hope Don't Mix

Thought for the Day: Although the weather this summer has been delightful, here in the northeast, the news lately has been very depressing. War has plagued the Middle East. The murder of American journalists covering the battles has brought the horror of the conflict graphically into Americans' lives. The Ebola epidemic in Africa threatens the world. Suicide of yet another great actor, Robin Williams, shocked and saddened people around the world. As a clinical psychologist, I have helped people overcome adversity for many years. I know that depression and hope don't mix. In fact, hope may be the secret weapon in fighting depression. When hope dies, depression wins. This fact lead me to today's words of wisdom:

"If life's challenges seem insurmountable, a daily dose of hope can help you cope." 

Find something to be hopeful for every day. Instead of a spoon full of sugar, a spoon full of hope may be the best medicine. You do not have to become a Pollyanna, but research has shown that finding something or doing something that gives you hope can help reduce feelings of despair and depression. Support a research project to find a cure for Ebola. Read about or join a program that is working towards peaceful solutions to political strife. Learn about or support an organization that helps prevent suicide. Teach your children things they can do to make the world a better place and hope that they will find better solutions in the future. Take time every day to find ways to feel more hopeful, it can help.

#FF Wonderful Weekend Review: Psychology, Music, Dance, Photography, Comics & More

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Thought for the Day: This morning as I went through my various social network sites' feeds, I found a song by +Mary Gauthier, a great singer songwriter who attended several of my songwriting retreats many years ago, before she sold a small Cajun restaurant in Boston and decided to devote her life to her music. When I tried to find the post using flipboard. I could not find it, but found many other great songs, photos, videos and articles to share with you today. Be sure to check out +Sarah McLachlan's rendition of  "The Rainbow Connection,"and LIGHTS singing "Drive My Soul." A great video showing how 3 musicians surprised a homeless man. There are two dance videos, one that may help change the trend in the dance world to turn away dancers who don't fit the image usually required for professional dance troupes. Keep reading to find an article on ways that hiking is good for your mental and physical health and another on how to motivate yourself to do things you don't want to do. My heart is heavy each time I hear the news from the fighting in Gaza and Israel. I chose a few things about how to make peace and helping others in need. Sadly, it does not look like the efforts to attain a cease fire are holding.
Read on to listen to "Oh Soul" Marry Gauthier's new song...

Motivational Monday: An Inspiring Video: Never Give Up

Thought for the Day: Today has been one of those frustrating Mondays. Last night I started a virus scan on my computer. It was not finished this morning and finally was completed this evening. Needless to say, all work on the computer was slow and tedious. The day was filled with clinical sessions with clients and a radio interview on the LA Bachelor Pad Talk Radio Show. The interview was on the violence in the sports world and why it is happening more and more lately. When it is posted on their site, I will post a link. At any rate, I just got to writing today's post. Earlier today I saw a very inspiring video on Facebook and decided to share it here today. It shows how a war veteran refused to accept his doctor's prognosis following his injuries in combat. Whenever, I hear stories like this one, I am even more motivated to work on all of my dreams. I hope it impacts on you the same way. Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your stories of beating the odds as well. It could help motivate others...

#FF Wonderful Weekend Review: Mental Health, Parenting, Alzheimers, Songs4TheSoul, & Sunday's Comics

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Thought for the Day; Another week has seemed to fly by and it's time for my #FF Fabulous Finds for your weekend pleasure. It includes an eclectic mix of inspirational articles and a video about Psychology, Parenting, Fitness, Depression, How the Internet is changing medical research and saving lives interspersed with inspirational quotes. For Saturday's Songs for the Soul, there are two music videos (one from Lightnin' Hopkins, one of my all time favorites, Trouble in Mind, and a movie preview for Unbroken. Finally, there's Sunday's Comics. Don't miss the Tae Kwondo video.

Wednesday, I saw B.B. King live in Stamford CT. My iphone is overloaded with photos, so I was only able to shoot a very short clip from the performance. I'm sharing it since it was wonderful to see a jazz icon still performing at 89 years young. Thanks for all the years of amazing music!

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Dyslexia, Children's eBook App, Happiness, Travel Tips, Instagrandma, and 9/11

Click to go to this week's #FF Flipboard Magazine

Thought for the Day: This week's #FF Fabulous Finds  are another mixed bag of finds. Today's finds include new research on the causes and treatment of Dyslexia which offers hope to families helping children with the reading disorder. There is also an article about a newApp for Kids to encourage them to find and read e-books that look and feel like real books. Two articles offer suggestions of ways to improve your life and be happier. Since summer is coming, I've included a very long article to help you travel to exotic places around the world for $50 a day. The story on how Instagram is helping a an #Instagrandma who is dealing with cancer live life to the fullest is clearly inspiring. Finally with the opening of the 9/11 museum this week, I chose an article on how one daughter who lost her mother on 9/11 is using film to try to prevent tragedies like 9/11 from occurring again. Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Can People With Special Needs Serve in the Army?

Thought for the Day: It's time for Thursday's PsychologyTrivia. Here's a question related to what kinds of work and public service special needs adults are capable of carrying out. Here's the question:

Adults with special needs (mentally and physically challenged)
     a) Are not capable of serving in any army;
     b) Would not fit in in a military setting;
     c) Could not complete the rigorous physical fitness drills required for any army;
     d) Would lose self esteem or be bullied by other soldiers if they tried to serve in a military unit;
     e) All of the above; or
     f) None of the above.

What do you think? Is it possible for people with special needs to be part of a military unit?

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: "She Misses Him" in Memory of Tim Johnson, Hit Songwriter

Music lifting the veil between heaven and earth

Thought for the Day: When I start working on my Saturday's Songs for the Soul, I often begin by remembering a song that I have found inspirational. Often, I have heard the songs both on the radio and by the hit songwriter at a songwriting retreat either in Nashville, run by NSAI (Nashville Songwriter's Association International) or that I organized several years ago in New England & Florida. I have not been running any retreats since just before 9/11. I held a retreat in New Hampshire in August of 2000. One of the teachers was Hit Songwriter, Tim Johnson. At the time, he told the story of how he came to write the song, "She Misses Him." Today, I wanted to share this wonderful song. Sadly, I learned that Tim passed away in October of 2012 from colon cancer. Although it made it even more importance to share the song that has helped many people dealing with Alzheimer's here, it changed this post significantly. Therefore, I am sharing another video with you today of how songwriters are missing Tim and helping his wife and family.

Motivational Mondays: Tabitha's Wish and A Video Everyone Should See

Thought for the Day: I have two motivational pieces for today. One is an example of how social media can do good and the other on how important it is to "Look Up" from your phone and computers. The 1st story cam to me via a message from a facebook fan. Duncan K McLindon had left me a note some time ago. His message went unnoticed  since he had posted it on a Facebook page for my psychology practice, ACT Now Psychotherapy.  An intern created the page, but until about a week ago I had not posted anything there. I post regularly on a facebook fan page for  my book, but simply never made time for the other page. Last week, I posted how a 3 year old can teach us about philanthropy. When I read Duncan's message, I was moved and wrote back that I would share his 12 year old daughter Tabitha's story today.  It is yet another story of what children can teach us.
     My plan was just to share Duncan's story, but today I saw another post of a video which we all need to see and share with everyone we know. It has been viewed on YouTube by over 13 million people, so it is clearly a powerful video. I hope you will read on, see both sides of the equation and share it with people you know and care about. On the one hand, social media can enhance our lives. However, on the other hand, too much of a good thing can detract from our lives.  

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Vivaldi's Winter & Let It Go for a 6 Year with a Old Heart Transplant

Thought for the Day: Last week +Annie Elizabeth commented on the Saturday's post of Gone, Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips and suggested that Vivaldi's Winter was a piece that inspired her. This morning before I went searching for recordings for today's music selection, I read an update on Katy Murphy the now 6 year old heart transplant recipient who came home Feb 25, 2013. There have been ups and downs since then, but Katy and her family are resilient and hopefully this is just a temporary setback. I chose 2 versions of the Vivaldi's Winter with Katy in mind. Hopefully, her parents will share them with her in the hospital. Here's Aimee, Katy's mom's update and the music. As you listen I hope you will think of and send positive energy to the young Katy "rockstar" Murphy.