Part I Readers' Choice: Top 10 Posts of 2014: Country Music, Marital Therapy, Quotes & More

Thought for the Day: As the year draws to an end, I like to look back and see which posts have been viewed the most by my readers. Here are the #10, #9, #8, #7 and #6 most read posts of 2014 with a wide range of topics from psychology, inspiration, music, therapy and more. Click on the links below to read the posts:

#10 Saturday's Songs For The Soul:
"She Misses Him In Memory Of Tim Johnson, Hit Songwriter

# 9 Miraculous Mondays:
Can Our Marriage Be Repaired After An Affair?

# 8 Wednesday's Words Of Wisdom:
Carl Rogers And Dr. Barbara Lavi
On Optimism And Psychotherapy

# 7 Wednesday's Words Of Wisdom:
 Rebound Relationships And Brokenhearted Blindness

# 6 #FF Wonderful Weekend Review:
Fabulous Finds From Psychology, Art, Music, Quotes
& Comics Plus Delbert McClinton

Motivational Mondays: Bay Path College Empowering Women to Reach Their Dreams

Mothers Attaining Their Dreams Are Role Models for Their Children

Thought for the Day: Yesterday:  I had a post prepared for Sunday's Comic Strips, but was not pleased with it & too busy to find & prepare a better one. Sorry, but my activities also led me to change the post for today & the rest of the week. Last week I spent time at the Museum of Motherhood. I have several ideas for posts about studies from around the world that I learned about at the conference. Instead of Tuesday's Psychological Trivia Question & Thursday's Trivia Answer, I will share Trends in Psychology Research on Tuesday & Thursday instead. Today's Motivational Mondays post will focus on Bay Path College's Programs which empower women to achieve their professional dreams. Yesterday, I had the honor & privilege to attend a graduation ceremony for the Burlington Campus' One-Day-A-Week Saturday Program of Bay Path College in Burlington Massachusetts. (The larger more formal graduation will be held in two weeks for the entire college.) It was the second time I have attended one of these ceremonies & each time I have been impressed by the amazing work that they are doing. As a mother of one of the graduates, I know about & am extremely proud of my daughter's accomplishments, but the ceremony also gave me a glimpse into the achievements of all the graduates & the school. I'd like to share a few of the other graduates stories I heard yesterday.

The program at Bay Path is an intensive program which runs for 10 hours, one day a week. It is held on Saturdays enabling women to work & raise families while studying full time. Women can complete a BA in 1 to 3 1/2 years depending on the number of credits they bring from other institutions. Mandatory attendance, with strict limitations on the number of hours that can be missed for health issues, makes it extremely demanding. Many of the graduates are the first members of their families to graduate from college. There are many single mothers with friends, family & sitters caring for their children while their mothers disappear for the day. There are also married mothers with husbands manning the home-front while they pursue their educational dreams. Some of the graduates have failed in previous attempts to attend college.

One of the creative assignments all the graduates had to complete was to write a commencement speech describing what their educational experience at Bay Path meant to them. The staff was then forced to chose one graduate to present the commencement speech. They actually chose two. We only heard one, since one graduate's paper was too personal to share at the ceremony. The young woman who gave the commencement speech told of her transformation.  In her first attempt at higher education, she went from being a college student on an athletic scholarship to a college dropout feeling like a failure. With her self confidence in the gutter, she found the courage to volunteer in City Corps in Chicago for two years. As a volunteer, a 4th grader, who read at a kindergarten level, helped her discover her passion for teaching. The student told her that at home, he was one of ten children, but that with her one hour a day, he felt like one in a million. She came back to Boston & enrolled in Bay Path. As one of the younger students, she was anxious about how she would fit in with the older student body; however, she found the support of the mature student body & staff to be exceptional.  They helped her regain confidence in her ability to succeed.

The second student speaker, a leadership honoree, had a very different story to tell. She was one of the older graduates. Over the years, she had failed several times at attempts to go to college. Earlier in life, she tried to become a nurse twice. Later on, she realized she wanted to become a teacher. After over twenty years, not only was she completing her BA, but she also announced her determination to continue & complete her Masters in Education. She has become the loving brunt of her son's backhanded compliment when he tells his friends, "You are not too old to complete your education. If my mother can do it, anyone can." It was touching to see her husband, adult children & grandchildren in the audience cheering on her accomplishment.

The school added another creative touch to the ceremony. Each graduate was given a rose & surprised by the request to dedicate the rose to the person or persons who they were most grateful to as they complete this phase of their education. The heartfelt thanks were touching. One grad said she felt like they were at the Oscars. Many thanked their mothers or sisters, some mentioned that they were no longer with them, but watching over them. Others thanked their children, husbands, boyfriends & friends. They also shared gratitude to the school & their classmates. It was not the Oscars, but their accomplishments are more significant, they are all winners & role models to their families & women everywhere.

This program empowers women & mothers to reach for their dreams. As I proudly watched my grandchildren sharing in their mother's success (see photo above), it was an important reminder that mothers (& fathers) need to reach for their dreams as role models for their children. Since this was the topic I spoke about at the Museum of Motherhood, I felt this was a good program to highlight today. I hope it will help inspire you to pursue your dreams as well!

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Steve Seskin Hit Songwriter Making a Difference

Thought for the Day: I am enjoying finding great songs by songwriters that I have met & learned from. Today, I picked songs by Steve Seskin, a hit songwriter & amazing songwriting teacher from California. His songs have been covered & become number one hits by a variety of country artists. The subject matter that he has succeeded in conveying in the hits is often surprising for country music. He can make grown men cry. Don't Laugh at Me (Written by Steve Seskin & Allen Shamblin) was 1st a a country hit, by Mark Wills. Then, as a hit by Peter, Paul & Mary it became the centerpiece for the Don't Laugh At Me Operation Respect. All of the proceeds from the song go to programs in schools across the country to teach children to respect differences & prevent bullying. 
     The 1st time I heard the song, I Think About You, written by Steve Seskin & Don Schlitz, on a country radio station, I was surprised. It became a hit for Collin Raye. Pay attention to the words & you will see why. The third song, Use Mine, written by Steve Seskin & Lisa Drew, will pull at your heart strings as it weaves the story of a relationship between a father & his son. I'll Always Be There for You, the fourth song, written by Steve Seskin & Odie Blackmon, is heartfelt look at a very difficult decision for any woman & her family. Life's a Dance, which I did not include is another beautiful inspirational song. You may want to check it out as well. All of the clips are of Steve performing them live at house concerts.
     I hope you enjoy listening to the music of one of our nation's great songwriters. Next time you hear one of his songs on the radio, you will know who the man is behind the music.  Come back tomorrow for Sunday's Comic Strips taking a lighter look as psychology & on Monday for Motivational Mondays post about my experiences in Washington DC. Have a great weekend!

Throwback Thursdays: Updated Motivational Mondays: Better Than the Oscars Breaking News: Katy's Coming Home

Katy on Feb 25th 2013

Katy today!

Thought for the Day: On February 18th & 25th 2013, I reported on a 5 year old's journey to receive a heart transplant. (in case you missed the earlier posts, a link to the 1st post & the entire 2nd post are included below) Since then there have been ups & downs as Katy, the young rockstar adjusts to her new life with a healthy heart. She & her parents have spent several stays in the hospital adjusting medications & taken short trips. In a recent blog post Amiee, Katy's mother, wrote about a trip to Storyland in NH. In the past when they went somewhere, they felt they had to do everything they could, in case there might not be a next time. This year, they were able to say, we'll do it next year, knowing it will be possible. When I got the picture above, I thought you would likean update on Katy's progress. Rockstar Katy is back in her ballet costume taking classes at Catch the Funk Dance Studio. Here's what the dance studio wrote on their facebook page:  

SUMMER DANCE HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD!

INSPIRATION, DREAMS and LOTS OF LOVE have come together to bring you... KATY MURPHY RETURNS!

Yes, it's the return of the super-duper dancer-love-of-our-lives - KATY MURPHY!

As many of you may remember, Katy had been a dancer at Catch The FUNk in our 2012 recital/season - and she has always been AWESOME! Her heart was not so optimal...and she waited for a new one SO patiently (her parents/family too!).

SHE GOT THAT HEART and it's pumped her right back into the FUNk!!!! YAY for her, YAY for us and I wanted to deliver this happy ending to everyone at our studio!

Thought for the Day: Last week many people viewed the post about the March for Change & 5 year old Katy's heart transplant. Since so many people were interested, I decided to post an update on Katy's recovery. I had planned to post her parent's update from  February 21, 2013 (below), but while watching the Academy Awards, I heard even more exciting news than the Oscar winners achieving their dreams, so I changed the post a bit. Katy will be discharged tomorrow & the family's new normal will begin. I added yesterday's post from Aimee (Katy's mother) at the end of the earlier post. I know Katy is loving all the amazing photos cards she has received so I decided to change the intro to this post & add the good news that Katy will be coming home tomorrow.

It is inspiring to hear how Katy & her family are rising to the challenges they have been facing throughout Katy's life. We all can learn about the psychology of resilience from people who face adversity, find ways to cope & then support others by sharing their experiences.  It also can help other families struggling with the delicate balance of raising an emotionally healthy child despite the serious medical concerns they must face daily. If you have an inspiring story, I would love to hear it. If hearing about Katy & her family helps you with your challenges, it may help someone else with their issues. So feel free to comment & share this with people you know. Over the next year I will post updates from time to time here on my blog. Here is what Katy's parents posted on their website about what the future holds for Katy:

2/21/2013

It has been 1 week since Katy received a new heart. 5 plus years of waiting, endless moments of worry, tears, joys, sharing & friendships – 5 years of wondering what type of life we would have had “if things were different” & at times, what type of parents we would have been. There were times when out of necessity Katy’s illness defined the direction our family took, but if you’ve followed our journey, it never defined our lives. Now, that door is closed. Katy has her heart and the question of “when” has been answered.

And if the expression holds truth, now that one door has closed, which door will open?

Because so many have been on this journey for do long, there is some natural curiosity as to what happens next. And because of the outpouring of support, it seems impossible to allow any of Katy’s Rockstars (that’s all of you (those following the website)) to simply walk away from this page & from this story without knowing “What comes next?”

Katy

Below is the first of series of Q & A’s with Mike & Amiee. As the weeks & months pass, we’ll continue to share Katy’s story, & pictures of her thriving with her new heart.

Thank you all for the love, the prayers, & for sharing your joy with us over her miracle.

Q. When can Katy go home?
A. (See update below) Katy will leave the hospital sometime before Feb 26. The day Katy is discharged depends on when her first cath/biopsy is it could be as early as Monday the 25th or as late as Wed the 27th Katy will be discharged the following day.

Q. That seems soon! Does she just go home & get stronger?
A. It feels soon, but it’s under the care & management of her team & she must adhere to rigid protocol. When Katy returns home, she will return to a completely clean & virtually sterile environment. For the first 12 weeks after discharge, Katy will wear a mask every time she leaves the home or someone comes into the home outside of immediate family. She will be expected to make 2 visits weekly to the hospital & is expected to have upwards of 30 separate procedures including multiple echo cardiograms heart biopsies & catheterizations. Constantly watching for rejection. Drug therapy will be Katy will be coming home on 18 different meds & will be given 21 doses of meds per day. Katy's rejection meds will need to be monitored & levels checked twice weekly to ensure she is being given enough immunosuppressant to keep her body from rejecting her new heart.

Photo from Katy's friends from Dance School

Q. Are there risks with going home?
A. No. We will be able to control the germs in our home environment. Good hand washing is a MUST. We will be in our "bubble" until spring.

Q. Now that Katy has a heart, if she totally fine? Will she be able to do everything someone with a “regular” heart could do?
A. Katy is not totally fine... the first year will be long & we will constantly be watching for rejection. We as well as her team of doctors expect Katy to go on to live a full life. She is excited to head back to school and dance & even start soccer this year.

Q. Does the donor family know who received her heart? Can you thank them?
A. The donor family does not know who we are... I believe at six months although it may be 1 year we can write to the donor family to thank them & let them know about Katy & how thankful we are for their choice to donate during their grief. UNOS will then pass the letter on to the donor family & they may or may not choose to respond. We are absolutely open to meeting them & expressing our gratitude although I am not sure words will ever be able to describe how thankful we are & how we are grieving for them & their precious little one.

Katy's brother, Patrick

Q. How is your son?
A. Patrick is doing great. He is such an easy going wonderful little man. He is being spoiled rotten by his Auntie & grandparents & has handled this separation better than any of us could have hoped. We miss him like crazy... but think that this is better than the back & fourth we had originally planned.

Q. What are you most looking forward to?
A. I am most looking forward to finding our new normal. Mike & I whether we knew or not have been living in constant fear of losing our little girl for the last three years. That kind of fear takes it toll. We are looking forward to watching Katy grow & thrive & go to Kindergarten. We are looking forward to transitioning back to work, being a "normal" family. Sleep... sleep will be good!

*********
2/24/2013 from facebook:

Katy is doing great and I still can't believe we are looking at discharge on Tuesday. I know many of you want to know what we need and what you can do to help. I have updated the Be A Rock 4 Katy Amazon Wish List (its pretty boring... but all things we will need as we will now be full on germaphobes) Please do not ever feel obligated to purchase something your thoughts and prayers mean so much to us. Just thought I would share since it is impossible to answer each and every kind email and message. Thank you to all who have made a cash donation. It will be very helpful in getting us through the next few months. We love you and could not have done this without you. Much Love, The Murphys
 

http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/3GM8OD1DXI8N8/ref=cm_wl_rlist_go_o_T1-3_d?_encoding=UTF8&layout=standard&sort=date-added

In addition to the Amazon.com wishlist site, you can help the Murphy family using either of the ways below: http://www.giveforward.com/katyrockstarmurphy

& direct gifting to:
Be a Rock For Katy
The Savings Bank of Wakefield
357 Main Street
Wakefield, MA 01880

Join me on Wednesday for my What If? Wednesdays series where dreams can become possible.

Motivational Mondays: How to Heal Broken Hearts: Sandy Hook Promise & a 5 Year Old Heart Transplant Recipient

Katy (Rockstar) Murphy at Boston Children's Hospital

Thought for the Day: Last week on Valentine's Day I joined thousands of concerned citizens on a March for Change. I planned to write about my experiences at the rally today. It was a powerful day which brought tears & calls for action by parents & siblings whose hearts were broken by gun violence but whose spirit is unshaken. They vow to help make changes in gun laws to prevent events like those that happened two months ago in Newtown CT. In the interim, since Valentine's Day, I learned of another family's journey from a broken heart to hope & healing. I decided to tell both stories in this post with a request to support both endeavors to heal broken hearts.

      The first part of how to mend broken hearts began at the March for Change Rally in Hartford CT. The signs were powerful in & of themselves.  The one above sums up for me the most important reason to take a stand. Our constitution promises: "Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Happiness Life Comes First."  On the right, the poster reports that, "There have been 1,774 gun related deaths in the 2 months since the Sandy Hook Tragedy. "The third sign says, "Who in your life would have to die from gun violence before you would want to see gun laws change?"
     To see thousands of people, men, women & children from around CT  taking time on a Thursday morning to take a stand, many for the first time in their lives, against gun violence was encouraging. There were "Newtown Moms for Change" & children climbing on snowdrifts demanding change now & signs saying that, "Enough is enough."

      The speakers, however, brought home both the urgency & the challenge ahead of every citizen who backs the need for rational reform of the laws surrounding guns in our nation. Veronique Pozner, mother of Noah Posner, who at 6 years old was the youngest of the Sandy Hook shooting victims, told of how her young son would ask her questions that at times she did not know how to answer him. Her young philosopher asked, "If God created the universe, who created God?" This young child lost the opportunity to grow up with his twin sister & best friend who now fears she "will forget the sound of her brother's voice." His mother vows not to let people forget her son & to make sure laws are changed to help prevent losses like these from happening.

     Jillian Soto, sister of teacher Victoria Soto, who died protecting her students, also spoke of how proud her sister would be that she & others are taking a stand against gun violence. She forced back tears as she spoke of how she feels robbed of sharing a life full of Christmas mornings, weddings, births of children, the children she hopes to have not having cousins, or their aunt & not growing old with her sister who was her hero long before the tragedy. Jillian asked the audience "to think about the five most important people to you. What if you wrote those five names down on a piece of paper, handed it to me, and I crossed one of them out. How would that impact you?”
     Finally, we learned from our state officials, including Gov. Dannel Malloy, Republican Senate Minority Leader John McKinney who want to do what is right & make necessary reforms (tighter ban on assault-style weapons, a limit on high-capacity ammunition magazines & the creation of a universal background check system). However, those who want reform must speak up & contact their elected representatives. The gun lobby is sending one hundred letters to every one from those who want change. For our elected officials to do what they feel is right, they need to hear from those who want change. If your heart, like our country's heart has been broken by the increasing gun violence & you want to make changes, take a stand & speak up.
     The second story on how to mend a broken heart came to me from my daughter, Lee, via facebook. She asked me to share a post on my facebook page, since there are close to 1000 fans & hundreds of pages following my page. When I read about 5 year old Katy who has been waiting for over two years & living with a life threatening heart condition since she was born, I knew it was important to share. I offered to share it on twitter, facebook & my blog as soon as possible.  Here's what my daughter wrote:

Katy sitting up in the hospital after the operation

"Mom, I am wondering if you can share this link to give to Katy (Rockstar) Murphy on your Wake Up and Dream Challenge page? Katy is a 5 year old girl who received a new heart on 2/13/13 at Children's Hospital in Boston. Katy's mother, Amiee Sullivan Murphy, is a friend of mine from Bay Path College (where my daughter completed her BA & is completing her Master's Degree in an intensive program on Saturdays).  Both Aimiee & her husband have lost their jobs due to the demands that taking care of Katy has put on their time. There is a 30 day on-line fundraiser where people can help the family with medical expenses. No gift is too small, even if everyone gave $1 it would make a world of difference. On the fundraiser site there are links to Katy's Facebook group, the Murphy Family blog & the "Be A Rock For Katy" fund webpage where people can get more detailed info on Katy & her condition. It would mean a lot if you would be willing to post this on your page to try to get Katy's story out too as many people as possible. She truly is an amazing little girl."
To view a video from WHDH Channel 7 Boston about Katy click here:
http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/boston/10009857871897/girl-5-receives-heart-transplant-in-boston/

or  on WBZ TV Boston click here:
http://boston.cbslocal.com/2013/02/14/wakefield-girl-gets-heart-transplant-in-time-for-valentines-day/

I hope you will take action & help. We can all write & make calls to our elected officials to help prevent broken hearts. Any assistance you can give to Katy & her family will help her heal. (http://www.giveforward.com/katyrockstarmurphy) We cannot bring back the children who have lost their lives to gun violence, but we can help Katy have the life she & all children deserve. 

#FF 3 Gifts: Music, a Children's Book & Life Via Facebook

Thought for Today: It's Friday & time again for my fabulous finds. This week's finds are all gifts. The first brings the gift of heavenly sounds of music on the glass harp. My second find is of a giveaway offer of a children's book, Amazing Matilda, by Bette A. Stevens. Steven's book has synergy with my book & philosophy. It encourages children to overcome obstacles & reach for their dreams. Grab a free copy for children you wish to inspire! The third find tells the story of giving the gift of life to strangers via a facebook page. I hope you like these finds & share them with your friends & family.
        Yesterday, I took part in the March for Change Rally in Hartford & plan to share some of the motivational stories & experiences next Monday, so be sure to come back for my Motivational Monday post. If you have ideas or suggestions for my What If Wednesday posts, please share them with me. All comments are welcome!

1) It has always been amazing to me that musicians can make such awesome sounds from glasses of water. Both pieces are favorites of mine. Leonard Cohen's Halleluyah makes me appreciate life every time I hear it. This version is performed by a street musician. Thanks to Erica Joy on Google + for posting this:

Erica's post led me to wesley chun's (On Google +) suggestion of Tchaikovsky's Dance Of the Sugar Plum Fairy (a piece I listened to & danced to over & over again as a child) is performed by The GlassDuo of Anna & Arkadiusz Szafraniec. They are the only glass music group in Poland, one of few professional ensembles worldwide.

2) My second fabulous find is a new children's book, Amazing Matilda, by a facebook author friend of mine, Bette A. Stevens.  It reached #59 in Amazon's top 100 children's books & #4 in the top 100 butterfly books in the Kindle Store. Amazing Matilda does for children, what The Wake Up and Dream Challenge does for adults. It inspires kids to meet challenges with patience & persistence. The heroine of the book, Matilda, becomes discouraged when she is unable to fly during the early stages of her metamorphosis. But, Matilda never gives up on her dream. To see a lovely short video about the book click the video on the below.

You can get a copy for FREE from February 17 -19 on Kindle: http://publicatuebook.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/promotion-on-february/

3) My third fabulous find is a story by Shakthi Jothianandan on Huffington Post about how one person, Leah Hostalet & a facebook page, Find a Kidney Central, have helped save 38 lives. Her efforts are giving hope & support to countless others dealing with kidney failure:  http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20673541,00.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl27|sec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D270690.  "Everyone who is in need is so supportive of one another," says Hostalet, "The community feel to the page brings me such joy." 

Have a wonderful long weekend!

 

Motivational Mondays: How to Avoid Valentine's Day Blues

Thought for the Day: Whether you have a Valentine or not, many people struggle with Valentine's Day blues. Jon Stewart used this fact to poke fun when he said, "Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone." Today's post will offer some ways to avoid the depressive symptoms that may arise when things are not going the way you hoped for on Valentine's Day. As a psychologist, I have helped clients deal with all the challenges of relationships. Personally, after going through a divorce many years ago, I gave a lot of thought to the challenges of being single & meeting partners in a world filled with couples. Today, I am sharing some of the insights I learned over the years to keep from letting Valentine's Day get you down. As always, I'd like to hear your reactions, stories & comments. I'd especially love to hear about your worst & best Valentine's Day experiences.

     Sixteen years ago, I could have had a bad case of Valentine's Blues. I had been single for about a year and a half. In addition to my psychology practice, single parenting, writing songs, & dancing as exercise & social networking, I ran a small business helping single dancers find partners. The dance business was a pre-internet based resource for dancers. Although I did not run dances, I decided to try to co-sponsor a dance in NYC on Valentine's Day. In 1977, it fell on the Friday before President's Day. When plans to meet a friend from Texas fell through due to a winter storm warning, I had no other plans for my Big Apple escape. Therefore, I had a long weekend ahead with just the Friday night event. I was staying at my brother & sister-in-law's in Soho, but they were leaving the city Saturday morning.
      The dance Friday night was disappointing & I was beginning to feel a bit down on Saturday morning. However,  I vowed to take advantage of a weekend in the city that never sleeps & not to slip into the Valentine blues. I searched the Village Voice & the New York Times for activities. I chose a number of things that I knew would make it an enjoyable weekend. I had a massage in Chinatown, lunch in Soho, & a matinee of the movie Shine (see video clip from the Oscar winning performance by Geoffrey Rush), at the Angelica Film Center. I picked up dinner at one of the grocers near Greene Street & ate at my brother's loft. For the evening, I chose a Beau Soleil concert at Tramps (which closed in 2001). Since the band plays Cajun dance music, (in 1986 they were featured in the movie, The Big Easy) I hoped I would be able to dance. Just in case, I did not get to dance, I chose a late ballroom dance event for after the concert.

My daytime activities were great. When the evening started, I was not sure I had picked well. I was seated at a small table with an unhappily married woman who confided that she was on a blind date. Her date's muscular tattooed body was a bit intimidating. However, I like Cajun music & even had a tape of a song I co-wrote called, The Zydeco Swing, in my purse. I was hoping I would find a way to get the tape to Michael Doucet, the leader of the band (They played backup for Mary Chapin Carpenter on the crossover country hit, Down at the Twist & Shout). My table mate asked me to join her on the dance floor since she was a bit uncomfortable with her escort! On the floor, we stood near a small group of friends, 2 men in wheel chairs with their girl friends & their friend, Jerry, who was there without a date. Jerry & I began talking & dancing. He was a NYC special education teacher & a good dancer (I later learned that he had never done Cajun dancing & simply picked up the 2-step naturally that night.).  One of Jerry's friends, Mark, was a DJ for a small Long Island folk & blues radio program. Mark was lined up to interview Michael Doucet, during the band's break! Jerry asked him & Mark agreed to give my tape to the band leader! Jerry & I stayed for the 2nd set after his friends left. After the concert, Jerry walked me back to Soho where we had a 3 AM breakfast at Lucky Strike. Little did we know it was our lucky strike & we have been together ever since.

So, what are the lessons you can learn from my Valentine's Day experience. I was lucky, but the lessons apply whether you meet someone or not. If you are single, often you will meet someone when you least expect it. Here are some tips: 1) Make plans to do things you enjoy. Whatever happens, if you choose well, you will have a great time. You are also more likely to meet people with similar interests.
2) Speak with both men & women. Meeting new friends is always helpful. Having friends to go out to events with when you do not have a date, can be a huge asset. They may have, siblings, cousins or friends for you to meet. If you like them, you may like their friends as well.
3) Don't be afraid to go by yourself to events. Celebrate your freedom to do whatever you feel like doing without having to consider anyone else. You can meet someone anywhere & when you are alone, you are more likely to speak with & be open to meeting new people. Choose events where people might interact, museum talks, dances, or a class.
4) This year it's easy to find a dance. All week you can sign up for One Billion Rising to raise awareness & stop violence against women. Events are happening all over the world (see my #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds post for details). Women & men, who care about women, will be dancing all week!
5) Starbucks has offered a buy one get one free coupon till 2/14/2013. Get a coupon & offer to share it with someone at Starbucks. You never know who you might meet over a free cup of coffee!

Use this as an opportunity to repair things

If you are in a relationship, Valentine's Day holds different challenges. If you are getting along, the biggest danger lies in disappointments due to unspoken expectations. Take some time to talk about & plan your Valentine's Day. Do you hope for gifts or cards as part of your holiday? Do you want to be surprised or will you be disappointed if your partner's plans are less than you expect. No matter how long you have been together, your partner cannot read your mind. Take some time to discuss what you want your plans to include.

If your relationship has been rocky over the last few months, Valentine's Day can be even more challenging. However, it can also be an opportunity for a peace offering. Write a heartfelt letter expressing your wish to improve your relationship starting with Valentine's Day. Plan a getaway & surprise your partner. Visit the place you met or frequented when you were dating.

Now it's your turn please share your best &/or worst Valentine's Day stories.  Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Motivational Mondays: America the Beautiful Bringing Hope to America, New Orleans, & Newtown

Thought for the Day: Since I only started this series last week with the post Manic Mondays, I decided to take one of my followers suggestions. Instead of Manic Mondays, Monday's posts will be either Motivational Mondays or Milestone Mondays. Motivational Mondays will offer tips to reduce stress & start the week on a positive start. Milestone Monday posts will discuss important events or holidays that happen on that week. I will post great photos that I find like the stunning one above by +Ken Ohsawa from G+ as well. You can check his profile out on Google+.

This week, I had planned on writing tips on stress management. However,  when I opened my computer & saw the video above of Jennifer Hudson and children from the Sandy Hook Elementary School singing America the Beautiful at the opening of the Super Bowl yesterday, I changed my mind.

First, I have a confession to make. I did not watch the beginning of the Super Bowl. I am not an avid football fan, therefore, I was driving when the Super Bowl began. I watched later in the game, saw some amazing touch downs, Beyonce's extravaganza at half time, the black out & the rest of the game. While watching, I was working on the Motivational Mondays photo & began to organize my thoughts for today's post.

This morning when I saw this video, I realized that I missed the best part of the Super Bowl. It was inspiring to see the players moved by the song as they swayed, some with their hands over their hearts or on a child's shoulder & sang along. It was even more powerful to know how much having the Super Bowl in New Orleans was helping a city still overcoming the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. Whether you missed this powerful rendition of America the Beautiful, which represents the resilience of a nation coming together & rebuilding, or if you saw it yesterday, it is worth watching again to motivate you this Monday morning. It was a major dose of positive psychology for a nation in need of recovery. I applaud the producers of the Super Bowl for making such an inspiring statement. Hopefully, it will help us to remain focused on the conversations that need to happen that will lead to reform & creative solutions to the problems that face our great nation (see my earlier posts: Dear Mr. President: Help Us Make Right Something So Wrong, Five Ways to Give Meaning to a Blue Christmas, & What If? Wednesday).

Last week I used the song Manic Monday by the Bangles to give you some suggestions of ways to weave your dreams into your week staring on your 1st coffee break. How did you do with that assignment? Did you discover a dream that you want to start working toward? Spend some time on your coffee break to revisit your dream & see whether you have been making room for it over the last week. I'd love to hear how you are doing with the assignment!

Have a wonderful week!

What If? Wednesday: What if Life Was...

Thought for the Day: It is Wednesday again so it is time for What If? Wednesday. I hope this short video (a little over a minute) will make you think about life & how you are spending your time. I had some fun adding music & hope it will not bother you, just turn the sound off, if you can't listen in. Both personally & professionally, as a psychologist, I have always wanted to live life without regrets & encourage my clients to do the same. Would you do things differently if...

Remember, I will post the best comment, photo response or video that you share with me on my blog once a month. Feel free to e-mail me photos or video comments (DrBarbaraLavi@aol.com) You can post an answer to something I have brought up or your own thoughts or questions. So get creative & share your thoughts on what you might do if....

Fiscal Cliff Versus Mental Health Educational Cliff

Thought for the day: As the country struggles with the tragedy in Newtown CT the debate about the fiscal cliff has been pushed to the background. One can only hope that the events will keep the physical & emotional health & well-being of our children in the foreground. Hopefully we will all take a long hard look at how well we are doing in caring for the mentally ill in our society. Are we teaching our children to treat one another with respect & without prejudice? Are we jeopardizing the safety of our children while protecting adults' rights to bear arms? Were our forefathers expecting people to carry semi-automatic guns?

We cannot bring back the innocent lives lost, but we can take action to try to prevent similar attacks from occurring. On Sunday I saw a play called Falling in NYC. It is a powerful depiction of the complex issues a family is forced to deal with while raising an 18 year old son who is on the spectrum of autism. Although each child suffering from severe autism to mild asperger's syndrom is different, they raise serious questions which were even more striking in light of the Newtown tragedy. What happens to children when they "age out" of the system & families cannot find appropriate supervised living situations? The facts surrounding the shooter's history & his diagnosis are not clear yet, however, this is not the first time that someone who was potentially dangerous slipped through the cracks & caused senseless loss of life. Today, a Huffington Post article raised the question: Did Fear Of Being Committed Lead To Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting?  If you are near NYC, I urge you to see the play, Falling, before it closes at the end of this month to understand the struggles of raising a disturbed adult in a society that does not have enough adequate resources to help them.

Schools across the country are also struggling with budgetary cuts & focusing on academic achievement while neglecting social & emotional health issues. Our children are dealing with bullying & prejudice (I have written extensively in previous posts about bullying in our schools.) which can lead to disgruntled angry responses among children who become loners & outcasts among their peers. All too often school systems ignore or deny the existence of bullying or they have one time programs to remedy the problems. Short term interventions following the suicide of a bullied student or death of a student due to drunken driving, is not enough to combat the problems facing our children. Parents need to advocate for ongoing comprehensive programs that work with both the bullies and the children who have been the targets of bullies. 

Merchants, film makers & television producers must also strive to use restraint & self-censorship when it comes to the marketing of violent video games, movies & TV shows. Do our children need to be encouraged to shoot realistic targets with high powered video rifles? Psychological research documents the negative effects of such games & movies on normal children.  Aimee Tompkins summarized The Psychological Effects of Violent  Media on Children  ironically, on December 14, 2003 & found that: "The American Psychological Association says there are three major effects of watching violence in the media (i.e.: video games/television) children may become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, children may be more fearful of the world around them, and children may be more likely to behave in aggressive or hurtful ways toward others." The impact on the mentally ill child or adult is simply multiplied. As parents & responsible citizens, let the game manufacturers & media know that you want them to curtail & discontinue such games & reduce the amount of explicit violence in the media.

The Huffington Post report this morning that Walmart Guns Out Of Stock Following Newtown Massacre is extremely disturbing. How many more homes will now have weapons within reach of children & potentially violent disturbed individuals? We must make sure that our representatives in Washington take this alarming trend to stockpile weapons in their deliberations. Yesterday, a client told me that at gun ranges there are lockers to store arms. Perhaps that is a way to keep them away from the hands of those who could use them to do harm. 

It seems like years ago, but on November 2nd I wrote a Post called: Whether the Glass is 1/2 Empty or Half Full, Make the Most With What You Have Left. Today, I am writing about what to do when the glass is shattered. The glass was shattered last Friday & we are all struggling to glue the pieces back together & find our way back to sanity to regain trust in our society's ability to protect our rights for life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.  

These are not easy problems to resolve. They are complex & the solutions will not be quick or easy; however we must make sure they are addressed & that the discussions continue when the media stops reporting about the tragedy. Although our hearts are heavy this holiday season, I encourage you to continue to dream of & work for "Peace on earth, good will toward men." Regardless of your religious affiliation, we all need & can be inspired by the words & music which have additional significance this year. I will never think of the song Rock of Ages in the same way as when I heard the words this year that say: "And your strength broke their swords, when our own strength failed us." Although we may feel that alone our strength may fail us, together, we must find strength to believe in miracles & take action to make them happen. By voicing our concerns & searching for creative solutions to the challenges we face, out of this tragedy, may we find the strength to build a better safer world.

Please share your comments, thoughts & ideas of ways to work together to solve these challenges.

What Would You Do If Now Was Your Last Chance?

Photo by Fungole (Tumblr)

Thought for the Day: Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory... Author unknown

Why don't we realize the value of some moments until they become memories? What memories have you realized weeks, months or years later were precious?

What would you do if NOW was your last chance to do something that was important to you? What would it be? Would you tell someone how important they are to you? Would you say the words, "I love you," that you have been trying to say, but couldn't? Would you get up the courage to ask someone out or propose marriage? Would you give notice at an unsatisfying job? Would you start a business, write a book, learn to dance?

Whatever keeps us from speaking up or making the changes we have been considering may be the same thing that leads to our not realizing how precious some moments in our lives are until they become memories. In order to live our lives, we act as if we have limitless time. If we constantly reminded ourselves that we are not invincible, we would be anxious & worried about the end of our lives. Therefore, we often take people & things in our lives for granted. We become complacent about our dreams & put off saying & doing things as if we have all the time in the world. Instead, we plan for special moments in our lives, like weddings, child namings, & graduations. We hire photographers to keep a record of these events. However, it is often the unplanned, spontaneous moments that occur in the middle of our busy lives that we only appreciate after the fact, when we lose the opportunity to do it again. Perhaps the ease of taking photos on our phones & posting them on social media will help us pay attention to the precious moments of everyday life.

However, just taking pictures to document the memories will not solve the problem. Even though we may never totally appreciate every important moment, I have some ideas about how to pay attention to more of them. If we dream as if we will live forever, but plan as if there is no tomorrow, it will force us to pay attention to NOW. It will help us push ourselves to start moving towards our dreams & encourages us to use & appreciate our time NOW more wisely.

 As you start this week, take time for NOW! Pay attention to the moments & do the things you would do if it was your last chance to do them.

What would you do if NOW was your last chance? I'd love to hear what you would do.

Dreams On Wheels Part III: Olympic Dreams

Dreams On Wheels 2012 Tour Route

Thought for the Day: As I prepare to start my Dreams on Wheels 2012 tour tomorrow, the Olympics are in full swing. When I began planning the tour, I did not realize that the Olympics would coincide with my trip. I regret that my TV viewing time, as well as my time for writing blog posts about the stories of the athletes, is limited, since I love the Olympics. In particular, I find the stories of the athletes' overcoming adversity inspiring. Olympic athletes are true 'wake up dreamers.' They can inspire us all to push ourselves & reach our own personal best.

Triumph

Jordyn Wieber Tears

Often their dreams to attend the Olympics start when they are children. Their parents enroll them in a sport and they discover their passion. Many children dream of becoming a world class athletes, but to make it to the Olympics they must train diligently for many years before they are old enough to qualify. Years of early morning practices,  countless competitions, wins and losses, triumphs and failures, as well as tears of joy & tears of disappointment, mark the journey towards their dreams. It takes talent,  perseverance, and passion to make it to their Olympic dreams. There are many obstacles that get in the way. The newscasts are filled with tales of bouts with injuries, cancer, loss of loved ones, financial hardships that could easily stop many people from continuing on the path to their dreams. When they overcome adversity and reach the Olympics the achievement is even sweeter. Winning is glorious, but just being among the world's greatest athletes should be enough to make every Olympian proud.

Athletics lend themselves to quantifiable tasks which can be measured by numbers of repetitions and the results can also be easily measured. In life not all dreams are as easy to map out and measure. However, when you chart out your dreams, you can find ways to measure and assess your progress.  'Wake up dreams' using the Dream Positioning System, can help you map your way to your dreams. Listen carefully to the stories of the athletes. Let them inspire you to start moving towards your dreams.

No 'wake up dream' is too small or too lofty to aspire to reach. Tomorrow I will be starting the Dreams On Wheels 2012 book tour, celebrating dreams & dreamers, the release of my new e-book versions on Amazon.com, The Wake Up and Dream Challenge, benefiting 21 dream nonprofit organizations helping people overcome adversity and reach their dreams. I will be visiting with three of the charities benefiting from my book, Boaz & Ruth, Elimination of Prejudice & Menorah Park. I will tell you more about them in subsequent posts.

Dreams On Wheels is also a traveling positive psychology research project complete with a Dream Team of interns conducting & filming interviews with people along the route, in NYC, Philadelphia, Washington DC & more. I was into positive psychology long before it had an official name & hope to discover how Americans' dreams are faring in these tough financial times. The tour & clips from the interviews can be followed live & on multiple social media sites.

I hope you will make some time while you are watching the Olympics to visit my blog & facebook page to hear how people along the way are meeting the challenges of today's world as they move towards their dreams.