Friday's Fabulous Finds: Downside of Being a Good Dad, Diet Myths, 60's Protest Photos, & Sleep Habits of History's Great Minds

Click to go to the Flipboard  Magazine

Thought for the Day: Today's Fabulous Finds are a mixed bag which includes a long, but interesting commentary on the downsides of being a good father from Esquire Magazine. In addition there are some last minute printable Father's Day Gifts from Moms and Munchkins, Interesting 60's protest photographs from The Telegraph, some diet myths which may change your food choices from a blog called: Healthy Fat Burning Foods For You and the sleep habits of history's greatest minds. I hope you like this Flipboard magazine. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Does the Pursuit of Happiness Lead to Unhappiness?

Thought for the Day: Today's Words of Wisdom came from answering a question on HealthTap. The question was: Do any docs think the pursuit of happiness brings about unhappiness? For those of you new to my blog, on HealthTap responses to questions are limited to 400 characters. Given the broad nature of the question, this one was challenging, but it lead me to create the quote you see in the image above: 

"The pursuit of happiness does not lead to unhappiness. The pursuit of unrealistic expectations leads to unhappiness."

Here's how I put it in 400 characters...

Sunday's Comic Strips: Technology's Impact on Humanity

Thought for the Day: Here are a few comics which offer commentary on technology's impact on humanity. Hope you enjoy them. I found them all on google+. Thanks to +Rahul mina, +Little Fun ,
+AnGeLo BeAu  +Florina Ciurea & +Frank Majidi from G+ community Funny Technology.

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Work Life Balance, Brain Fitness, #1 Issue Couples Argue About, the Truth about"After" Weight Loss & Peaceful Photos

Thought for the Day: Today's #FF Fabulous Finds include an article that questions why it is so hard to be a working mom in our country and what you can do about it, ways to keep your brain fit, the #1 issue couples argue about, photos that can help you relax and reduce stress, and the truth about "after" significant weight loss. I hope you will read on and enjoy this week's Flipboard magazine of fabulous finds over a wonderful weekend!

Motivational Mondays: Tabitha's Wish and A Video Everyone Should See

Thought for the Day: I have two motivational pieces for today. One is an example of how social media can do good and the other on how important it is to "Look Up" from your phone and computers. The 1st story cam to me via a message from a facebook fan. Duncan K McLindon had left me a note some time ago. His message went unnoticed  since he had posted it on a Facebook page for my psychology practice, ACT Now Psychotherapy.  An intern created the page, but until about a week ago I had not posted anything there. I post regularly on a facebook fan page for  my book, but simply never made time for the other page. Last week, I posted how a 3 year old can teach us about philanthropy. When I read Duncan's message, I was moved and wrote back that I would share his 12 year old daughter Tabitha's story today.  It is yet another story of what children can teach us.
     My plan was just to share Duncan's story, but today I saw another post of a video which we all need to see and share with everyone we know. It has been viewed on YouTube by over 13 million people, so it is clearly a powerful video. I hope you will read on, see both sides of the equation and share it with people you know and care about. On the one hand, social media can enhance our lives. However, on the other hand, too much of a good thing can detract from our lives.  

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Is Facebook Becoming an Anti-Social Cash Cow?

Thought for the Day: Today's Words of Wisdom are my thoughts related to Facebook and social networking. What made Facebook an exciting "social" phenomenon for me as a psychologist was that it was an easy, grassroots way to communicate with friends, family and fans. I believe in using social media for social good and facebook is making it increasingly difficult to do so. Lately however, I have been questioning whether it is worth posting anything on my facebook page. If anything, my posts have become more sophisticated with better graphics and content over the years. However, although I have over 1200 fans, unless I pay to boost posts, only 4 - 12 fans see them at all. 

The change happened gradually over the last few months. In the past, 80 -150 fans would see an average post depending on the content, day of the week and the time of day it was posted. Lately, only 4 or 12 fans actually see a post. It is clear that Facebook is trying to get fan page owners to pay for exposure. When I run an event or am speaking on the radio, I am happy to pay to boost a post, however, it feels unfortunate that people who have chosen to follow my page do not even see my regular daily updates which I work hard to make informative and helpful. Frankly, it is becoming an "anti-social" social networking site!

Motivational Mondays: Adoption: If You Can't Say Something Nice Keep Your Thoughts To Yourself

From Facebook

Thought for the Day: I'm not sure if today's post is motivational or simply educational, but yesterday I saw a series of photos on Huffington Post which really upset me. As a psychologist over the years I have worked with children, adults and parents struggling with the issues related to adoption. It is one of the most complex issues that takes parents and children a lifetime to resolve. At each milestone in an adoptee's life they struggle to understand why they were given up for adoption. It leads to questions of self doubt, feelings of abandonment, and concerns that they may be unloveable even when they are raised in wholesome loving families. As small children, they may not understand the meaning of adoption, even when they are told that they were special and that their adoptive parents chose them, they have questions as to why their biological parents would give them to their adoptive parents.

Flashback Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Albert Einstein & Dr. Barbara Lavi: On Gravity, Levity and Love

Thought for Today: I have a busy day & decided to repost these Words of Wisdom and updated the image associated with the post. I really like what I can do on BlogGif. 
Thought for the Day: It's February and since Valentine's Day is around the corner, I searched for quotes about love and relationships. This light hearted quote by Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize Winning physicist caught my eye:

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein

Motivational Mondays: What Preventable Plague Is Causing 1 in 4 Deaths in Our Society?

Thought for the Day: I came home from a great weekend in Boston last night, turned on the TV to hear about the Superbowl and instead learned that Philip Seymour Hoffman died. I was surprised to hear he died of an apparent drug overdose in his NYC apartment. He was found after a worried friend went to his apartment to check on him when he did not pick up his 3 children. I was 1st shocked and then saddened at the senseless death of one of the greatest actors of our century. I still am saddened; however, I am angry as well. Hoffman joins a ever lengthening list of actors, musicians, and artists (Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Corey Monteith, Amy Winehouse, John Belushi, Jimi Hendrix) who are dying from a preventable medical illness that is our era's greatest plague. I am angry that stories about these untimely deaths become sensational headlines, instead of stimulating action to treat and conquer the disease.

Since I work in the field, I don't need statistics to know the outrageous proportions of the illness' impact on our society, however, I looked some up in case you are not aware of them:

"Drug-related deaths have more than doubled since the early 1980s. There are more deaths, illness, and disabilities from substance abuse than from any other preventable health condition. Today, one in four deaths is attributable to alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drug use."  (Source: Partnership for a Drug-Free America®, www.drugfree.org)

In case you don't realize this, alcohol is the #1 drug in the United States. Don't let the alcohol industry's advertising fool you into believing that it is not a dangerous drug. It is a depressant & does not make you happier or enhance your life. It destroys your body, but it is a slow killer. Many drug overdoses occur with a mix of alcohol and other drugs in the person's system. People make bad judgements while drinking including driving and using other drugs. Mr. Hoffman's drug of choice appears to have been heroine but all drugs can be lethal.

About 2 years ago, I received an e-mail from a woman. I'll call her Linda. She asked if I was the same Dr. Barbara Lavi who had been the Director of the Delphi Center in Burlington MA. She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her if I was the same therapist. Linda was surprised that I remembered her well, even though I had only seen her 2 or 3 times ten or fifteen years ago. Linda was a petite thin woman who had only been drinking for 8 or 9 years; however, because she was tiny, the alcohol was already destroying her body. A few days before I met her, Linda had blacked out while drinking. When she awoke she realized she was laying in a pool of blood. Somehow she crawled to a phone and called an ambulance. She was taken to an emergency room, After a 3 day hospitalization for Detox, she was referred to me for psychotherapy. 

After completing Linda's mental health evaluation, it was clear to me that she needed more than psychotherapy. I refused to work with her unless she went for an immediate evaluation for an inpatient hospitalization. After the intake procedure at the hospital, Linda was afraid she would lose her job if she went directly into the program. She asked me to see her for 1 or 2 sessions until she made arrangements for a medical leave from work. I agreed on the condition that she also attend AA meetings daily in the interim. I saw her until she was hospitalized. After the inpatient program she called and let me know she would be continuing with the program's outpatient services for aftercare. That was the last I heard from her until I got the e-mail.

When we spoke on the phone, she told me that she wanted to thank me for saving her life and that she wanted to send me a present. I told her she already had given me the greatest gift. She was clean and sober and alive.

If you are shocked, saddened, and angry, like me, by the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I propose that you can do something. It seems that Hoffman had appeared to have overcome his addiction when he was 22 years old, but relapsed about a year ago. Friends are saying they thought he had licked the problem, but my guess is there may have been some telltale signs that were noticed and ignored that he was in trouble again. When someone has an addiction, it never disappears. The addict, their friends, families and coworkers need to pay attention for any signs of a relapse.

Do you suspect that someone you love has a problem with drugs or alcohol? If you do, don't wait till they become another statistic. If you are not sure how to help, call a mental health clinic or hospital that specializes in drug and alcohol treatment. Ask for their assistance. They will help you set up an intervention. You could save their life. Feel free to comment or ask me questions about what else you can do. 

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Pete Seeger and the Psychology of Folk Music

Thought for the Day: I already wrote about Pete Seeger, but want to share some more of his music today in his honor. I decided to write about the psychological impact of Pete Seeger's music. Saturday's posts always share music that has been inspirational or helped people cope with the challenges of life. Pete Seeger's vast catalogue of songs did more than just soothe and inspire our souls. Psychologically, his music did more.

An important psychological element to our mental health is related to what psychologists call internal locus of control. To translate into simple English, when someone has a sense of internal locus of control they feel they are in control of their lives and what happens to them, not fate or other people. Pete Seeger's music sent out a strong message that we have control even when we may be suffering from oppression. However, his music went one step further to empower the listener. His music also encouraged people to take action, join in, raise their voices and become a change agent not only for themselves but for others suffering from prejudice or injustice. His songs were simple, honest and encouraged the listener to think freely, to question injustice and to stand up for what they believe. They teach people who may have lost hope that they could take control of their lives. They could make a difference. His music helped end the Vietnam War, overcome segregation, restore the Hudson River and helped many other causes around the world. He never put down his hammer of justice, stopped ringing his bell of freedom or teaching us us to love our brothers and our sisters all over this land.

Flashback Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Pete Seeger Singer, Songwriter, Sage's Powerful Weapon

Thought for the Day: The quote on Pete Seeger's Banjo, which a friend posted on Facebook yesterday has today's words of wisdom:

This Machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.

My father knew 3 people over the years who were famous. He went to school with Ozzie Nelson, the father of teen heart throb actor and singer, Ricky Nelson. His dentist was Felicia Rashad's (From the Bill Cosby show) father. When I was a teenager, the fact that he knew Ricky Nelson's father was pretty impressive. However, his third famous acquaintance, Pete Seeger, who passed away this week whose words of wisdom are on his banjo above, tops them all.

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Reducing Food Waste, Ballet & Autism, WaterWheel, Setting Limits & an 8 Year Old Hero

Thought for the Day: I have been posting the Best of 2013 blog posts in various categories over the last 2 weeks and have not finished all of them yet, however, this week I felt it was important to share a few #FF Fabulous Finds that I have come across lately and don't want to miss. The topics include: a great way to reduce the amount of food wasted in the USA while helping families on low budgets save money; how ballet and music are helping an autistic girl communicate; an innovative way to help free girls and women in underdeveloped countries; tips on how to set limits with your children; and the story of a young hero who died saving lives. Have a wonderful weekend!

"We’ve all heard about the massive food waste Americans incur every year. 'Sell-by', 'best-by' and 'use-by' dates are mostly unregulated and confusing for consumers when it comes to throwing items out --a factor that contributes to $165 billion of food wasted every year. But the former president of Trader Joe's Doug Rauch says he’s got a solution. "To read more click here:  Trader Joe's ex-president to open store selling expired food 1/22/14

Ballet helps autistic girl connect to the world around her by: Wendy Gillis 12/25/2013  Clara Berg’s keen interest in ballet has opened doors for her, garnering invitations to local dance productions and attention from autism experts. See a video on the article or click here.

"When Cynthia Koenig, a young social entrepreneur from New York, learned that millions of girls and women around the world spend hours each day collecting water from distant sources, she decided to create a new way to help people in poor communities transport water and it's called the WaterWheel." Read more from @AMighyGirl on Facebook Thanks to Rebecca Woodhead  on Facebook.

Here's a great article on setting limits with your children. How to Set Limits for Kids Without Harshness, Fear or Shame by Sarah MacLaughlin, LSW Parenting educator and coach 

Tyler Doohan from Facebook

This is a sad but touching story of a child's love and heroism. 8-year-old hero saves six from fire, dies trying to save grandfather and uncle Tyler Doohan known as great kid Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2014 By Rick Couri 

Part II: Reader's Choice Top 5 Words of Wisdom Posts 2013

Thought for the Day: As the eastern seaboard digs itself out from a foot or more of snow, I am sharing the 5 top Words of Wisdom Posts from 2013. It has been interesting to look back at all the posts and see which ones readers liked the best. I am honored that two of the top 5 were quotes that I created. It is also a pleasure to celebrate two years of blogging with you. It is amazing that since I started the Top 10 posts for 2013, page views have risen from just under 80,000 to over 84,000! Thank you for reading, liking, sharing and commenting! I decided to find a quote about birthdays for today's post. It is from an author I am not familiar with, Jarod Kintz, from his book, This Book Title Is Invisible. Kintz says, "The year you were born Marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating." I hope that we will have many years to celebrate my blog and that it will always be worthy of you spending time reading it.

#5 JFK on Appreciation of Veterans

11/13/13

#4 The 3 Rules of Life

11/20/13

#3 Psychologist Carl G. Jung on Happiness

3/27/13

#2 The Fastest Way To Change the World is To Educate a Girl

12/4/13

# 1 Eleanor Roosevelt on Dreams

11/27/13

Reader's Choice Top 5 Psychology Trivia Posts of 2013

Thought for the Day: We continue to celebrate close to 84,000 page views over the two years since this blog was born in January of 2012. At the current level of page views the total number of  views will double in 2014!!! Thank  you all for reading, commenting and sharing my posts online. Please let me know what you would like to see more of here.

Two weeks ago I shared Part I: Readers' Top 10 Psychology Trivia Posts 2013. Here is Part II: Reader's Top 5 Psychology Trivia Posts 2013. These are the posts with the highest number of page views in 2013 in this category. As those of you following my trivia posts know, there is nothing trivial about them. They report interesting sometimes surprising new research from the field of psychology,  education, society, social media's impact on our relationships and personality, intelligence, neurology and parenting. Here are your choices of the top 5 from 2013:

#5. At What Age Do Humans Have the Largest Number of Brain Cells? 11/21/2013

#4. Does Facebook Change Us for Better or for Worse?
 6/13/13

#3. How Often Is a Child Bullied On Playgrounds in the USA? 11/7/2013

#2. How to Prevent Divorce? 3/7/2013

#1.  Why Doesn't IQ Predict Success?

10/17/13

Part I: Reader's Top 10 Psychology Trivia Posts 2013

Thought for the Day: January is a month of reflection on last year and celebration of the new year. For this blog it is also the 2 year anniversary. Despite all my pride in having reached over 80.000 page views, we all make mistakes. I must admit that last Thursday, I made erred! I started to take a look back at 2013 and began to share the Top 10 Psychology Trivia Posts  from last year. I did it simply by looking over posts & sharing some that I felt were the best. When I began to prepare the Top 10 lists for the other daily themes, I realized I had goofed! I am not the best person to judge which posts are the best, you, my readers, are! Bloggger keeps track of the page views for each of the posts. That is what indicates which posts you preferred and shared with others. So today I am starting to share the real Top 10 posts in Psychology Trivia on my blog. I will leave the other post, online although it may confuse some people. Today, I'm sharing your picks from #10 to #6. The questions were asked on Tuesday and answered on Thursday. In 2 weeks I will share your Top 5 Psychology Trivia Posts from 2013.

#10 How Psychotherapy, Relaxation, Hypnosis Can Help Save Lives 5/16/13 A look at the connection between our mental and physical health.

#9 Anger Can Be Good &/Or Bad for Your Health 3/14/13 Research on the impact of anger on our health.

Miraculous Mondays: Part 3: Psychotherapy: Miracle or Science?

Thought for the Day: It is Monday & I have not posted for three days. A friend is here doing work on our house. When I need to help make sure he has all the supplies to complete projects, my writing gets neglected. In the interim, I have also been moved by the outpouring of both tributes and celebrations of the life and work of Nelson Mandela. Ironically, one of his quotes inspired my Wednesday's Words of Wisdom post last week, the day before he died. Therefore, some of my thoughts on miracles in marital therapy today, will include my perception of Mandela's contribution to the psychology of reconciliation. At a later date, I will write about the mourning process in South Africa, since I am fascinated by the cultural differences in our societies. As promised last week, today, I am finishing a three part series on: Psychotherapy: Miracle or Science? (Part 1, Part 2). Although Linda & Henry's therapy is not completed, I'll be reporting the progress & thoughts about the science behind the miraculous moments in their work.

Last week, Linda and Henry left the session laughing and talking in a way I had not seen before the role play. They reported that their week, since the last session, was much better than before. They were speaking more frequently and able to work through rough moments better than in the past. Although Henry has been very busy at work, he has read more of the book and has been trying to apply the techniques he is reading about. Linda, who's life is consumed by caring for a small infant, has not made time to read the book yet, but is appreciating the change in Henry's behavior. She is not convinced that the changes will be permanent. Although she had been going out at night after Henry came home from work, she has been staying home more and spending time with him without it leading to arguments. My biggest concern is that Linda is not totally on board and still is questioning whether things can change enough for their marriage to work.

My job is to help them experience more and more of the miraculous moments in their interactions, so that they can rekindle and strengthen their relationship. Their marriage has been deteriorating since they began to live together. Linda who felt free and liberated before she married, has been feeling trapped and unfulfilled for years. I have made it clear to both of them that she is responsible for making sure she is following her dreams in life. If she feels trapped, she is the only one who can set herself free. Henry must be able to support her efforts, but he cannot do the work for her. I will be meeting with her individually to help her examine why she is feeling so stuck in her life. Reconciling their differences will take time and work on both their parts.

Here's where Nelson Mandela's miraculous reconciliation efforts are informative to me as a therapist. Mandela was oppressed, jailed and tortured as were his people. Fortunately, most married couples do not suffer to that extreme; however, if marriage begins to feel like a prison, they may begin to treat their spouse like a jailer with anger and bitterness. When this occurs, they can learn about reconciliation, as we all can, from Mandela. Other peoples have suffered from similar holocausts and have not been able to reconcile. Many survivors of political oppression remain angry, hateful and bitter. What allowed Mandela to reconcile his differences with his oppressors? After he was freed, he met with many of those who oppressed him and made amends with them. I believe, he discovered a liberating principle which allows for forgiveness without expectations of forgetting, revenge or retribution which led to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings. In these hearings full disclosure of the crimes with the possibility of amnesty led to healing. (Bill Moyer's PBS Series Facing the Truth gives a good introduction to the process).

Although the process can be painful, sharing feelings of discomfort in a marriage may be the prerequisite for the miracle moments that lead to reconciliation and healing of marriage therapy. As a psychologist, I help provide a safe place to air all the issues that have been troubling my clients in their relationships. Without trust, marriage cannot work. Therapy gives them a place where they can be truthful with one another. What do you think? Is psychotherapy a miracle maker or a science or a bit of both?

In subsequent posts I will share other techniques that tend to help people work their miracles in therapy.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: The Fastest Way To Change the World is To Educate a Girl

Thought for the Day: I saw a quote on Facebook yesterday which said that "Education is the most powerful weapon to change the world. Nelson Mandela." I thought about using it for today's post. However, this morning I awoke with my own quote which must have been inspired by what I read yesterday: "The fastest way to change the world, is to educate a girl." 

      My grandmother grew up in small town in Russia. At the time, only boys were sent to school. She was fortunate that her parents believed in education and allowed her and her sisters to learn to read and write. She would sit at the back of the boys' class in order to take part in the lessons. After coming to America she continued to learn throughout her life. It is not surprising, that my mother not only went to college, but also became a lawyer at a time when there were next to no women in the legal profession. My mother and grandmother's examples helped me to follow in their footsteps to attain higher education. The pattern, however, is more significant than my family's history. It reflects a revolution in the history of mankind, or should I say womankind. It may be the greatest change our world has seen, giving us hope for the survival of mankind. This may sound like hyperbole, but I mean it with sincerity. 

       Much has been written about the differences in how men and women view the world. From the self help psychology books like Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus by JohnGray to the academic work, In A Different Voice, by Carol Gilligan. Women tend to think and speak differently from men on ethical issues focusing more on relationships and caring. 

       Women's liberation represents more than just a means to reach financial equality and independence. The more education women gain, the more they will be able to influence the world both economically and politically. Women's unique thought process and view of the world has already lead to major accomplishments. The impact of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is just one example of how educated women's efforts have paid off in raising awareness of the dangers of drunk driving and changing the laws to enforce stricter controls and penalties for driving while intoxicated.

       Hopefully, the feminine perspective combined with masculine ones, will help mankind find alternatives to war, solutions to world hunger and poverty, through cooperation and compromise. Women like Melinda Gates, Indirah Ghandi, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey are examples of educated women making a difference in the world. Educated women's power goes beyond the  political and economic sphere. Since they are also influential in the education of their sons and husbands, as well as their daughters, educated women are capable of changing society from the ground up.

       The educational revolution's inclusion of women may be the most significant change of our century. My grandmother would be proud to see how far women have come even though there is still a lot that needs to be done by women.

       Last night I learned that Nelson Mandela passed away. His wisdom will live on. It is ironic that I mentioned his quote just yesterday. May he rest in peace.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Eleanor Roosevelt on Dreams

Thought for the Day: As I have been hurrying to get ready for Thanksgiving & Chanukah, I made a number of photo ads for social media for the Thanksgivica sale that is going on this week. One of them was the photo from today's words of wisdom with a quote I love from Eleanor Roosevelt: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Her quotes and wisdom have always resonated with me. She was a liberated feminist long before women's liberation. I am thankful for her wisdom that lives on. I believe she would be proud of women's progress but encouraging us all to continue moving forward for greater equality and accomplishments of our dreams. have a Happy Thanksgiving & Chanukah!

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Is Persuasion In the Eye of the Beholder?

Thought for the Day: Today's psychology trivia question is:

     True or False:
         People who make eye contact are more persuasive and viewed as more likable & competent.

You may think you know the answer, but it may surprise you. 

Tuesday's Psychology Trivia Question: Are People Who Make Eye Contact More Persuasive?

Thought for the Day: Somehow Monday slipped by & it is already Tuesday, which makes it time for a psychological trivia question.

     True or False:
         People who make eye contact are more persuasive and viewed as more likable &           competent.

What do you think? Is eye contact important when you are trying to convince others about something? Come back on Thursday for the answer.