Dear Mr. President: Help Us Make Right Something So Wrong

Dear Mr. President: Help Us Make Right Something So Wrong

Thought for the day: This should be my thought for the year & not the day, since it will take much longer to make this dream happen than just a day. In my new children's book, When Bad Things Happen to Children, there is a verse which says, "When bad things happen, we must think hard and long. We'll try to make right of something so wrong." The process of making things right will take effort from people from around the country. Barack Obama has started the process, first by addressing the families & sharing his sadness for the world to see. He then started the next phase by putting in rapid motion, what I hope will be better gun control laws across the nation. However, to make something right of something so wrong will take additional efforts on multiple levels. I decided to write a letter to the president & would love for you to send your versions & suggestions along to him as well. The more parents, teachers & concerned citizens write to their senators, congressmen & the President, the more chance we have to insure that the lives lost in Newtown were not in vain. So here is my letter to the president. Feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be able to help.

Dear Mr. President,
        First, let me introduce myself. My name is Dr. Barbara Lavi. I am a psychologist, licensed in both CT and MA. I began my career in Israel where one of my areas of expertise was helping children & families cope with the perils of war & terrorism. Since returning to the United States, whenever traumatic events occur,  I find my expertise jumps into action like a knee jerk reaction. However, I also know that the impact of trauma does not disappear when the news about the events dies down. I may be the only therapist in the United States who routinely asks new clients how 9/11 impacted on them & their families. I use this information in developing a treatment plan & often find that the events have impacted on clients' current dilemmas.
         The recent tragedy in Newtown sent me into crisis intervention mode right away, since I live & work in Weston CT. I went to corporations impacted by the tragedy in Stamford & Danbury CT. I volunteered to do EMDR with survivors and to speak on radio talk shows on how to help children cope with the horrendous events targeting children. It prompted me to write & offer a free download of a children's book, When Bad Things Happen to Children, with a guide for parents & teachers to help them air their feelings & ask questions about what happened. All of this was my gut reaction to what had occurred. I wanted to give parents & children a sense of control by helping them express their feelings & find ways to do something to help them cope with the tragedy. I thought that I was doing enough to help.
         However, today I am writing to you because I know that what I am doing is not enough. I need your help as do all the parents, teachers & concerned citizens of this great country. I applaud your ability to show your tears & model that it is appropriate for everyone to show their sorrow when bad things happen. I also am encouraged by your promise to make rapid changes in the gun control laws around the nation. However, I am concerned that this too is not enough.
         I congratulate you on hopefully averting the fiscal cliff which was lurking & threatening this country; however there is an educational, mental health cliff that is equally, if not more threatening to our nation. This cliff requires the same kind of concerted, bipartisan effort by senators, congressmen & all our citizens. The tragedies in Newtown, Aurora, Michigan, Columbine & too many others are symptomatic of this invisible cliff. My experience as a psychologist in Israel may offer some ideas to help with these urgent issues.
         In Israel, there is one Ministry of Education which sets the guidelines for the entire nation's school system. Since Israel has been under attack since it's inception, they have had to confront traumatic issues that impact on children head on year round. Home room teachers don't just check attendance. They are also the children's touch point for all social issues that arise. They teach a class called, "Chevrah," which happens a few times a week with the homeroom class (which remains virtually the same through out each of the school experiences, elementary, middle & high school). The best translation for the word "Chevrah" is social studies, but it is more than that. When bad things happen, in the social relationships of the students, in the news or in their homes, there is a built in safety net where the students & teachers are already comfortable talking about tough events. In the USA, when a tragedy occurs, each school reacts, calls in psychologists & counselors who do crisis interventions & then disappear from the school. This is simply not enough.
          In addition, counselors & teachers are burdened with academic testing results & have little time to address the mental & social health of their students. The ratio of students to counselors in our schools must be examined if they are going to be able to preform their jobs and help children cope with family, social as well as academic pressures. In Florida, this concern is being addressed by considering new legislation. Republican State Sen. Nancy Detert filed a bill this week that would require most of the state’s school districts to hire more guidance counselors, based on the number of students at each school. State Senator Detert says, “We don’t have enough guidance counselors to deal with the personal problems of the kids, the family problems at home — let alone helping them get into college.” The same problem exists across the nation.
           Another pressing problem that is symptomatic of the social, mental health cliff is that bullying is running rampant in our schools. Although most school administrators will say they are handling the problem with zero tolerance policies, not only are these policies ineffective in treating the problem, they may also be exacerbating it. Like disgruntled employees who come back to the workplace where they have been fired & do harm to their old boss or co-workers, students expelled from school may become future attackers. Schools need ongoing, comprehensive programs that include training for parents, teachers & the broader community. These programs must help the bullies and the victims if we are to improve the situation in our society.
           Another major area that needs to be addressed is access to care and early intervention for mentally ill children and young adults. Currently, parents of special needs students must fight for the therapeutic programs for their children due to budgetary constraints.  NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the nation’s largest grassroots organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness reports that, "Half of all chronic serious mental illness begins by age 14, three-quarters by age 24. Despite effective treatment, most youth go without. Screening, assessment and early intervention of mental health conditions for children and youth should be an integral part of health care delivery systems." There are far too few home and community based services for mentally ill adults around the country. By under serving this population, we may be spawning the increase in acts of violence by the mentally ill in our nation. Perhaps with ObamaCare some of the mental health services of the special needs students and adults will be better addressed.
           Television, movies & violent video games also play a part in the increase in violent behaviors. Eugene V Beresin, M.D., Director of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Residency Training at the Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Hospital, addresses the impact of violence in the media on children and adolescents. He reports that, "The typical American child will view more than 200,000 acts of violence, including more than 16,000 murders before age 18. Television programs display 812 violent acts per hour; children's programming, particularly cartoons, displays up to 20 violent acts hourly." He voices concern about the impact of such violence on young children who not only are taught that violence is a "cool" means of conflict resolution, but also desensitized to violence seeing it, "as a fact of life and, over time, lose their ability to empathize with both the victim and the victimizer."
             Freedom of speech did not include media representing terror in more & more realistic ways to highly suggestible children or mentally ill adults, which make violence seem unreal or an acceptable path to follow when angry. When I spoke with young adults in CT following the attacks, many of them said, things like, "I'm fine. I'm used to these kind of things, like 9/11." We must not let our youth become numb to these kinds of assaults on human beings.
           As the President of our country, I call on you lead our country to address each of these important issues. Hopefully, together we will develop laws, guidelines, private sector programs that can help fund innovative programs to address the educational, mental health cliff. There are many wonderful programs,  however, each community is trying to reinvent the wheel leading to wasted energy & resources. By bringing together, educators, psychologists, psychiatrists, businessmen, Nonprofit organizations, lawyers, philanthropists, law makers, creative thought leaders to come up with programs & guidelines, hopefully, we will find ways to make right of something so wrong & not let any more innocent lives be lost in vain.
                              Respectfully,
                                   Barbara Lavi, PsyD

Happy 1st Birthday to WakeUpAndDreamCatalyst.Blogspot.com

Thank You for a Great 1st Year  WakeUpDreamCatalyst.blogspot.com Thought for the Day: It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year, since I started this blog! As I post my last blog for 2012, it makes sense to look back over the year that was. There have been triumphs & heartaches. I have been honored to share my thoughts & feelings with you. It is hard to believe that on January 4th it will be the anniversary of the inauguration of this blog. My first post: Don't Wait for Opportunity to Knock, Just Open the Door & Find Her, had just 42 page views. The blog has come a long way since then. There have been almost 20,000 page views! It seems fitting to review the top ten posts of 2012. Here they are in order of my fan's preferences: # 1 The Hunger Games Parenting Nightmare or Opportunity
# 2 Cyberbullying Facebook App: Like or Ban?
# 3 Can Self Help Books Really Help?
# 4 Part IV: Help Me Start A Gratitude Project Deep in the Heart of Texas
# 5 Mother's Day Part III: If My Mother, Grandmother & I Ruled the World
# 6 Over the Rainbow Deep In the Heart of Texas
# 7 It Takes A Cell Phone To Raise A Child
# 8 Every Expert Was Once A Beginner
# 9 What Do Michelle Obama & Book Publishing Have in Common?
# 10 What Do You Get When You Combine Corporate Sponsors, NPOs, Academics & Entrepreneurs?  The # 1 Post: The Hunger Games Parenting Nightmare or Opportunity has had close to 2000 page views! I almost skipped the movie due to all the hype about it & then realized that it was an important film for parents & teens to see. I have enjoyed writing this blog more than I could have imagined. It has given me a place to share my dreams, encourage you & support multiple causes from anti-bullying campaigns to registering a cell phone to help save lives. I hope I have inspired you not only to dream, but also to act upon your dreams & start moving towards them. Here are a few of the photos that I also enjoyed learning to make for the blog: From the Dream On Wheels Tour Series From The Next Big Thing Blog Hop From The DreamBusters Series Thanksgiving Tips Learn to Fall to Learn to Stand Tall Spotlight on Fears Thank you all for reading & sharing your comments. I look forward to hearing from you & sharing with you in 2013 & beyond! Happy New Year!          Barbara

Fiscal Cliff Versus Mental Health Educational Cliff

Thought for the day: As the country struggles with the tragedy in Newtown CT the debate about the fiscal cliff has been pushed to the background. One can only hope that the events will keep the physical & emotional health & well-being of our children in the foreground. Hopefully we will all take a long hard look at how well we are doing in caring for the mentally ill in our society. Are we teaching our children to treat one another with respect & without prejudice? Are we jeopardizing the safety of our children while protecting adults' rights to bear arms? Were our forefathers expecting people to carry semi-automatic guns?

We cannot bring back the innocent lives lost, but we can take action to try to prevent similar attacks from occurring. On Sunday I saw a play called Falling in NYC. It is a powerful depiction of the complex issues a family is forced to deal with while raising an 18 year old son who is on the spectrum of autism. Although each child suffering from severe autism to mild asperger's syndrom is different, they raise serious questions which were even more striking in light of the Newtown tragedy. What happens to children when they "age out" of the system & families cannot find appropriate supervised living situations? The facts surrounding the shooter's history & his diagnosis are not clear yet, however, this is not the first time that someone who was potentially dangerous slipped through the cracks & caused senseless loss of life. Today, a Huffington Post article raised the question: Did Fear Of Being Committed Lead To Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting?  If you are near NYC, I urge you to see the play, Falling, before it closes at the end of this month to understand the struggles of raising a disturbed adult in a society that does not have enough adequate resources to help them.

Schools across the country are also struggling with budgetary cuts & focusing on academic achievement while neglecting social & emotional health issues. Our children are dealing with bullying & prejudice (I have written extensively in previous posts about bullying in our schools.) which can lead to disgruntled angry responses among children who become loners & outcasts among their peers. All too often school systems ignore or deny the existence of bullying or they have one time programs to remedy the problems. Short term interventions following the suicide of a bullied student or death of a student due to drunken driving, is not enough to combat the problems facing our children. Parents need to advocate for ongoing comprehensive programs that work with both the bullies and the children who have been the targets of bullies. 

Merchants, film makers & television producers must also strive to use restraint & self-censorship when it comes to the marketing of violent video games, movies & TV shows. Do our children need to be encouraged to shoot realistic targets with high powered video rifles? Psychological research documents the negative effects of such games & movies on normal children.  Aimee Tompkins summarized The Psychological Effects of Violent  Media on Children  ironically, on December 14, 2003 & found that: "The American Psychological Association says there are three major effects of watching violence in the media (i.e.: video games/television) children may become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, children may be more fearful of the world around them, and children may be more likely to behave in aggressive or hurtful ways toward others." The impact on the mentally ill child or adult is simply multiplied. As parents & responsible citizens, let the game manufacturers & media know that you want them to curtail & discontinue such games & reduce the amount of explicit violence in the media.

The Huffington Post report this morning that Walmart Guns Out Of Stock Following Newtown Massacre is extremely disturbing. How many more homes will now have weapons within reach of children & potentially violent disturbed individuals? We must make sure that our representatives in Washington take this alarming trend to stockpile weapons in their deliberations. Yesterday, a client told me that at gun ranges there are lockers to store arms. Perhaps that is a way to keep them away from the hands of those who could use them to do harm. 

It seems like years ago, but on November 2nd I wrote a Post called: Whether the Glass is 1/2 Empty or Half Full, Make the Most With What You Have Left. Today, I am writing about what to do when the glass is shattered. The glass was shattered last Friday & we are all struggling to glue the pieces back together & find our way back to sanity to regain trust in our society's ability to protect our rights for life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.  

These are not easy problems to resolve. They are complex & the solutions will not be quick or easy; however we must make sure they are addressed & that the discussions continue when the media stops reporting about the tragedy. Although our hearts are heavy this holiday season, I encourage you to continue to dream of & work for "Peace on earth, good will toward men." Regardless of your religious affiliation, we all need & can be inspired by the words & music which have additional significance this year. I will never think of the song Rock of Ages in the same way as when I heard the words this year that say: "And your strength broke their swords, when our own strength failed us." Although we may feel that alone our strength may fail us, together, we must find strength to believe in miracles & take action to make them happen. By voicing our concerns & searching for creative solutions to the challenges we face, out of this tragedy, may we find the strength to build a better safer world.

Please share your comments, thoughts & ideas of ways to work together to solve these challenges.

Dreams On Wheels Part VII: Dream Research: How Are People Doing During These Tough Times?

Thought for the Day: The Dreams On Wheels 2012 tour was more than a book tour. It was also a traveling research project to assess how American's dreams & aspirations are faring during these difficult economic times. The tour covered CT, NY, PA, MD, VA, & OH, but we met & interviewed people from around the United States. It will take some time to edit all the videotaped interviews & I will make more in depth observations from our study, however, my initial assessment is that dreamers are alive & well across this nation.

In NYC we met Mitch, an aspiring young singer/actor from Ohio and his mother, a teacher. In Baltimore, we spoke with a young woman whose dreams to become a chef were shifting to becoming a restaurant owner. We also heard how a retiree from Florida's dreams evolved. As a young woman, she broke away from what were the only options for women, to become a teacher, nurse, or secretary. She chose to become an interior decorator only to discover later in life that she preferred teaching. After completing a second career as a teacher, she was living her dreams of travel in retirement. A businessman from Philadelphia told us about how he had just landed his dream job in the midst of the current economic difficulties. In Virginia, we spoke to ex-convicts from Boaz & Ruth getting a second chance in life & moving towards their dreams. We also met with student leaders & visionary alumni from a progressive fraternity (Elimination of Prejudice). They are working to end prejudice & bullying on college campuses across the USA & Canada. In Ohio, we talked with senior citizens at Menorah Park, where they are being helped to accomplish their life long dreams.

As my team finishes up their summer internships & return to school to continue their studies as they move on towards their dreams & a new team takes over, more of the dreamer's stories from this summer's traveling tour & research project will be posted. Stay tuned for a vlog with short clips in their own words & interviews with visionary leaders about how they have accomplished their dreams despite adversity. There will also be two additional stops on the tour in September in Florida (A Child Is Missing) & Massachusetts (The Cynthia Lucero Memorial Run at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology (MSPP)), so stay tuned to hear more about dreams & aspirations.

Bullying Part VI: Can Stricter Gun Control Laws Prevent Tragedies Like Aurora?

AP Hearbreak in Aurora

Thought for the Day: I am saddened by the madness & escalation of violence in our country. My initial thought that the violence might be in the hands of another victim of bullying, may be wrong, but The Aurora Massacre raises serious questions for our society. There are no simple solutions, but the use of common sense in developing better gun control laws & ways to detect signs that someone may be planning a violent act need to be explored.

When my eldest daughter was about six years old, I was living in Israel. There was a terrorist attack at the Lod Airport not far from my home. When my daughter heard about the attack her reaction was, "If they get guns and attack me & my family, I'll just get a gun & kill their families." As a pacifist & parent living in a war torn nation, I was horrified to hear my innocent child's response to the terrorism. I told her that the army was there & had responded to defend it's citizens, but that we do not go out & commit terrorist attacks against defenseless women, children, and tourists as retribution. Fortunately, my daughter grew up to be a sensible law abiding citizen & parent with views closer to my own. The terror in Aurora brought back memories of that day.

How can anyone advocate for allowing people like Holmes the freedom to accumulate an arsenal of weapons without raising any red flags? When our forefathers advocated for weapons for self defense, they also gave us all inalienable rights to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Someone must fight for the rights of the victims who went to a movie & were denied their right to live. I am not a politician, just a psychologist  believing that tragedies like the Aurora massacre, Columbine & other similar attacks could be prevented with restrictions of automatic weapons & supplies that are used to develop explosive devices.

Sarah Palin, former Alaska Governor & vice presidential candidate's sounded more like my six year old daughter with an over simplistic approach when she said, “The bad guys, the criminals, don’t follow laws and restricting more of America’s freedoms when it comes to self-defense isn’t the answer. Not when you consider what the reality is. Bad guys don’t follow laws.” She described the shootings as "a manifestation of evil. It appears that Holmes, the alleged shooter, was not only evil but also mentally ill. He is not the first person with serious mental illness to go on a rampage with automatic weapons. I am not expecting a gun dealer or the internet gun suppliers to be psychologists, but the laws & automatic internet devices could raise red flags when anyone tries to purchase automatic weapons or large supplies of ammunition designed for combat, not simple self defense. Does the fact that criminals don't follow laws mean we should make it easy for them to obtain weapons?

Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson's statement was also overly simplistic when he said that, "...it's certainly one of the rationales behind conceal and carry, where criminals actually have to be a little concerned before they commit a criminal act that maybe somebody could stop them. And I think that is the truth. That somebody, a responsible individual had been carrying a weapon, maybe -- maybe -- they could have prevented the death and injuries." A concealed pistol in the hands of a novice shooter could not have stopped the onslaught of automatic weapons. Criminals know there may be someone with a gun & therefore they have escalated their choice of weapons to more powerful automatic & semi-automatic weapons that most people do not take with them to a movie theater.

We should not ignore the problem like Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper who weighed in against stricter gun control, telling ABC that Holmes would have been able to create terror even without access to firearms.  James Holmes had over 30 grenades in his apartment. How can anyone in the United States buy grenades without someone wondering why they would need them?

I agree with New York mayor Michael Bloomberg who questions both Obama & Romney's failure to advocate for stricter gun control, “This really is an enormous problem for the country, and it's up to these two presidential candidates. They want to lead this country, and they've said things before that they're in favor of banning things like assault weapons. Where are they now and why don't they stand up? And if they want our votes, they better."

After I posted this, I saw that President Obama did speak out for changes. Although he supports the right to carry guns for hunting & self defense, he "also believe(s) that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers, not in the hands of criminals. That they belong on the battlefield of war, not on the streets of our cities. I believe the majority of gun owners would agree we should do everything possible to prevent criminals and fugitives from purchasing weapons, and we should check someone's criminal record before they can check out a gun seller."

In addition, he called for new restrictions that would bar mentally unstable people from purchasing weapons. He stated that, "These steps shouldn't be controversial, they should be common sense." These changes should be supported across party lines.


We all need to take a stand & confront the these complex questions. Where do you stand on this issue? I would like to know your thoughts.



 

Bullying Part V: Tragedy at Movie Screening "The Dark Knight Rises"

Ironically, I started this post a couple of days ago. In light of the horrendous tragedy in Aurora Colorado, the questions I posed raise even more serious questions about the rise in violence & bullying in our society. My heart goes out to all the victims of this senseless crime. The details of the crime & information about the gunman will soon be evident. As I prepare for a journey from CT to Virginia to Ohio, I welcome your thoughts comments & ideas on how to help stop the bullying & violence. Here's what I wrote a few days ago:

Thought for the Day: I saw the new Spiderman movie last week & loved it. I had forgotten the story line, since Spiderman was not my favorite comic strip growing up. Since I am focusing on the topic of bullying at one of the stops on my Dreams On Wheels, 2012 Tour, I paid attention to the victim turned superhero & defender of targets aspect of the film. Do victims who fight back & defend themselves become heros, popular even with the bully who tormented them, or bullies? Often parents encourage their bullied children to fight back. Does this work or does it lead to more bullying? I'd love to hear your experiences with bullying.

Part I: Dreams On Wheels 2012 Coming Soon

August 1 - 8, 2012

Thought for the day: When you start using the Dream Positioning System™ (DPS) it goes on automatic pilot. The end destination & dreams remain the same, but how you get there can shift & adjust as road conditions change & new circumstances arise. Dreams start falling into place & sometimes turn out even better than you originally planned. (Just in case you are wondering how many people read this blog, since January when I started writing it, there have been over 10,000 page views! Thank you for visiting & please share this site with your friends. Dreams are happening here!)

Lifelong Learning at Menorah Park

I knew that I would be going to Ohio this summer to be a Scholar in Residence at Menorah Park Senior Living Center. I was excited to have the opportunity to share my knowledge with a wonderful facility that helps senior citizens accomplish their dreams. I also planned to visit Richmond VA where I will be speaking about how Dream Positioning can help fight bullying to leaders of Elimination of Prejudice from colleges across the US & Canada at their national convention.

Originally my plan was to fly to Richmond & then to Cleveland, since the events are happening one right after the other. As the plans for the 2 events began to unfold, the idea of videotaping some of the conference participants about bullying & their dreams as part of my presentation arose. Initially, I had what I thought was a wild idea. Since I have a film student as one of my interns, I thought it might be helpful to have her come along.  If I drove instead of flying to Richmond, I could see if Allie, my intern, could accompany me to Richmond. I would have to help her with bus fare back home, but thought it would be worth it to have her extra help & knowledge of film making. When I brought this idea up in my Dream Team meeting, the other interns asked if they could come as well. They volunteered to help with gas & to pay for their own lodging & expenses. I was touched & impressed by their enthusiasm & initiative.

I decided to ask Menorah Park if they would consider paying for the rental of a van to bring me & my team to both Virginia & Ohio. Even though it cost a bit more than airfare, Menorah Park generously agreed. They liked the idea of helping the other nonprofits included in the book & of having a cross generational element to the presentations along with some videotaping at their site as well.

Firehouse 15 Restaurant

Since Boaz & Ruth, a program that helps restore the lives of ex-convicts is in Richmond, I arranged for another event & book signing at the Firehouse 15 Restaurant which Boaz & Ruth operates. They may also help with some of the plans for the Elimination of Prejudice's workshops. I will be seeing if any of the other Dream Nonprofits featured in my book would like to have our Dreams On Wheels Van stop by while we are en route!



The power of Dream Positioning never ceases to amaze me! More news will be forthcoming about this tour! If you live anywhere on the route, we would love to hear from you & would appreciate any ideas of places to have a book signing.

Bullying Part III: Punish or Honor? 18yr Old Student Punished for Defending Bullied Special Needs Girl

Punish or Honor This Student Who Came to defense of Special Needs Student?

 You Be the Judge

Thought for the Day: You be the judge. What grade would you give to this school system's handling of a report of bullying of a special needs student on a school bus? Today I saw yet another Huffington Post news story that raises serious questions about what is happening in our schools. Click on the link above, to view a 3 minute video news story about a student who has been punished for taking a stand against bullying.  Stormy Rich, an 18 year old honors student from Umatilla High School in Florida, reported daily bullying of a special needs student that was occurring on a middle school bus. Stormy was on the bus as a special privilege to miss the first period of her high school classes. The Middle School special needs student, according to Stormy Rich, "couldn't comprehend what was being done to her. "Just because she doesn't understand doesn't mean that should be happening to her," Rich told WOFL-TV." Stormy complained to the bus driver & reported the abuse to the High School authorities, but nothing was done to stop the bullying. Finally, the teen stood up to the bullies & told them to stop.  In response, the school district revoked Rich's bus-riding privileges, saying Rich exhibited bullying behavior. School officials are standing behind their response, telling WOFL-TV that "two wrongs don't make a right." Rich says she's being punished for following school policy, which calls on students to report any bullying they witness.

How can we expect students to come forward & take a stand against bullies when nothing is done to stop the bullying & they then become targets for punishment? Although the school says this is just one side of the story, it seems that if the bus driver or the school system had intervened, Rich would not have needed to take a stand. Post a comment & I will make sure your comments are forwarded to Lake County Schools communications officer Christopher Patton.

Bullying Part I: Why Do We Allow Kids to Bully Children Who Are Already in Pain?

Thought for the day: I made a one minute video for today's blog. It is a poem written by Lynn Frederick. If you are a parent, please share it with your children & speak with them about bullying. If you are a teacher consider sharing it with your classroom & start a discussion about bullying & how it hurts children who may already be suffering. If you ever bullied anyone, think about finding them & apologizing. It took 25 years for Lynn Frederick to share this with her classmates who were brought to tears & apologized (See the story in a Huffington Post article). It should not take 25 years to stop the epidemic of bullying. We must teach our children, parents, teachers & our broader communities to be caring & supportive of one another. To eliminate prejudice & bullying, we are all responsible for making respect & tolerance for differences a priority.

I hope this will help you ask & answer some difficult questions. Start the discussion. Please share this with parents, teachers, students & friends.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts & comments on this post & how it helped you open up this difficult, important discussion.

Cyberbullying Facebook App: Like or Ban?

No, YOU Don't! Help Ban EnemyGraph

Thought for the day: Last night I got an e-mail from my friend, Denise Restauri. She sent me a link to an article she wrote for Forbes, "New Facebook App: What Are You Waiting for? Go Make Some Enemies!". She reported on a new Facebook App which enables making lists of your enemies, People & things you "hate." I read it & was outraged. I commented, shared it on Facebook & LinkedIn, I Tweeted in protest, & Google+ed it. This morning, I woke up & I realized I needed to do more & I will need your help with this one. If you want to help stop Facebook from promoting this APP,  please comment here. I will forward all comments to Facebook directly.

Denise's article tries to be fair in it's presentation of the facts about EnemyGraph.com. The site was developed in Dean Terry’s research group at UT Dallas' Emerging Media + Communication program by graduate student, Bradley Griffith, with assistance from an undergraduate, Harrison Massey. They say they developed it because, “Most social networks attempt to connect people based on affinities: you like a certain band or film or sports team, I like them, therefore we should be friends. But people are also connected & motivated by things they dislike. Alliances are created, conversations are generated, friendships are stressed, stretched, &/or enhanced.” They see “EnemyGraph as a critique of Facebook's social philosophy.

Denise also reports that EnemyGraph may have some fun elements.  She notes that, if the app were to be used just to list things & places we hate, it might not be so bad. If you hate beer & join other beer haters, for instance. I agree with Denise, I'd rather make friends on positive connections, but joining together over hating beer isn’t harmful. Unfortunately an app like EnemyGraph will not stop there.  As Denise surmises, it will give "bullies & people with a sick sense of humor a great way to bully & attack.  It’s another example of “Absolutely nothing good can come of this.”

If the developers thought this was cute or funny, they need to think again. It's potential could be deadly. #Cyberbullying has already been a contributing factor in #depression, #schoolphobias, & even #suicides among teens. We do not need a Facebook app to encourage #bullying, #discrimination & #prejudice. I have spent my professional life using positive psychology to fight the fallout of #abuse & #bullying on the mental health of thousands of my clients. If you want to help stop this app, please comment below & I will forward all comments to Facebook. Thanks!

What Do You Get When You Combine Corporate Sponsors, NPOs, Academics, & Entrepreneurs?

Thought for today: It is amazing where dreams can lead if you allow yourself to keep an open mind to the opportunities that begin to open up as you move towards your dreams. Have you ever started moving towards a dream & found yourself involved in even even greater things than you imagined? 

When we would go on vacation with my father we never made hotel reservations. He loved to drive & have the freedom to adjust the trip so that he could stop to make side trips to unexpected destinations. This lead to something I'd call the psychology of unexpected discoveries. On one trip we drove across 4 of the western provinces of Canada. My father's lack of clear plans, at times lead to driving for hours until we found a motel room. On this trip, he assumed that there would be no problem finding a motel in Calgary, Alberta, since is was a large city. We arrived in Calgary around 9 PM. By 10 PM, with four tired kids & an exhausted driver he knew he was wrong. At a gas station he asked someone what was happening? It turned out that we had stumbled into town in the middle of the Calgary Stampede, the world's largest rodeo! There were no rooms at any hotel or motel in the city. Local residents had rented their homes months before the event & left town for the week. Somehow, my father convinced someone to let him rent a room in their home for the night. We slept on the floor & on couches. The next day we went to the rodeo & had one of those lifetime experiences you never forget. 

When you dream, it's important to leave room for these kinds of treasures, which happen even when you have mapped out your DPS (Dream Positioning System). Don't worry, there is always room for "recalculating" & your DPS will go on automatic pilot & take you to new adventures. Here's one of mine that just happened. These kinds of unexpected encounters leading to even larger dreams seem to keep happening since I began to work on my book. I'd love to hear how working towards a dream has led to even better things than you first imagined.

Last night, around midnight, I received an e-mail from Donnetta Campbell about the upcoming event I have been helping to organize & will be participating in next Thursday in Stamford, CT. My involvement began as part of my efforts to publicize my book & the NPOs involved in my book. Since then it has pulled me into far more powerful opportunities. At first glace the event, Wings of Change (http://www.yerwoodcenter.com/event/wings/), may appear to be just another benefit for a good cause. It is for a good cause, but it is more. The main benefactor is the Yerwood Center, an after school program in Stamford. The Yerwood Center is transforming Saks Fifth Avenue for a magical evening event 6-10 pm filled with Fashion, Art, Music, Dining, Auction & Dancing! There will be a tribute to Gene Wilder & other celebrity appearances (Joe Franklin, Kelly LeBrock). 

However, this event is much more. It is the culmination of cooperation between multiple nonprofit organizations, authors & visionaries on a mission to change the world. The day long event begins with a series of talks sponsored by corporations like GE, UBS, Barnes & Noble & Saks 5th Avenue. Topics to be covered during the day include: Learning about Mother Theresa as a CEO (Ruma Bose), Empowerment & Diversity (Gina Otto), The Value of a Woman (Joy Rose, Founder The Museum of Motherhood & Mamapollosa), Your Kids Diversity & Bullying (Wayne Soares), Would My Child Tell? (Jill Starishevsky), Wellness After Grief & Illness, & Raising Digital Kids (Digital Mom) to name a few.

In last night's e-mail an even larger picture emerged. I knew that there were plans for Donnetta Campbell's company, The Barnyard Group, to open office space in the Stamford Innovation Center. There will be an open house on Thursday from 4 to 6 PM to celebrate the new space & the new initiatives. What I did not know was the full scope of what will be happening in the Stamford Innovation Center.  

Here's what I learned about this part of the project:

  "(Stamford innovation Center is) a COMMUNITY… a team of individuals & organizations who are dedicated to helping our entrepreneurs succeed. To achieve this mission we have partnered with the City of Stamford, the State of Connecticut, & committed Corporate Sponsors. Together we will catalyze & grow the entrepreneurial ecosystem, engage the entire community, & build the critical mass needed for entrepreneurship to thrive.

  It is all about the relationships & network…

Investors (VC Firms, Angels, State Funds, Corporate Innovation Teams, Debt/Loan Providers…)

Customers (Corporate & Public Sector Customers, Gatekeepers to the Corporate Community…)

Experts (Educators, Experienced Entrepreneurs/Mentors, Industry Associations & Experts…)

Talent  (Exceptional students and a highly skilled workforce)

Service Providers (Attorneys, Accountants, Bankers, PR, Marketing, Web Design, Consultants…)"

What do you get when you combine corporate sponsors, NPOs, academics & entrepreneurs? You get the psychology of unexpected discoveries. You get innovation, opportunities, new ways to solve problems & change the world. I am excited to be part of this exciting development. I know it will lead to new dreams & ways of accomplishing dreams in multiple realms of business, nonprofit, & social entrepreneur endeavors. You can still become part of this exciting journey. Join me & other "wake up" dreamers to an opportunity to meet & learn from visionaries developing new ways to collaborate for social change! If you live in the NY, NJ or CT area, there is still time to RSVP for the free (but space is limited) workshops & open house & the gala evening event ($100 donation). For a schedule of the daytime events & to RSVP for either the workshops or the evening gala: www.yerwoodcenter.com/event/wings. For the Stamford Innovation Center's open house from 4 -6 please  RSVP here.

Please tell me know about your unexpected encounters on your way to your dreams. I'd love to hear about your adventures & discoveries on your dream journeys!