Tuesday's Psychology Tip & Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Every Challenge in Life Is an Opportunity to Grow Don't Let Depression Blind You

Thought for the Day: I am again playing summertime catchup. Today's Psychology Tip is combined with some Words of Wisdom.

Every challenge in life Is an opportunity to grow: Don't let depression make you lose sight of the opportunity.

Depression is like a thief. It invades your body and drains the energy, joy and vitality from it's victims.

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: The Bee Gees Barry Gibb: Saying Words "About the Sorrow"

Thought for the Day: Last week on CBS Sunday Morning I saw an interview of Barry Gibb, the last surviving member of the Bee Gees. As I watched I decided to share the video clip with you and chose one of the Bee Gee's hit songs as Saturday's Song for the Soul. We rarely get to see how famous people deal with their grief. Musicians, however, often take solace in their music and share the pain in words and lyrics. Music and performing at times becomes their therapy. In the video clip, Barry talks about the pain of dealing with the deaths of his brother Maurice in 2003 and Robin in 2012, His younger brother, Andy, died in 1988 after battling with depression and drug addiction. Till now, he had never performed without his brothers. His wife and their son were concerned that Barry was suffering from depression and encouraged him to start performing again. On the current tour he is accompanied by his son, Stephen, his niece, Samantha (Maurice's daughter), and photos of his brothers projected on the wall behind them. It is not easy, but performing again is a therapeutic journey for the rock legend. The 1996 recording of the song I picked for today has an eerie prophetic message in light of Barry's struggle with the loss of all his younger siblings. Clearly, "No one said a word about the sorrow."

Read on to hear the song and watch the video from last week's segment on CBS Sunday Morning.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Rebound Relationships and Brokenhearted Blindness

Thought for the Day: Yesterday while driving in my car, I overheard 4 words from a song that stuck in my mind: "Broken Hearts Are Blind." Since I write songs when I hear a phrase like that I wish I had thought of it! I don't know who was singing an did not hear the rest of the lyric, but this morning I came up with a quote that I think may help people understand why it is important to take time between relationships. Here's my words of wisdom:

"Caution: Rebound relationships tend to fail because they are founded by people suffering from brokenhearted blindness." Dr. Barbara Lavi

Over the years as a clinical psychologist, I have seen hundreds of couples in marital therapy who report that they began their relationship just months after a failed long term relationship. This bit of history is like a red flag for me.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Guest Post from Margie Bogdanow, LICSW

"As loved ones pass on, we can continue to hold them close and listen, learn and be supported by them each and every day." Margie Freedberg

Thought for the Day: Usually, on Wednesday's Words of Wisdom, I feature a quote. Today I am going to share a guest post instead. Two days ago, on what would have been my brother Larry's birthday, my sister-in-law, Margie Bogdanow, posted a story on her blog that I feel compelled to share with you. Margie, who also happens to be a licensed social worker and educator, is someone I am blessed to have in my life and in my family's lives. Her parents, Irwin and Irene Freedberg, were both stolen from this world too soon by brain cancer. They were amazing human beings who touched the lives of all who knew them. (I wrote about Dr. Irwin Freedberg in my book as a role model of a parent who encourages their children to accomplish their dreams. Irene was a social worker whose wisdom helped design programs to help following 9/11.) Here are Margie's wonderful Words of Wisdom.

Wrapped in My Mom’s Warm Winter Coat

Posted on February 24, 2014 By Margie Bogdanow, LICSW by whiteoakmusings

Translation: In Memory

As my mom’s 8th (how could that possibly be?) Yartzeit surrounds me (due to the significant difference between the Hebrew and English calendars this year) I find myself thinking about what we take and what we leave behind when someone dies.  There are the values that are ingrained in us – those we don’t always have a choice about.  If we are lucky, we are happy with those values and lessons learned.  If not, we struggle to create and develop new ways of approaching the world.

But there is also the “stuff” -the “things”, the “objects”.  My parents died 7 months apart – too close together for me to have the luxury of grieving in a timely way for either one of them.  The months surrounding and following my mom’s death are a blur to me.

Tuesday's Therapy Tips: Can You Tear Up Without Feeling Sad?

Thought for the Day: I have been looking at answers to questions people have asked on HealthTap each week to find my Tuesday's Therapy Tips. Since the app restricts the answers to questions to 400 characters, I give myself permission to elaborate a bit more here. Here's the original question and my response:

A 43 year-old female asked:

How can a person get choked up and tear up without feeling sad?

Yes it can happen...

Sometimes, when we repress our sadness at the time of a loss or a traumatic event, it can suddenly appear even years after the event which was never processed fully. Consider speaking with a therapist to find out where the tears are coming from, it is healthy to process our sorrow and better late than never.

Feelings are a safety mechanism for our mental health. Sadness and tears help us express the sorrow that we feel when we lose a love one or are hurt in our lives. Many people are self conscious about crying and try to appear strong and stoic during challenging life events. This may work in the short run, but backfire in the long run. When someone comes to me wondering why they have been crying lately even though they do not feel sad, I know that it may be a delayed grief reaction. When I take their history there is some loss that is begging to be processed. One client lost her mother when she was in the midst of a high risk pregnancy. She had no time to grieve. It was seven years later when the tears began to fall. Another client was 17 when her father died and 18 when her mother passed away. She was the eldest of three children. She took over the role of parent to her siblings and stayed strong for their sake. She was now in her late twenties, happily married and contemplating getting pregnant, but found herself feeling sad for no apparent reason. When she began to talk about the deaths of her parents, she began to sob. In therapy, clients like these can be helped to process the loss and move on in their lives. If you know is feeling this way, let them know they can be helped.

If you would like to get answers like these and connect with me on my Virtual Practice on @HealthTap, click on the link & join me and experts from around the nation 24/7.  

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: No Time Limits for Grief from RaeAnne Fredrickson

Thought for the Day: Quotes reach out to me from twitter, facebook and google+. Today's came to me from a feed on Facebook from The Compassionate Friends, Supporting Family After a Child Dies. Death is not easy at any age. My grandmother used to say at the end of her visits when I lived abroad that if she stayed for a day, a week a month or a year, it would always feel like not enough time and that saying goodbye would be difficult. That is true about life as well. Somehow the loss of a child magnifies grief. Children are so innocent and filled with potential, that the blow when they pass is simply harder to understand and accept.

When I saw the above quote, I did not know who RaeAnne Fredrickson was. I looked her up and discovered that she lost an infant child who was born with a fatal disease. She knew at 15 weeks that her son would not survive for long, but chose to bring him into the world. Since then she has devoted her life to helping others living with the same circumstances.

It reminds me of  Simon Sudman. Here's his story from the Simon's Fund website:

 In 2004, Simon was born. He weighed six pounds, 15 ounces at birth, and had an APGAR score of eight and nine. He was 50% for weight and 25% for height. Every few hours, he’d finish a bottle (except for a four-hour stretch overnight). It all sounds pretty normal, right?At seven weeks, Simon smiled for the first time. He died 47 days later.
By all signs, Simon Sudman was healthy and normal. But his little heart had a tiny unknown defect called Long QT Syndrome.
His parents had never heard of this condition before, let alone know that Phyllis (mother) also had the condition. They also didn’t know that this heart arrhythmia was responsible for up to 15% of all SIDS deaths.
Simon was one of thousands of kids to die of sudden cardiac arrest in 2005. Some were babies and others were high school athletes.

The Sudmans can never bring Simon back, but they have saved the lives of many other children and succeeded in getting laws passed to require education for coaches about SCA. Learn about Sudden Cardiac Arrest, have your family tested and help us spread the word. If you visit their website, you will see that they do not try to hide their grief, but they also have learned how to have the joy of helping prevent others from having to live through the pain they endured. Simon's Fund is one of the Dream Nonprofits featured in and benefitting from my book.

Part II:Reader's Choice Top 5 Special Editions 2013:Holidays, Triumphs Over Tragedies, & Resilience

Thought for the Day: Last week I shared 5 of the Top 10 Special Editions 2013: Celebrating Holidays, Triumphs Over Tragedies, & Resilience. Today I am sharing the Top 5 (actually 6 since there was a tie for 5th place) in special editions. It really gives an overview of the past year. I was thrilled to have encouraged one of my interns to write a post about her experiences on Dec 14th, 2012. I write 99% of my posts, but some of my interns wanted the opportunity to write on my blog. Claire Freeman a psychology student who was my Human Resources intern last summer wrote the post which had the most page views in this category.

Tied For #5: Special Edition: Wake Up Washington: Part II Putting Congress On The Couch 10/10/2013

Tied for #5: What If Wednesdays: What If An Hour Could Change Your Life? 2/13/2013

#4 Thanksgiving Thursday: How A Mechanic Made My Day 11/28/2013

#3 Memorial Monday: How Driving A Truck Helped A Bereaved Father Cope 5/27/2013

#2 Monumental Mondays: Honor A Veteran & Help Wounded Warriors Reach Higher Ground 11/11/2013

#1 Throwback Thursday: Sandy Hook Revisited: Where Were You Last December 14? 6/20/2013

Flashback Monday & Tuesday: Life's Festival Goes On Rain or Shine With No Refunds for Unused Tickets

Thought for the Day: I have a very busy week & decided to repost this post for both Monday and Tuesday this week. I wrote it last September. Sometimes it's a good idea to look back & reflect. This post is well worth paying attention to more than once a year. Here's what I wrote back then:
 On Friday night I went to services. I do not go on a regular basis, but it was Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement, which is the holiest day of the year for Jewish people. Originally, our plan was to go to services in Boston, but plans changed. Jerry, my partner, has been swamped in a new position in school. He was too tired to travel & we would have missed the Friday night service anyway. When a friend called & was planning to go in White Plains with her daughter, son-in-law & 4 month old grand son, I decided to join them. They were going to a service at Beit Am Shalom, a reconstructionist synagogue, which holds their services in a huge tent beside their building. They do not require tickets & only ask for a donation. They do not want anyone to avoid participation due to the high cost of membership. The service was beautiful. The music was both traditional & creative. The Rabbi & his wife, who is the Cantor (musical leader), add beautiful harmonies to the prayers. The entire congregation joined in. It was both welcoming & inspiring.

The service was a bit too long for our youngest group member. Therefore, unfortunately, I missed everything but the introduction to the sermon. The Rabbi spoke about being at a music festival at the end of the summer. The words on the ticket resonated with him in relation to the Day of Atonement. The tickets said that the gates to the venue would be open from 10 AM till 10 PM, that the concert would be held, Rain or Shine & there would be no refunds. He repeated those phrases a few times before I had to leave. The parallel to life, however, seemed fairly clear to me. We all get one ticket to the festival. The show goes on rain or shine for a limited time. The only difference is that we only know when the event gates open. No one knows the exact time that the gates will close on our lives. We can't get a refund or a second chance in life as far as we know.

     I don't know where the Rabbi took this message, but yesterday, while answering questions on HealthTap a few of the questions & answers I gave took on a different meaning when seen through the metaphor of life as a summer music festival. 

     A 27 year-old male on HealthTap asked:

        " I am anxious to the point I can't even leave my couch for more than daily needs. I'm so scared  about my health .1mg xanax won't even work?"
Read on to see how I answered him and two others who may be missing out on the festival of life;..

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Nancy Griffith & Rodney Crowell: "I Still Miss Someone"

Thought for the Day: Today it is June 21st and in 8 days it will be 3 years since my brother Larry passed away. This week, an old friend of my older brother, Bill, called. She was noticeably upset. I had never met Harriet, since I had lived in Israel when she and Bill were close. Harriet had gone to a movie about James Joyce, "In Bed With Ulysses." The movie was created in 2012 by Alan Adelson and Kate Taverna, close friends of Larry and my sister-in-law, who is also a film maker. At the end of the film, Harriet noticed a credit in memory of and thanking Larry Bogdanow. She had not heard of Larry's passing. She searched online and found my blog. Moved by what I had written she tracked me down to share her condolences and tell me how moved she was by what I had written. She reminded me that Bill had died on June 25th many years ago. I realized that even though I am more than aware of how anniversaries impact on us, I was already beginning to think about both of my brothers and how I miss them.  (In case you live in the NYC area, the film will be playing at Symphony Space tomorrow at 5 PM & I plan to be there as part of remembering them.) So today,  I am also reposting this song & post in their honor. Here's what I wrote last year:

Friday's Fabulous Finds: Everyday Heroes

*Photo Credits

Thought for the Day: Last night I received my intern, Steph Jacovino's suggestions for today's post, but did not have time to read them. Since this week's posts have been addressing topics like: Motivational Mondays: Do You Have What It Takes to be a Superhero?, Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Wednesday's Words of Wisdom:  Are Humans Instinctively Selfish or Cooperative? & Denis Waitley & Dr. Lavi on Life Choices, Steph's assignment was to search for finds that highlight the superheroes among us who put others' needs before their own. The common theme is the joy of giving to strangers by everyday heroes.

Larry Bogdanow

This morning, I opened the 1st find & read it. It made me cry, but it also my day. I have been in a pensive mood & very busy this week. The article made me stop. Since tomorrow is the second anniversary of my brother,  Larry Bogdanow's death, I had been trying to find ways to remember him that would feel right. The post pushed the envelope & made me look back at what I wrote last year. As i did, I realized that in contrast to a year ago, I can feel not only the sorrow, but the joy when I think of my brother.  Larry was one of my heroes who gave generously of himself to others.

 If you read nothing else this weekend, take the time for "The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget." It will touch your heart & soul. The other finds are uplifting examples of everyday heroes putting others needs before their own & giving to the community.  Thanks Steph for doing a great job! I hope you enjoy these finds. Come back tomorrow for Saturday's Songs for the Soul (the 1st entry from February 2013) which I started last February in honor of my brother.

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget  By Kent Nerburn, from his book: Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace: Living in the Spirit and Prayer of St. Francis, posted on Zen Moments  Author Kent Nerburn tells of his most memorable experience as a taxi driver. It shows that a little bit of patience & consideration can go a long way.

By Kent Nerburn

By Kent Nerburn

Super Caden

Tiny Superheroes [Video] By Aaron Olson & Diana Bull  In four short months, Robyn Rosenberger has made over 500 children with illnesses feel like superheroes. Then she posts their stories online, & gives a face to their medical conditions.

Dwight Orchard

Toronto College Student Saves Stranger from Subway Tracks From The Star, By Niamh Scallan 
Would you jump onto train tracks to save the life of a man, whom you never met before? College student Dwight Orchard says “I had to.” Read more about his life-saving deed.



Police Officer’s Touching Gift for Girl From Yahoo! Shine, By Elise Sole We expect policemen to be our heroes when they put their lives in danger, but a California police officer went above & beyond the call of duty in a different way while responding to a report of a stolen bicycle.

Boston Marathon Winner Returns his Medal to City from The Associated Press, By Tracee Herbaugh,
Lelisa Desisa, winner of the Boston Marathon, returned his medal to the city of Boston on Sunday to remember the victims of the Boston bombing. Through a translator, he said, “sports should never be used as a battleground.”

Who are your everyday heroes? I'd love to hear about them. They may be an inspiration to my readers. Please share their stories!

*Photo Credits
Taxi  http://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/2354915174/

Toronto Hero Photo by VINCE TALOTTA / TORONTO STAR 

Photo Policeman Above & Beyond Call of Duty Nina Sanchez/Oxnard Police Department/Facebook

Superhero Caden from Tiny Superheroes website

Boston marathon Fay Foto

Photo: Taxi Union Square 2007 by Thomas Hawk

Photo: Taxi Union Square 2007 by Thomas Hawk

Memorial Monday: How Driving A Truck Helped A Bereaved Father Cope

Photos from FlickrCC.com*

Thought for the Day:  Sometimes in the midst of barbeques, travel & celebrations of the beginning of summer the harsh reality of Memorial Day is forgotten. It is a day to remember those who gave their lives to protect the freedom & opportunities this great nation offers. I usually leave my song choices for Saturday's Songs for the Soul where I share songs that are therapeutic. "I Drive Your Truck" (shared here)* certainly fits that category. It captures one man's grief after losing a loved one. With over 5 million hits on YouTube since it was released last December, it hit a chord helping veterans & families around the country.  The song performed by country artist, Lee Brice,  was written by Jimmy Yeary, Connie Harrington & Jessi Alexander. It is based on a true story one of the songwriters heard on NPR about how a father, who's son died in 2006, would drive his son's truck. On the radio broadcast, Paul Monti, said his reasons for driving the truck his son, Sgt. 1st ClassJared  Monti, left behind were simple: "What can I tell you? It's him. It's got his DNA all over it. I love driving it because it reminds me of him, though I don't need the truck to remind me of him. I think about him every hour of every day."

If you would like to support programs that help wounded warriors returning from Iraq & Afghanistan, you can purchase my book The Wake Up And Dream Challenge with 1/2 of the profits being sent to Higher Ground. Higher Ground uses recreational therapies to help wounded warriors & their families regain their independence.

*Official video from Lee Bruce's album, Hard 2 Love. Available on iTunes: http://bit.ly/Hard2Love

*Photos from FlickrCC.com

Top Right: 'Scouts salute Fort Sam Houston Cemetery with+flags+of+honor' http-/www.flickr.com/photos/37353087@N03/5766778920

Left Middle: 'Scouts salute Fort Sam Houston Cemetery with+flags+of+honor' http-/www.flickr.com/photos/37353087@N03/5766764544

Right Bottom: 'Soldier graves' http-/www.flickr.com/photos/22929260@N06/5784853348

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Beth Nielsen Chapman Songs, Creativity & Therapy

Thought for the Day: I hinted yesterday in #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds that I had a treat in store for you on Saturday's Songs for the Soul. I have had the honor of getting to know Beth Nielsen Chapman when she taught at one of the songwriting retreats I organized a about ten years ago. Since then our paths have crossed several times & I consider it a gift to know her personally. On Beth's website they note that in addition to writing hits for other artists, "Beth Nielsen Chapman, Nashville based singer-songwriter,... breast cancer survivor, environmental activist, teacher of workshops & lecturer on the magic of creativity, which she believes is a birthright of everyone." Beth writes straight from her heart & soul.  Her songs usually come to her as melodies to which she adds nonsense syllables. Even though she has no idea what the song will be about, miraculously, the words, when the song is completed, usually match the vowel sounds of the original nonsense syllables. Many of her songs were written when challenged by illness & loss as her own therapy. Her inner strength & spirituality have inspired countless others as they confront life's challenges.

      Her songs have been covered by many top artists in multiple genres including Bonnie Raitt, Emmylou Harris, Bette Midler, Elton John, Neil Diamond, Trisha Yearwood, Martina McBride, The Indigo Girls, Michael McDonald, Amy Grant, Keb Mo’, Roberta Flack, Waylon Jennings, Faith Hill, Willie Nelson, & many more. 

         I chose three of Beth's songs for your Saturday listening enjoyment & inspiration:

 

Sand & Water was written following the death of her husband from cancer when her son (who is now grown) was only 12 years old. Elton John covers this song in concerts in honor of Princess Diana. It captures the essence of grief from a time when Beth reports that she thought she would never sing again. It was such a personal song that it was hard for her to make minor changes so that a man could sing it. (This version is live with Kieran Goss)

Happy Girl, which became a Country hit for by Martina Mc Bride, represents coming out of the dark of mourning & back to life.

The melody from Every December Sky came to Beth before she even knew she was diagnosed with Cancer. She speaks about this melody as a gift from a higher power (like many of her songs) that strengthened her & helped her through the process of treatment & recovery.

I encourage you to listen to these & other inspiring songs (there are great love songs, This Kiss, a touching visit with an ailing friend in the hospital, Emily, & a song about a woman with Alzheimers, Child Again)  by Beth. I hope you will come back for Sunday's Comic Strips & Motivational Monday's posts. Next week I will be participating in some exciting events at Capital Hill when I join a nonpartisan group, Moms Demand Action. I will be one of 250 Moms (and dads) from across the USA that will Take the Hill. I will be blogging from Washington DC. So I look forward to sharing some great experiences with you. Have a great weekend!

Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Halleluyah

Thought for the Day: It's Saturday & I usually do not post on weekends, but today I am posting. Tomorrow would have been my brother Larry Bogdanow's birthday. I have written about my brother several times since he passed away in June of 2011 (February & in June of 2012). As a psychologist, who has helped people deal with grief, I know that anniversaries, birthdays & holidays often are tinged with sadness after we lose a loved one. Knowing this makes me intentionally do something to remember & celebrate the life of the person I am missing. I was not sure what I would do & decided today to give Larry a musical tribute. Larry shared my love for music & introduced me (& all his friends) to new music that he discovered by making & sharing CD mixes. When I find great new music I will share it here on Saturdays in honor of my brother. Unconsciously last Friday, I may have picked & posted a glass harp instrumental rendition of Leonard Cohen's Halleluyah. I shared this song, performed by Jeff Buckley & other, with Larry multiple as he lay in the hospital, both when he was conscious & hopeful & after he slipped into a coma. Just as food sustains the body, music sustains & heals the soul. Larry lived his life & brought joy to others every day. I hope that these musical Saturday posts will bring you joy as well.

Remembering Larry Bogdanow, Part II

My brother & I on the Staten Island Ferry around 1973?

Thought for the day: I just reread my post from February 22, 2012. I wrote it two days before what would have been my brother, Larry Bogdanow's birthday.  I said most of what I feel comfortable saying publicly about him then. However, on June 29th it will be a year since Larry lost his battle with brain cancer. Thoughts & memories arise daily. It is part of the normal mourning process. I often tell clients to use writing to help with grief. As hard as it is to do, as a psychologist who has helped people deal with loss throughout my career, I need to share some of my thoughts today in hopes that it will inspire you or help you share your memories of a loved one who you are grieving.

Time is the ultimate healer, but time alone is not enough to complete the mourning. First, let me say, time is deceptive. In some ways, it feels like the events of last year happened yesterday. Since my brother's illness & demise was very rapid. No one had time to digest the fact that he was not going to be with us within weeks of the discovery of the recurrence of the cancer.

In other ways, time has seemed to move slowly. The normal joy of each holiday that has passed was burdened by the reality that my brother would not be there to celebrate. His birthday & Father's Day also were clouded by what we were missing. In my posts I shared some of my grief. I have tried throughout this year to take the time to experience the feelings, write about them or speak with someone when they arise.

In Victorian times, mourners wore black clothes for a year & stopped wearing jewelry or wore jewelry with the picture of their loved one. I stopped wearing black within a few months, but for this past year except for a few professional appearances or religious holidays, I stopped wearing jewelry. I never wore jewelry until I began to make my own several years ago. Once I did, it began to give me great pleasure to wear my creations. Somehow, I have not felt comfortable wearing jewelry since my brother's death. My brother would probably have thought this was unnecessary, but for me it seemed like a small daily reminder that life has changed & I am not ready to be fully joyful.

I'm not religious but know that in Jewish tradition music is not allowed during the first year of mourning, it's a bit like lent. I did my own version by not listening to music on the radio for this year. I did watch TV & went to movies so at times I heard background music, but wrote off listen to music or singing. I love music & I love to sing, but during the first year after I lose a loved one, I give them up. I only sang when I was at religious services. When I saw the documentary, Once Upon a Dream, I was inspired by the children's accomplishments. Afterwards, I searched for renditions of Over the Rainbow & shared them on my blog posts. I made another exception when I went to my camp reunion. There I sang the songs that Larry, my friend, Amelia Samet Kornfeld, (who also lost her battle with brain cancer not long ago), & I would sing together as children. I know I will sing again & listen to the radio, but I needed the silence to leave space for the thoughts, memories & feelings.

Most religions have traditions for mourning that last about a year. Knowing that a year has passed will mark the time for me to let go of my personal "lent" related to mourning my brother's passing. I read an article in Psychology Today by one of my facebook fans, Dr. Craig Malkin, who is also a psychologist. The article proposes that secure relationships, starting in childhood, lead to secure adult relationships & more exciting adventurous lives. At the core of the research is a study by Mary Ainsworth who found that securely attached children, those who felt their mother would always be there for them, attacked the world with gusto & adventure. Internalizing that feeling of security lasts a lifetime even after the mother is no longer present.

Yesterday, it came to me that I no longer have anyone who really knew me from the day I was born. My mother, father, eldest brother & grandmother have been gone for many years. Having Larry was like an extension of the secure attachment our mother gave us to explore the world. He would always encourage me to explore my dreams. In addition, he was an added memory bank for me. I relied on my brother's memory for things I was not sure about. I can't ask him to help me remember things from my childhood anymore but that sense of security he & my family gave me to live adventurously, live on inside me. I have become the holder of so both memories & dreams.

I don't know what happens after we leave this world, but I do believe that we all live on in the memories of those we have touched in our lives. My brother touched not only me, my family & the friends he knew & loved, but also the strangers who visited the restaurants, theaters, homes, & educational facilities he designed. About a month ago, by accident, I discovered that a new friend, Joy Rose, the founder of the Museum of Motherhood in NYC & Mamapaloosa, knew my brother twenty years ago. Her son went to nursery school with Larry's daughter. Larry helped her design a kitchen in her apartment for free.

Larry designed & organized a group of friends to help build a community center in Guatemala thirty years ago. My sister-in-law went & visited the facility this year. While there, she told a young woman that her husband had designed & helped build the center. The woman immediately took my sister-in-law to meet her father. At their home, her father showed my sister-in-law a picture of Larry & his crew of volunteers.  His daughter was too young to know Lorenzo (Larry) personally, but had heard about him for many years. My brother followed his dreams, left his mark. The world is a better place thanks to his creativity, passion, philanthropy & love.

Make time for your dreams. They can help you leave a mark. Dreams live on. If you would like to share a story about someone you have lost & how their dreams live on, please do, it may help someone else as they work through their grief.