Motivational Monday: How to Parent a Malala

* Malala Yousafzai

Thought for the Day: Today is Columbus Day in the United States in honor of Christopher Columbus' daring voyage which led to the discover of America. Today, I'd like to write about a brave teenager who has weathered a different kind of dangerous waters in the fighting for girls' rights to have equal education. Malala Yousafzai has been in the news for some time now. The 16 year old education & peace advocate survived an attack by the Taliban on her way to school. Miraculously she survived a bullet which hit her in the head only damaging her hearing & some facial nerves. The teen is fighting back by speaking even more adamantly for the right for education for all children. She was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize but spoke about being glad she did not win. She has been honored around the world. She founded a Nonprofit foundation, the Malala Fund, to raise money for education for girls. Her recently published autobiography, I Am Malala, is an instant best seller. 

Her precocious wisdom & worldliness have been astounding all who hear her. On the Daily Show, host Jon Stewart was speechless after she spoke & then offered to "adopt her." As a psychologist interested in both parenting, education, motivation, & overcoming adversity, I have been thinking about what helps a child become resilient, confident & brave. Here are a few things that stand out for me:

1) Build your child's self esteem by recognizing & believing in your child's gifts. Every child has innate gifts. One of a parent's most important tasks is to recognize & believe in your child's gifts & abilities. In an interview with Diane Sawyer, her father, himself a teacher & political activist, felt that Malala was special from birth. He chose the name Malala from a Pakistani song.about a young hero whose "words can turn worlds around." Although it may not be from birth, look for your child's strengths & tell them what you see in them. How you see them helps them build a positive (or negative) self image.

2) Enhance self confidence by treating your daughters and sons as unique capable individuals. Her father also spoke about accepting that his daughter was a person equal to any boy. In a society that differentiates between the sexes, he treated her & his sons as equals & gave them equal opportunities. He even founded schools for girls.

3) Strenghten your child's ability to stand up for their convictions by exemplifying what you believe. Malala's father practiced political activism & spoke up in public for girls rights despite death threats by the Taliban. He taught her to speak up for what is right for everyone even when it may be dangerous to you personally. 

Malala's mother, on the other hand, did not go to school, does not know how to read & has avoided being photographed out of respect to her religious traditions. However, in her own quiet way she has supported her husband's progressive liberal beliefs & backed Malala's educational & social activist endeavors.

4) Teach your children the power of education as the key to economic & political freedom.  Malala's father exposed her to school from when she was a toddler, taught he both to love learning & to recognize the power it gives you.

All children have unique strengths & can become like Malala with the love & encouragement of supportive parents.

* Image Credits

This image is a work of a United States Agency for International Development employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain.

Sunday's Comics: Every Rock Musician's Dream

Thought for the Day: Today's comic photo reflects every aspiring rock musician's dreams. This resourceful musician created a tee shirt to recruit groupies! Enjoy & have a great Sunday!

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Gordon Lightfoot & Changes

Thought for the Day: The last couple of weeks I shared some of my readers' stories & songs that had special meaning for them over the years. Today, I'm sharing a song that brings back great memories for me. As I began to prepare this post, I was thinking about the fall & the changing of seasons. I'd love for you to share other songs about changes that have helped you cope with the inevitable changes in life, as well. I may share them here, if it's ok with you.

I learned the song, "Changes," many years ago. It was written by an extraordinary singer songwriter, Phil Ochs. However, I learned it from Canadian friends who were on a leadership training program with me in Israel after I graduated from high school. Somehow, since Canadian singer songwriter,  Gordon Lightfoot, made it famous in Canada, I was led to believe he wrote it. The lyrics & the melody are haunting beautiful. In songwriting when there is perfect pairing of words & melody, the song is said to have "prosody." Prosody helps a song communicate the emotions attached to the story.

I have not listened to "Changes" for many years. We played & sang the song so many times that it began to lose it's meaning for me. However, today, when I played it, it brought back the nostalgia & bittersweet feelings associated with the changes that are part of life.

I decided to share one of Lightfoot's other songs which I always loved as well, "Early Morning Rain."

In addition, if you would like to learn more about Lightfoot & his life & career, there is a longer video from a canadian Television show, 16X9 in 2012 with the 74 year old troubadour.

 Have a great weekend.

#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Flipping Classrooms, World Mental Health Day, Childbirth & Sexuality & Bullying Prevention

Thought for the Day: I don't know about you, but I for one am glad it's Friday. It has been a busy week & I am ready for the weekend. I hope you caught my humorous special edition yesterday Part II in Wake Up Washington: Putting Congress on the Couch. I'd love to hear your thoughts and reactions to the post since it is so different from most of my posts.

     For today I have some interesting articles for your weekend reading. A fascinating article from the NY Times, on "flipping classrooms," using video lessons at home & homework projects at school. This new concept has been helping kids in previously low functioning school districts make dramatic strides. The 2nd find is an article on taking care of yourself & helping those with mental illness on World Mental Health Day. Many people have held the opinion that natural childbirth leads to lower sex drive in women. The 3rd find this week discredits this myth. My 4th find this week is a bit disturbing. It seems that some programs intended to prevent bullying in our schools may be having the opposite effect & teaching bullies how to harm their peers. More research & more comprehensive programs must be investigated & implemented.

     Have a great weekend & I hope you enjoy these finds!

Turning Education Upside Down By TINA ROSENBERG

2013 World Mental Health Day: Taking Care of You By LISA KANTOR, ESQ. AND RACHEL TEICHER

Childbirth Does Not Cause Sexual Dysfunction, Says Study  By Lydia O'Connor The Huffington Post

Bullying Prevention Programs May Have Negative Impact: Study By Rebecca Klein The Huffington Post

Special Edition: Wake Up Washington: Part II Putting Congress On the Couch

Thought for the Day: I tend to be a serious person, however, when a humorous creative writing idea comes my way, I try not to let it pass. Therefore, today, I am writing a special edition for the blog. I hope you enjoy it & feel free to share it with whomever will appreciate the humor. Maybe it will help Wake Up Congress. As always, I'd love to hear your comments & ideas.

On Wednesday, I posted some comments on the need to "Wake Up" Washington DC & asked you for some therapeutic suggestions. Today, I'm offering a few treatment plans (tongue in cheek) to consider for Congress:

1) Psychoanalytic Treatment Plan: Put Congress on the couch. Address early childhood issues, Oedipal conflicts & wishes to get rid of paternal figures & have presidential power. Pros: it could get to the bottom of the causes for the neurotic behaviors. Cons: It would takes years of intensive psychotherapy & the nation would be in shambles before the treatment was completed.

2) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Develop a plan to overcome ObamaCare Phobia using progressive desensitization techniques. Teach members of Congress relaxation techniques & combine them with imagining a hierarchy of their fears of ObamaCare from the least to the most anxiety provoking.  Have them stay relaxed while imagining all the scenarios & they will be ready to move on. Pros: It could be completed in a few sessions. Cons: It might not get to the underlying issues causing the phobias.

3) Marriage Counseling &/or Family Therapy: Meet with members of congress to see if the marital rifts between the two sides can be resolved. Focus on enhancing communication skills & learning to compromise. Try to help the "parental figures" (congressmen & women) consider the needs of their children (citizens) even if they cannot resolve their differences. Mandate participation in a parenting class for divorcing parents for all members of congress. Get them into mediation to find solutions on how to keep the government running despite their differences. Pros: It could make them wake up & start behaving in a more adult ways. Cons: To do marriage counseling or mediation they must 1st be able to sit in the same room & start speaking to one another. It may not be possible at this time.

4) Addiction Intervention & Rehabilitation: Since Congress seems to be in denial of their addiction to "obstruction of the democratic process," an intervention may be necessary. All family members (citizens) who feel Congress' addiction is self destructive would meet with the interventionist prior to meeting with the addict. Family members would need to be prepared to tell Congress how their addiction is impacting them & the nation & the consequences if they do not get intensive treatment immediately. Before involving Congress a treatment facility & plan for rehab would be chosen. Pros: It may be the only way to break through Congress' denial of their addiction. Cons: The inpatient stay would bankrupt ObamaCare & recovery would take too long.

5) Treatment of Cult Victims: Treat members of Congress for brainwashing by cult like factions. Pros: It might actually help break the impasses in DC. Cons: Treatments for cult victims are controversial techniques. They cannot be carried out without cooperation of the brainwashed victims. Members of Congress would never cooperate.

I know there are therapists following this blog. Anyone have some additional suggestions?

Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Is Persuasion In the Eye of the Beholder?

Thought for the Day: Today's psychology trivia question is:

     True or False:
         People who make eye contact are more persuasive and viewed as more likable & competent.

You may think you know the answer, but it may surprise you. 

Wake Up Wednesday: When Will Congress Wake Up & Stop Destroying Citizens' Dreams?

Thought for the Day: I have held my tongue since I try not to focus on politics. However, as the government shutdown drags on, I find myself wondering when will the politicians in Washington have a "wake up" moment & realize that without compromise everyone loses. It feel a bit like a game of Russian Roulette with the American people as the hostages whose lives & livelihood are endangered. The situation feels serious enough to warrant emergency action by the president, similar to presidential acts in the face of war or imminent threat of war. The financial implications of not raising the debt ceiling given the economic problems our nation is still struggling with are too serious to jeopardize the collapse of the economy. So many of my clients are already struggling with unemployment, fear of personal bankruptcy & the strain of financial challenges on their marriages & mental health, that I feel I must speak up. It feels as if Congress is simply blind to the struggles & feelings of the people back home. ObamaCare offers a ray of light to those under financial stress & is being implemented as I write, but Congress continues to try to undermine this initiative which they have not been able to stop in legal ways.  Too many American's lives & dreams depend on the continued improvement of the economy. One commentator on CNN today said that they feel we do not need specialists in hostage negotiations, but marriage counselors to try to save a nation on the path to a messy divorce. I'd be glad to try some family therapy techniques with members of Congress, if it would help them behave in a more mature fashion. What do you think? What will make Washington "wake up?"