Throwback Thursday: Sandy Hook Revisited: Where Were You Last December 14?

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Thought for the Day: As I mentioned, I have a new Dream Team of Interns helping me this summer. As I begin training them in the various tasks connected to my social media & event planning for my book, I have had them read my blog. I asked for their Input. They suggested Throwback Tuesdays & Thursdays as a way to showcase some of my past posts & revisit some of the events that I have written about before. Claire Freeman, my Human Resource Intern, who is also a psychology student, offered to write a piece for today. I was going to re-post one of my stories as well. When she said she had some personal experiences, which she could share, I encouraged her to write it. It was not until later that day when she forwarded me her story, that I understood why she had volunteered. Although I edited it, this is her story & I think you will appreciate it. I am fortunate to have Claire as a member of my Dream Team. Her sensitivity & concern for her camper & his family shine through. Here’s her guest post:

It was 2 PM on just another Friday afternoon In December. My hardest final was four hours away. Before making the trek from my dorm to a conference room to study for finals, I got a text from one of my friends. She wrote, "My school is in a lock down. I don't know what happened, but I'm okay." I brushed this off, thinking a lock down was not a big deal since at my high school lock down drills were routine. I met my friends, plugged headphones into my computer, & started studying. My only worry was how hard It would be to ace my research methods exam.

At around 3:30, I took a break. I opened Facebook to find a frantic message from my friend, "An armed man has opened fire in a classroom at the Sandy Hook Elementary School!" She & I had worked together at a day camp in Redding, CT for the past 4 years. My friend was in lock down at Newtown High School where she is a student. She also forwarded a link to a news website.  I watched in horror as one of my campers described what had happened on a news clip. I began counting how many of my campers went to Sandy Hook Elementary School. I asked my friend if they were okay.  My heart sank when she wrote back, "All but one are accounted for."  That camper was the son of one of the camp staff. His mother was the music & drama counselor. Not only was she was like a mother to all the campers, but she was also a maternal figure for the counselors. As the anxiety-filled hours crept by, I could not concentrate on my studies. At about 5:30, my friend sent me a three-word text, “He passed away.” In disbelief, I stared in shock at the words. I could not move.  

Somehow I forced myself to take my exam & drove home, but I could not keep my mind off my camper, their family, & the other victims. The next month felt like a bad dream. My fellow counselors & I met at one of the schools in Newtown to discuss what we could do for the family. Over the next few weeks we met, talked, went to vigils & attended our camper’s funeral. Driving through the center of Newtown was eerie. The sidewalks were lined with flowers & teddy bear memorials. This small quaint town was filled with camera crews & news teams from across the country & around the world. The entire town was in shock & mourning.

It has been six months since December 14^th 2012. Camera crews have packed up & gone home. A stoic kind of a peace, or should I say a new normalcy, has been restored to Newtown. People go on with their day-to-day activities. There are soccer games, dance recitals & school graduations, but the events of 12/14 are still in the back of everyone's minds. The town has not really moved on, they are just trying to cope with what happened. Life goes on for me as well, but it has changed me. I still think about him & that day, which made me want to write about it on Dr. Lavi's blog.  Gun control has become a prominent issue, however this is not what I choose to focus on. Instead I want to keep my camper's memory alive. Although I will never forget this tragic day, I want to always remember how he thrived in life. He was such a sweet, energetic little boy who loved to sing Beatles' songs. He always made everyone smile & laugh. I hope you too will always remember the 14^th of December. When you do, take a moment, hug your loved ones & remind yourself to live every moment to the fullest.

*Photo http://www.flickr.com/photos/luchilu/2090288372/

Thursday's Time to Reflect: When All the Bad News Brings You Down

Thought for the day: The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. - Unknown
The try-angle approach to problem solving must be followed by the Try-Try-Again-Angle.
- Dr. Barbara Lavi When 'wake up' dreamers are given lemons in life, they dream anyway, but they too must confront their feelings of discouragement. Here's my reflection on how to deal with the impact of all the bad news we are inundated with of late.

When current events begin to get me down, I try to find a way to 1st make some sense of what has transpired. I write about it, find lessons to take away from what has happened. I don't just make lemonade, as I wrote in a previous post, I open a store. I also try my best to keep structure in my life & adhere to routines. I have been working hard to deal with the events following the Boston Marathon Bombings, as my posts for the past week plus, have shown. I hope they have been helpful to all who have read them. Today would have been scheduled to be Thursday's Trivia Answer to a Tuesday's Psychological Trivia post, however, I have been playing catch up all week. There was no trivia question last Tuesday. I'm finding myself in a more serious mood. I usually have no trouble finding something to write about, but today, I am at a loss & I think I know why.

The magnitude of the events in Boston, the explosion in Texas & now fires blazing in Alabama are simply difficult to handle. This has been an exceptionally hard year for us all. It began with Hurricane Sandy & was followed by the Sandy Hook Tragedy. In times like these we all, psychologists & healers included, must take some time to reflect. Ironically, not having a trivia question to answer forced me to stop.

Yesterday, one of my readers commented on my post Wednesday's Words of Wisdom on whether schools should be helping children learn to act according to obedience or follow their conscience when there is a moral conflict. Here's what the reader wrote & how I responded:

 

Clayton ThomasApril 24, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Although I agree with your sentiment, I just can't see how this going to happen in the public school setting. There has been a lot of backwards thinking for so long; I find it hard to believe that they are going to change very much despite this or any other tragedy.

 

Barbara LaviApril 24, 2013 at 3:03 PM

 

Thanks for commenting Clayton. I agree that it will be hard to get public schools to change, but parents need to let their school systems know that it is important to them. Speak with your PTA about the need to address these issues. It is worth it for the future of our world. 

I am not a Pollyanna, I know that all change takes time & hard work. When people came to me in Boston discouraged that things will simply never change, I encouraged them to remember the changes that have transpired in the not so distant past. It took years, but the United States withdrew from the Viet Nam War due to continued protests by the people. Mothers Against Drunk Driving have changed the laws surrounding drunk driving & have made a difference. The Berlin Wall came down. Segregation was outlawed in our country. The brave people who fought for these & other causes were discouraged, but they took the time & made a difference. Sometimes, we need to let the feelings of discouragement get to us, take the time to reflect, regroup & discover the ways we can make changes happen to improve the plight of our troubled world. 

What do you do when you feel discouraged? Has all the bad news made you feel fatalistic? What has helped you when you have felt this way?

 

When Bad Things Happen to Children: Helping Children Process Traumatic Events

As Children in Newtown Return to School a New Children's Book to Help Parents, Teachers & Children

Thought for the Day: Those of you following my blog know that I have been working with families in Connecticut impacted by both Hurricane Sandy & the tragedy at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown CT. I have appeared on radio shows (Sandy Hook on Dec. 17, 2012 on The Bachelor Pad & Hurricane Sandy on 11/21/2012 live on "Paying It Forward" with Josephine Geraci) in response to questions about how parents can help their children deal with traumatic events. It is an area of expertise that I have had throughout my career & use whenever the need arises. It is important for us to remember that we all have been impacted. Even those of us who do not live in Newtown, or on the east coast where Hurricane Sandy left devastation in her path, have been traumatized by these events. Television & newspapers bring the images home instantaneously. Teachers & parents have been crying around the nation (& around the world) in reaction to the attack in Newtown (The memorial pictures are heartbreaking). Children, even when we try to shield them from the news, see & hear things about these events & need the help & guidance from the adults who care for them. Our lives go on & we are surely not as effected as those directly harmed by the tragedies, but it helps to talk about our feelings & help children know that we will do whatever we can to keep them safe. I hope you will download the book & use it as a way to start these difficult but important conversations with your children. The book offers some ways to take action with your children & feel more in control as well. Here is a press release about the book, When Bad Things Happen to Children. Please share this with parents, teachers & counselors who could use it with the children in their care.
      As always, I would love to hear your thoughts & reactions to this post. If you use the book with your children, please share some of the discussions & art work that it inspires.

Press Release:

-->Dr. Barbara Lavi, psychologist and trauma specialist, offers free e-book, When Bad Things Happen to Children, in response to the Tragedy at Sandy Hook ElementarySchool   

        Responding to the pressing need to help their children across the country cope with the news of the tragedy at the Sandy Hook Elementary School, Dr. Barbara Lavi and Lee Delzingo prepared a children’s book, When Bad Things Happen to Children. The book is available to download for free at: www.WakeUpAndDreamChallenge.com 

         Dr. Lavi, licensed psychologist, author and trauma expert has been helping families deal with trauma for many years. She reports that she began as, “a Master’s student in clinical child psychology while living in Israel during the Yom Kippur.” When the tragedy occurred in Connecticut, she knew parents and children would need help She has appeared on talk shows and worked with clients in Connecticut. Since the event targeted children, as an author and a psychologist, “I felt compelled to write a book to help as quickly as possible.”

          The book was written in collaboration with her daughter, Lee Delzingo. Since Lee is completing her Master’s degree in Special Education, works in an elementary school, and is the mother of a 7 year-old daughter and 10 year-old son, Dr. Lavi asked her to help with the project. Some of the touching conversations Lee had with her children have been included in this book.

        The book, a series of verses in a poem, is geared towards elementary school children. It was designed for parents, teachers and counselors to read with children. Since talking about traumatic events helps process them, it can be used as a tool to help start conversations about the recent tragedy. Parents and teachers may choose to work on it one verse at a time over several days. Adults can set the pace they feel is appropriate for the age and maturity level of the specific children they are helping. There is blank space on every page where children can be encouraged to write and/or draw to express their thoughts and feelings about what has transpired.

        Parents are encouraged to read through the entire poem and the annotated Parents’ & Teachers’ Guide before reading it with children. If any of the verses do not seem suited to a child, the adult can leave them out. As adults read the book with children, they can decide which verses to share. There is also a list of additional resources to help children understand and cope with death and loss.

          Dr. Lavi and Lee Delzingo hope this will help parents and educators deal with the difficult task of helping children cope with the most recent traumatic event and other trauma as well. They encourage readers to share it with family, friends and other educators.

Dr. Lavi can be contacted via her website: www.WakeUpAndDreamChallenge.com