Overcoming DreamBusters Part II: Six Ways To Free Your Dreams From Fear

Thought for the Day: Sometimes we let fear stop us from reaching for our dreams. When we do, our dreams become prisoners of our fears.  What dreams are you allowing your fears to hold hostage? If you tend to let your fear hold you back, here are some ways to conquer your fears & set your dreams free.

When I asked people on facebook, twitter, google+ & tumbler what their biggest DreamBusters were, fear was one of the recurring themes. (My 1st blog in this series looked how money impacts on our dreams & taught ways to dream on a dime.) Fears can be camouflaged in many ways. At times, fears take control & have a paralyzing effect on our lives. When that happens, phobias & panic attacks are so overwhelming that clients come to me for help. However, the impact of fears is often more subtle. Many people do not even notice that they are procrastinating or stuck in the pursuit of their dreams due to unspoken fears. When fears make them lose sight of their dreams, they may feel dissatisfied  with their lives, but may ignore the feelings & assume that their dreams are simply unattainable. Here are some practical tools to help you break free from the tyranny of fear to move towards your dreams:

1) Don't let fear control your knowledge.
Psychological studies have proven that when people are afraid, their perception is distorted. Sheryl Paul  wrote a blog entitled: FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real. In it she wrote, "Somebody left these four words as a comment on Alanis Morissette's Facebook page in response to an interview she had posted with the singer." The author "looked at the words for a minute then spelled out the acronym: F.E.A.R. Oh, yes. Yes yes yes. Fear is certainly False Evidence Appearing Real." (Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5678574)
Psychologists have studied the impact of fear on our perception for many years. We know that when we are anxious or afraid we tend to distort reality. Eye witness testimonies from bank robberies & other crimes are often inaccurate.  In the book, Eyewitness Testimony, Elizabeth Loftus puts the psychological evidence against eye witness testimony on trial.  She examines "factors, such as expectations, biases, & personal stereotypes." Witnesses, who by nature of the experience are stressed & afraid, describe the same robber as tall, short, with red, brown or blond hair. Even the clothes the robber was wearing will be remembered as different to witnesses of the same crime. (For an in depth look at the case against eye witness testimony take a look at the CBS 60 Minutes video  with Leslie Stahl on the fragility of memory & eyewitness testimony, which is beyond the scope of this article.)
     If you are afraid that you are not capable of accomplishing your dreams, your perception of yourself & your abilities may be distorted.  If knowledge is power, distorted knowledge is debilitating. Before you rule out a dream, run it by a few people who's opinion you trust. See if they think you have the skills to accomplish your dream or if they can suggest ways to build the skill sets that you may need.

2) Put your fear under a spotlight. If you don't know what it is you are afraid of, you may be afraid for no reason. Many children are afraid of the dark. For generations parents have helped their children overcome their fears with night lights or by showing children that the world remains the same even when the lights go out.
     Many fears lose their hold when you shine a spotlight on them. You can do this by asking yourself, "What is my worst fear? What is the worst thing that I can imagine might happen if I pursued my dream?" Often you will find that your worst fear might not be so bad & it will free you to go ahead & try.

3) Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.  One way to overcome the fear of trying to move towards your dream is to remind yourself that if you don't try you may regret it forever. If you try & then realize that it is not what you want, you will not be carrying the regrets for life. Another way of saying this tip was best said by Babe Ruth, "Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back."

4) Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity.  Have you ever seen a touching exhibit in the reptile section of a zoo. They have mastered the art of replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity. Many children have not learned to be afraid & are naturally curious & fearlessly touch the snakes or lizards. Adults, on the other hand, may let their fears get the better of them. If you are afraid to try to accomplish a dream, try researching it with curiosity. Once you know more about what it may take to accomplish your dream, it may not seem as difficult or scary.

5) Beware of fear of success it can be as paralyzing as fear of failure. The Peanut's cartoon says this DreamBuster really well. Most people are cognizant of their fear of failure, but many do not realize that they may be avoiding their dreams due to fear of success. Many people let what psychologists call "magical thinking" like Charlie Brown's fear of happiness stop them from reaching for their dreams. Bad things happen, but they do not happen because we are happy. Alanis Morisette appears to be fully aware of this kind of fear & expresses it well in the song, "Fear of Bliss." With close to 2 million fans on facebook, most people would assume that Alanis Morisette would be blissful, but even success can be frightening. Here are some of the lyrics from the song:
Fear of Bliss
      Alanis Morissette
Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude  
Fear of bigness and ensuing solitude  
I've tried to be small, 
I've tried to be stunted   
I've tried roadblocks 
and all my happy endings are prevented  
Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true   
I sabotage myself 
for fear of what my joy could do      
       If you are successful at many things, in addition to fearing that your success could magically jinx things for you, you may also be afraid that you will let people down if you are not on the top of your game in everything you attempt. You may fear that you will disappoint your family, friends or yourself. To overcome this type of perfectionism, remind yourself that no one is perfect or even outstanding in everything & that no one expects you to be. In addition, every expert was a beginner. (See earlier post on this topic.)  Give yourself permission to be a beginner when you start to pursue your dream & to make mistakes or be average at many things. The old adage, "Practice makes perfect," is misleading. Practice makes as close to perfect as human beings can be, don't strive for perfection, strive to do your best as you move towards your dreams.

6. Don't let fear of change stop you from exploring new territories.  In every beginning, there is an ending. In every ending there is a beginning. To find happiness, pay attention to both the beginnings and endings.  In the photo to the left, I tried to illustrate a basic fact of life that leads to many people fearing trying something new, even if it is their dream. Change is a continuous part of life that we often pretend does not exist. Even when we are dissatisfied with parts of our lives, we are often afraid to change what we are doing. We are afraid to venture out and leave the familiar.  Whether we take control of the changes or not, we are changing. It is important to cherish the things from the past but to move on & embrace the new challenges & dreams in your future.

Many of these short tips may lead to longer more in depth articles in the future. I'd love to hear how they have helped you to overcome some of your fears. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If you have additional suggestions of ways to overcome fears that have helped you, please share them. Or if there are other types of fears that may be bothering you, let me know.

Dreams On Wheels Part IV: On the Road

Thought for the Day: When you change your routine, you open yourself up to new experiences. I have been anticipating this tour for some time now & already in two days have so many wonderful new experiences that I will be writing about them over the next few months. I'd like to give you a glimpse of what I have been discovering & will elaborate in detail in the future.

Day 1: Weston, NYC, PA, MD, DC, & VA. Road trips have excitement, disappointments, & surprises. I started off bright & early, & was ready when my interns, Kat, Andrew & Katherine arrived around 8:45 AM. All the books, flyers & clothing were packed & ready to go. When the Rental car did not arrive at 9 AM as planned, calls were made & we learned that the car was not ready for us. It needed an oil change & would be ready in about 40 minutes. We had breakfast & waited. Because of the late arrival we discussed how we might adjust our plans to stop along the way.

When the car finally arrived around 10:00 AM, it was raining! We opened our umbrellas & proceeded to pack up 4 suitcases, 4 computer bags, some food & drinks, & 7 boxes of books & supplies! The rental company allowed us to start from Weston, but we delayed signing up additional drivers. They told us we could do so at any of their offices along the route. Because of the rain, we were unable to put the signs on the van, but by 10:30 AM  Dreams On Wheels 2012 was off & running!

Kat, Kathryn, DrB, & Andrew in NYC with our new signs for Dreams On Wheels

Mitch, Aspiring Singer

By the time we reached NYC, the sun greeted us as well. Our signs went up, we took some pictures & found the 1st two people to interview in our roving positive psychology project. In this traveling research project, I want to discover how people are doing in the pursuit of their dreams. 

With newspapers & television reporting so much of the negative happenings in our world, I'd like to assess how people's dreams are impacted. Are people cancelling their dreams, due to all the strife in the world? Mitch, an aspiring actor & singer, living in NYC was at the Cloisters with Tracy, his mother, a teacher from OH were the first people we approached and interviewed. Parts of their interviews can be viewed at the top of this page. Mitch's dreams are alive & well & thriving! He is even working on a musical about a young couple working on their dreams! 

We also interviewed his mother to see how she raised such a 'wake up dreamer.' Interestingly, Tracy did a great job dream parenting her son, but seems to be questioning her ability to accomplish her own dreams to travel due to financial concerns. I spoke with her about an older couple I know in their 80's who traveled around Europe by volunteering to help harvest fruits on farms. I encouraged her to give herself the same kind of encouragement she gave her sons & her students to follow their dreams. I also suggested that she read my book to see other ways to accomplish her dreams even when finances are tight.

Dream Team Kathryn, Kat, Andrew & Dr. Barbara Lavi by the statue of Babe's Dream at Camden Yard Baltimore

Dream Team In the footsteps of Babe Ruth

Due to time constraints & traffic, we went to Baltimore MD & postponed our stop in DC until Sunday, but in Baltimore we found 3 more subjects not far from the statue of Babe Ruth, the Dreamer, at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Parts of their interviews are in the above video as well. Their insights into the progression of their dreams were very interesting.  We met, Mike, a man, in his 40's from Philadelphia, who just landed his dream job. We also spoke to Rebecca a 24 year old woman from Baltimore,  who dreamed of being a chef only to realize that she wants to be a restaurant owner. She is now working on accomplishing that dream & is glad that she first trained as & worked as a chef before deciding to become an owner. Linda, a retiree from Florida, told us about her dream journey. She fought the expectation that women could only become teachers, nurses, secretaries or housewives & became an interior decorator. Later in life, realizing that she needed to be a salesperson to be a decorator, she decided to become a teacher. Now she is retired and says she is living her dream!

On Day 2 in Richmond VA, we toured & met with staff who are graduates of Boaz & Ruth, one of the charities featured in The Wake Up and Dream Challenge. Meeting with these amazing ex-offenders who now have a second chance in life to reach their dreams was inspiring. Their interviews will follow soon as well. Their mistakes & incarceration did not stop them from moving towards their dreams, thanks to the amazing program Boaz & Ruth offers their apprentices. I also had time to meet with Martha Rollins, founder of Boaz & Ruth, who joined me for a one half hour interview with Joann Mathis on her radio show Artists, Designers, and Things oh My. You can listen to the interview on the link to her site.

Today I begin my work with Elimination of Prejudice's National Convention here in Richmond VA.  Hope you will follow our journey. I will post as frequently as I can, since so much is happening!

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