Part II: Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the Winds of Texas

Amelia Samet Kornfeld Memorial at CYJ

Thought for the day: For today's post, you will need a foreign language lesson. Hebrew, the language of the Bible, is a very rich language. I'd like to teach you two words. Many words in Hebrew have multiple meanings leading to endless interpretations of the Bible. Most people know that the word "Shalom" means peace, but it also means hello & goodbye. Perhaps this came about from wishing that people would go in peace & welcoming them with peace on their arrival. The second word I'd like to teach you today is "ruach" (pronounced with 2 syllables, rou - ach). It has four meanings. The 1st meaning is "wind." "Matzav ruach" mean mood with the additional word "matzav" or condition. Moods can change like the wind. In addition, it means two kinds of spirit: 1) the spirit as in "excitement" or "enthusiasm" & 2) when used as "ruach nefesh" it means a spirit like one's "soul." This meaning probably came from the wind or breath of life. Read on to see how these words can be helpful in dealing with the loss of a loved one.

You may be wondering why I'm teaching you Hebrew. As many of you know from my previous post, I went to Texas to visit my summer home-away-from-home at Camp Young Judaea in Wimberley Texas. What I did not mention in the earlier post is that going to camp was a family affair for me. My older brothers, Bill & Larry, went to camp for two years before I was allowed to attend. I was so envious of what I saw on visitors day that I begged to be allowed to attend. My 1st session at camp was the summer before my 8th birthday.  When my younger brother, Mike, was old enough, he too joined us at camp.

As I said in my last post, there was tremendous excitement about being at camp. It was not a tornado like in the Wizard of Oz, but I always felt swept away by the excitement. Whether it was music, dance, arts & crafts, there was the joy & excitement kind of ruach. They taught us Hebrew words at camp. A stand up comic at last weekend's reunion pointed out that we actually learned a lot of nouns. Although we really did not know how to connect the nouns, we thought we knew how to speak Hebrew. Unlike Hebrew school, at camp we loved learning the language, which seemed to come alive at camp. When I visited a sister camp in New York, Tel Yehudah,  several years ago. I was swept away by the ruach or spirit as well. What impressed me was to see teenagers excited about their heritage. The ruach lives on.

As I prepared to visit camp, however, I carried bittersweet sad moods as well.  This time two of my brothers were not able to come to the reunion. Bill passed away many years ago in his prime, as he was completing his Doctoral Degree. Larry, lost a battle with brain cancer less than a year ago. My friend Amelia, also was not there having lost a battle with brain cancer a little over a year ago. I had mixed feelings about being at camp without them there. However, I think my brothers & Amelia were there through the fourth kind of ruach, that of the spirit of their souls.

                                       Dori, Seth & Alyse  Dedication Ceremony at CYJ TX

Saturday was a windy day, but Sunday was a warm sunny day. On Sunday, there was a dedication ceremony of the memorial to my friend, Amelia. Her three, amazing adult children spoke about their mother & the significance of the interactive exercise equipment & walking path at the camp in her memory. As they spoke, children played on the equipment. We all knew that was something Amelia would have been thrilled to see. There was not a dry eye in the crowd that gathered to honor her memory. Somehow, as the Texas sun shined upon us, it felt as if she & my brothers were there with me, Mike & all of our friends who knew & loved them.  It was not the same, but it helped to acknowledge our sadness, in the midst of a joyous occasion. Their spirit will always be in the warm Texas winds, in the excitement & joy that camp provides it's campers & in my heart & soul.

If you have lost someone dear to you, hold on to their "ruach" & they will never be far from your heart. In time, you will be able to remember them with less sadness. I hope that when you hold on to their "ruach" that it bring you "shalom" as you carry your dreams & keep their memory alive.

As always feel free to share your stories of how remembering someone who has passed away before a holiday or joyous occasion has helped you process a loss. In my next posts I will relate the story of a war veteran I met on my way home from camp & ask for your help in giving back to a guidance counselor from Bellaire High School.

One of the versions of my book benefits The Amelia Samet Kornfeld Memorialat CYJ Texas. If you would like to purchase the book & donate to CYJ TX in Amelia's memory, you can find it on Amazon here.

Over the Rainbow Deep In the Heart of Texas

                   PS22 Chorus Sings Over the Rainbow at the 2011 Oscars

Thought of the Day: The video above epitomizes how dreams can come true. The story began in a school located in the Graniteville section of Staten Island NY. The student body is composed of 78% black, Hispanic & Asian students. A chorus teacher, Gregg Breinberg, who the kids call Mr. B, started streaming videos of his chorus made up of mostly 5th graders on YouTube which went viral. The power of their energy, enthusiasm (which you can see in their animated faces) & amazing voices carried them all the way to the 2011 Oscars. A new documentary "Once in a Lullaby" will premiere at the prestigious Tribecca Film Festival in NYC. Most dreams don't come true when we are in 5th grade, but practice, perseverance & passion can pay off over time. Next weekend, I will be attending a reunion at a camp, deep in the heart of Texas, where I & thousands of others had our "Over the Rainbow" lessons in believing in our dreams & our ability to make a difference in the world. Who inspired you as a child to believe in your ability to accomplish your dreams? Was it a teacher, a camp, a parent, a song that helped you keep aiming towards your dreams? I'd love to hear what gave & gives you the strength to continue dreaming as an adult.

As I prepare to go home to Texas, I have been thinking about my second home when I was a child. I lived year round in Houston. I saw a bumper sticker once which said, "You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl." I was not what most people think of as the typical Texan. I did not grow up on a ranch. I never rode a horse to school. My family did not own an oil well. The closest I came to any of those things was to buy a cowboy hat & tell kids I did those things as a joke, when I went to camp in NY state as a teenager. I was amazed that kids would believe me when I told them those tall tales & quickly set them straight!

I grew up in the middle of a suburban neighborhood in Houston. I have pictures of myself as a small child on a pony dressed up as a cowgirl in a photo taken by a photographer who would go house to house with the pony. Probably every child who grew up in Houston has a photo like that one. You cannot, however, grow up in Texas & not become proud to be a Texan. The history of 6 flags over Texas is rich & inspiring. I was not, however, a typical Texan. Growing up Jewish in Texas was not easy. In elementary school at Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, my family was the only Jewish family. When I was in 6th grade my best friend, Cory Stiles, told me I had ruined Christmas for her in 1st grade when I told her that Santa Clauses in department stores were not really Santa Claus. I was a good student, won the school's spelling bee contest, got lead parts in musicals, but also remember discriminatory remarks. During the year, I was different from all my classmates, I didn't go to CCD or celebrate Christmas or Easter.

In the summers, I was lucky to have a place where my "Over the Rainbow" experiences happened. At the time my home away from home was at Camp Young Judaea in Kerrville, TX (or CYJ). At CYJ, I was able to learn to believe in myself, my heritage, & my ability to make a difference in the world. Every child should have a CYJ in their lives. I remember the excitement I felt every year from the age of 8 till I was 17 & came as a counselor to camp. When the bus arrived, I would run from building to building. It was as if I was making sure it was all still there waiting for the magic to occur inside the bunks, dining room, swimming pool & assembly hall. After running around, unpacking & settling in with a new bunk with old & new friends, I also remember sharing personal stories with bunk mates. It did not take long before there were tears, laughter & bonding. It was all right to share your worries from home & then just be yourself. I excelled at everything I did at camp & tried new things. I was a leader in ways I never allowed myself back home. Somehow, the counselors & friends brought out the best in all the kids at camp. I was not the only one who felt this way at camp, we all did. There was one song that has stuck with me throughout my life called "You and I Will Change the World." We learned to respect differences, to fight for justice & to be proud that our Jewish heritage includes the responsibility to take social action. 

CYJ is now located deep in the heart of Texas, in Wimberley TX, & is celebrating it's 60th Anniversary. Alumni are doctors, lawyers, musicians, film makers, psychologists, educators & are strong supporters of the camp that helped them believe in themselves & their dreams. When one of my friends (who I met at camp when we were 8 years old) & fellow psychologist, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, zl., lost her battle with brain cancer a little over a year ago, I asked her husband what charity he would like me to feature in & support with my book in her memory. When he suggested CYJ, I was thrilled to include my "Over the Rainbow" place that did so much to strengthen my dream potential. (To purchase the book & donate 1/2 of the proceeds to CYJ click here.)

Did you have an "Over the Rainbow" place like CYJ as a child? Was it a camp, a drama club, or a chorus, like the one at PS 22?  Did you have a teacher, coach or mentor who believed in you & helped you learn to believe in your dreams? Do you have one now?  I'd love to hear about them.

Remembering & Honoring My Brother, Larry Bogdanow

Larry Bogdanow, 1949 - 2011

Thought for the day: Life is short. Wake Up And Dream now!

February 24th would have been my brother, Larry Bogdanow's 65th birthday. I still have trouble believing that he is gone. He was so healthy. He practiced Tai Chi, rode his bike from Soho to Chelsea Piers & swam 45 minutes to an hour almost every day of his life. He ate organic food, some of which he raised in his garden in Upstate New York. We all thought he had beat the odds after having a "benign" brain tumor removed 16 years ago. All his follow ups were clean. He had 16 healthy happy years living his dreams.  He watched his beautiful daughter grow into an amazing young woman. accompanied his Oscar winning documentary film maker wife to the Oscar ceremonies, film festivals & on vacations to exotic places, worked for good causes & designed amazing buildings & restaurants.

When he began to have some memory problems last spring his new physician thought it was just stress. His life long friend, Dr. Martin Blaser, (Professor; Frederick H. King Professor of Internal Medicine; Chair & F.H.KIng Professor-Int Med Departments of Medicine (Admin Support) and Microbiology (Microbiology ) was more concerned & urged Larry to get an MRI. Hours after the scan, Dr. Blaser was frantically searching for Larry to have him come back to the hospital. Larry now had stage 4 brain cancer, the same kind that took Ted Kennedy from our world. The prognosis was not good, but we all thought that Larry would somehow fight this battle & be with us for a while longer.  Surgery was followed by intensive chemo & radiation. After surgery, Larry seemed to be better. With the doctor's consent he went to his beloved country home & on Saturday morning even worked in his garden. Later that afternoon, he had a seizure. He was med-evacuated back to NYC. His condition never returned to the post operative state. Within weeks he slipped into a coma & never recovered.

So February 24th will be a tough day for me & writing about him is one of the few things I can do to  mourn & commemorate the life of my brother. Over the summer, I was in NYC almost daily visiting with him, playing music for him, singing to him, sharing my progress on my book. I was fortunate enough to attend & bring Larry books to the hospital from the Book Expo. I shared my excitement when I met Jane Fonda &"heard" Roger Ebert "speak" about his new book with the help of his wife & a computer.  He was hopeful that he would get better & go home. After he passed away, I became even more determined to finish my book. I vowed to find a nonprofit organization to help fight brain cancer to be included in my group of Dream Nonprofits supported by the book.

Voices Against Brain Cancer became the cause in the book that most represented my dream to help other families avoid the experience we went through with my brother. They give a voice to families & survivors. They support research to find a cure to this awful disease which took three other people I knew well. Dr. Irwin Freedberg, former head of Dermatology at NYU, is someone I describe in the book as a "Dream Parenting" role model. He & his wife, Irene Freedberg, was the Associate Director of Social Work at Bellevue Hospital. She was also the former director of Project Liberty, program that provides free crisis counseling services to persons, families and groups most affected by the September 11 World Trade Center disaster. & one of the people who designed the Mental Health program following 9/11. Both Dr. Freedberg & Irene Freedberg were taken too soon by brain cancer.

A close childhood friend of mine & Larry's, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, also passed away last February from brain cancer.  Her dreams are also represented in the book with Camp Young Judaea TX as the beneficiary. It is a camp that Larry, Amelia & I attended for years. Together we sang & believed the words, "You & I Will Change the World." It is where I learned to believe in the power of dreams to change the world.





When I spoke with a new acquaintance about the book, Larry & connections to causes he would have supported kept coming up. There is Green Demolitions. Larry was a green architect long before anyone was using recycled materials. He has had a solar generator & solar powered electric fence around his garden in Chatham.

Then there is the Lucero Center which is training Spanish speaking psychologists. Larry studied Spanish with a group of friends who volunteered to travel to Guatemala & build a community center which Larry designed over twenty years ago.



He would have loved the idea of Music From a Bottle which collects bottles at restaurants & rock concerts to support music programs in under-privledged schools. Larry helped teach me to play the guitar. Everyone who knew Larry had CD's of music that he would put together. He sent them to friends when they were going through tough times & gave them as gifts for no reason. He simply loved to introduce friends to new musicians & arrangements.

Even the Blind Judo Foundation & Elimination of Prejudice remind me of Larry. When he & my older brother, Bill, were young boys, neither of them were into athletics.  When my mother found out that they were being bullied & did not know how to defend themselves, she enrolled them in Judo classes.  I can still count to ten in Japanese because of those lessons.


 




Finally, Larry & NYC were strongly intertwined. NY Says Thank You is another charity that he would staunchly support as a way to rebuild after tragedies. Larry was an accomplished architect his work can still be viewed on his business website http://www.bogdanow.com/. He was however unpretentious. Although he designed Wild Blue, which was at the top of the World Trade Center, he never mentioned it. I went there once when the music was too loud at a Latin Dance at Windows on the World. Weeks later I mentioned having been there & thinking it looked like one of his designs, he told us it was. On 9/11 one of his associates finished an early morning meeting at Windows On the World, where Larry's firm was doing some work. When the elevator stopped running & the authorities were telling people to stay put, Larry's employee called to say he would be late for the next appointment. Larry, who had spoken with his wife who saw the plane hit the building, told him to get out of the building. He saved his employee's life. Larry's life was dedicated to building comfortable spaces for people to get together & trying to promote a peaceful world.

As you can see, completing the book & promoting these causes has been intertwined with my wish to keep my brother's dreams alive as well as my own. It has been a labor of love. I miss him & know he would be proud of how this book can help so many causes that he believed in as well. (To read more about any of the charities mentioned in this post, click on their name & read the entire preview.) Half of the profits from each of these books goes to nonprofit of your choice.

If you knew Larry & would like to share a story, please do. If his life & story resonates with you please share as well.