Dear Mr. President: Help Us Make Right Something So Wrong

Dear Mr. President: Help Us Make Right Something So Wrong

Thought for the day: This should be my thought for the year & not the day, since it will take much longer to make this dream happen than just a day. In my new children's book, When Bad Things Happen to Children, there is a verse which says, "When bad things happen, we must think hard and long. We'll try to make right of something so wrong." The process of making things right will take effort from people from around the country. Barack Obama has started the process, first by addressing the families & sharing his sadness for the world to see. He then started the next phase by putting in rapid motion, what I hope will be better gun control laws across the nation. However, to make something right of something so wrong will take additional efforts on multiple levels. I decided to write a letter to the president & would love for you to send your versions & suggestions along to him as well. The more parents, teachers & concerned citizens write to their senators, congressmen & the President, the more chance we have to insure that the lives lost in Newtown were not in vain. So here is my letter to the president. Feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be able to help.

Dear Mr. President,
        First, let me introduce myself. My name is Dr. Barbara Lavi. I am a psychologist, licensed in both CT and MA. I began my career in Israel where one of my areas of expertise was helping children & families cope with the perils of war & terrorism. Since returning to the United States, whenever traumatic events occur,  I find my expertise jumps into action like a knee jerk reaction. However, I also know that the impact of trauma does not disappear when the news about the events dies down. I may be the only therapist in the United States who routinely asks new clients how 9/11 impacted on them & their families. I use this information in developing a treatment plan & often find that the events have impacted on clients' current dilemmas.
         The recent tragedy in Newtown sent me into crisis intervention mode right away, since I live & work in Weston CT. I went to corporations impacted by the tragedy in Stamford & Danbury CT. I volunteered to do EMDR with survivors and to speak on radio talk shows on how to help children cope with the horrendous events targeting children. It prompted me to write & offer a free download of a children's book, When Bad Things Happen to Children, with a guide for parents & teachers to help them air their feelings & ask questions about what happened. All of this was my gut reaction to what had occurred. I wanted to give parents & children a sense of control by helping them express their feelings & find ways to do something to help them cope with the tragedy. I thought that I was doing enough to help.
         However, today I am writing to you because I know that what I am doing is not enough. I need your help as do all the parents, teachers & concerned citizens of this great country. I applaud your ability to show your tears & model that it is appropriate for everyone to show their sorrow when bad things happen. I also am encouraged by your promise to make rapid changes in the gun control laws around the nation. However, I am concerned that this too is not enough.
         I congratulate you on hopefully averting the fiscal cliff which was lurking & threatening this country; however there is an educational, mental health cliff that is equally, if not more threatening to our nation. This cliff requires the same kind of concerted, bipartisan effort by senators, congressmen & all our citizens. The tragedies in Newtown, Aurora, Michigan, Columbine & too many others are symptomatic of this invisible cliff. My experience as a psychologist in Israel may offer some ideas to help with these urgent issues.
         In Israel, there is one Ministry of Education which sets the guidelines for the entire nation's school system. Since Israel has been under attack since it's inception, they have had to confront traumatic issues that impact on children head on year round. Home room teachers don't just check attendance. They are also the children's touch point for all social issues that arise. They teach a class called, "Chevrah," which happens a few times a week with the homeroom class (which remains virtually the same through out each of the school experiences, elementary, middle & high school). The best translation for the word "Chevrah" is social studies, but it is more than that. When bad things happen, in the social relationships of the students, in the news or in their homes, there is a built in safety net where the students & teachers are already comfortable talking about tough events. In the USA, when a tragedy occurs, each school reacts, calls in psychologists & counselors who do crisis interventions & then disappear from the school. This is simply not enough.
          In addition, counselors & teachers are burdened with academic testing results & have little time to address the mental & social health of their students. The ratio of students to counselors in our schools must be examined if they are going to be able to preform their jobs and help children cope with family, social as well as academic pressures. In Florida, this concern is being addressed by considering new legislation. Republican State Sen. Nancy Detert filed a bill this week that would require most of the state’s school districts to hire more guidance counselors, based on the number of students at each school. State Senator Detert says, “We don’t have enough guidance counselors to deal with the personal problems of the kids, the family problems at home — let alone helping them get into college.” The same problem exists across the nation.
           Another pressing problem that is symptomatic of the social, mental health cliff is that bullying is running rampant in our schools. Although most school administrators will say they are handling the problem with zero tolerance policies, not only are these policies ineffective in treating the problem, they may also be exacerbating it. Like disgruntled employees who come back to the workplace where they have been fired & do harm to their old boss or co-workers, students expelled from school may become future attackers. Schools need ongoing, comprehensive programs that include training for parents, teachers & the broader community. These programs must help the bullies and the victims if we are to improve the situation in our society.
           Another major area that needs to be addressed is access to care and early intervention for mentally ill children and young adults. Currently, parents of special needs students must fight for the therapeutic programs for their children due to budgetary constraints.  NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the nation’s largest grassroots organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness reports that, "Half of all chronic serious mental illness begins by age 14, three-quarters by age 24. Despite effective treatment, most youth go without. Screening, assessment and early intervention of mental health conditions for children and youth should be an integral part of health care delivery systems." There are far too few home and community based services for mentally ill adults around the country. By under serving this population, we may be spawning the increase in acts of violence by the mentally ill in our nation. Perhaps with ObamaCare some of the mental health services of the special needs students and adults will be better addressed.
           Television, movies & violent video games also play a part in the increase in violent behaviors. Eugene V Beresin, M.D., Director of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Residency Training at the Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Hospital, addresses the impact of violence in the media on children and adolescents. He reports that, "The typical American child will view more than 200,000 acts of violence, including more than 16,000 murders before age 18. Television programs display 812 violent acts per hour; children's programming, particularly cartoons, displays up to 20 violent acts hourly." He voices concern about the impact of such violence on young children who not only are taught that violence is a "cool" means of conflict resolution, but also desensitized to violence seeing it, "as a fact of life and, over time, lose their ability to empathize with both the victim and the victimizer."
             Freedom of speech did not include media representing terror in more & more realistic ways to highly suggestible children or mentally ill adults, which make violence seem unreal or an acceptable path to follow when angry. When I spoke with young adults in CT following the attacks, many of them said, things like, "I'm fine. I'm used to these kind of things, like 9/11." We must not let our youth become numb to these kinds of assaults on human beings.
           As the President of our country, I call on you lead our country to address each of these important issues. Hopefully, together we will develop laws, guidelines, private sector programs that can help fund innovative programs to address the educational, mental health cliff. There are many wonderful programs,  however, each community is trying to reinvent the wheel leading to wasted energy & resources. By bringing together, educators, psychologists, psychiatrists, businessmen, Nonprofit organizations, lawyers, philanthropists, law makers, creative thought leaders to come up with programs & guidelines, hopefully, we will find ways to make right of something so wrong & not let any more innocent lives be lost in vain.
                              Respectfully,
                                   Barbara Lavi, PsyD

Fiscal Cliff Versus Mental Health Educational Cliff

Thought for the day: As the country struggles with the tragedy in Newtown CT the debate about the fiscal cliff has been pushed to the background. One can only hope that the events will keep the physical & emotional health & well-being of our children in the foreground. Hopefully we will all take a long hard look at how well we are doing in caring for the mentally ill in our society. Are we teaching our children to treat one another with respect & without prejudice? Are we jeopardizing the safety of our children while protecting adults' rights to bear arms? Were our forefathers expecting people to carry semi-automatic guns?

We cannot bring back the innocent lives lost, but we can take action to try to prevent similar attacks from occurring. On Sunday I saw a play called Falling in NYC. It is a powerful depiction of the complex issues a family is forced to deal with while raising an 18 year old son who is on the spectrum of autism. Although each child suffering from severe autism to mild asperger's syndrom is different, they raise serious questions which were even more striking in light of the Newtown tragedy. What happens to children when they "age out" of the system & families cannot find appropriate supervised living situations? The facts surrounding the shooter's history & his diagnosis are not clear yet, however, this is not the first time that someone who was potentially dangerous slipped through the cracks & caused senseless loss of life. Today, a Huffington Post article raised the question: Did Fear Of Being Committed Lead To Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting?  If you are near NYC, I urge you to see the play, Falling, before it closes at the end of this month to understand the struggles of raising a disturbed adult in a society that does not have enough adequate resources to help them.

Schools across the country are also struggling with budgetary cuts & focusing on academic achievement while neglecting social & emotional health issues. Our children are dealing with bullying & prejudice (I have written extensively in previous posts about bullying in our schools.) which can lead to disgruntled angry responses among children who become loners & outcasts among their peers. All too often school systems ignore or deny the existence of bullying or they have one time programs to remedy the problems. Short term interventions following the suicide of a bullied student or death of a student due to drunken driving, is not enough to combat the problems facing our children. Parents need to advocate for ongoing comprehensive programs that work with both the bullies and the children who have been the targets of bullies. 

Merchants, film makers & television producers must also strive to use restraint & self-censorship when it comes to the marketing of violent video games, movies & TV shows. Do our children need to be encouraged to shoot realistic targets with high powered video rifles? Psychological research documents the negative effects of such games & movies on normal children.  Aimee Tompkins summarized The Psychological Effects of Violent  Media on Children  ironically, on December 14, 2003 & found that: "The American Psychological Association says there are three major effects of watching violence in the media (i.e.: video games/television) children may become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, children may be more fearful of the world around them, and children may be more likely to behave in aggressive or hurtful ways toward others." The impact on the mentally ill child or adult is simply multiplied. As parents & responsible citizens, let the game manufacturers & media know that you want them to curtail & discontinue such games & reduce the amount of explicit violence in the media.

The Huffington Post report this morning that Walmart Guns Out Of Stock Following Newtown Massacre is extremely disturbing. How many more homes will now have weapons within reach of children & potentially violent disturbed individuals? We must make sure that our representatives in Washington take this alarming trend to stockpile weapons in their deliberations. Yesterday, a client told me that at gun ranges there are lockers to store arms. Perhaps that is a way to keep them away from the hands of those who could use them to do harm. 

It seems like years ago, but on November 2nd I wrote a Post called: Whether the Glass is 1/2 Empty or Half Full, Make the Most With What You Have Left. Today, I am writing about what to do when the glass is shattered. The glass was shattered last Friday & we are all struggling to glue the pieces back together & find our way back to sanity to regain trust in our society's ability to protect our rights for life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.  

These are not easy problems to resolve. They are complex & the solutions will not be quick or easy; however we must make sure they are addressed & that the discussions continue when the media stops reporting about the tragedy. Although our hearts are heavy this holiday season, I encourage you to continue to dream of & work for "Peace on earth, good will toward men." Regardless of your religious affiliation, we all need & can be inspired by the words & music which have additional significance this year. I will never think of the song Rock of Ages in the same way as when I heard the words this year that say: "And your strength broke their swords, when our own strength failed us." Although we may feel that alone our strength may fail us, together, we must find strength to believe in miracles & take action to make them happen. By voicing our concerns & searching for creative solutions to the challenges we face, out of this tragedy, may we find the strength to build a better safer world.

Please share your comments, thoughts & ideas of ways to work together to solve these challenges.

Bullying Part VI: Can Stricter Gun Control Laws Prevent Tragedies Like Aurora?

AP Hearbreak in Aurora

Thought for the Day: I am saddened by the madness & escalation of violence in our country. My initial thought that the violence might be in the hands of another victim of bullying, may be wrong, but The Aurora Massacre raises serious questions for our society. There are no simple solutions, but the use of common sense in developing better gun control laws & ways to detect signs that someone may be planning a violent act need to be explored.

When my eldest daughter was about six years old, I was living in Israel. There was a terrorist attack at the Lod Airport not far from my home. When my daughter heard about the attack her reaction was, "If they get guns and attack me & my family, I'll just get a gun & kill their families." As a pacifist & parent living in a war torn nation, I was horrified to hear my innocent child's response to the terrorism. I told her that the army was there & had responded to defend it's citizens, but that we do not go out & commit terrorist attacks against defenseless women, children, and tourists as retribution. Fortunately, my daughter grew up to be a sensible law abiding citizen & parent with views closer to my own. The terror in Aurora brought back memories of that day.

How can anyone advocate for allowing people like Holmes the freedom to accumulate an arsenal of weapons without raising any red flags? When our forefathers advocated for weapons for self defense, they also gave us all inalienable rights to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Someone must fight for the rights of the victims who went to a movie & were denied their right to live. I am not a politician, just a psychologist  believing that tragedies like the Aurora massacre, Columbine & other similar attacks could be prevented with restrictions of automatic weapons & supplies that are used to develop explosive devices.

Sarah Palin, former Alaska Governor & vice presidential candidate's sounded more like my six year old daughter with an over simplistic approach when she said, “The bad guys, the criminals, don’t follow laws and restricting more of America’s freedoms when it comes to self-defense isn’t the answer. Not when you consider what the reality is. Bad guys don’t follow laws.” She described the shootings as "a manifestation of evil. It appears that Holmes, the alleged shooter, was not only evil but also mentally ill. He is not the first person with serious mental illness to go on a rampage with automatic weapons. I am not expecting a gun dealer or the internet gun suppliers to be psychologists, but the laws & automatic internet devices could raise red flags when anyone tries to purchase automatic weapons or large supplies of ammunition designed for combat, not simple self defense. Does the fact that criminals don't follow laws mean we should make it easy for them to obtain weapons?

Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson's statement was also overly simplistic when he said that, "...it's certainly one of the rationales behind conceal and carry, where criminals actually have to be a little concerned before they commit a criminal act that maybe somebody could stop them. And I think that is the truth. That somebody, a responsible individual had been carrying a weapon, maybe -- maybe -- they could have prevented the death and injuries." A concealed pistol in the hands of a novice shooter could not have stopped the onslaught of automatic weapons. Criminals know there may be someone with a gun & therefore they have escalated their choice of weapons to more powerful automatic & semi-automatic weapons that most people do not take with them to a movie theater.

We should not ignore the problem like Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper who weighed in against stricter gun control, telling ABC that Holmes would have been able to create terror even without access to firearms.  James Holmes had over 30 grenades in his apartment. How can anyone in the United States buy grenades without someone wondering why they would need them?

I agree with New York mayor Michael Bloomberg who questions both Obama & Romney's failure to advocate for stricter gun control, “This really is an enormous problem for the country, and it's up to these two presidential candidates. They want to lead this country, and they've said things before that they're in favor of banning things like assault weapons. Where are they now and why don't they stand up? And if they want our votes, they better."

After I posted this, I saw that President Obama did speak out for changes. Although he supports the right to carry guns for hunting & self defense, he "also believe(s) that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers, not in the hands of criminals. That they belong on the battlefield of war, not on the streets of our cities. I believe the majority of gun owners would agree we should do everything possible to prevent criminals and fugitives from purchasing weapons, and we should check someone's criminal record before they can check out a gun seller."

In addition, he called for new restrictions that would bar mentally unstable people from purchasing weapons. He stated that, "These steps shouldn't be controversial, they should be common sense." These changes should be supported across party lines.


We all need to take a stand & confront the these complex questions. Where do you stand on this issue? I would like to know your thoughts.