Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: The Fastest Way To Change the World is To Educate a Girl

Thought for the Day: I saw a quote on Facebook yesterday which said that "Education is the most powerful weapon to change the world. Nelson Mandela." I thought about using it for today's post. However, this morning I awoke with my own quote which must have been inspired by what I read yesterday: "The fastest way to change the world, is to educate a girl." 

      My grandmother grew up in small town in Russia. At the time, only boys were sent to school. She was fortunate that her parents believed in education and allowed her and her sisters to learn to read and write. She would sit at the back of the boys' class in order to take part in the lessons. After coming to America she continued to learn throughout her life. It is not surprising, that my mother not only went to college, but also became a lawyer at a time when there were next to no women in the legal profession. My mother and grandmother's examples helped me to follow in their footsteps to attain higher education. The pattern, however, is more significant than my family's history. It reflects a revolution in the history of mankind, or should I say womankind. It may be the greatest change our world has seen, giving us hope for the survival of mankind. This may sound like hyperbole, but I mean it with sincerity. 

       Much has been written about the differences in how men and women view the world. From the self help psychology books like Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus by JohnGray to the academic work, In A Different Voice, by Carol Gilligan. Women tend to think and speak differently from men on ethical issues focusing more on relationships and caring. 

       Women's liberation represents more than just a means to reach financial equality and independence. The more education women gain, the more they will be able to influence the world both economically and politically. Women's unique thought process and view of the world has already lead to major accomplishments. The impact of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is just one example of how educated women's efforts have paid off in raising awareness of the dangers of drunk driving and changing the laws to enforce stricter controls and penalties for driving while intoxicated.

       Hopefully, the feminine perspective combined with masculine ones, will help mankind find alternatives to war, solutions to world hunger and poverty, through cooperation and compromise. Women like Melinda Gates, Indirah Ghandi, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey are examples of educated women making a difference in the world. Educated women's power goes beyond the  political and economic sphere. Since they are also influential in the education of their sons and husbands, as well as their daughters, educated women are capable of changing society from the ground up.

       The educational revolution's inclusion of women may be the most significant change of our century. My grandmother would be proud to see how far women have come even though there is still a lot that needs to be done by women.

       Last night I learned that Nelson Mandela passed away. His wisdom will live on. It is ironic that I mentioned his quote just yesterday. May he rest in peace.

Miraculous Monday's: Part 2: Psychotherapy Miracle or Science?

Thought for the Day: Last Monday, I began to tell the story of Henry and Linda's marital therapy. I introduced them and shared a question that I ask all clients at the beginning of therapy. Namely, "If a miracle happened and therapy cured you over night, how would you know? What would be different?"  Linda and Henry's visions of a miracle were pretty similar. They would be communicating with one another and laughing more. They would be living together in harmony and would see eye to eye on religious matters.    

       Since both Henry and Linda had mentioned problems in communication, I gave them a homework assignment. I encouraged them both to read the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray. I often assign reading to clients since it can speed up the process in therapy. In sessions, I can coach them in skills discussed in the book. I explained the theory behind the book and introduced the concepts men and women's different communication styles. 

       The next week, to my surprise only Henry had started reading the book. Often, men will delay starting a reading assignment and women will have completed the entire book. Linda had not had time. Although he had only read the 1st chapter, he liked it and could already see that it applied to their patterns of miscommunication.

       The couple's week had been slightly better, but they brought up an argument that had transpired which was typical of their disagreements. I decided to try a role-playing technique to attempt to get them to imagine interacting differently. They were each to direct the other partner in a two minute ideal scene. What would a perfect interaction between them look like. Henry wanted Linda to be the director first. Linda broke into tears. She said, " I don't think we could have even two minutes of an ideal relationship. It's just not possible." 

       When Henry began to contradict Linda and said, "Come on, we can get along for two minutes." I stopped him and got him to listen to his wife. I encouraged him to just find out what was making her feel so hopeless about their marriage. I reminded him about what he had read and he listened to her in a way he had never listened before. When she had completed what she wanted to say, he was able to ask if she wanted anything from him or if she just wanted him to listen. He said it saddened him to see her so upset and asked if he could do anything to help her. She asked him to just hold her and he did.   

      After he held her for a few touching moments, I decided to ask if they wanted to try the role play again. They were both able to act out their perfect 2 minute interaction. I didn't know for sure, but I felt I had just witnessed one of the miracle moments in therapy. Next week, in the third installment, I will share how Henry and Linda's week went and you can be the judge of whether psychotherapy is a science or a miracle or a combination of the two.

Sunday's Comic Strips: The Psychology of Self Help Books

Thought for the Day: I love when cartoonists help to make us laugh. As a psychologist, I tend to deal with serious issues, but we can all afford to laugh at ourselves & our professions form time to time! Be sure to visit MuttsComics.com to see other strips by this great artist. I actually like self help books which can get people on track even if they need some additional help from therapists. What are your favorite self help books? Has a book helped you change your life? What book was it & how did it help. My favorites include Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood, Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Men Are From Mars & Women Are from Venus by John Gray. I often suggest that my clients read books like these to help them alongside therapy. Seeing how books can be a beneficial adjunct to therapy is why I wrote my book, The Wake Up and Dream Challenge which was based on my work with my clients. I hope you will check it out as well. Come back tomorrow for a follow up to last week's Motivational Mondays post. I will share what I learned in Washington DC & how I shared the comments people made last week to my blog post. Have a great weekend!