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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Rebound Relationships and Brokenhearted Blindness




Thought for the Day: Yesterday while driving in my car, I overheard 4 words from a song that stuck in my mind: "Broken Hearts Are Blind." Since I write songs when I hear a phrase like that I wish I had thought of it! I don't know who was singing an did not hear the rest of the lyric, but this morning I came up with a quote that I think may help people understand why it is important to take time between relationships. Here's my words of wisdom:
"Caution: Rebound relationships tend to fail because they are founded by people suffering from brokenhearted blindness." Dr. Barbara Lavi
Over the years as a clinical psychologist, I have seen hundreds of couples in marital therapy who report that they began their relationship just months after a failed long term relationship. This bit of history is like a red flag for me.
When people start relationships within a year of a break up their judgement may be distorted by the mix of emotions that are inevitable after a loss. Often they are intent on avoiding the pain. Feeling lonely and brokenhearted may blind them from the faults of their romantic choices. Down the road when reality sets in they often find themselves in the relationship for the wrong reasons. They may be desperate to feel loved again and mistake infatuation for love. When biological clocks are ticking they may rush into marriage and start a family. Others want to hurt their ex-boyfriend show them that they don't need them. As with all losses, it takes about a year to grieve the end of a failed relationship. Try to understand what went wrong before you rush into a new relationship. Don't let brokenhearted blindness lead you into the wrong relationship.

Have you rushed into a rebound relationship and regretted it down the road? What have you learned from the process?
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