Remembering & Honoring My Brother, Larry Bogdanow

Larry Bogdanow, 1949 - 2011

Thought for the day: Life is short. Wake Up And Dream now!

February 24th would have been my brother, Larry Bogdanow's 65th birthday. I still have trouble believing that he is gone. He was so healthy. He practiced Tai Chi, rode his bike from Soho to Chelsea Piers & swam 45 minutes to an hour almost every day of his life. He ate organic food, some of which he raised in his garden in Upstate New York. We all thought he had beat the odds after having a "benign" brain tumor removed 16 years ago. All his follow ups were clean. He had 16 healthy happy years living his dreams.  He watched his beautiful daughter grow into an amazing young woman. accompanied his Oscar winning documentary film maker wife to the Oscar ceremonies, film festivals & on vacations to exotic places, worked for good causes & designed amazing buildings & restaurants.

When he began to have some memory problems last spring his new physician thought it was just stress. His life long friend, Dr. Martin Blaser, (Professor; Frederick H. King Professor of Internal Medicine; Chair & F.H.KIng Professor-Int Med Departments of Medicine (Admin Support) and Microbiology (Microbiology ) was more concerned & urged Larry to get an MRI. Hours after the scan, Dr. Blaser was frantically searching for Larry to have him come back to the hospital. Larry now had stage 4 brain cancer, the same kind that took Ted Kennedy from our world. The prognosis was not good, but we all thought that Larry would somehow fight this battle & be with us for a while longer.  Surgery was followed by intensive chemo & radiation. After surgery, Larry seemed to be better. With the doctor's consent he went to his beloved country home & on Saturday morning even worked in his garden. Later that afternoon, he had a seizure. He was med-evacuated back to NYC. His condition never returned to the post operative state. Within weeks he slipped into a coma & never recovered.

So February 24th will be a tough day for me & writing about him is one of the few things I can do to  mourn & commemorate the life of my brother. Over the summer, I was in NYC almost daily visiting with him, playing music for him, singing to him, sharing my progress on my book. I was fortunate enough to attend & bring Larry books to the hospital from the Book Expo. I shared my excitement when I met Jane Fonda &"heard" Roger Ebert "speak" about his new book with the help of his wife & a computer.  He was hopeful that he would get better & go home. After he passed away, I became even more determined to finish my book. I vowed to find a nonprofit organization to help fight brain cancer to be included in my group of Dream Nonprofits supported by the book.

Voices Against Brain Cancer became the cause in the book that most represented my dream to help other families avoid the experience we went through with my brother. They give a voice to families & survivors. They support research to find a cure to this awful disease which took three other people I knew well. Dr. Irwin Freedberg, former head of Dermatology at NYU, is someone I describe in the book as a "Dream Parenting" role model. He & his wife, Irene Freedberg, was the Associate Director of Social Work at Bellevue Hospital. She was also the former director of Project Liberty, program that provides free crisis counseling services to persons, families and groups most affected by the September 11 World Trade Center disaster. & one of the people who designed the Mental Health program following 9/11. Both Dr. Freedberg & Irene Freedberg were taken too soon by brain cancer.

A close childhood friend of mine & Larry's, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, also passed away last February from brain cancer.  Her dreams are also represented in the book with Camp Young Judaea TX as the beneficiary. It is a camp that Larry, Amelia & I attended for years. Together we sang & believed the words, "You & I Will Change the World." It is where I learned to believe in the power of dreams to change the world.





When I spoke with a new acquaintance about the book, Larry & connections to causes he would have supported kept coming up. There is Green Demolitions. Larry was a green architect long before anyone was using recycled materials. He has had a solar generator & solar powered electric fence around his garden in Chatham.

Then there is the Lucero Center which is training Spanish speaking psychologists. Larry studied Spanish with a group of friends who volunteered to travel to Guatemala & build a community center which Larry designed over twenty years ago.



He would have loved the idea of Music From a Bottle which collects bottles at restaurants & rock concerts to support music programs in under-privledged schools. Larry helped teach me to play the guitar. Everyone who knew Larry had CD's of music that he would put together. He sent them to friends when they were going through tough times & gave them as gifts for no reason. He simply loved to introduce friends to new musicians & arrangements.

Even the Blind Judo Foundation & Elimination of Prejudice remind me of Larry. When he & my older brother, Bill, were young boys, neither of them were into athletics.  When my mother found out that they were being bullied & did not know how to defend themselves, she enrolled them in Judo classes.  I can still count to ten in Japanese because of those lessons.


 




Finally, Larry & NYC were strongly intertwined. NY Says Thank You is another charity that he would staunchly support as a way to rebuild after tragedies. Larry was an accomplished architect his work can still be viewed on his business website http://www.bogdanow.com/. He was however unpretentious. Although he designed Wild Blue, which was at the top of the World Trade Center, he never mentioned it. I went there once when the music was too loud at a Latin Dance at Windows on the World. Weeks later I mentioned having been there & thinking it looked like one of his designs, he told us it was. On 9/11 one of his associates finished an early morning meeting at Windows On the World, where Larry's firm was doing some work. When the elevator stopped running & the authorities were telling people to stay put, Larry's employee called to say he would be late for the next appointment. Larry, who had spoken with his wife who saw the plane hit the building, told him to get out of the building. He saved his employee's life. Larry's life was dedicated to building comfortable spaces for people to get together & trying to promote a peaceful world.

As you can see, completing the book & promoting these causes has been intertwined with my wish to keep my brother's dreams alive as well as my own. It has been a labor of love. I miss him & know he would be proud of how this book can help so many causes that he believed in as well. (To read more about any of the charities mentioned in this post, click on their name & read the entire preview.) Half of the profits from each of these books goes to nonprofit of your choice.

If you knew Larry & would like to share a story, please do. If his life & story resonates with you please share as well.

Is an Illness or Disability Stopping You from Dreaming?

Thought for the day: The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. - Unknown
The try-angle approach to problem solving must be followed by the Try-Try-Again-Angle. - Dr. Barbara Lavi

Are you challenged by an illness or disability? Does your physical condition discourage you & make you feel that you cannot reach for your dreams? An earlier post, "When Life Gives You Lemons Build a Lemonade Stand," touched on these questions. Since this issue is related to the 3rd Dream Quotient (DQ) trait, the ability to persevere despite physical challenges and illnesses, it deserves a second post.  For this post I'd like to share the story of Tom from my book. In Tom's words the Dream Positioning System (DPS) helped him because, “No one knows how long they will live, but planning for my future gave me reasons to live. I began to look forward to life again.”

Tom was a tall, forty-five year-old man with dark brown hair, a lean, muscular build, & a suntanned face that framed a truly winning smile. He was the picture of health & vitality. I was unbelievably surprised when this happy, charming man told me he had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) five years earlier. Tom was literally a walking miracle. The disease had hit so hard when he was first diagnosed that doctors said he might never walk again. They told him to go home & “not do too much.” Luckily, Tom had refused to accept the prognosis or the doctors’ advice, but to maintain a healthier lifestyle. He did, however, leave behind his high powered job & began to live a more relaxed way of life. He altered his eating habits & worked intensively in physical therapy. By changing his lifestyle Tom was soon beating all the odds. Not only did he begin walking again, but he also returned to the sport of rowing on a regular basis. Tom was a very positive person. He’d simply come to me because he developed a fear of flying which was interfering with his life & sense of happiness. He was also feeling a bit dissatisfied, moody & impatient. Therapy began as a simple intervention to overcome the fear of flying, but it led to far reaching subjects & extreme life changes.

Tom’s story is an example of how many people don’t allow themselves to dream due to a physical illness or disability. They let their illness take over, and stop them from exploring their wishes for
the future. When I first began assigning The Wake Up And Dream Challenge to clients, I questioned the appropriateness of giving it to people with cancer or other life threatening diseases. However, I
learned an important lesson from clients like Tom. Somehow, I knew that Tom would meet & surpass the challenge in the same courageous way he had dealt with his doctors’ dire prognosis. He told me that The Wake Up And Dream Challenge had given him hope for the future, & said that, “No one knows how long they will live, but planning for my future gave me reasons to live. I began to look forward to life again.”

Tom began to explore living in a warmer climate, where it would be easier to get around as his illness progressed. He began encouraging his wife to retire early so they could enjoy the years when he was still mobile & independent. A few years after he completed therapy, I saw Tom. He was still walking, active, & enjoying his life. His wife was retiring & they planned to move South. He had started on new medication for his MS. Tom was living a full & happy life despite the illness. He would not allow anything to stop him from achieving his dreams. In fact, the man who had been afraid to fly had traveled to Latin America & volunteered in the “Builders Without Borders Program.” He had learned to speak Spanish, & thanked me for allowing him to rediscover what gave him joy so that he could include those things in his plans for the future.

Before completing my book, I contacted Tom (not his real name) & asked him to read my book to be sure I had portrayed his story appropriately. He wrote back & told me, "Life is tough. It presents challenges all of the time. My first scary challenge that knocked me down was when I got Multiple Sclerosis in 1993. After addressing the physiological portion, many fears & irrational behaviors developed. Because of Dr. Lavi, & my time as her patient, I was able to get back on track & enjoy my life despite knowing I would have MS the rest of my life & would need to work hard to manage & control it. What Dr. Lavi didn’t know until now, is that she helped me again, when I faced stage-3 cancer years later. Her guidance & effective dream-planning ideas stayed with me all these years & helped me again through an even more frightening time of horrific cancer treatments. I would l not be who I am today without her help & guidance." L.D. (former patient)

No matter what physical challenges you are facing, you can still pursue your dreams. You may need to adjust them, but you do not have to give up on them. Several of the Dream Nonprofits featured in & benefiting from my book help people dealing with physical disabilities or illnesses reach their dreams. You can read about how they help people overcome these issues & donate to help them help others accomplish their dreams. I have already talked about how Higher Ground helps wounded veterans. Green Demolitions helps recovering addicts. The Blind Judo Foundation helps blind athletes prepare for competition in para-olympics. You can take a look at the links & read the entire preview of the book on each link to learn more about these nonprofit organizations.

Today, I'd like to tell you about Osprey Village, a group of families banding together to build a model community for adults with developmental disabilities & their families.  Their mission is: To provide a caring community environment where eligible individuals—both disabled & non-disabled—can function at their highest level of independence, in their own private living space, while enjoying opportunities for social, physical, vocational & emotional growth.

The Problem: “I lost my husband” & when you lose a spouse you realize, “okay, I’m it. When I go, where is my Ericha going to go? …Being & having a home with her friends & being around all the people she knows is really important.” Susan D.

The Need: There are currently no “group homes” providing independent living options for intellectually or developmentally disabled adults anywhere in southern Beaufort County SC—not even one! There are 48 people on the Disabilities & Special Needs (DSN) Board’s waiting list in Beaufort County & almost 2000 across the state. With the current state budgetary issues, there is little hope for the situation to change in the next several years.

The Vision: We have taken on the challenge of changing the current situation. We are planning to connect local “special needs” adults with their surrounding community by building a supportive “purpose driven,” inter- generational neighborhood.

The name “OSPREY” is an acronym for “Our Special People Reaching out to Elders & Youth.” We plan to provide homes or apartments for developmentally disabled adults as part of a broader
“neighborhood with a purpose.” Developmentally disabled adults will have the option to live with their parents, with a host family, or in an independent living unit. Likewise, parents of adult children with disabilities will be able to live in their own home with their children or in a senior housing unit with their adult child living close by. Either way they will be able to be an integral part of their child’s life. This will give them a sense of security knowing that their child will always live in a safe home in a nurturing community. To learn more &/or purchase the book & donate 1/2 pf the profits to Osprey Village click here:Osprey Village.

Are you or someone you know living with a similar physical challenge in your family? Do you know of similar communities or creative solutions people have found to help a disabled adult child live as independently as possible? Please share thoughts, ideas solutions or challenges you are dealing with today. I'd love to help you find a creative solution.

Throwback Thursday: What Do Former Convicts & Foster Girls Have in Common?

Emancipation Does Not Always Lead to Freedom

Thought for the day: Today is Independence Day & for Throwback Thursday I'm bringing back & have updated an post from February 17, 2012: What Do Former Convicts & Foster Girls Have in Common? For those of us who take freedom for granted & expect others to thrive in our liberated society, this post may open your eyes to a different world where emancipation does not always lead to freedom.

It is sad to realize that former convicts & emancipated foster girls have anything in common,  but they do. They are both at high high risk for homelessness & incarceration within a year of emancipation. (Seven out of 10 foster youth will be homeless; 6 out of ten will be incarcerated within 1 year of emancipation. Twelve percent of formerly incarcerated persons end up homeless after being released from prison; 30% return to jail within a year. ) They also both tend to have histories of sexual & physical abuse in their childhood. (Half of the girls in foster care have been physically &/or sexually abused.  One in 20 men & 1 in 4 women in state prisons report that they were sexually abused before the age of 18. One in 10 men & 1 in 4 women in state prisons report that they were physically abused as children.) Clearly, our society is not helping either of these groups enough to insure that they become productive members of society once they are "emancipated" from jail or faster care. Read on to see how theses statistics can be turned around.

The ex-convicts in the Boaz & Ruth (Richmond VA) programs & foster girls chosen to take part in the HerShe Group (Los Angeles) have some positive things in common as well. These two organizations are changing the odds for their participants. Sixty-four percent of Boaz & Ruth's graduates have jobs after graduation from their program & 75% are still employed a year later. The graduates of Boaz & Ruth have reduced recidivism from 30% to 12%. HerShe's mentoring program is preparing girls in foster care for emancipation & helping them transition to college & jobs in the adult world. Clearly, these programs are teaching their participants ways to enhance their Dream Quotients (DQ) in both the ability to persevere despite physical or emotional challenges & the increasing their ability to adapt to life transitions. The other thing they have in common is that both programs are featured in & benefit from The Wake Up And Dream Challenge.

Life transitions are hard for everyone, but some people have developed the ability to adapt to transitions better than others. Life transitions can be stumbling blocks or opportunities depending on how you approach them. In my book, I examined the traits that seem to differentiate those who stumble from those who embrace the opportunities within a transition. Having made successful transitions earlier in life prepare us for the transitions we will face throughout life.

Overcoming a move to a new school, a parent being unemployed, a divorce or death of a family member during childhood can be traumatic or they can strengthen children & prepare for life's challenges in adulthood. For the latter to occur, some adults may also need to be supported through the transitions. In The Wake Up And Dream Challenge, I show how clients, faced with life transitions, reevaluated their dreams. The examples I give include a woman who lost her identity while supporting her husband & child's dreams, a man who struggled with a sudden change of direction when he neared graduation from college & a woman who had no idea how she could survive when she lost child support when her children reached adulthood. With therapy & the use of the Dream Positioning System (DPS), they were able to redirect their lives. If they grew up with positive role models who encouraged them & supported them through transitions, with minimal help in therapy, they were able to move on with their lives.

 Foster care children have multiple transitions throughout their childhoods. Foster youth in the system for 4 years or more have lived in 47 different homes. Unfortunately, often these transitions are not successful. Instead of being opportunities to strengthen the child & prepare them for life, they lead to a sense of insecurity & fear of failure when faced with emancipation at age 18. Most children from healthy families have some difficulty transitioning to college & adulthood. The transition for kids leaving foster care is much more challenging. Foster kids need additional supports to learn ways to transition to a healthier adulthood. Twenty percent of the nation's foster care children reside in the state of California & there is a disproportionate number of females in & impacted negatively by the system. The HerShe Group offers girls in foster care a year long mentoring program to prepare for the transition to emancipation. They are helping them succeed & venture into college programs rather than homelessness & incarceration.

Boaz & Ruth helps with another life transition that many of us never think about: emancipation after incarceration.  Boaz & Ruth ’s mission is to rebuild lives & communities through relationships, transitional jobs, & economic revitalization. Although most of Boaz & Ruth participants & graduates have a history of incarceration, they now successfully operate 5 social enterprises & have renovated a dozen dilapidated or abandoned buildings in the Highland Park area of Downtown Richmond VA. Eight of those buildings now provide affordable housing for nearly 40 men & women.

One of those graduates is Donna Scaturro. When Donna eventually graduated from Boaz & Ruth, it was on her 3rd determined try in the program. In a year’s time she remained in recovery from substance abuse, received her drivers’ license, purchased a car & had her voting rights restored in time for the 2008 Presidential election. When asked why she believed she succeeded at Boaz & Ruth on the third try, Donna explained, “I’ve learned resilience. I’ve learned not to give up. My return was never as I imagined, but I was always welcomed back with love & hopefulness. They really wanted me to succeed.”

Both of these organizations are transforming lives & beating the odds stacked against the populations they serve.  They are helping people reach their dreams & therefore they were chosen to be included to be in The Wake Up & Dream Challenge. You can learn more about their work & support their efforts. To purchase the e-book version on Amazon.com & contribute to Boaz & Ruth click here. To purchase the book & contribute to HerShe click here.

Have a wonderful 4th of July!

The Voice Silenced: How Can We Stop the Plague of Addictions

 

The Voice of Whitney Houston Silenced

Thought for the day: Whitney Houston, "the Voice" was silenced yesterday. How many actors, singers, musicians & athletes in addition to ordinary people will perish before we overcome the epidemic of drug & alcohol addictions that plagues our society. I don't have all the answers, but some changes in education, advertizing practices & support from treatment programs like Green Demolitions could help. What ideas do you have? I don't believe in prohibition but what we are doing now is not working. How can our society build a respectful expectation for moderation & a reduction of alcohol consumption.

I started to write another blog post before I heard of the death of Whitney Houston. Although the cause of death is not clear, it is common knowledge that she suffered from a drug addiction. I feel compelled to change the post & focus on the epidemic of drug & alcohol addiction in this country. Over the course of my career, I have seen the impact addictions have on addicts & their families. The news is filled with stories of young rising stars in film, television, sports & music who turn to drugs & alcohol to deal with the stresses of notoriety. I am not sure whether the statistics would reveal higher percentages of alcohol & drug addictions among the wealthy elite or whether they are representative of the problem in all socioeconomic classes. However, rapid rise in fame & fortune may lead to easier access to expensive drugs & a higher incidence of addictions. Since stars are also role models for our youth, the problem impacts on all levels of society. Education, changes in advertizing & increased treatment programs are the keys to addressing this problem.

Here are some facts about alcohol & other drugs. First, the number one drug in the United States & the world is alcohol. The alcohol industry has succeeded in fooling people into believing that other drugs are different from alcohol. This is simply not true, alcohol is a drug with the same addictive traits as all the illegal & pharmaceutical drugs. Addictions are also physiological diseases like diabetes & heart conditions. Addicts need help & treatment programs to control the disease which never disappears. Once you are addicted, it does not go away, even after years of sobriety. Some people are predisposed genetically to become addicted to alcohol & other drugs. If one of your parents suffered from an addiction, your chances of becoming addicted are 50%. Your odds of marrying someone with problems with substance abuse are also 50%. The 1st odds are due to your biology; the 2nd, are due to psychological & environmental issues. If you have the physiological disposition, you may become addicted from your 1st drink. The younger you are when you start drinking, the higher the chances that you will become addicted (whether or not you have the physiological predisposition). Alcohol is a depressant, although it gives an initial high & reduces inhibitions, it is followed by depressive symptoms & a hangover if you drink too much. This is why when someone is depressed & drinks they are a high suicide risk.

Given these facts, schools need to help children understand the risks in experimenting with alcohol. Parents need to work with schools & the advertizing industry towards removal of false ads promoting alcohol as if it will make you happy, wealthy & popular. They also need to fight to ban advertizing from sports events & TV programs aired when children are watching. The cost of this epidemic is not only to those who are addicted. Drug & alcohol related accidents on our roads take the lives of innocent bystanders who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Although therapy is not always successful in treating addictions, a combination of individual & family therapy, AA or NA & hospital programs can help. I'd like to share a success story.  It is the story of someone who not only overcame an addiction, he is devoting his life to recycling building materials & recycling lives by helping recovering addicts & their families. Steve Feldman is a recovered addict. He was a teenage drug & alcohol abuser who had suffered two bouts of serious suicidal depression. He was also a man whose life was saved twenty-four years ago through a recovery program. His nonprofit organization, Green Demolitions, serves four different diverse populations: 1) They employ a “Green Team,” of skilled workers, 2) They help “Do-it-Yourselfers,” install luxury kitchens & renovation items in their homes at very affordable prices; 3) They provide economic stimulus for kitchen, bath, & home products to “Industry Professionals,” & 4) They help addicts & their families by offering therapeutic recovery opportunities worldwide. Click here to read more about Steve & Green Demolitions or to purchase the book & support their programs.

What programs are you familiar with? How would you propose to help stop the epidemic of addictions?

You Can Judge a Book by It's Back Cover!

My Grandmother, Minnie Crane Bloomfield

Thought for the day: Everyone knows you can't judge a book by it's cover. So why did I just say you can judge a book by it's back cover? In order to support 21 charities, I have 22 versions of the same book with just 3 differences. The only one you can see is on the back cover. Read on to see why.  Do you have any solutions to this dilemma?

My grandmother was an avid reader. Although it was not her mother tongue, she spoke English with no accent. She had a vocabulary many native Americans would envy & read every reading assignment I had as well as any book I purchased. She taught me at a very young age not to judge a book by it's cover. She also used the well known saying, along with "Beauty is only skin deep," to teach me to get to know people & not to judge them by external appearances. Real beauty lies inside human beings. To me, my grandmother was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. When I would tell her she was beautiful, she would smile & tell me that I must love her. She was self conscious about what she saw as a crooked smile due to botched dental surgery performed in the old country.

One Cover 22 Books

So, I know that what is written inside a book is what is most important. However, with my book, The Wake Up And Dream Challenge, I have a strange dilemma. It may look like one book with the same cover, but it is actually 22 different books which will help different causes reach different dreams. One version will help fight prejudice, one will help families dealing with travel expenses while treating their children for cancer, another will help reduce recidivism among ex-convicts. The list goes on & on. Each book helps another worthy cause saving lives, fighting poverty, overcoming addictions & disabilities. Even though the content of every book is the same, each of the different versions donates to a different cause. The only way to know what you are donating 1/2 of the profits from the purchase of the book to is to make sure you have clicked the link associated to the charity of your choice & check for the logo on the back cover of the book.

The author page for my book on Lulu.com looks very confusing to say the least. All the books look exactly the same. If you know the name of the charity you can search for the appropriate book. If you do not, you need to click on the book cover to get to the preview & then read the preview till you reach the information about the charity & of course the back cover.

In this day & age of instant internet gratification, where people spend seconds on web pages to decide whether to purchase something or make a donation, my dream to help multiple causes is a bit of a marketing nightmare. I am hoping that people will take the time to get to know the book, understand the concept, read the entire preview & see the back cover. Although there is one copy, #22, that divides 1/2 of the profits equally into 21 parts, this is not the way I envisioned helping these amazing programs.

I welcome your ideas & suggestions. With this blog, I am trying to educate my potential readers, so that they can help the charity that is closest to their heart. I will be adding the books to Amazon.com soon. Perhaps their system will help with this issue. In the mean time I hope you will take the time to get to know the book by it's covers.

Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man, Dream! You Can't Afford Not to Dream!

Fighting Povery & Saving Landfills

How Can You Make Music From Broken Bottles?

Thought for the day: You can't afford not to dream.  In the current economic climate many people have survived several lay-offs only to find themselves overwhelmed by a workload they simply can’t manage. They drag themselves to work every single day, both fearing & hoping for a lay-off to occur. They feel stuck, but are truly afraid to consider leaving a steady paycheck behind. You may be thinking, “Dreams cost money & I’m already struggling financially.” Or, “I can’t afford to follow my dreams.” In this day & age, financial concerns are weighing on everyone’s minds. I read a billboard recently, which said: “Recession 101: Bill Gates Started Microsoft During a Recession.” There are creative ways to accomplish aspirations even when financial resources are tight. Visionaries, like Bill Gates, don’t let finances stop them from working toward their dreams. Instead, they find creative ways to finance them. Do financial constraints keep you from following your dreams?

People say, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I believe, “Where there’s a dream, there’s a way.” Creative problem solving skills which foster innovation even when challenged by financial restraints are related to another Dream Quotient (DQ) ability which enables people to follow their dreams. There are multiple ways to start working on your dreams even with limited financial resources. In my book, some of the creative solutions used are presented like the inventor of the cute buttons, jibbitzes, that you can buy for Crocs, the colorful rubber sandals with holes. These decorative buttons that fit into the holes you see on Crocs were designed by a housewife, Sherry Schmeltzer.  Jibbitz is a company founded by Rich and Sheri Schmelzer.  Sherry initially made them for her daughter, but when her daughter’s friends suddenly wanted them too, she began making them out of her garage. To make a long story short, this previously unknown housewife’s idea became an overnight success & Crocs bought her company for a 20 million dollars,. Unfortunately, not every idea will lead to a million-dollar business, but every million-dollar business began with a creative idea. What creative talents & activities do you enjoy? Don’t ignore them! Find a way to incorporate them into your life.

Another way to finance your dreams is to continue working in a job while you develop your dreams on the weekends or evenings. I saw a woman on television who works during the day as a construction worker. At night & on weekends she spends her time making chocolate floral arrangements. Her creations are simply beautiful, very tasty, & very time consuming. With hard work & determination she has turned this into a small business. It is her passion—a true labor of love—& since it’s something she enjoys, it enhances her life until she can attain the wealth necessary to leave her day job far behind. There are many ways to learn the skills necessary for a new career before leaving a steady job. Nowadays, there are innovative weekend & night schools for most professions. You can even take courses online from the comfort of your own home. There are scholarships for working mothers & fathers, as well as internships & apprenticeships that are available. You can also volunteer in a new field in your spare time to see if the work is to your liking. As you investigate these types of exploratory experiences, you will also be building a resume that will help you land employment in the new field if you choose to pursue it.

Two of the Dream Nonprofit organizations, Music From A Bottle & Rock & Wrap It Up, featured in & benefiting from my book exemplify how you do not need a lot of money to follow your dreams.

The founder of Music From A Bottle was unemployed & trying to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life before the idea for his organization came to him. He had been working as a counselor with a non-profit organization which assists youth infected with HIV, but he had recently been laid off. He was also a musician & wanted to get back into the music industry, but wasn’t sure how to just yet. Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass at the end of a concert became music to his ears. He saw how to turn those broken bottles into a way to bring music into his life while supplying music education to enhance the lives of underprivileged kids. In addition, he would be saving America’s landfills at the same time.

It is Music From A Bottle's goal to donate one instrument a month to K-12 school music programs, provide music instruction & music business education. Millions of beverage bottles, both glass & plastic, are disposed of annually. By collecting & recycling bottles from music festivals & restaurants, he would help clean up our global waste & find a purpose for those bottles by encouraging the musical development of children around the globe. To purchase The Wake Up And Dream Challenge & donate 1/2 of the profit to Music from A bottle, click here

It took Syd Mandlebaum several years to develop the idea of Rock & Wrap It Up. In the the summer of 1991 that Syd Mandlebaum started the recovery of food from Jones Beach Theater. This “rock star’ quality leftover food was recovered & brought directly to the soup kitchen Syd had helped found in 1987. Syd realized that if food was left over at one venue where rock bands played, food was potentially available at every concert venue in the United States & around the world. He dreamed of recovering all of it before it was dumped in landfills. This food could then be distributed to the hungry instead. His dream, Rock & Wrap it Up! was launched nationally Labor Day 1994.

Since its inception in 1991, Rock & Wrap It Up has: Donated to over 43,000 shelters & places of need; Collaborated with 60 sports franchises, 150 bands, & 200 schools; Collected more than 250 million pounds of food; & Fed more than 500 million people.

Rock & Wrap It Up! is an anti-poverty think tank. Using greening tactics, Rock & Wrap It Up! recovers food & other assets to agencies fighting poverty, increasing their operating budgets. This allows the agencies to hire more services such as tutors, social workers, job placement counselors & mental health counselors to attack the root cause of poverty. To purchase The Wake Up And Dream Challenge & donate 1/2 of the profits to Rock & Wrap It Up, click here.

Are financial constraints keeping you from following your dreams? Have you found creative ways to move toward your dreams? I'd love to hear about them.

Can Self Help Books Really Help?

Some rights reserved by victoriapeckham

Thought for the day: You've changed my life...& I thank you for it!  JCP 

This was my 4th correspondence from a reader thanking me for how the book & or therapy with the book helped them.

I tried to get the words on this photo to be clear like the original, but couldn't & decided that perhaps it's a sign that sometimes the lines between psychology & self help are blurred. What do you think? Has a self help book helped you gain self understanding? How has it helped you change your life? Stand alone or with the help of a psychologist?

To be honest, I believe that some self help books can help, but often their ability to change people's lives is limited. Usually, I see them as adjuncts to therapy or a starting point to stimulate thought & start people on a path towards change in their lives. I often suggest that clients read a book that I believe will speed up the process in therapy. 

I wrote my book to teach people how to use techniques I have developed over the years in therapy. I encourage readers to consult with a therapist if in the process they need some additional help. The book & the challenge it presents grew into something which encompasses more than me & my private practice. I have been focusing on helping the nonprofits I feature in the book. If I helped just this one person, it was worth it to me to have written this book. I know that it has the power to do much more & want it to reach as many people as possible. Here's what transpired with one of the first readers of my book:

A little over two weeks ago I received an e-mail from someone who heard me on the first internet radio program interview that I did for the book (To listen to the podcast http://toginet.com/shows/payingitforward ). Here's what she wrote:

Jan 12, 2012 Subject: Guidance?

Dear Dr. Lavi, 

After reading The Wake Up And Dream Challenge, I've come to the conclusion that I really like the way you think & I'm wondering if you might be interested in helping me...

Why am I turning to you? Your experience dealing with trauma, your credentials,... & because I trust that you could be the person to help me achieve a better life not just for me, but for my family as well.

I'm...pretty far from Connecticut...& I'm not a big fan of 45 minute sessions--they make me crazy. Just when I start to feel like the session is going somewhere, the bell rings &....to be continued next week. I hated that feeling... I was holding my heart in my hand & I would always leave counseling feeling empty.

I totally respect you as a professional & I hope that somehow we will be able to work together.

     JCP

 

      We talked on the phone & arranged a 2 & 1/2 hour session for 1/30/2012. JCP had to drive 2 hours each way to see me. She had read multiple self help books in the past & spoken to many therapists over the years, but always left feeling worse than when she came. JCP mind you, leads a successful professional life with many outstanding accomplishments, but there were skeletons in the closet that were holding her back. She never allowed herself to share some of these issues with anyone till two days ago. She feared that these trauma needed to be addressed to be more present with her husband & children. 

     We met. She trusted me & left the gift of her heart-felt history in my hands. Tears were shed leftover from years of pain. We barely touched upon the issues she is concerned with today & planned to meet again soon.

I received this e-mail from her yesterday:

Jan 31, 2012 Follow Up to yesterday's meeting

Hi Dr. Lavi,

Thank you again for taking me on as a new client. I knew deep inside that you were the right person for me.

I felt such a weight lifted off of my chest that yesterday's experience almost felt like a rebirth. But one other thing had happened that I thought was worth noting. I had jaw surgery years ago & when they went to pull the tube out of my nose, the interior of my nose never properly healed. I got accustomed to not fully being able to breath fresh air into my body. When I left you yesterday, I realized almost immediately that I could breath more freely.  I told myself it's only a matter of time that I will have build up back in my nose. I know this sounds crazy, but if you could imagine living life with a cotton ball in your left nostril--that's what was happening to me...until yesterday. 

After getting into my car, I had such a light feeling I almost didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to stay pure. I didn't want anyone to taint my conversation I had with you. I didn't even want to go to sleep because I was afraid I would wake up with the weight on my chest that I was also accustomed to--but no, you freed me & I feel better than I have in years!

So if you went into your profession because you truly wanted to make a difference, in the world & in the lives of people--consider your profession well chosen & consider your job well done.

You've change my life...& I thank you for it! 

              JCP

Clients have shared similar feelings in the past & it has been more than enough for me, but since I have just started to publicize my book, I decided to ask permission to share JCP's e-mail.

Jan 31, 2012 RE: Follow Up to yesterday's meeting

Dear JCP,
        Thank you for telling me. I am so glad that I was able to start working with you. Just self help books alone cannot do what therapy does. I wish I had seen you years ago, but am glad we did meet. if I had not written the book, I would never have met you!
         I know that I can & have helped people throughout my career. Can I post parts of your e-mail on my blog with just your initials saying you read my book & came for an appointment? I want people to find my book so that I can help more people!...

    
                   It is amazing how the psyche & the body are interconnected.

                              Barbara

Jan 31, 2012 RE: RE: follow up to yesterday's meeting

YES! You absolutely have my permission to use my initials. JCP

What do you think? Do self help books really help?