#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Easy Activism, NPO Helps Other NPO's, Marathon Winners, Operation Beautiful

Thought for the Day: This week has been an exciting week for me. I have not had time to reflect & write about my trip to Washington DC yet. As a psychologist, the parallels between the issues related to bullying & the gun lobby in Washington are ironic. On Monday, I plan to write about my observations of this phenomenon. In the meantime, my 1st Fab find gives some easy ways that you can get involved & help Moms Demand Action. Even if you have never been politically active before check it out. On twitter, I found an innovative nonprofit organization that offers support to other nonprofit organizations. In these rough financial times, their support will be a welcome service. If you know an NPO that could use some help, pass this information on. My third find is a story about a father who is facing the challenge of brain cancer by running marathons with his 5 year old daughter. Finally, I found it refreshing to see teen age girls encouraging their peers to go makeup free. Have a great weekend & enjoy these finds! I hope you will come back on Saturday for Saturday's Songs for the Soul & Sunday's Comic Strips & on Monday for Motivational Mondays. -->

I am honored to be standing behind Nancy Pelosi

1) Moms Demand Action is the main page of this grassroots revolution that has grown from one mom's web page to 80,000 members & 80 chapters across the USA since 12/14/2012. On this page they have several short videos including one showing how to make phone call to your congressmen & phone numbers of some senators who have voted against the current legislation.

     In addition they have an amazing page that includes easy click & tweet options to let your elected officials know you want them to support the anti-gun legislation being voted on now in the senate & tweets to let the world know the facts about gun violence in America

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2) Kerstner Foundation offers free websites& other services for Nonprofits.

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3) An truly inspiring story of true marathon winners. A father running for his life & making sure his 5 year old daughter knows her father's legacy first hand.

  

4) How some teenage girls from Texas are encouraging their peers be themselves & to go Make Up Free: Operation Beautiful.

 
 
 

Remembering Larry Bogdanow, Part II

My brother & I on the Staten Island Ferry around 1973?

Thought for the day: I just reread my post from February 22, 2012. I wrote it two days before what would have been my brother, Larry Bogdanow's birthday.  I said most of what I feel comfortable saying publicly about him then. However, on June 29th it will be a year since Larry lost his battle with brain cancer. Thoughts & memories arise daily. It is part of the normal mourning process. I often tell clients to use writing to help with grief. As hard as it is to do, as a psychologist who has helped people deal with loss throughout my career, I need to share some of my thoughts today in hopes that it will inspire you or help you share your memories of a loved one who you are grieving.

Time is the ultimate healer, but time alone is not enough to complete the mourning. First, let me say, time is deceptive. In some ways, it feels like the events of last year happened yesterday. Since my brother's illness & demise was very rapid. No one had time to digest the fact that he was not going to be with us within weeks of the discovery of the recurrence of the cancer.

In other ways, time has seemed to move slowly. The normal joy of each holiday that has passed was burdened by the reality that my brother would not be there to celebrate. His birthday & Father's Day also were clouded by what we were missing. In my posts I shared some of my grief. I have tried throughout this year to take the time to experience the feelings, write about them or speak with someone when they arise.

In Victorian times, mourners wore black clothes for a year & stopped wearing jewelry or wore jewelry with the picture of their loved one. I stopped wearing black within a few months, but for this past year except for a few professional appearances or religious holidays, I stopped wearing jewelry. I never wore jewelry until I began to make my own several years ago. Once I did, it began to give me great pleasure to wear my creations. Somehow, I have not felt comfortable wearing jewelry since my brother's death. My brother would probably have thought this was unnecessary, but for me it seemed like a small daily reminder that life has changed & I am not ready to be fully joyful.

I'm not religious but know that in Jewish tradition music is not allowed during the first year of mourning, it's a bit like lent. I did my own version by not listening to music on the radio for this year. I did watch TV & went to movies so at times I heard background music, but wrote off listen to music or singing. I love music & I love to sing, but during the first year after I lose a loved one, I give them up. I only sang when I was at religious services. When I saw the documentary, Once Upon a Dream, I was inspired by the children's accomplishments. Afterwards, I searched for renditions of Over the Rainbow & shared them on my blog posts. I made another exception when I went to my camp reunion. There I sang the songs that Larry, my friend, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, (who also lost her battle with brain cancer not long ago), & I would sing together as children. I know I will sing again & listen to the radio, but I needed the silence to leave space for the thoughts, memories & feelings.

Most religions have traditions for mourning that last about a year. Knowing that a year has passed will mark the time for me to let go of my personal "lent" related to mourning my brother's passing. I read an article in Psychology Today by one of my facebook fans, Dr. Craig Malkin, who is also a psychologist. The article proposes that secure relationships, starting in childhood, lead to secure adult relationships & more exciting adventurous lives. At the core of the research is a study by Mary Ainsworth who found that securely attached children, those who felt their mother would always be there for them, attacked the world with gusto & adventure. Internalizing that feeling of security lasts a lifetime even after the mother is no longer present.

Yesterday, it came to me that I no longer have anyone who really knew me from the day I was born. My mother, father, eldest brother & grandmother have been gone for many years. Having Larry was like an extension of the secure attachment our mother gave us to explore the world. He would always encourage me to explore my dreams. In addition, he was an added memory bank for me. I relied on my brother's memory for things I was not sure about. I can't ask him to help me remember things from my childhood anymore but that sense of security he & my family gave me to live adventurously, live on inside me. I have become the holder of so both memories & dreams.

I don't know what happens after we leave this world, but I do believe that we all live on in the memories of those we have touched in our lives. My brother touched not only me, my family & the friends he knew & loved, but also the strangers who visited the restaurants, theaters, homes, & educational facilities he designed. About a month ago, by accident, I discovered that a new friend, Joy Rose, the founder of the Museum of Motherhood in NYC & Mamapaloosa, knew my brother twenty years ago. Her son went to nursery school with Larry's daughter. Larry helped her design a kitchen in her apartment for free.

Larry designed & organized a group of friends to help build a community center in Guatemala thirty years ago. My sister-in-law went & visited the facility this year. While there, she told a young woman that her husband had designed & helped build the center. The woman immediately took my sister-in-law to meet her father. At their home, her father showed my sister-in-law a picture of Larry & his crew of volunteers.  His daughter was too young to know Lorenzo (Larry) personally, but had heard about him for many years. My brother followed his dreams, left his mark. The world is a better place thanks to his creativity, passion, philanthropy & love.

Make time for your dreams. They can help you leave a mark. Dreams live on. If you would like to share a story about someone you have lost & how their dreams live on, please do, it may help someone else as they work through their grief.

Over the Rainbow Deep In the Heart of Texas

                   PS22 Chorus Sings Over the Rainbow at the 2011 Oscars

Thought of the Day: The video above epitomizes how dreams can come true. The story began in a school located in the Graniteville section of Staten Island NY. The student body is composed of 78% black, Hispanic & Asian students. A chorus teacher, Gregg Breinberg, who the kids call Mr. B, started streaming videos of his chorus made up of mostly 5th graders on YouTube which went viral. The power of their energy, enthusiasm (which you can see in their animated faces) & amazing voices carried them all the way to the 2011 Oscars. A new documentary "Once in a Lullaby" will premiere at the prestigious Tribecca Film Festival in NYC. Most dreams don't come true when we are in 5th grade, but practice, perseverance & passion can pay off over time. Next weekend, I will be attending a reunion at a camp, deep in the heart of Texas, where I & thousands of others had our "Over the Rainbow" lessons in believing in our dreams & our ability to make a difference in the world. Who inspired you as a child to believe in your ability to accomplish your dreams? Was it a teacher, a camp, a parent, a song that helped you keep aiming towards your dreams? I'd love to hear what gave & gives you the strength to continue dreaming as an adult.

As I prepare to go home to Texas, I have been thinking about my second home when I was a child. I lived year round in Houston. I saw a bumper sticker once which said, "You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl." I was not what most people think of as the typical Texan. I did not grow up on a ranch. I never rode a horse to school. My family did not own an oil well. The closest I came to any of those things was to buy a cowboy hat & tell kids I did those things as a joke, when I went to camp in NY state as a teenager. I was amazed that kids would believe me when I told them those tall tales & quickly set them straight!

I grew up in the middle of a suburban neighborhood in Houston. I have pictures of myself as a small child on a pony dressed up as a cowgirl in a photo taken by a photographer who would go house to house with the pony. Probably every child who grew up in Houston has a photo like that one. You cannot, however, grow up in Texas & not become proud to be a Texan. The history of 6 flags over Texas is rich & inspiring. I was not, however, a typical Texan. Growing up Jewish in Texas was not easy. In elementary school at Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, my family was the only Jewish family. When I was in 6th grade my best friend, Cory Stiles, told me I had ruined Christmas for her in 1st grade when I told her that Santa Clauses in department stores were not really Santa Claus. I was a good student, won the school's spelling bee contest, got lead parts in musicals, but also remember discriminatory remarks. During the year, I was different from all my classmates, I didn't go to CCD or celebrate Christmas or Easter.

In the summers, I was lucky to have a place where my "Over the Rainbow" experiences happened. At the time my home away from home was at Camp Young Judaea in Kerrville, TX (or CYJ). At CYJ, I was able to learn to believe in myself, my heritage, & my ability to make a difference in the world. Every child should have a CYJ in their lives. I remember the excitement I felt every year from the age of 8 till I was 17 & came as a counselor to camp. When the bus arrived, I would run from building to building. It was as if I was making sure it was all still there waiting for the magic to occur inside the bunks, dining room, swimming pool & assembly hall. After running around, unpacking & settling in with a new bunk with old & new friends, I also remember sharing personal stories with bunk mates. It did not take long before there were tears, laughter & bonding. It was all right to share your worries from home & then just be yourself. I excelled at everything I did at camp & tried new things. I was a leader in ways I never allowed myself back home. Somehow, the counselors & friends brought out the best in all the kids at camp. I was not the only one who felt this way at camp, we all did. There was one song that has stuck with me throughout my life called "You and I Will Change the World." We learned to respect differences, to fight for justice & to be proud that our Jewish heritage includes the responsibility to take social action. 

CYJ is now located deep in the heart of Texas, in Wimberley TX, & is celebrating it's 60th Anniversary. Alumni are doctors, lawyers, musicians, film makers, psychologists, educators & are strong supporters of the camp that helped them believe in themselves & their dreams. When one of my friends (who I met at camp when we were 8 years old) & fellow psychologist, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, zl., lost her battle with brain cancer a little over a year ago, I asked her husband what charity he would like me to feature in & support with my book in her memory. When he suggested CYJ, I was thrilled to include my "Over the Rainbow" place that did so much to strengthen my dream potential. (To purchase the book & donate 1/2 of the proceeds to CYJ click here.)

Did you have an "Over the Rainbow" place like CYJ as a child? Was it a camp, a drama club, or a chorus, like the one at PS 22?  Did you have a teacher, coach or mentor who believed in you & helped you learn to believe in your dreams? Do you have one now?  I'd love to hear about them.

Does Social Media Lead to Social Action or Inaction?

Does Social Media Lead To Social Action for Social Good?

Thought for the day: There is something wonderful & terrible about all the social media sites. On the one hand, you can interact with people you would never meet without these platforms. It is easy to learn about things without leaving your home. On the other hand, these sites can become addictive, time consuming & may lead to less real life interactions with people. When confronted with four options: 1) like, 2) share, 3) unlike, or 4) move on, or ignore what we see, are we choosing option 4) more often than any of the others. Why are people opting not to interact? Are we becoming voyeurs rather than action takers? Is our attention span becoming shorter & shorter? Do we need more & more negative, shocking photos & videos to get our attention? Is social media missing it's mark & making us more asocial or anti-social? We know that twitter has played an influential role in the Arab Spring movement, so social media can lead to action, but does it sometimes lead to inaction. What does it take to get you to like or share something on social media sites? What stops you from sharing or liking something?

As a psychologist, I tend to test my theories before I write about them. I find the psychology of social media fascinating. For the last few months I have been thinking about & developing ways to understand the psychology of using social media for social good. My most recent experiment came before I even had a theory or a plan to write about it. I was simply curious. I responded to a facebook post & decided to try it on both my personal & book facebook page, my google+ page (which, I really don't understand yet), & my 3 twitter handles. That means the message went out to over 8,000 people or pages. I was reluctant to place the post since it felt a bit like chain letters which I do not pass on, but my curiosity won.

Here's the post I put out on all the above sites: "...Pay attention! I'm running a test to see who's reading my posts. So, if you read this, leave me a one-word comment about your day—only one word, please. Then, copy this to your wall so I can leave a word for you. Don't just post a word & not copy—that's no fun."

My meager results in over 48 hours are: 18 replies, shares, & likes. In fairness, I get a lot more responses when I post more interesting content. I also sent out my test on a Saturday afternoon when people are busy, so it may not reflect how well it may have done on a weekday. It still appears on my facebook pages, but it is ancient history on twitter & google+. 

Are we simply overwhelmed with so many posts, tweets, blogs & newsletters flashing by in real time? Do we need disasters or "glitzy" gossip from stars to get our attention?  Are we becoming "couch potatoes" on the internet? How can we get people to really connect in meaningful ways? I hope that we will not become numb to calls for action similar to the passerby phenomenon that has occurred when people hear the sounds of a crime happening & ignore it.

I find that some sites are making a conscious effort to engage people about real issues. On Voices Against Brain Cancer's facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/VoicesAgainstBrainCancer, people post pictures & stories about their loved ones who are either fighting a battle against brain cancer or who have sadly lost the battle. They are raising awareness, supporting families dealing with the disease & supporting research programs to put an end to brain cancer. It is so powerful that I can only respond to posts a bit at a time, but I make an effort to do so. Stop Violence Against Women www.care2.com engages visitors to click to have their sponsors support various causes. You can click every day & support multiple causes there for free.

What sites you share, like & comment on & why? As I see it it is up to us, the users to put social responsibility & activism into social media.