Wake Up Wednesday: Could You & I Be Bullies?

Thought for the Day: Since I will be speaking on the Blind Matters Radio program this Saturday on bullying, I have been giving the subject a lot of thought. In my mind, bullying & prejudice go hand in hand. I was brought up in a home where prejudice was seen as intolerable. I tend to be very liberal & accepting of differences; however, I, like all human beings, tend to gravitate towards like minded people & spend more time with those who agree with me. It is hard not to feel disdain towards those that I see as "bullies." Is that not prejudice? Although I do everything in my power not to harm others, I wonder could anyone become a bully, even me? Is a zero tolerance policy that expels a child for bullying from a school not a form of bullying? Does our society, pass the buck by moving bullies from school to school, class to class or having the bully home schooled actually perpetuate the problem?

The answers to ending bullying are more complex than just a zero tolerance policy. Psychological research has found that many bullies in our schools have or are being bullied at home. Sending them home, expelling them from school may only exacerbate the problem. Are you & I bullying the bullies by not providing comprehensive therapeutic interventions that would get to the bottom of why a child is bullying his peers & help them change their behavior?

I hope you will tune in on Saturday & ask questions. I will propose some of my ideas about how to solve the epidemic of bullying. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this complex & troubling issue.

Monday's Special Edition: When Not Guilty Does Not Mean Innocent: A Nation Struggles With the Zimmerman Acquittal

Thought for the Day: I could not simply write a Motivational Monday post today as if the George Zimmerman acquittal had not happened. I must admit I thought about it & delayed writing till after 10 AM today. However, I felt compelled to share some thoughts on the trial from a psychological & personal perspective. Many people across the United States are struggling with mixed feelings about the decision in Florida that George Zimmerman was found to be not guilty of murder or manslaughter. The jury decided that they could not determine beyond a reasonable doubt that Zimmerman was not acting in self defense when he killed 17 year old, unarmed Trayvon Martin. Although the jury may have had no choice other than the not guilty decision, it simply feels wrong. It makes me fearful this decision will reinforce the vigilante-like actions & racially profiling tendencies which appear to have motivated Zimmerman to go after Trayvon in the first place. Even if Zimmerman feared for his life at the second before he pulled the trigger, as a society are we reinforcing behaviors that increase the chance for violence, prejudice & injustice? What do you think? How can the system be improved? Did it work properly or is it flawed?

There have been protests around the nation calling for action by the Federal Government''s Department of Justice to try Zimmerman for Civil Rights violations. The government has reopened their investigation in light of the protests. Our president, Barack Obama, acknowledged the strong feelings this case has evoked, "but we are a nation of laws, and a jury has spoken. I now ask every American to respect the call for calm reflection from two parents who lost their young son." 

Both my parents were lawyers who taught me to respect laws & the legal system on which our nation was founded. They were also political activists, who ingrained in me a responsible citizen's obligation to do whatever I could, legally, to change a law if I felt it was unjust. Lawyers tend to see things in black & white. Psychologists, on the other hand, see all the shades of grey, in addition to the rest of the colors of the rainbow. In complicated situations like this one, the restraint of accepting the verdict as the law of the land, helps me. However, it does not stop me or any citizen in this great nation from speaking out to reform laws & procedures which may lead to unjust policies.

I believe that we all must acknowledge, reflect & speak up about our feelings. If we feel things are wrong, we can protest & search for creative ways to change the current reality in our society. Over the weekend I received an e-mail from Sharon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action Against Gun Violence. She wrote: 

"Today, we are all Trayvon Martin’s mother. Trayvon, a 17-year- old victim of gun violence, was sadly one of the children and teens shot and killed every 3 hours and 15 minutes in America. Gun violence is a public health crisis of epidemic proportions in our country and, unchecked by Congress and many state legislatures, continues to spiral out of control. The lack of regulation of guns in America is a grave danger to all of our children....It is time for the 80 million mothers of America to stand our ground and demand new, common-sense gun laws and policies that will protect our children and honor the tragic shooting deaths of youths like Trayvon Martin. Collectively, we can use our votes and our voices to change policies and laws that will help keep American children out of the line of fire."
One way to do something about how you are feeling about the verdict is to Join Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense In America TODAY. 

There are other things which you can do in response to the feelings this case has conjured up. If you feel that racial profiling played a part in this tragedy, get involved in programs that teach tolerance of differences & work to eliminate prejudice. I have written in the past about programs & organizations that are working towards this goal (see recent series of posts on bullying: Part I,  Part II,  Part III, &  Part IV). Get involved & advocate for their inclusion in our schools & communities. 

I would love to hear your thought about the decision & any ideas you have for reform of the legal system, jury selection you may have.

Photo of Trayvon Martin from Moms Demand Action

Dreams On Wheels Part V: Report from Richmond

Thought for the Day: Time is flying & so much is happening everyday that there is not enough time to write. The 1st day in Richmond we were awed by the accomplishments of Boaz & Ruth. On paper they are amazing in person they are even more inspiring. We have videotaped interviews with their staff & with their founder Martha Rollins which will demonstrate how they have been building dreams, lives & a community in downtown Richmond. Then on Friday & Saturday we spent time at the International convention of Elimination of Prejudice. Their staff, alumni & current students leaders  from around the USA & Canada shared their dreams & accomplishments with us. I presented a talk on how Dreams can help fight bullying. This led to confronting the issue of bullying & hazing on college campuses.  A lively discussion ensued about the dangers of hazing & a search for creative, positive rights of passage that will build rather than harm young adults. I will share video & longer posts in the future. Yesterday was a travel day. Today I begin my Scholar in Residence Programs at Menorah Park in Beachwood OH (near Cleveland).

Part I: Dreams On Wheels 2012 Coming Soon

August 1 - 8, 2012

Thought for the day: When you start using the Dream Positioning System™ (DPS) it goes on automatic pilot. The end destination & dreams remain the same, but how you get there can shift & adjust as road conditions change & new circumstances arise. Dreams start falling into place & sometimes turn out even better than you originally planned. (Just in case you are wondering how many people read this blog, since January when I started writing it, there have been over 10,000 page views! Thank you for visiting & please share this site with your friends. Dreams are happening here!)

Lifelong Learning at Menorah Park

I knew that I would be going to Ohio this summer to be a Scholar in Residence at Menorah Park Senior Living Center. I was excited to have the opportunity to share my knowledge with a wonderful facility that helps senior citizens accomplish their dreams. I also planned to visit Richmond VA where I will be speaking about how Dream Positioning can help fight bullying to leaders of Elimination of Prejudice from colleges across the US & Canada at their national convention.

Originally my plan was to fly to Richmond & then to Cleveland, since the events are happening one right after the other. As the plans for the 2 events began to unfold, the idea of videotaping some of the conference participants about bullying & their dreams as part of my presentation arose. Initially, I had what I thought was a wild idea. Since I have a film student as one of my interns, I thought it might be helpful to have her come along.  If I drove instead of flying to Richmond, I could see if Allie, my intern, could accompany me to Richmond. I would have to help her with bus fare back home, but thought it would be worth it to have her extra help & knowledge of film making. When I brought this idea up in my Dream Team meeting, the other interns asked if they could come as well. They volunteered to help with gas & to pay for their own lodging & expenses. I was touched & impressed by their enthusiasm & initiative.

I decided to ask Menorah Park if they would consider paying for the rental of a van to bring me & my team to both Virginia & Ohio. Even though it cost a bit more than airfare, Menorah Park generously agreed. They liked the idea of helping the other nonprofits included in the book & of having a cross generational element to the presentations along with some videotaping at their site as well.

Firehouse 15 Restaurant

Since Boaz & Ruth, a program that helps restore the lives of ex-convicts is in Richmond, I arranged for another event & book signing at the Firehouse 15 Restaurant which Boaz & Ruth operates. They may also help with some of the plans for the Elimination of Prejudice's workshops. I will be seeing if any of the other Dream Nonprofits featured in my book would like to have our Dreams On Wheels Van stop by while we are en route!



The power of Dream Positioning never ceases to amaze me! More news will be forthcoming about this tour! If you live anywhere on the route, we would love to hear from you & would appreciate any ideas of places to have a book signing.

You Don't Have to Be Pollyanna or Wear Rose Colored Glasses to Be a Dreamer

Ultimate Optimist Glasses by Laurinjade from Photobucket

Life through ROSE colored glasses by Mamaaunte (Photobucket)

Thought for the Day: A recent comment on an earlier blog made me reflect on whether people are reading my blog & assuming that I must be wearing rose colored glasses. My passion to encourage people to connect with & work towards their dreams may make some people think I am out of touch with the negative realities of life & our world. The truth is that I am aware of the harsh realities we face today. However, I believe that we all can do something about these challenges if we take action. I hope others will share their negative experiences & how they overcame them or your reactions to this Anonymous comment. I welcome all comments & see them as opportunities to open tough discussions & search for creative solutions to these & other problems we all face.

The anonymous comments came to a previous post:  Part IV: Help Me Start A Gratitude Project Deep In the Heart of Texas. Here's what they wrote:
     I am sorry that I cannot make your dream to find everything in our past wonderful.. I could never get in to see my counselor, whoever she was. i wanted to graduate at 16, but it seems every one stood in my way. I had to get out of school, & get out on my own, & still no one helped me with anything. The Jewish girls made up awful lies about me, and the mothers in B'nai Brith made up worse ones, just because i was sexy, not promiscuous, and they felt threatened by me. I was accused, behind my back, because no one had the strength to confront me, of horrible things the other girls did. Why didn't anyone ask me if they were true, & why were those mothers so willing to believe it was the Shicksa who had done the deeds, & not the Jewish girls? Bellaire was horrible & I was so glad to get out of there. i wanted a good education, because my mom said they could take away your house, your money & your jewels, but they could never take away your ind. It seems that most of those in Bellaire, attempted just that. When I said I wanted to be a doctor, I was ridiculed, then finally told that I would never have the money to do it. Thanks! for that dream busted!! I was told the only thing I could do was secretary, nurse, or teacher. Thanks Again!! for that dream busted, as none of those things were the least bit interesting. And no one would help me find a way to get a college degree. Well, I have been successful in my own way. I have been a community activist, discovered unknown species, wrote deed restrictions & saved a town from demolition, was on TV & in the news several times, all in spite of the "Fine" education I got at Bellaire. it was not a nice experience. I survived it in spite of the jealousy & hostility. there was not one school counselor who did a thing to help me, nor any teachers, save for Mrs. DuPont & Mrs. Finch.

 

Rose Colored Glasses By jjh4 (Photobucket)

Unfortunately, Anonymous was bullied & discriminated against in my high school. I remember the cattiness & feelings of not being part of some of the cliques that exist in all schools. I was not & am not blind to discrimination & prejudice (see recent series of posts on bullying: Part I,  Part II,  Part III, &  Part IV), but I do believe that we can help make changes in this world if we allow ourselves to dream, imagine & work to make a difference.
Here's my response to Anonymous' comments:
  
     Dear Anonymous, Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am sorry to hear that for you, Bellaire was so negative. I wish you had been fortunate enough to have had Ms Edwards as a guidance counselor. I worked in her office for 2 years & know she tried to encourage everyone to go to college & helped them get scholarships. As one of 4 children in a single parent family, I would not have been able to follow my dreams without financial aid. High School was not all wonderful & being a teenager had it's challenges. I was not "in with the in crowd," but found people who did not care about money & status. Prejudice & ignorance go hand in hand & it occurs among people from all religions, races & ethnic backgrounds. I, for one, do what I can to educate & advocate for tolerance & respect of all people. It sounds like you overcame the adversity & have accomplished many of your dreams. It is never too late to change the end of your story & start working on dreams that you would still like to accomplish.