#FF Reader's Choice: #Top5 Friday's Fabulous Finds 2013 & A Contest & Sport's Psych 101 Radio

Thought for the Day: Over the last month, I have been celebrating the blog's 2nd birthday. I've posted the Reader's choices of the Top 10 posts in the various categories based on the number of page views. Today is the last of the Top Posts in #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds from 3013. Don't miss the #1 post if you did not see it before, the Stem Cell Rapper is well worth viewing! When 2014 began there were almost 80,000 page views over the course of 2 years. Today there are 85,600 page views. Thank you for reading, sharing & commenting on the blog!



I had intended to just post the Top 5 #FF Posts today, but yesterday decided to run my first Voting Contest to have you help choose the best image from this blog last year (from 20 top images). One lucky participant will win a free 1/2 hour phone consult with me and a paperback version of my best selling Kindle book, The Wake Up and Dream Challenge. Click this link to enter from now till February 12th. It is easy and will only take a couple minutes of your time.

I was also interviewed on SportsPsych101. Now you can listen to the podcast at your convenience. Ep.052 - Sports Psych 101 feat. Dr. Barbara Lavi Hear: How are sports good for children?; How parents influence their kids sports aspirations; Overbearing parents in sports; Team vs Individual sports as confidence builders for kids; How baby boomers changed physical fitness; How advertising affects our diets & how to counter those effects; How to achieve your goals in sports & life; The difference between DQ and IQ; & How Dream Positioning can help overcome roadblocks.

Here are the Top 5 #FF from 2013:

# 5 #FF Flipping Classrooms, World Mental Health Day, Childbirth & Sexuality & Bullying Prevention 10/11/13

# 4 #FF: A Beautiful Teen, Working Parents/Bickering Kids, Job Creation & Les Mis 2/1/13

# 3 #FF Why We Sleep, SleepTexting, If Your Child Is A Bully & A Mental Health Crisis 10/18/13

# 2 #FF Follow Up Friday: Humbling Insights from Recovery 

# 1 #FF: Professor Rap, Jane Fonda, Table Talk & Juggling Parenthood 2/8/13

#FF 5 of #Top10 Friday's Fabulous Finds 2013

Thought for the Day: I have dedicated the month of January to three things: 1) celebrating the 2nd anniversary of writing the blog with over 81,000 page views in just 2 years, 2) a look back on the #Top10 posts from 2013 in the various categories covered by my blog, and 3) new beginnings with new posts and ideas to help you redesign your lives and start moving towards a future that include your dreams. #FF Friday's Fabulous was one of the new posts added to the blog in January 2013. It has been a popular series on the blog bringing a mix of informative research articles, videos and inspirational stories that I find over the course of the week. Here are 5 of your favorites Fabulous Finds which had the most page views last year. In two weeks I will share the #Top5 of 2013.

Bullying Part III: Punish or Honor? 18yr Old Student Punished for Defending Bullied Special Needs Girl

Punish or Honor This Student Who Came to defense of Special Needs Student?

 You Be the Judge

Thought for the Day: You be the judge. What grade would you give to this school system's handling of a report of bullying of a special needs student on a school bus? Today I saw yet another Huffington Post news story that raises serious questions about what is happening in our schools. Click on the link above, to view a 3 minute video news story about a student who has been punished for taking a stand against bullying.  Stormy Rich, an 18 year old honors student from Umatilla High School in Florida, reported daily bullying of a special needs student that was occurring on a middle school bus. Stormy was on the bus as a special privilege to miss the first period of her high school classes. The Middle School special needs student, according to Stormy Rich, "couldn't comprehend what was being done to her. "Just because she doesn't understand doesn't mean that should be happening to her," Rich told WOFL-TV." Stormy complained to the bus driver & reported the abuse to the High School authorities, but nothing was done to stop the bullying. Finally, the teen stood up to the bullies & told them to stop.  In response, the school district revoked Rich's bus-riding privileges, saying Rich exhibited bullying behavior. School officials are standing behind their response, telling WOFL-TV that "two wrongs don't make a right." Rich says she's being punished for following school policy, which calls on students to report any bullying they witness.

How can we expect students to come forward & take a stand against bullies when nothing is done to stop the bullying & they then become targets for punishment? Although the school says this is just one side of the story, it seems that if the bus driver or the school system had intervened, Rich would not have needed to take a stand. Post a comment & I will make sure your comments are forwarded to Lake County Schools communications officer Christopher Patton.

The Hunger Games Parenting Nightmare or Opportunity?

                       Parenting Nightmare or Opportunity?

Thought for the day: I heard a story once about the difference between heaven & hell. In the story,  in hell there was a huge banquet table overflowing with food. The people seated at the banquet table had long spoons attached to their arms. The spoons made it impossible for the people to bend their arms, so they could not reach their mouths & feed themselves. The people at the banquet in this version of hell were all starving. In heaven, there was an identical banquet table. The people at the banquet table in heaven also had long spoons attaches to their arms, however, these people were not starving. The people in heaven had figured out that they could feed one another & they were all enjoying the bounty. Even when we are faced with difficult situations, we have choices.  The movie, The Hunger Games raises similar moral & ethical questions. What would you do if you were challenged by life & death issues? What do you want your children & teens to learn from movies like The Hunger Games?

Yesterday, I went to see the movie, The Hunger Games. It is not the kind of movie I tend to frequent. When I heard the story line about choosing teenagers in a lottery to fight to the death in a televised "reality show," I was anxious about the impact it would have on our youth. I went to see it to be prepared to help parents & teens in my clinical practice process this blockbuster movie which brought in $152.5 million^[5] (USD) on its opening weekend in North America. I am glad I went & would encourage parents to see the movie before their children, so that they will be prepared to talk about the questions the movie will raise for their children. It does not need to be a parenting nightmare any more than the book, The Lord of the Flies which is taught in most schools across the USA.

The movie is a powerful critique of many things which are happening in our society. One of the characters says, "It's only a television show." It raises questions about how television productions can distort & sensationalize reality. Each of the "Tributes," children chosen as sacrifices to fight to death for their district, is taken to the capitol to be packaged, branded & prepared to try to get "sponsors" to support them. The 2 tributes from District 12, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) &  Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) are followed as they try to survive & hold true to themselves & their values. Katniss volunteers to be a tribute to save her younger sister who was picked in the lottery. She then befriends & tries to protect a younger tribute from another district. She also protects Peeta from her district. The children & adults from the districts are trapped like sacrificial lambs. The parents in  are impotent & unable to protect their children. The adults in the opulent capital are portrayed as childish caricatures of adults enjoying the horrors as if they were at a Mardi Gras celebration. The leaders, like the character portrayed by Donald Sutherland are cynical, calculating, & controlling. They give minimal hope to the districts to keep them subservient.

Unfortunately,  in our world today, in Africa, Asia & the Middle East children are being used to fight in adult wars. Terrorist recruit suicide bombers among dissatisfied teens. In 2010, the United Nations started the Zero Under 18 campaign to help stop the deployment of children to fight wars. Throughout our world, even in the United States, human trafficking of children & teens is happening. Children are being abused, kidnapped & used as prostitutes. Organizations like A Child Is Missing, featured in my book, help protect children from being abducted or kidnapped. Although there has not been a Hunger Games TV show, we need to protect our children from the abuses of children in our world. The movie will bring up the uncomfortable, yet real questions of what you are doing or can do to protect children from child abuse & war.

The kinds of discussions that this film can provide are worth having with your children.  What could parents have done to protect their children? After one of the tributes was killed one district did try to fight back. How could adults help one another & fight back? What could the children have done to fight back? The time to protest is before dictators take over. Are there things happening in the world that we as Americans who have freedom can help prevent? Are we like the people in heaven or like those hell, failing to see that there are ways we can help one another?

Cyberbullying Facebook App: Like or Ban?

No, YOU Don't! Help Ban EnemyGraph

Thought for the day: Last night I got an e-mail from my friend, Denise Restauri. She sent me a link to an article she wrote for Forbes, "New Facebook App: What Are You Waiting for? Go Make Some Enemies!". She reported on a new Facebook App which enables making lists of your enemies, People & things you "hate." I read it & was outraged. I commented, shared it on Facebook & LinkedIn, I Tweeted in protest, & Google+ed it. This morning, I woke up & I realized I needed to do more & I will need your help with this one. If you want to help stop Facebook from promoting this APP,  please comment here. I will forward all comments to Facebook directly.

Denise's article tries to be fair in it's presentation of the facts about EnemyGraph.com. The site was developed in Dean Terry’s research group at UT Dallas' Emerging Media + Communication program by graduate student, Bradley Griffith, with assistance from an undergraduate, Harrison Massey. They say they developed it because, “Most social networks attempt to connect people based on affinities: you like a certain band or film or sports team, I like them, therefore we should be friends. But people are also connected & motivated by things they dislike. Alliances are created, conversations are generated, friendships are stressed, stretched, &/or enhanced.” They see “EnemyGraph as a critique of Facebook's social philosophy.

Denise also reports that EnemyGraph may have some fun elements.  She notes that, if the app were to be used just to list things & places we hate, it might not be so bad. If you hate beer & join other beer haters, for instance. I agree with Denise, I'd rather make friends on positive connections, but joining together over hating beer isn’t harmful. Unfortunately an app like EnemyGraph will not stop there.  As Denise surmises, it will give "bullies & people with a sick sense of humor a great way to bully & attack.  It’s another example of “Absolutely nothing good can come of this.”

If the developers thought this was cute or funny, they need to think again. It's potential could be deadly. #Cyberbullying has already been a contributing factor in #depression, #schoolphobias, & even #suicides among teens. We do not need a Facebook app to encourage #bullying, #discrimination & #prejudice. I have spent my professional life using positive psychology to fight the fallout of #abuse & #bullying on the mental health of thousands of my clients. If you want to help stop this app, please comment below & I will forward all comments to Facebook. Thanks!

Throwback Thursday: What Do Former Convicts & Foster Girls Have in Common?

Emancipation Does Not Always Lead to Freedom

Thought for the day: Today is Independence Day & for Throwback Thursday I'm bringing back & have updated an post from February 17, 2012: What Do Former Convicts & Foster Girls Have in Common? For those of us who take freedom for granted & expect others to thrive in our liberated society, this post may open your eyes to a different world where emancipation does not always lead to freedom.

It is sad to realize that former convicts & emancipated foster girls have anything in common,  but they do. They are both at high high risk for homelessness & incarceration within a year of emancipation. (Seven out of 10 foster youth will be homeless; 6 out of ten will be incarcerated within 1 year of emancipation. Twelve percent of formerly incarcerated persons end up homeless after being released from prison; 30% return to jail within a year. ) They also both tend to have histories of sexual & physical abuse in their childhood. (Half of the girls in foster care have been physically &/or sexually abused.  One in 20 men & 1 in 4 women in state prisons report that they were sexually abused before the age of 18. One in 10 men & 1 in 4 women in state prisons report that they were physically abused as children.) Clearly, our society is not helping either of these groups enough to insure that they become productive members of society once they are "emancipated" from jail or faster care. Read on to see how theses statistics can be turned around.

The ex-convicts in the Boaz & Ruth (Richmond VA) programs & foster girls chosen to take part in the HerShe Group (Los Angeles) have some positive things in common as well. These two organizations are changing the odds for their participants. Sixty-four percent of Boaz & Ruth's graduates have jobs after graduation from their program & 75% are still employed a year later. The graduates of Boaz & Ruth have reduced recidivism from 30% to 12%. HerShe's mentoring program is preparing girls in foster care for emancipation & helping them transition to college & jobs in the adult world. Clearly, these programs are teaching their participants ways to enhance their Dream Quotients (DQ) in both the ability to persevere despite physical or emotional challenges & the increasing their ability to adapt to life transitions. The other thing they have in common is that both programs are featured in & benefit from The Wake Up And Dream Challenge.

Life transitions are hard for everyone, but some people have developed the ability to adapt to transitions better than others. Life transitions can be stumbling blocks or opportunities depending on how you approach them. In my book, I examined the traits that seem to differentiate those who stumble from those who embrace the opportunities within a transition. Having made successful transitions earlier in life prepare us for the transitions we will face throughout life.

Overcoming a move to a new school, a parent being unemployed, a divorce or death of a family member during childhood can be traumatic or they can strengthen children & prepare for life's challenges in adulthood. For the latter to occur, some adults may also need to be supported through the transitions. In The Wake Up And Dream Challenge, I show how clients, faced with life transitions, reevaluated their dreams. The examples I give include a woman who lost her identity while supporting her husband & child's dreams, a man who struggled with a sudden change of direction when he neared graduation from college & a woman who had no idea how she could survive when she lost child support when her children reached adulthood. With therapy & the use of the Dream Positioning System (DPS), they were able to redirect their lives. If they grew up with positive role models who encouraged them & supported them through transitions, with minimal help in therapy, they were able to move on with their lives.

 Foster care children have multiple transitions throughout their childhoods. Foster youth in the system for 4 years or more have lived in 47 different homes. Unfortunately, often these transitions are not successful. Instead of being opportunities to strengthen the child & prepare them for life, they lead to a sense of insecurity & fear of failure when faced with emancipation at age 18. Most children from healthy families have some difficulty transitioning to college & adulthood. The transition for kids leaving foster care is much more challenging. Foster kids need additional supports to learn ways to transition to a healthier adulthood. Twenty percent of the nation's foster care children reside in the state of California & there is a disproportionate number of females in & impacted negatively by the system. The HerShe Group offers girls in foster care a year long mentoring program to prepare for the transition to emancipation. They are helping them succeed & venture into college programs rather than homelessness & incarceration.

Boaz & Ruth helps with another life transition that many of us never think about: emancipation after incarceration.  Boaz & Ruth ’s mission is to rebuild lives & communities through relationships, transitional jobs, & economic revitalization. Although most of Boaz & Ruth participants & graduates have a history of incarceration, they now successfully operate 5 social enterprises & have renovated a dozen dilapidated or abandoned buildings in the Highland Park area of Downtown Richmond VA. Eight of those buildings now provide affordable housing for nearly 40 men & women.

One of those graduates is Donna Scaturro. When Donna eventually graduated from Boaz & Ruth, it was on her 3rd determined try in the program. In a year’s time she remained in recovery from substance abuse, received her drivers’ license, purchased a car & had her voting rights restored in time for the 2008 Presidential election. When asked why she believed she succeeded at Boaz & Ruth on the third try, Donna explained, “I’ve learned resilience. I’ve learned not to give up. My return was never as I imagined, but I was always welcomed back with love & hopefulness. They really wanted me to succeed.”

Both of these organizations are transforming lives & beating the odds stacked against the populations they serve.  They are helping people reach their dreams & therefore they were chosen to be included to be in The Wake Up & Dream Challenge. You can learn more about their work & support their efforts. To purchase the e-book version on Amazon.com & contribute to Boaz & Ruth click here. To purchase the book & contribute to HerShe click here.

Have a wonderful 4th of July!

Teenager Doesn't Let Anything Stop Her Dreams

 

Photo credit: Newsday / J. Conrad Williams Jr.

Update: During President Obama's speech last Wednesday at the #DNC, he referred to having met Samantha Garvey. He did not say her name but gave her as an example of someone who would not let homelessness stop her from pursuing her dreams as a researcher.  It seems that he met her after her story was in the news.

The smiling face above is that of Samantha Garvey, a 17 year old from Long Island. She has a lot to be joyful about. Yesterday, I Samantha found out she was chosen as a semifinalist in the prestigious Intel Competition for scientific research. It would be a major accomplishment for any high school student to be one of 300 semifinalists from thousands of entrants from around the USA. What makes Samantha Garvey's accomplishment even more of an inspiration is that she did her research despite the fact that she is homeless.

Obviously she is a very bright teenager, but her IQ alone does not explain her accomplishments. I would love to have her take my Dream Quotient Questionnaire but my guess from what I saw on the video clip is that her DQ would be quite high as well. She did not let the obstacles of homelessness steal her dreams. Yesterday, she said she could not give her family a home, but at least she could please her parents & do well in school. Her parents & teachers have obviously helped her believe in her ability to succeed with hard work & persistence.

Her research focuses on mussels & is a metaphor for her own strength.  She found that when mussels are attacked they develop thicker,  stronger shells. The financial challenges in her family have helped the teen become stronger "skinned." Her positive attitude toward life is truly inspiring.

There is an even happier ending to this story. As I completed this post, I discovered that the publicity from her accomplishments has led to the Department of Social Services in Suffolk County finding a 3 bedroom house where Samantha's family can live. So Samantha is no longer homeless & her hard work has helped her family find a home!

I have always felt that difficult experiences strengthened me & made me more sensitive to others. I always had a home & a loving family, but growing up in a "broken" family when divorce was barely spoken of, was not easy. I knew I needed to work harder to be accepted, never had the latest fashions to wear, but learned to use my creativity, intelligence & hard work to accomplish my dreams.

Have you been strengthened by challenges in your lives? I would love to hear your stories.

See a video clip of Samantha Garvey below:

http://www.newsday.com/video/newsday-video-1.1482431?idno=40031