Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Dance Contestant's Bold Audition: Do You Think He Can Dance?

             

Thought for the Day: Usually I post songs on Saturday (Clouds, Run DMC, Motherhood & Empowerment) that I find therapeutic. Last week I happened to see the TV program, So You Think You Can Dance on Fox Network. On the program the story behind Hip Hop Dancer, Ernest "E-Knock" Phillips, came on & caught my attention. When he performed his short audition piece, I was struck by the raw emotion he conveyed & the therapeutic value of his work. It brought tears to the eyes of one of the judges. Unfortunately, he was sent to a choreography lesson & was not chosen for the next round. What do you think of the judges decision? Did they make a mistake? Do you think he can dance? 

Have a wonderful weekend. I hope you will come back tomorrow for Sunday's Comic Strips. Barbara

Photo from FlickrCC.com
'Solntsevo - industrial place'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14801649@N08/1518404869

Thanksgiving & 6 Mental Health First Aid Tips

As We Celebrate Thanksgiving, many people are still struggling with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy

Thought for the Day: The day before Thanksgiving I was interviewed on a radio show, "Pay It Forward" with Josephine Geraci on how to cope with the trauma of Hurricane Sandy. Josephine lives on Long Island & grew up in Staten Island. She contacted me on Monday to ask that I come on the show & offer some advice to help all the people on the east coast who have been impacted by Hurricane Sandy. Although my schedule was filled with pre-holiday minutia, I agreed to do the broadcast. To me it felt like the perfect way to give to others just before the Thanksgiving weekend which is very hard following such devastation. Because of the short notice, many people did not get to listen in live, however the broadcast can be downloaded here: bit.ly/Y4dMCrbit.ly/Y4dMCr

As part of the show, I offered some tips to help people deal with the aftermath this & any trauma. I thought I'd share some of the tips here. On the 1 hour radio show, you can hear more about how you can help yourself, your family, friends,  children, neighbors & co-workers deal with the stresses that arise due to trauma. 

Picture of the home of another facebook friend

The picture on the right was from a facebook "friend" whom I've never met. It is heartbreaking to imagine having to sort through a lifetime of belongings, photos & mementos & to tear down homes they have built & cared for for years. Often we don't know what to say or do to support them. On the show, we discuss what you can do to help yourself & your loved ones.  

One of the psychologists/authors that I have "met" via linkedIn & facebook wrote to apologize that she could not listen in because she is too busy packing, packing, packing. I wrote back & found out that her house needs to be gutted. I was able to extend some words of support to her. We are all able to do something, little things can mean a lot to those who have been impacted. Here are a summary of some of the Mental Health tips I gave on the show.

 

Post Trauma Mental Health First Aid Tips
      1) Talk to people about the traumatic events. It is therapeutic even if it feels repetitious. It also allows others to support you. Know that holidays will be hard & try to be with people especially during the holidays. If you don't know what to say, give a hug & just be there with them. Watch kids for a few hours. Bring food just as you might to help a friend who is moving or after an operation.
      2) Take care of yourself: make time to relax, exercise, eat well, meditate. When we are under stress we often push ourselves to the limit & forget to take time for ourselves. Ignoring our need for rest can be counter-productive & leave us even more exhausted, overwhelmed & less able to do the tasks at hand.
      3) Help others who are less fortunate, it will help you as well. Take a look at how one woman, Vanessa McHugh of Queens, made a difference following the hurricane: The Pizza Patrol. Even a phone call to a friend to speak with them & see how they are doing can be helpful.
      4) Look for what you have to be grateful for instead of focusing on what you do not have. Take a look at some of my older posts: Whether the Glass is 1/2 full or 1/2 Empty Make the Most of What You Have Left or this one How A Motorcycle Accident and a Fire Rekindled a Dream.
      5) Be patient with yourself, it takes time to recover from losses. Although we all would like to put a loss behind us & move on quickly, our psyche takes time to recover from any loss or trauma. The average time needed to recover from major losses is a year. Grieve when you feel sad, don't ignore it. It will pass & lessen as time goes by.
      6) If you are having trouble sleeping, have headaches or other physical issues, or frequent flashbacks that do not seem to be lessening over time, speak with a professional. Even if you feel that you or your family are coping with the trauma, it may be helpful to get a mental health check up with a therapist to talk about how everyone is coping with the stress of living through a traumatic event.

I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of this Thanksgiving weekend! As always, I'd love to hear your reactions, comments & feedback. If you have questions, feel free to ask me as well. 

Can Self Help Books Really Help?

Some rights reserved by victoriapeckham

Thought for the day: You've changed my life...& I thank you for it!  JCP 

This was my 4th correspondence from a reader thanking me for how the book & or therapy with the book helped them.

I tried to get the words on this photo to be clear like the original, but couldn't & decided that perhaps it's a sign that sometimes the lines between psychology & self help are blurred. What do you think? Has a self help book helped you gain self understanding? How has it helped you change your life? Stand alone or with the help of a psychologist?

To be honest, I believe that some self help books can help, but often their ability to change people's lives is limited. Usually, I see them as adjuncts to therapy or a starting point to stimulate thought & start people on a path towards change in their lives. I often suggest that clients read a book that I believe will speed up the process in therapy. 

I wrote my book to teach people how to use techniques I have developed over the years in therapy. I encourage readers to consult with a therapist if in the process they need some additional help. The book & the challenge it presents grew into something which encompasses more than me & my private practice. I have been focusing on helping the nonprofits I feature in the book. If I helped just this one person, it was worth it to me to have written this book. I know that it has the power to do much more & want it to reach as many people as possible. Here's what transpired with one of the first readers of my book:

A little over two weeks ago I received an e-mail from someone who heard me on the first internet radio program interview that I did for the book (To listen to the podcast http://toginet.com/shows/payingitforward ). Here's what she wrote:

Jan 12, 2012 Subject: Guidance?

Dear Dr. Lavi, 

After reading The Wake Up And Dream Challenge, I've come to the conclusion that I really like the way you think & I'm wondering if you might be interested in helping me...

Why am I turning to you? Your experience dealing with trauma, your credentials,... & because I trust that you could be the person to help me achieve a better life not just for me, but for my family as well.

I'm...pretty far from Connecticut...& I'm not a big fan of 45 minute sessions--they make me crazy. Just when I start to feel like the session is going somewhere, the bell rings &....to be continued next week. I hated that feeling... I was holding my heart in my hand & I would always leave counseling feeling empty.

I totally respect you as a professional & I hope that somehow we will be able to work together.

     JCP

 

      We talked on the phone & arranged a 2 & 1/2 hour session for 1/30/2012. JCP had to drive 2 hours each way to see me. She had read multiple self help books in the past & spoken to many therapists over the years, but always left feeling worse than when she came. JCP mind you, leads a successful professional life with many outstanding accomplishments, but there were skeletons in the closet that were holding her back. She never allowed herself to share some of these issues with anyone till two days ago. She feared that these trauma needed to be addressed to be more present with her husband & children. 

     We met. She trusted me & left the gift of her heart-felt history in my hands. Tears were shed leftover from years of pain. We barely touched upon the issues she is concerned with today & planned to meet again soon.

I received this e-mail from her yesterday:

Jan 31, 2012 Follow Up to yesterday's meeting

Hi Dr. Lavi,

Thank you again for taking me on as a new client. I knew deep inside that you were the right person for me.

I felt such a weight lifted off of my chest that yesterday's experience almost felt like a rebirth. But one other thing had happened that I thought was worth noting. I had jaw surgery years ago & when they went to pull the tube out of my nose, the interior of my nose never properly healed. I got accustomed to not fully being able to breath fresh air into my body. When I left you yesterday, I realized almost immediately that I could breath more freely.  I told myself it's only a matter of time that I will have build up back in my nose. I know this sounds crazy, but if you could imagine living life with a cotton ball in your left nostril--that's what was happening to me...until yesterday. 

After getting into my car, I had such a light feeling I almost didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to stay pure. I didn't want anyone to taint my conversation I had with you. I didn't even want to go to sleep because I was afraid I would wake up with the weight on my chest that I was also accustomed to--but no, you freed me & I feel better than I have in years!

So if you went into your profession because you truly wanted to make a difference, in the world & in the lives of people--consider your profession well chosen & consider your job well done.

You've change my life...& I thank you for it! 

              JCP

Clients have shared similar feelings in the past & it has been more than enough for me, but since I have just started to publicize my book, I decided to ask permission to share JCP's e-mail.

Jan 31, 2012 RE: Follow Up to yesterday's meeting

Dear JCP,
        Thank you for telling me. I am so glad that I was able to start working with you. Just self help books alone cannot do what therapy does. I wish I had seen you years ago, but am glad we did meet. if I had not written the book, I would never have met you!
         I know that I can & have helped people throughout my career. Can I post parts of your e-mail on my blog with just your initials saying you read my book & came for an appointment? I want people to find my book so that I can help more people!...

    
                   It is amazing how the psyche & the body are interconnected.

                              Barbara

Jan 31, 2012 RE: RE: follow up to yesterday's meeting

YES! You absolutely have my permission to use my initials. JCP

What do you think? Do self help books really help?

 

 

When Johnny Comes Marching Home Are We Ready To Support Our Veterans in Times of Peace

Thought for the day: The world has had glimpses of Gabby Giffords injury & amazing, yet still challenging rehabilitation. Our veterans returning from Iraq's injuries are often less visible. We rallied to support our troupes while they were at war, but the war to fight for rehabilitation will continue for many years. Programs like Higher Ground are ready but need our support to do their good work.

Do you know a veteran or a family of a veteran who could use some help? Share their stories & by all means let them know about Higher Ground.
For this post, I'd like to share a chapter from my book describing how Higher Ground, one of 21 Dream Nonprofits featured helps wounded warriors reach their dreams as they recover from the trauma & physical injuries of war.
 

Julio and Maria

Two years after graduating high school, Julio lacked direction in his life. He felt trapped. He saw no opportunities on the horizon in his home of Puerto Rico. After much searching, Julio found a career with plenty of room for advancement—one which would bring financial stability for his family, & provide opportunities for higher education. At the age of twenty, Julio enlisted in the United States Army.

During his first years of active duty, Julio enjoyed the path he had chosen. He had a secure job with great benefits. He, along with his young family, enjoyed visiting parts of the world they might never have had the chance to see. Eventually Julio received orders; he was being deployed to Iraq. While nervous & hesitant to leave his wife & baby daughter, Julio felt honored to have the opportunity to serve his country.

While in Iraq, Julio was exposed to multiple improvised explosive devices (IEDs). Like most soldiers, he simply pulled himself up by his bootstraps & moved forward. He ignored the chronic headaches & grogginess he was feeling. Then, while mounted atop a Humvee in Fallujah, Julio’s unit was ambushed. Julio was shot through the right eye by a sniper. The gunshot & blast exposures resulted in multiple cranial fractures, & a detached retina in his left eye.

When he returned stateside, Julio awoke from a coma & discovered he had lost 90% of his vision, & suffered a severe traumatic brain injury (TBI). Julio also suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) reliving his battle experiences daily. He found himself on ‘edge’ in public & dependant on others for care. Julio felt distant from his wife, & unable to handle the anxiety brought on by his three young children.

With a three-year-old daughter, a new set of twin girls, & a severely disabled husband, Maria was overwhelmed by grief, exhausted by the task of being her husband’s caretaker & trying to run a household. Her challenges seemed insurmountable. She felt guilty leaving her husband’s side for even a moment, fearful that he might experience further harm. Julio was going through the medical board process. Although confident he would eventually receive his full pay & benefits, in the meantime, Julio received only a portion of his active duty pay.

While going through treatment at the VA hospital, Julio’s caseworker told him about the—Sun Valley Adaptive SportsProgram in Idaho—called Higher Ground (HG). Julio made contact with a Recreational Therapist on the HG team, & quickly developed a new friendship. Julio felt excited for the first time since his injury. He applied to a couple’s snow sports camp because neither he nor Maria had ever seen snow. Here was a chance for adventure. It would be a place to once again feel a sense of camaraderie with other veterans. This was a way for his wife to find the support of other spouses. They both could receive the individual attention of a team of therapists to teach them coping strategies. 

When asked what motivated him to join HG Julio replied, “I was a lifelong surfer before my injury, now I’m not able to even get in the ocean by myself. I think about it constantly. Learning to snowboard will prove to me that I’m still capable; it will show my wife she doesn’t have to always be watching over me.” In response to the same question, Maria replied, “I just want to see my husband smile again.”

Julio’s first day on the mountain taught him that he had grossly underestimated his potential. To the amazement of his instructor, he was making full runs—snowboarding from the top to the bottom of the mountain. Maria’s joy came from seeing what her husband could do independently. The staff of HG gained her confidence. For the first time in years, she was able to leave Julio’s side without anxiety. “I left Julio to go out & do something fantastic…it was the first time in years I was able to let him go; to let him be who he was before his injuries.” Maria grew increasingly comfortable at camp leaving Julio on his own.

In group therapy sessions Maria learned how to cope with her husband’s hardships. She also gained new insight into Julio’s Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Most importantly, Maria learned that Julio was capable of being an independent man.

Before leaving, Julio thanked the HG staff, saying, “I’m going home with new confidence, but more importantly my wife has been able to be herself & not worry about me constantly.” As part of the HG program, the couple came up with a goal they wished to accomplish in the next year. Julio proudly stood in front of his new unit & announced that within one year he & his Maria would have a proper wedding in front of her family in the church she once attended in the Dominican Republic.

Julio decided it was time to be proactive in his recovery & applied to a blind rehabilitation center. Six months after joining the HG family, Julio called the staff. He was so excited that he could barely contain himself. “I just got back from seeing Maria & the kids. No one came to pick me up! I left the hospital, went to the train station, walked to the house, & surprised Maria at the door. I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!” The HG staff was brought to tears when Julio said, “You have heard of the snowball effect? I believe that sometimes that snowball can defy gravity & gain momentum & mass as it rolls uphill. My snowball started on top of a mountain in Idaho, followed me home to Florida, through blind rehab, & will be with me when I stand next to my wife at the altar.”

This true story is only one of many that the team at Higher Ground proudly shares. HG is now recognized as a leader in their industry from the Department of Defense, The Joint Chiefs of Staff, The Department of Excellence, & a host of military & VA medical installations nationwide. In their holistic approach to rehabilitation, HG provides therapy & support to those caring for wounded veterans. HG offers: the longest follow up program in the industry; daily therapeutic themes that provide the tools necessary to find success in life; resources nationally & in their home community; referrals to programs meeting medical, educational, familial, & social needs; a reintegration budget to continue the momentum at home; &, access to these services 100% cost free to the veterans & their supporters. In addition, HG staff conducts research with major universities assessing the efficacy of their techniques. They also present at conferences & seminars nationwide teaching others how to conduct effective therapeutic recreation programs.

It’s the dream of the HG staff to improve the quality of care provided to American heroes nationwide! 

To support their dream you can purchase The Wake Up And Dream Challenge at http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-wake-up-and-dream-challenge/18745116 Half the profits will go to Higher Ground supporting our recovering veterans.