Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away

This post is part of a new series related to a new project, I am involved in, CoupleTime.net. I will be sharing recipes for healthy relationships on a regular basis. Please let me know what you think of these posts. Feel free to share the recipes with friends and family just as you do food recipes. These are food for your soulmate & you!

  Everyone knows the saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." I know it may seem ironic that a psychologist would suggest that saying cheese would keep the therapist away, but if CoupleTime.net is successful I hope it will help prevent couples from needing to see therapists. Don't get me wrong, I am a staunch believer in psychotherapy to help couples overcome crisis in their relationships. However, Melissa and I decided to develop CoupleTime.net as preventative medicine for healthy couples to enhance their relationships. The weekly tips here will be easy to follow recipes to keep you and your soulmate satisfied, happy and connected. The first recipe is an appetizer, Say Cheese Bits. Read on to get the recipe...

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: New Toys That Can Help Solve Some of Society's Problems

Thought for the Day: I have been neglecting my blog and decided to start posting again. Life has been busy, but I will try to make time for writing. Play is undervalued in our fast paced competitive society. Child psychologists are acutely aware of the importance of play both as a diagnostic and therapeutic tool with children. Throughout life, play is an important means of reducing stress. As I see it, today's finds may play a significant role in solving some of society's serious problems. Their impact will take time, but what children play with and how they play with one another can influence what kind of adults they become. 
       Perhaps we need some robots to solve our political problems like the one above that can put the rubic's cube together in seconds. If some of our politicians (without naming names) had played with the new lego toy, they might be less critical of differences. Do you have any suggestions of toys that might help reduce prejudice and open conversations about disabilities? Feel free to offer your ideas.

        I am personally glad to see the new Barbie dolls. Growing up, I was adamant to be called "Barbara," not Barbie. The Barbie doll image embarrassed me even as a child. Maybe they should give the dolls a few different names as well. Will these new dolls help reduce the numbers of girls worried about how they look? Or the number of women unhappy with their appearance? 

       The practical simple suggestions by a parent who is also a teacher may be helpful to you as well in disciplining your children at home. 

       Finally, as the snow from the last storm is melting, snow art with kids seems like a great way to think positively! Do you have any positive games or art projects that have helped you parent your children? I'd love it if you would share them here (photos welcome, too).

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds:

Lego brings us the 1st figure in a wheelchair This is a great way to help children learn about disabilities and open conversations with them about how they can help one another. 

Barbie's got a new body. Hope this will help girl's develop more positive self esteem,  & reduce diagnoses of body dysmorphic disorders, anorexia and bulimia in our society: 

Here's an article with some helpful ways to discipline your children. 6 Tips from a teacher on how to disciplining children:

A creative way to think positively during snow storms from Oasis Advanced Wellness: 

Here's a list of ways to help your kids get published:

http://imaginationsoup.net/2016/01/12/writing-contests-kids-ways-get-published/

Throwback Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F: Children Raised By Single Moms Are Emotionally Damaged for Life

Thought for the Day: I have extended the survey on Children and Violence for another week till midnight, EST, 11/12/14. Please take a few minutes and complete this confidential survey. Your answers will help find creative solutions and better understanding of the issues.

It's time for Thursday's Psychology Trivia. I chose to update a post from about a year ago and hope you find it interesting.

True or False: Children Raised By Single Moms Tend To Be Emotionally Handicapped For Life 

    What do you think? Are children raised by two parents healthier emotionally than children raised by single moms. Are children handicapped for life by growing up with just one parent? Do they tend to have drug and alcohol problems, lower grades and more behavioral and mental health issues than children raised in two parent homes. 

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Which Comes First? Depression or Low Self Esteem?

Thought for the Day: it's Thursday, making it time for some Psychology Trivia. All week I have been posting what I called a mini-series of articles on the importance of de-cluttering your brain of negative self talk (If you missed the earlier posts, check out: Motivational Monday:Cleaning Out The Closets In Your Mind, Tuesday's Psychology Tips: How To Stop Negative Thoughts & Improve Self Esteem, and Wednesday's Words of Wisdom:The Main Reason People Cling To Self Doubt And Negative Self Images).  I decided to complete the series with today's trivia question which is a chicken or the egg type question:

Which comes first?
      a) Depression then low self esteem, or
      b) Low self esteem then depression

Psychologists have wondered whether depression leads to low self esteem or negative view of oneself leads to depression for years. Since they are clearly correlated, it is hard to prove causality. Do you think you know the answer? Read on to see if you are right. As with all the psychology trivia questions that I share here, answer is far from trivial. 

9/11/14 Special Edition: 9/11 and Terrorism: Are We Winning Battles But Losing The War?

Thought for the Day: Yesterday was the 13th anniversary of 9/11. I had planned to write this post, but spent most of the morning watching the Memorial Services instead.  On 9/11 over the years, I have often felt the need to turn off the television and reflect privately on the events of 9/11,  but this year I felt compelled to watch  the powerful images of grief, resilience and rebuilding that the families, New York and our nation have made. I could not help thinking about the recent attacks by ISIS on innocent American journalists and Arabs who disagree with ISIS'  beliefs. President Obama's announcement of a strategy in the eradication of ISIS was also running through my mind. We all owe the people who lost their lives and their families to make every effort possible to win the complicated battle against terrorism.

    As a psychologist with expertise in trauma, resilience and conflict resolution, I also feel an obligation to examine this challenge from a psychological point of view. This post is in no way comprehensive, but I hope it will raise questions and help you come up with ideas that you will share to help find creative ways to resolve this important dilemma which threatens the civilized world.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Depression and Hope Don't Mix

Thought for the Day: Although the weather this summer has been delightful, here in the northeast, the news lately has been very depressing. War has plagued the Middle East. The murder of American journalists covering the battles has brought the horror of the conflict graphically into Americans' lives. The Ebola epidemic in Africa threatens the world. Suicide of yet another great actor, Robin Williams, shocked and saddened people around the world. As a clinical psychologist, I have helped people overcome adversity for many years. I know that depression and hope don't mix. In fact, hope may be the secret weapon in fighting depression. When hope dies, depression wins. This fact lead me to today's words of wisdom:

"If life's challenges seem insurmountable, a daily dose of hope can help you cope." 

Find something to be hopeful for every day. Instead of a spoon full of sugar, a spoon full of hope may be the best medicine. You do not have to become a Pollyanna, but research has shown that finding something or doing something that gives you hope can help reduce feelings of despair and depression. Support a research project to find a cure for Ebola. Read about or join a program that is working towards peaceful solutions to political strife. Learn about or support an organization that helps prevent suicide. Teach your children things they can do to make the world a better place and hope that they will find better solutions in the future. Take time every day to find ways to feel more hopeful, it can help.

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: Robin Williams, Mental Health, Prevention & a Guest Post

Thought for the Day; I was called to Boston for a critical incident and did not have time to write a post. While in Boston, I was saddened to hear of yet another death of a great entertainer, philanthropist and human being, Robin Williams. Sadly he appears to be yet another fatality related to depression and the drug and alcohol epidemic that plagues our world and the entertainment industry (I have written posts in the past following Whitney Houston's death and more recently, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and will add links later to those posts, but want to get this out nowsince I have been away since Sunday night.) I would like to see a safety net of creative psychological programs across the nation to help families and people suffering from mental illness to try to reduce the numbers of suicides. One creative program in Houston Texas seems to have been a life saver for the guest blogger today. When will the insurance agencies and society pay more attention to both preventative mental health and treatment of these diseases?

Here's Tuesday's Psychology Tip which arose from hearing about Robin William's tragic death:

Mental health has been the step-child of conventional medicine for too long. Physical health is directly related to emotional health. Psychotherapy should be affordable to all.

Juast about a day ago, I saw a tweet from a new follower: @StidmaFighters suggesting that I read an article. I said I would & after I read it asked if I could use it as a guest post here on my blog. It certainly fits with my Tip and will make up for my not writing yesterday's Motivational Monday's post.  Here's the bio of the writer, Twitter: @MindyOggMH who happens to live in Houston TX where I grew up:

Mindy lives and thrives in Houston, Texas. A mental health advocate and consumer, her interests include writing, daydreaming, new age and classical music, sci-fi, technology, and humor. Butterflies signify hope. After her mother died in 2004, a miracle happened. Searching for precious treasures of her mother’s in the house where she lived, Mindy found butterfly-related things, one after another. The search led to a piece of stained glass her mother made that was unknown to Mindy; but she guessed it existed before it was found. And don’t you know? It was of a big beautiful butterfly. Mindy sensed her mother’s presence which led her to a path of spirituality where she had none before. Now she has courage. Now there is hope.

Read on to see why Dreams are for Everyone...

#FF Wonderful Weekend Review: Psychology. Music, Comics & More

Click to view the Magazine

Thought for the Day: Another wonderful week has passed and it's time to share some great finds. There are two great articles from the field of psychology. The Brain and Creativity Center at the University of Southern California is doing very interesting research on the impact early intensive training in music versus sports on brain development of children. They are also doing studies of the brains of accomplished musicians. The article includes some videotapes and should be a great summer read. I also found some sage advice on healthyplace.com on how to help if someone you know suffers from bipolar disorder. News of professionals heading to Africa to help fight the Ebola outbreak is also admirable, interspersed with some great inspirational quotes.

     I jump-started Saturday's Songs for the Soul section of this magazine when I shared some of my impressions from Wednesday's Lincoln Center Out Of Doors Americana Music Festival's NYC's 1st event with  +Emmylou Harris & +Rodney Crowell on Thursday. 
     Today, I was able to make up for my iphone recording challenges and to share some videos of three songs they performed that I loved. "Red Dirt Girl" and "The Rock of My Soul," are hauntingly beautiful semi-autobiographical songs that brought tears to my eyes. I grew up in a very different part of Houston from Rodney Crowell, but was fascinated by how he has incorporated some of his tough early life experiences into his music. The 1st two songs were recorded recently, while "Till I Gain Control Again" is an interesting studio recording session of Harris and Crowell from earlier in their careers. 
     You can also stream Wednesday's concert by going to Lincoln Center Out of Doors' website. This weekend there is an awesome lineup of performances which will be streamed live online if you are not in the New York area, tune in to hear Cassandra Wilson on Friday, +Rosanne Cash on Saturday +Buddy Miller and more on Sunday! 

Finally, there are inspirational photos and quotes, fun animated GIFs and comics for your enjoyment!

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: If You Have Chronic Pain You Should Know This...

Thought for the Day: On Tuesdays I have been sharing Psychology Tips. Often the tips come from my 100 character Tip Taps on HealthTap with some additional advice related to the short tip. Recently, there I took part in a competition between HealthTap's over 62,000 doctors nationwide. In preparation for the launch of an expanded site with new features including primary care skype consults, all the doctors were asked to write additional Tips. The doctor who posted the most tips would be invited to a retreat in California. I decided to put my thinking cap on and wrote tips daily for the month of June. I'm proud to announce that I won the competition and will be going to California in September. I am looking forward to the opportunity to meet the doctors who have developed this cutting edge service that is helping millions of people every day. In addition, I am proud to have again placed as the Top Psychologist nationwide on HealthTap.

I wrote so many tips, that when I received a thank you note from a 49 year old woman who was helped by the tip, that I had forgotten writing it! I decided to share it here today, since many people may not know the benefits of hypnosis for pain management. The tip in the image above is:

"If you have chronic pain, you should know this.,,you can control it better with hypnosis."

Often, when someone is suffering from chronic pain, their doctors try all the procedures and medications they can, only to tell their clients that they need to learn to cope with the pain. Sometimes they refer them to clinics for chronic pain. Unfortunately, many physicians do not know that hypnosis can help. Here's a brief overview of how and why it can be worth pursuing...

Tuesday's Psychology Tip & Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Every Challenge in Life Is an Opportunity to Grow Don't Let Depression Blind You

Thought for the Day: I am again playing summertime catchup. Today's Psychology Tip is combined with some Words of Wisdom.

Every challenge in life Is an opportunity to grow: Don't let depression make you lose sight of the opportunity.

Depression is like a thief. It invades your body and drains the energy, joy and vitality from it's victims.

Motivational Mondays: Yes You Can and Here's How

Thought for the Day: Political campaign slogans can make or break an election. The "Yes We Can" campaign and poster may have been the single most influential element in Barack Obama's presidential victory. It captured the attention of a nation weary of inaction and searching for hope for a better future. Whether the nation has seen the progress that they had hoped for is another question. In fact, the slogan may have in some ways backfired. People may have expected change to happen quickly.

As a psychologist, I know that change takes time. Although psychotherapy empowers people to overcome adversity and make changes in their lives, they need to be patient. Change takes hard work and perseverance if it is to become real and lasting. In a society which thrives on fast food restaurants, smart phones and computers with immediate answers at our fingertips, many people have lost hope on the political arena and "Yes We Can," may now feel like an empty promise. History and time will tell whether actual changes began to occur during this presidency. However, I can help you and clients with challenges facilitate change in their lives and the slogan for you to remember is: "Yes You Can."

Here's some advice on how you can, based on things I have learned over the years in my clinical practice...

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: How To Get Rid of an Anxiety Disorder

Thought for the Day: Today is Tuesday. Which means it is time for Tuesday's Psychology Tips. A few days ago a question appear on HealthTap which brings the tip for today. The question was: How to get rid of an anxiety disorder without a therapist? Surely there  are many ways to reduce anxiety, but my reply was to ask, "Why wouldn't you consider psychotherapy?" Here's my answer with a bit more detail than I posted on HealthTap...

Motivational Monday: An Inspiring Video: Never Give Up

Thought for the Day: Today has been one of those frustrating Mondays. Last night I started a virus scan on my computer. It was not finished this morning and finally was completed this evening. Needless to say, all work on the computer was slow and tedious. The day was filled with clinical sessions with clients and a radio interview on the LA Bachelor Pad Talk Radio Show. The interview was on the violence in the sports world and why it is happening more and more lately. When it is posted on their site, I will post a link. At any rate, I just got to writing today's post. Earlier today I saw a very inspiring video on Facebook and decided to share it here today. It shows how a war veteran refused to accept his doctor's prognosis following his injuries in combat. Whenever, I hear stories like this one, I am even more motivated to work on all of my dreams. I hope it impacts on you the same way. Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your stories of beating the odds as well. It could help motivate others...

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F Free Birth Control Is Linked To Promiscuity

Thought for the Day: It is Thursday and time for a Psychology Trivia question. As always, most of the answers to these questions are far from trivial. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to hear 89 year old B.B. King live at the Jazz Up July 2014 Series in Stamford CT. It was a pleasure to hear a jazz icon outdoors on a beautiful summer night. I hope you are enjoying the summer! Here's today's trivia question on what has been a controversial subject, free birth control for girls and women.

Trivia Question:

     True or False: Free birth control is linked to promiscuity

Read on to see the answer... 

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Life Doesn't Come With Blueprints

Thought for the Day: I have been working on redesigning my website for my clinical practice and really could use your help today. In the process of working on the redesign, I came up with an interesting logo. The logo design lead me to today's words of wisdom which will be included in the new logo. I'd love to know what you think of both the logo and the quote.
     For many years, I have used the name of the therapeutic approach that I have developed, ACT Now Psychotherapy, as the name of my private practice. The tagline: Active, Creative, Time-sensitive is based on the A.C.T. in the title and explains how my therapeutic approach works. The logo above triggered my imagination and led to a different tag line. Here's what happened...

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: Ask Dr. B: How Can I Stop My Kids From Bickering?

Thought for the Day: On Tuesday's I have been posting psychology tips that usually tend to be short posts, today's will be a bit longer. Today, I received an e-mail from Shannon Philpott, Founder, The Single Mom's Playbook. She had some new questions for me to respond to from their "Ask the Expert" section. She told me that "reader questions are pouring in" lately and apologized for not notifying me when my posts were published in June. I decided to repost one of two questions I answered last June. It is longer than my usual tips, but I believe it could be helpful to single moms as well as to all parents. Here's the question:

Dear Dr. B,        
As a single mom, I find myself frustrated easily when I get home from work and my children – 10 and 12 – fight me on every little thing. From homework to chores, the battles are endless. I’m trying to stay consistent with discipline, but it is so hard doing it alone. Do you have any suggestions?

Motivational Mondays: Why Motivation Is Grossly Overrated

Thought for the Day: As I began to think about today's post, I began to consider why people are often disappointed in their efforts to accomplish things in life. Discouraged when they fail to see results, they will say, "I have lost my motivation," and give up. With all the hype in our society surrounding motivation  it is not surprising that many people feel that all they need is to be motivated to achieve "success" in life. Do advertising slogans like, "Just Do It " and "Yes You Can," make people feel like failures when they have difficulty accomplishing their dreams in life. Bombarded by endless motivational quotes on posters and facebook pages and stories of young entrepreneurs who have sold start-up businesses for millions of dollars, it is not surprising that many people are feeling discouraged. Although I have been thinking and writing about motivation for many years as a psychologist and here on my blog, a recent experience led me to realize that motivation is grossly overrated. Read on to hear why and what you can do about it if it's not working for you.

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: True or False: Eating Cheese Before Bed Causes Nightmares

Will Cheese go to your head & lead to Nightmares?

Thought for the Day: I was too busy to post yesterday. but am back on track today. Summer time is a bit tricky and I may post a bit more infrequently, but stay tuned. It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question. What do you think?

True or False: Eating cheese before going to bed causes nightmares

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: There Are No Failures In Life, If...

Thought for the Day: It's Tuesday and time for me to share another psychology tip. I have been writing a lot of tips for HealthTap lately and this one was to help people improve self esteem. "There are no failures in life, if you learn from your mistakes." It is all too easy to let mistakes make us feel like failures.

Motivational Mondays: Will Middle East Tragedy Bring Peace & Reconciliation or Retribution?

Thought for the Day: Sometimes, even psychologists remain silent when they are upset. This has been the case for me regarding the events over the past weeks in the Middle East. First, I was shocked and saddened by the kidnapping, search for and finally the discovery of the murder of three young teenagers in Israel. I had no words and avoided speaking about it on my blog. Then, words failed me again as I was disgusted to hear of the murder of a Palestinian teen in an apparent act of retribution. I feared an escalation of acts of retributions. Two wrongs never make a right, they simply lead to more and more wrongs. Those of you who follow my blog know that I am essentially a pacifist doing what ever I can to advocate for a more peaceful world with sensible gun control. When I hear of senseless murder of children, even I have trouble finding the right words.

Today, I noticed an article that gave me a sense of hope in the midst of the terrible most recent tragedies that have happened in the Middle East. Instead of retribution, it was the story of Palestinians and Jewish mourners consoling one another. Can tragedy motivate people to find ways to reach peace?