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Thought for the Day: The week has flown by with spring flirting with us for a couple of days and then the winter deep freeze returned to taunt us. It seems that spring is on it's way. Although the snow is still not quite melted, I can see some grass which is a good sign! I hope you are all faring well as we anxiously await warmer weather. Today's Fabulous Finds range from the cute comic above which could have been an illustration for the article on digital devices and generational abyss, to seven habits of emotionally healthy people, to building boys self esteem, and a free mobile app which is helping people with PTSD around the world. I hope you enjoy them and have a great weekend!
Thought for the Day: I hope you have taken a few minutes to look at the brief confidential survey on Children and Violence. I'd really appreciate it if you would spend 5 minutes and fill it out. Help be part of the solutions.
It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question so I'm sharing one I did a while back:
Thought for the Day: Here's the question posed on Tuesday & the answer. Did you get it right? Read on to see what you can do so that you: "Don't let your mouth work faster than your mind." DrB
What is the #1 predictor of divorce?
a) lack of physical intimacy
b) lack of similar interests
c) poor communication skills
d) financial problems
e) infidelity
Answer to Tuesday's Psychological Trivia question:
The #1 Predictor of Divorce is c) Poor communication skills
To a degree this was a bit of a trick question, since often divorce seems to be due to the other 4 answers provided. People will say that they, "grew apart" & had little in common. Others will complain about financial problems and arguments leading them down the path to divorce. Lack of intimacy & affairs are often central to explanations of why a marriage fell apart. However, the results of over 20 years of research on couples may indicate that although the other answers on this quiz may be contributing factors, they appear to be secondary to poor communication skills & contemptuous communications between partners. How people fight about finances or other issues may lead to lack of desire for intimacy, infidelity or neglecting common interests. Being respectful of your partner may be the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship.
Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. reports in Psychology Today (March 3, 2013) the findings of extensive research by Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, an expert on couple studies. Dr Gottman concluded that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship. Contempt, the opposite of respect, can be expressed in many ways. Negative judgments, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual are some of the ways we communicate contempt. Preston Ni discusses four major ways we can convey contempt, intentionally or unintentionally:
1. “You” language plus directives; "You are not good enough..."
2. Universal statements; "You never take my feelings into consideration..." "You always ignore the kids."
3. Tough on the person, soft on the issue;
Contemptuous communication: “You are such an idiot!”
Effective communication: “I know you are an intelligent person, but what you did this morning was not very smart.”
and
4. Invalidate feelings. "I don't care what you think, you are so oversensitive that your feelings are always exaggerated."
The good news is you can learn to communicate differently. It may be awkward at first, but you can practice better communication skills & learn how to communicate respectfully even when you disagree with your partner.
A large part of couples' counseling is focused on learning healthier communication skills. Rebuilding respectful ways of interacting after contemptuous arguments have occurred is extremely important if you want to prevent a breakdown of communication & divorce. If you recognize any of these negative patterns in your interactions, it may be time to call a professional & learn how to fight fair.
Thought for the Day: Instead of writing a post today, I decided to start a new type of article on the blog. Every week, on Fridays, I'd like to bring you some of the best articles I have found this week on current topics. I read a wide variety of articles every week. Therefore, my #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds will be a mixed bag and may range from psychology, self-help, social media, & inspirational articles. The articles will be connected to things that interest me or which I may have written about in the past. I hope you will find them helpful & informative. Please feel free to forward & share them with others. Let me know your thoughts & comments on this approach & on the articles which I bring to you.
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds:
1) The first find: Three Ways to Help 'Loners' and Improve School Safety,
Wake Up and Dream Catalyst: Short inspirational thoughts for the day. Raising questions & hopefully opening a dialogue with people interested in learning how to turn their dreams into plans and start navigating their way towards them.
Showing posts with label Psychology Today. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology Today. Show all posts
Friday, March 14, 2014
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Communication & the Generational Abyss, 7 Habits of Emotional Healthy People, Building Boys Self Esteem, & An App for PTSD
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings Fault
Thought for the Day: I hope you have taken a few minutes to look at the brief confidential survey on Children and Violence. I'd really appreciate it if you would spend 5 minutes and fill it out. Help be part of the solutions.
It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question so I'm sharing one I did a while back:
True or False: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings FaultWhat do you think? What were your relationships with your siblings and cousins like growing up. Did you fight a lot or get along. How did you resolve conflicts with them or other close childhood friends? Did you yell, have physical fights or avoid talking to them hoping the problem would blow over?
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thursday's Psychological Trivia Answers: How to Prevent Divorce
What is the #1 predictor of divorce?
a) lack of physical intimacy
b) lack of similar interests
c) poor communication skills
d) financial problems
e) infidelity
Answer to Tuesday's Psychological Trivia question:
The #1 Predictor of Divorce is c) Poor communication skills
To a degree this was a bit of a trick question, since often divorce seems to be due to the other 4 answers provided. People will say that they, "grew apart" & had little in common. Others will complain about financial problems and arguments leading them down the path to divorce. Lack of intimacy & affairs are often central to explanations of why a marriage fell apart. However, the results of over 20 years of research on couples may indicate that although the other answers on this quiz may be contributing factors, they appear to be secondary to poor communication skills & contemptuous communications between partners. How people fight about finances or other issues may lead to lack of desire for intimacy, infidelity or neglecting common interests. Being respectful of your partner may be the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship.
Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. reports in Psychology Today (March 3, 2013) the findings of extensive research by Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, an expert on couple studies. Dr Gottman concluded that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship. Contempt, the opposite of respect, can be expressed in many ways. Negative judgments, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual are some of the ways we communicate contempt. Preston Ni discusses four major ways we can convey contempt, intentionally or unintentionally:
1. “You” language plus directives; "You are not good enough..."
2. Universal statements; "You never take my feelings into consideration..." "You always ignore the kids."
3. Tough on the person, soft on the issue;
Contemptuous communication: “You are such an idiot!”
Effective communication: “I know you are an intelligent person, but what you did this morning was not very smart.”
and
4. Invalidate feelings. "I don't care what you think, you are so oversensitive that your feelings are always exaggerated."
The good news is you can learn to communicate differently. It may be awkward at first, but you can practice better communication skills & learn how to communicate respectfully even when you disagree with your partner.
A large part of couples' counseling is focused on learning healthier communication skills. Rebuilding respectful ways of interacting after contemptuous arguments have occurred is extremely important if you want to prevent a breakdown of communication & divorce. If you recognize any of these negative patterns in your interactions, it may be time to call a professional & learn how to fight fair.
To learn more about these types of communication & how to change these patterns go to: Communication Success Be ultra-effective at home, at work, and in the world by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. This article gave me the idea for the trivia question & post, so thanks Preston Ni & Psychology Today.
Friday, January 18, 2013
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds
Thought for the Day: Instead of writing a post today, I decided to start a new type of article on the blog. Every week, on Fridays, I'd like to bring you some of the best articles I have found this week on current topics. I read a wide variety of articles every week. Therefore, my #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds will be a mixed bag and may range from psychology, self-help, social media, & inspirational articles. The articles will be connected to things that interest me or which I may have written about in the past. I hope you will find them helpful & informative. Please feel free to forward & share them with others. Let me know your thoughts & comments on this approach & on the articles which I bring to you.
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds:
1) The first find: Three Ways to Help 'Loners' and Improve School Safety,
Schools must support isolated students, was Published on January 16, 2013 by Nancy Rappaport, M.D. in We Are Only Human. Rappaport is a psychiatrist whose posts tend to be down to earth & informative. She presents some great simple suggestions for schools to promote safety. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/we-are-only-human/201301/three-ways-help-loners-and-improve-school-safety
2) Would Gandhi Use Social Media? is my second find by Nipun Mehta, a UC Berkeley graduate, left Silicon Valley and founded a non-profit that builds free websites for nonprofits. His offers an interesting analysis of social media & how it can lead to social change. Since I have been using social media for social change, I find his perspective to be interesting & enlightening.
3) My third find is by a colleague who is also one of my facebook fans Dr. Craig Malkin.
Dr. Craig Malkin is an author, clinical psychologist, and Instructor of Psychology for Harvard Medical School (HMS) who writes for the Huffington Post. This article presents a very interesting question: Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love? His findings may help couples who have found that their relationships have lost some of their luster.
Dr. Craig Malkin is an author, clinical psychologist, and Instructor of Psychology for Harvard Medical School (HMS) who writes for the Huffington Post. This article presents a very interesting question: Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love? His findings may help couples who have found that their relationships have lost some of their luster.
Have a wonderful weekend!
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