Tuesday's Psychology Tips: How to Be a Healthy Mom

Thought for the Day: Still celebrating Passover which has led to a very late posting today, but I wanted to post a Psychology Tip. Mothers often put everyone else's needs before their own. Many women have been taught that self care is equivalent to being selfish. However, it is important the take care of yourself so that you will have the energy to care for others.

#FF: Professor Rap, Jane Fonda, Table Talk & Juggling Parenthood

Thought for the Day: I love the internet. It exposes me to new things every day. This week was no exception. My #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds this week include: two videos about a Professor, I happen to know personally, from Tufts Medical School who uses Rap to teach students about stem cell research, a world wide Valentine's Day Dance with Jane Fonda leading the way to stop violence against women, questions to facilitate communication with your children & an article with questions a five year old might ask their working mother about juggling work & motherhood.

1) My first Fabulous Find was a video, http://bcove.me/ip2g48yb, from The Boston Globe about Jonathan Garlick, A Tufts University professor who uses Rap music to teach students about stem cell research. I've met Jonathan socially several times while in Boston & never suspected his hidden talents. The 60 year old professor has earned a reputation with his students as the Stem Cell Rapper. I have included not only the Boston Globe article, but an earlier YouTube video (above) that went viral. He is an educator who is literally breaking down a difficult subject & communicating his message about the importance of stem cell research to young people in a way that they will remember.

2) My second Fabulous Find for the week  brings together multiple areas of interest for me. I have been a fan of Jane Fonda for many years. Her acting skills, outspoken ability to speak her mind even when her beliefs are unpopular, candid sharing of her personal problems & support for feminine causes are some of my reasons for respecting her. I have heard her speak twice & spoke with her briefly each time. The first time, I learned about her early painful years in Connecticut. I had not known that Ms. Fonda spent years in therapy trying to make sense of her mother's suicide when Jane was just a toddler. I also heard how years after Jane had taken on the cause of helping women victimized by rape, that she learned that her mother had been raped. So I was hooked when I saw that Jane Fonda was sponsoring this massive event: V Day Until the Violence Stops, http://janefonda.com/one-billion-rising/#.URK3X2P3hF0.facebook. But my excitement did not stop there. The event involves another of my passions, dancing, to help promote the cause. They call it One Billion Rising / Strike /  Dance / Rise! Events are happening around the world & anyone (including men who care about their mothers, daughters & wives) can join in the world wide flashmob experience. Take a look, find an event over Valentine's week near where you live & join the movement!  -->

3) I discovered my third find on Google+. This blog post by +Stefanie Mullen suggests 10 questions a week for Table Talk with your children: http://www.ooph.com/table-talk/table-talk-family-dinner-questions-week-37/#. This week's post is number 37, but you can check previous weeks. On the blog you will find great ideas for conversation starters with your kids like: 8. If I had to dance or sing in front of your friends, which would be less embarrassing for you? or 10. If I gave you one rule free day, which rule would you most be excited to be free of? It's never too early to start speaking with your kids about all kinds of topics so that they will feel comfortable speaking with you as they enter the tough teen years.

4) I picked the fourth article because of the unique perspective the author (who was doing a guest post) Leoarna, known as Not different but Interesting on Babyhuddle took of trying to ask questions her 4 going on 5 year old might pose if she interviewed her mother about the juggling act of being a working mother. The questions & answers may resonate with the working parents among you http://blog.babyhuddle.com/2013/02/things-my-daughter-would-ask-me-if-she-could/ .

Hope you enjoy these finds as much as I did & that you will share these with your friends. Have a wonderful weekend! 

Throwback Tuesday: Every Expert Was Once A Beginner

Photo from Verses & Inspiration on Facebook

In honor of Father's Day last Sunday, I am reposting this article. Fathers are often the ones who help their kids get up, dust their pants off & carry on when they fall.

Thought for the Day: As parents we have all watched, supported, & agonized over the struggles of our children as they learn new skills, but do we give ourselves the same kind of support when we need to change & develop new skill sets? 

The picture above & the accompanying statement cannot help but strike a chord with every mother (and father) who sees it. Who among us has not helped a child overcome the disappointment of striking out on the baseball field, missing a goal or losing a championship game? How often have we anxiously watched when one of our children has fallen on stage during a ballet recital or forgotten a line in a class play, knowing we will need to reassure them to get back on stage the next night?  As we wipe our teens' tears when they fail their 1st driving test or don't get into their 1st choice for college.

In all these situations we remind our children that they are just beginners & that there will be more opportunities ahead. We tell them that, "practice makes perfect." We let them know that "failures make you stronger" & that "mistakes are part of the learning process." These are not just platitudes although we have all heard them or variations of them growing up. As parents, we mean the words & want to inspire our children to work hard at whatever they are learning. We repeat these words hoping that they will continue working at the skills until they achieve competency. Once they become competent, if they desire to keep striving, they will be able to reach expertise.

Irene Piatrowski

Irene Piatowski 2012

Unfortunately, many of us are not as patient with ourselves when we need to learn new skills as adults. Somehow we seem to assume that adults should be able to succeed right away. Today, I read a Huffington Post article by Penka Skachkova
about Irene Piotrowsky, Canadian champion on track & field & world record setter from 1963 to 1973. I remembered her last name since is similar to that of a noted psychologist (Piatrofsky) who developed a scoring system for the Rorschach Test, but I did not remember her life story. She had come to Canada as a homeless war refugee & overcame multiple challenges to reach the Olympics. After the Olympics she welcomed obstacles & said, "The good thing about obstacles is that when you bump onto them, they keep you from falling down." Even though at age 71 she has come upon hard times, facing cancer & eviction from her apartment in Los Angeles, Piotrowski remains inspirational & optimistic.  In the Huffington Post article, they report that  she believes "her current difficulties are temporary... "I'll never give up," she said. "Everything in the end will be okay.""  She is a true wake up dreamer who plans to found a humanitarian organization she calls the World Peace and Goodwill Campaign. She says, "You can't sit like a bump on a log & just dream,,,,Get up, dust yourself off, & start all over again. Take the skills you have & go & improve them, make them better."

When you become discouraged as you embark on a new job or experience in life, I hope that you will find a way to call upon your inner "dream parent," like Irene Piatrowski does, & give yourself the kind of encouragement you would give to your child or a friend when they struggle as a beginner in a new endeavor.  Adults can be beginners, too. Life throws multiple obstacles in our way. You cannot become an expert without falling down, making & learning from mistakes.

I'd love to hear from you about situations when you have been a beginner & felt discouraged. How have you encouraged yourself? Who else has helped you get up when you have fallen or tripped over an obstacle?

Mother's Day Part III: If My Mother, Grandmother & I Ruled the World

                 Photos & Lyrics are Great on this Mother's Day Video

Thought for the day: I've always felt that the best gifts are either ones you make (or write) for someone or the gift of spending time with someone. If you are inspired by what I have been writing in this 3 part Mother's Day series please share your stories about your mothers & grandmothers here & with your loved ones. At the end of this short blog, I will post a list of other last minute gift ideas for Mother's Day.

My 4 Generations of Mothers Many Years Ago

In my earlier posts in this series, I told you about how the world would be if my mother (Part I) or grandmother (Part II) ruled the world. Today, I'd like to add my my twist on one of the lessons my mother & grandmother taught me which might help solve problems big & small. My mother & grandmother were not the only ones who believed that, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." As a therapist, I help people express all their thoughts & feelings. You may think I was not listening to or rejected the wisdom of that saying. I actually believe that I've added my own twist to that lesson. I would suggest that, "If you can't say something nice, find a nice way to say it." 

So if my mother, grandmother & I ruled the world through the three lessons I've discussed this week, what would happen? People would encourage their children to change the world by teaching them new ways to resolve conflicts. They would not only encourage them to lower their voices, but also to find creative sensitive ("nice") ways to talk about tough topics. In addition, they would use the new technologies which my mother would have embraced on facebook, twitter, Google+  & YouTube to build a strong world family of man better equipped to resolve all conflicts.

As Mother's Day approaches, I miss my mother & grandmother, but they are with me & continue to inspire me & my children every day. How are you, your mother & grandmother changing the world?  I'd love to hear your stories, too. We all can inspire one another! Let's lead the way!

As promised, here are some last minute ideas for gifts for the mothers in your life:

If you live in or near NYC or will be visiting soon, take your Mom to the Museum of Motherhood where they celebrate Motherhood 365 days a year. Or take them on May 20 (Sun) 11-5PM 9th Annual MAMAPALOOZA Outdoor Extravaganza at Riverside Park So. NYC with Summer On The Hudson, New York (entrance at West 68th St and the Hudson River) FREE.  More

While you are in NYC you can visit the MicroMuseum as well.

You might want to inspire the women who taught you to believe in your ability to accomplish your dreams by giving them books that will inspire them. You can order one of my books that contributes 1/2 of the profits to a cause your mother supports or one that supports mothers like Enchanted Makeovers, which uses handmade projects to makeover shelters for homeless mothers & their children. There are 21 amazing NPOs benefiting from my book. Type in the name of the nonprofit to find the book that supports your cause.

Other inspiring books  & a video to choose from by authors I have met since I published my book include: The Thin Threads Series (available online & in Hallmark Stores) including one on Mothers & Grandmothers, edited by Stacey Battat,  Mother Teresa, CEO, by Ruma Bose & Kathy Eldon's award winning video about her son, Don Eldon Dying to Tell the Story [VHS]. 

If you want to read more about my grandmother's inspiring story, check out her memoir, Stored Treasures.

Have a Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Part II: How the World Would Change If My Grandmother Ruled the World

Thought for the day: Here's another video that any mother would be happy to receive as a gift on Mother's Day. If you went back to just before you had your first child what would you tell yourself?

Yesterday, I gave a glimpse of what the world would be like if my mother ruled the world. Today, I'd like to tell you what the world would be like if my grandmother was in charge. Whenever my brothers & I would start to argue, my grandmother would say, "Shush, lower your voices." Somehow, magically, we would quiet down & she'd help make the argument would disappear. 

Speak Softly Listen More Than You Speak

How she raised 4 grandchildren & never yelled still amazes me. I only remember one time when she got angry with me. I accompanied her to a family gathering in Atlantic City in the winter. I was a petite 6 or 7 year old. From the airplane, I could see there was snow on the ground. Having grown up in Houston, Texas, it was the first time I ever saw real snow. As we left the airport, I was so excited that I tried to walk on a pile of snow by the sidewalk. I ended up waist deep in wet snow! My grandmother did not realize I thought snow was hard & would support me like in the movies! I believe it was the only time I remember her raising her voice. 

My grandmother wouldn't rule the world, the world would follow her like the pied piper. She would teach people how to resolve conflicts by lowering their voices, talking out differences & simply treating people with love & patience.


Tomorrow there will be a third & final Mother's Day segment. In the meantime, I would love to hear your stories about how your mothers & grandmothers would change the world. 

My grandmother and her inspirational life is now available as a book: Stored Treasures, A Memoir.  

Look for Part III of the Mother's Day series, If Mother's Rule the World 

Simon's Fund: To save a child’s life . . . and then another...

Thought for the day: 'Save a life, save a whole world' The Talmud
     I decided to share another video with you. This one was part of why I chose Simon's Fund to be included in & benefit from my book. I was touched by Phyliss Sudman's candid story of a mother trying to do everything for her children unaware that a silent killer lurked in her own home. The story could have ended with a family's sorrow & mourning, but it did not.  Phyliss & her husband Darren founded Simon's Fund. By saving lives of other children & preventing others from the sorrow they have had to bear, they are truly helping to save a whole world.
     I googled the origin of the saying 'Save a life, save a whole world.' I learned that in the beginning Adam was all of humanity; therefore, we need to consider every human being as if he or she was the whole world.  I believe we all have a responsibility to try to save the world & protect one another. That is what the Sudman's are doing.
      Who do you know who has overcome a loss & found a way to make the world better for others?  What organizations do you know that The Wake Up And Dream Challenge might support in the future? I'd love to hear about them.