Wake Up and Dream Catalyst: Short inspirational thoughts for the day. Raising questions & hopefully opening a dialogue with people interested in learning how to turn their dreams into plans and start navigating their way towards them.
Thought for the Day: I have two motivational pieces for today. One is an example of how social media can do good and the other on how important it is to "Look Up" from your phone and computers. The 1st story cam to me via a message from a facebook fan.Duncan K McLindon had left me a note some time ago. His message went unnoticed since he had posted it on a Facebook page for my psychology practice, ACT Now Psychotherapy. An intern created the page, but until about a week ago I had not posted anything there. I post regularly on a facebook fan page for my book, but simply never made time for the other page. Last week, I posted how a 3 year old can teach us about philanthropy. When I read Duncan's message, I was moved and wrote back that I would share his 12 year old daughter Tabitha's story today. It is yet another story of what children can teach us. My plan was just to share Duncan's story, but today I saw another post of a video which we all need to see and share with everyone we know. It has been viewed on YouTube by over 13 million people, so it is clearly a powerful video. I hope you will read on, see both sides of the equation and share it with people you know and care about. On the one hand, social media can enhance our lives. However, on the other hand, too much of a good thing can detract from our lives.
Thought for the Day: Instead of writing a post today, I decided to start a new type of article on the blog. Every week, on Fridays, I'd like to bring you some of the best articles I have found this week on current topics. I read a wide variety of articles every week. Therefore, my #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds will be a mixed bag and may range from psychology, self-help, social media, & inspirational articles. The articles will be connected to things that interest me or which I may have written about in the past. I hope you will find them helpful & informative. Please feel free to forward & share them with others. Let me know your thoughts & comments on this approach & on the articles which I bring to you.
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds:
1) The first find: Three Ways to Help 'Loners' and Improve School Safety,
2) Would Gandhi Use Social Media? is my second find by Nipun Mehta, a UC Berkeley graduate, left Silicon Valley and founded a non-profit that builds free websites for nonprofits. His offers an interesting analysis of social media & how it can lead to social change. Since I have been using social media for social change, I find his perspective to be interesting & enlightening.
3) My third find is by a colleague who is also one of my facebook fans Dr. Craig Malkin. Dr. Craig Malkin is an author, clinical psychologist, and Instructor of Psychology for Harvard Medical School (HMS) who writes for the Huffington Post. This article presents a very interesting question: Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love? His findings may help couples who have found that their relationships have lost some of their luster.
Thought for Today: The Psychology of Social Media is strongly connected to what I called the Psychology of Unexpected Adventures in an earlier post on March 23rd. Unexpected adventures bring joy & sometimes help us shift direction in life. Some people call these events serendipity, the law of attraction or fate, but I think it is something different. The March 23rd post led me to discover a wonderful new product capable of helping multiple causes. I'd like to share their story as an example of the connection between social media & the Psychology of Unexpected Adventuress. How has social media led to an unexpected discovery or adventure for you? I'd love to hear your stories.
I saw a very funny, touching film yesterday at the Garden Cinemas , in Norwalk CT. We try to see all the movies played at this wonderful 4 screen art house, since they show films you may not find at the bigger establishments. I knew nothing about the movie, but trusted that it would be good if they brought it. I was not disappointed. I had not realized that Susan Sarandan was one of the stars along with Jason Segal, Ed Helms, & Judy Greer in the movie, Jeff Lives At Home. I don't want to ruin the movie for you, but in one sentence, getting out of your normal routine often leads to unexpected adventures. Jeff's mother, Susan Sarandan, is worried about him & her one birthday wish is for him to buy wood glue at Home Depot & fix a wooden slat on a louvered door on her closet. Jeff sees everything as signs of his destiny. He follows all the "signs" when he ventures out of the basement to go to Home Depot.
Jeff, (Jason Segal) who lives at home & is going nowhere in life, but he is not the only onewho is stuck. All the main characters in this movies are dissatisfied with their lives in one way or another. His mother (Susan Sarandan) is working hard at a job, but is lonely & dislikes both her sons. Ed Helms plays Jeff's brother who turns to extravagant purchases to try to fill the void he's feeling in his marriage. His wife, played by Judy Greer, is having an affair. She is looking for someone to pay attention to her, since she feels misunderstood by her husband. Each of the characters change their normal routine on the day reported in the movie & have unexpected adventures. In the movie, we only see one day in their lives, so we can only guess & hope that the adventures lead to changes in their lives.
You may be thinking, what does this have to do with the psychology of social media? I have loved the internet since I first started using it about 12 years ago. I have been able to "meet" people through the internet that I would never have met in real life without this technology. When I started using twitter last May, I did so since everyone in the world of publishing seemed to think it was important. Personally, I thought it was a silly platform where people tweeted about what they were eating for lunch. By the end of the summer, my view of twitter was totally different. I had used the platform to build several thousand followers including NPOs, authors, musicians, psychologists, philanthropists, & journalists interested in social activism. I discovered some (@BlindJudo, @Elimin8Prejudic, @VABC & @MusicFromABottle) of the NPOs included in my book through twitter. Many nonprofit organizations found me.
On March 23rd, on this blog, I asked readers to share their stories of unexpected adventures in their lives. I posted a tweet to my now 7500 followers on three twitter handles (@WakeUpDreamNow, @DreamNonProfits, & @PostTweetDreams). Three minutes later, here's what happened:
WakeUpDreamNow:
Are you open to unexpected discoveries & dreams? Amazing things can happen on the path to your dreams. See how... Link8:31am, Mar 23 from Facebook
(The only change I made was to update the links which were no longer active!)
With over 7000 followers, I had not read about Eraselet before this twitter encounter. When I read their story, I loved it & promised to write about it after last Thursday's event Wings of Change at which I was preparing to speak along with other authors, philanthropists, educators & NPOs dedicated to changing the world.
Behind @Eraselet is Bryan Ricci, another person on a mission to help change the world. His story can give hope to anyone who is struggling at this time. At age 15, Brian lived on the streets of Nashville. He was sleeping under bridges. Brian hopped from couch to couch to survive. “I
didn’t know what to do,” Ricci said. “And then one day … I had this
crazy moment. I hitchhiked to California, got a job waiting tables &
turned my life around.” Fast forward, 16 years & now Brian at 31 is married with children & working to help others
avoid the path he took as a teenager.
His current unexpected adventure started when Brian's 10 year old daughter kept losing erasers. Brian's wife, Kimberly Ricci, says that, "knowing how kids wear all those bands &
bracelets around their wrists, Bryan told her he’d make her an eraser
she could wear like (a bracelet).’’ He invented a rubber wristband, called an Eraselet, that doubles as
an eraser. The wristband can be used as a marketing tool to promote slogans such as “Erase Hunger.” For the
Metropolitan Homelessness Commission, “End Homelessness.” So the once homeless father, has found a way to help others erase homelessness & endless other causes.
I believe that once we decide to make a change in our lives & start moving towards our dreams, we begin to make changes which lead us to unexpected discoveries & adventures. Whether we get out in the real world or the virtual world of social media, we begin to discover people, organizations & ideas that can help us move forward towards our dreams. It is not some magical process even though it may seem magical. When you are stuck & start doing things differently, it becomes like a chain reaction leading to new opportunities. I hope this post brings multiple new opportunities for Brian's wonderful invention & reaches as many charities as possible!
What discoveries & encounters have you had using social media? I'd love to hear your stories!
Does Social Media Lead To Social Action for Social Good?
Thought for the day: There is something wonderful & terrible about all the social media sites. On the one hand, you can interact with people you would never meet without these platforms. It is easy to learn about things without leaving your home. On the other hand, these sites can become addictive, time consuming & may lead to less real life interactions with people. When confronted with four options: 1) like, 2) share, 3) unlike, or 4) move on, or ignore what we see, are we choosing option 4) more often than any of the others. Why are people opting not to interact? Are we becoming voyeurs rather than action takers? Is our attention span becoming shorter & shorter? Do we need more & more negative, shocking photos & videos to get our attention? Is social media missing it's mark & making us more asocial or anti-social? We know that twitter has played an influential role in the Arab Spring movement, so social media can lead to action, but does it sometimes lead to inaction. What does it take to get you to like or share something on social media sites? What stops you from sharing or liking something?
As a psychologist, I tend to test my theories before I write about them. I find the psychology of social media fascinating. For the last few months I have been thinking about & developing ways to understand the psychology of using social media for social good. My most recent experiment came before I even had a theory or a plan to write about it. I was simply curious. I responded to a facebook post & decided to try it on both my personal & book facebook page, my google+ page (which, I really don't understand yet), & my 3 twitter handles. That means the message went out to over 8,000 people or pages. I was reluctant to place the post since it felt a bit like chain letters which I do not pass on, but my curiosity won.
Here's the post I put out on all the above sites:"...Pay
attention! I'm running a test to see who's reading my posts. So, if you
read this, leave me a one-word comment about your day—only one word,
please. Then, copy this to your wall so I can leave a word for you.
Don't just post a word & not copy—that's no fun."
My meager results in over 48 hours are: 18 replies, shares, & likes. In fairness, I get a lot more responses when I post more interesting content. I also sent out my test on a Saturday afternoon when people are busy, so it may not reflect how well it may have done on a weekday. It still appears on my facebook pages, but it is ancient history on twitter & google+.
Are we simply overwhelmed with so many posts, tweets, blogs & newsletters flashing by in real time? Do we need disasters or "glitzy" gossip from stars to get our attention? Are we becoming "couch potatoes" on the internet? How can we get people to really connect in meaningful ways? I hope that we will not become numb to calls for action similar to the passerby phenomenon that has occurred when people hear the sounds of a crime happening & ignore it.
I find that some sites are making a conscious effort to engage people about real issues. On Voices Against Brain Cancer's facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/VoicesAgainstBrainCancer, people post pictures & stories about their loved ones who are either fighting a battle against brain cancer or who have sadly lost the battle. They are raising awareness, supporting families dealing with the disease & supporting research programs to put an end to brain cancer. It is so powerful that I can only respond to posts a bit at a time, but I make an effort to do so. Stop Violence Against Womenwww.care2.com engages visitors to click to have their sponsors support various causes. You can click every day & support multiple causes there for free.
What sites you share, like & comment on & why? As I see it it is up to us, the users to putsocial responsibility & activisminto social media.
Thought
for today: Life in this day & age is not without challenges. Much of the news we hear is depressing. The
economy is struggling. Unemployment is high. College grads are returning
home & living with their parents out of necessity. Teenage girls are posting on YouTube asking if they are ugly. Children were murdered in an attack by a classmate wielding a gun in Ohio. Under the circumstances, staying
optimistic is challenging. If it is a prerequisite for making the future better, how can we hold on to our optimism? In light of all the negative news, is the American Dream dying or just transforming? More positive news exists, however, the media seems to focus on the negative, since it sells. We have the power to change that fact. Today, I will tell you about some of the organizations whose activities are helping to keep the American Dream alive & well. Like America, it is transforming with the times. Please share these stories that include the negative occurences but also report some promising solutions & progress in their messages. Show magazines & the media that you are interested in the positive news which will help keep the American Dream thriving.
All three of the above were in conjunction with National Eating Disorder Awareness week, but somehow I see these as testaments to the changing face of the American Dream. The rise in violence, unemployment, & eating disorders, are symptoms of the times we are living in. When the going gets tough you must get tougher. When the dream is challenged, you must get more creative to dream it forward. Women & girls are fighting for their American Dreams of life liberty & the pursuit of happiness & are making progress.
The American Dream is going through what seems like a coming of age right of passage. With each technological advance, democracy & freedom need to reassess how to insure those rights to all it's citizens. Facebook, twitter, & YouTube have given a worldwide platform which can be used for amazingly good causes or for evil ones. America & Americans are just beginning to learn how to use these new tools responsibly. As with all new things, it takes time to learn how to use them respectfully & responsibly.
Denise's series of articles for Eating Disorder's Awareness week speak about the new trend among young girls to post videos on YouTube asking if they are ugly. It is heartbreaking to see such lovely young girls questioning their beauty & to learn that they are being taunted by cruel kids online. It raises huge concerns for parents, educators & therapists. Helping girls (& boys for that matter) to accept their unique bodies & appearances is challenging in an environment where magazines, TV & social media portray beauty as airbrushed thin models who often suffer from eating disorders to maintain dangerously unhealthy body weight. She also reports about a program called"Project HEAL,
founded by two teenage girls who helped each other recover from
anorexia nervosa, a potentially life-threatening eating disorder
characterized by self-starvation & excessive weight loss." Programs like Project Heal are a sign of hope. Survivors are taking control of their eating, while helping other teens take control & fighting for their right to live the American Dream.
Given the explosion of new technologies, parents need to "friend" their children & their children's friends on Facebook & YouTube. They must pay attention to their children's & their children's friends posts & talk to them if anything seems worrisome. Are they or a friend depressed, angry, threatening, self-deprecating, questioning whether they want to live? In the same way that you would want to meet the children they are associating with at school, you need to try to have some idea of who they are connecting with online. Start "friending" them on facebook when they are young, before they will be self-conscious about including you. Don't try to "be" their friend, just keep a watchful eye & speak with them personally, if you have concerns. If they want to take you off their "friend" list, remember, you are paying for internet access & can take it away. Make it a requirement for internet access. Remember you are the parent.
In addition, as parents there are things you can do to impact on the media. Television advertises food & alcohol ways to attain happiness, popularity & success. It took years for society to realize that advertizing of cigarettes was killing people & get the ads off the air. I believe we are on the verge of a grass roots revolution regarding how women's beauty is portrayed by the media. It is time to realize that advertizing is killing girls & women by promoting an unachievable unhealthy image. We, the consumers, can change the face of feminine beauty. To do so we must speak up & let the fashion, music, movie, dance & gymnastics industry know that we will not put up with the exclusion of girls as models or performers who do not fit the "twiggy" look. Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. It starts from within & external beauty varies from culture to culture. Dove made a huge step in that direction with an ad campaign using older women showing the beauty of aging bodies & varying body types. We need to demand similar campaigns directed towards young girls & teenagers. More singers & actors need to break away from the pressure to have a thin "look" like Adele, who can be a role model for artists to accept their uniqueness.
The article & documentaries I mentioned give the hard truths about eating disorders. The statistics alone are staggering 30% of college students have eating disorders. The problems are starting with younger & younger children.
It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder – seven million women & one million men
One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia
Two to three in 100 American women suffers from bulimia
Nearly half of all Americans personally know someone
with an eating disorder (Note: One in five Americans suffers from
mental illnesses.)
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
A study by the National Association of Anorexia
Nervosa & Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics
die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics
will be dead after 20 years & only 30 – 40% ever fully recover
The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is
12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for
females 15 – 24 years old.
20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely
die from complications related to their eating disorder, including
suicide & heart problems
Only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment
About 80% of the girls/women who have accessed care
for their eating disorders do not get the intensity of treatment they
need to stay in recovery – they are often sent home weeks earlier than
the recommended stay (All above statistics copied from: http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics.htm)
Insurance companies are withholding funding for much needed longer inpatient treatment which can prevent the deaths of eating disordered patients. Families are struggling to help their children survive by locking up food & do not know what to do when insurance companies send their loved ones back home when their medical profile improves, but the therapy is incomplete.
These facts are unsettling, however, there is also hope. Women, men, families of those suffering from or whose loved ones have died from eating disorders are fighting back. Movies like the one made made by a mother & a therapist, Someday Melissa (www.somedaymelissa.com) & America the Beautiful (America the Beautiful ABC LA News www.youtube.com) are raising awareness. Grass roots groups are lobbying for "truth in advertizing" campaigns (http://www.openpr.com/news/209154/NEDA-Joins-Off-Our-Chests-In-Battle-to-Launch-Media-and-Public-Hea ) & mental health parity laws to force insurance companies to pay for much needed services. There are awareness programs in schools, universities, online & in the broader communities around the world. New research, as well as free treatment programs (http://www.teenbulimiastudy.org/) are happening.
If you know someone who is suffering from an eating disorder, let them know help is out there. If you know someone who is being bullied or ridiculed for their appearance, help them by speaking up. Get involved. Let women's magazines know that you want them to stop promoting the "twiggy" look, that you want medical screening for eating disorders for models under the age of 18 & that you will unsubscribe from their magazines if they do not make changes. If enough people protest things will change. Get involved, you can help make a difference. Let's make someday that SomedayMelissa.com is promoting come as soon as possible. As we enter the brave new world of the internet & social media, let us all learn how to use them to promote good causes & fight harmful abuses of the system. The American Dream will survive if we keep it at the forefront of our dreams & actions to protect the lives, liberty & pursuit of happiness for all it's citizens.
