Thursday's Psychology Trivia: Could Your Parents' Marital Status Predict Your Weight or Lead to Eating Disorders?

Thought for the Day: It's time for Thursday's Psychology Trivia. This week an article about a recent study caught my eye. It has to do with how marital status of parents can impact on their children's eating habits. Since the eating habits we form in childhood tend to stick with us for life, this study is clearly not trivial. Here's the question:

A recent study of third graders found:

a) Children of divorced parents had a 54% higher prevalence of general overweight (including obesity)

b) Children whose parents never married were 20% more likely to be underweight 

c) There was an 89% higher prevalence of abdominal obesity compared to children of married parents

d) Boys with divorced parents were especially at much higher risk of being overweight than boys with married parents.

e) Girls with married parents had a higher risk of having eating disorders than girls whose parents never married

f) a), c) & d)

g) b) & e)

h) all of the above

Do you think you know the answer? read on to see what they found... 

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Karen Horney on Pride

Thought for the Day: On Monday, I shared how to parent difficult children & overcome self doubt.  Tuesday's Psychological Trivia question addresses self confidence. Today, I chose a quote about building self esteem by one of the pioneers of feminine psychiatry, Karen Horney. Horney was born in 1885 in Germany & was one of the first female psychiatrists. She dared to challenge Freud's theories of personality & sexuality. Many of her theories were ahead of their time. The Horney Clinic in NYC still honors her contribution to the field & offers affordable psychotherapy. When thinking about building self confidence in ourselves & our children, her simple words make sense: "If you want to be proud of yourself, then do things in which you can take pride." In a time when women rarely went to medical school or worked after having children, she forged a path in the field of psychoanalysis. Horney was able to accomplish a great deal despite (or perhaps because of) her own struggles with depression.  She continues to be a role model for women today. Looking at her accomplishments including the books authored by Horney (see below), she practiced what she preached. She would surely be proud of the part she played in women's progress over the years. I hope you will come back tomorrow for the answer to Tuesday's Psychological Trivia Question & on Friday for #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds.

To read more about the life & work of Karen Horney click here.
Books by Karen Horney:

Neurosis and human growth

Feminine psychology

Final Lectures

The Unknown Karen Ho...

The therapeutic process

Motivational Mondays: Caution: Success May Be A Four Letter Word

Warning: Success May Not Be What You Expect

Thought for the Day: Success is a word I intentionally avoided in my book. Although many motivational books encourage readers to strive for success, and it may attract readers & sell books, I believe it is a mistake to do so.  Psychologically, it may predispose successful people (& those dear to them) to feel like failures. Read on to see how what most people see as a key to happiness may actually be a four letter word, "Succ," which may lead to negative feelings & disappointment. What does success mean to you? Has it helped or hindered you? I hope this post makes you reassess your opinions about what you strive for & how you evaluate your"success."
 
Dictionary.com defines the noun "success" as: 1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; & 2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like. It can also be used as an adjective such as: "a successful  performance or achievement: The play was an instant success; Or it can be used to describe a person or a thing that is successful: She was a great success on the talk show. " 

By definition, success has the potential to make people feel unsuccessful. We are all so conditioned to see success as a goal to strive for that you may have missed three potential pitfalls in the definition of success. The first word in the above definition that sets one up to feel like a failure is "termination." Success is defined by an ending point. Once you have achieved success, where do you go? When you achieve "success" will you feel it is enough or will you constantly keep trying to prove to yourself & others that you have arrived & are successful. 

The second danger sign in the above definition is the word, "instant," which often leads to a let down. All too often, disappointment follows when quickly achieved success does not repeat itself in subsequent endeavors. In addition, unrealistic expectations for instant success can discourage people from continuing to work at accomplishing their goals.

A third hidden hazard in the above definition is the use of the word successful to define a person. What does it mean to define yourself or be seen by others in terms of wealth, position & honors? Possessions do not define our worth as human beings. On the one hand, there are "successful" people who use their wealth & position to take advantage of others or for selfish endeavors, while on the other hand there are those with no outward signs of success who give generously of their time and care for those in need. Many of those who have achieved "success" have suffered from feeling unfulfilled, doubting their abilities. 

Sadly, many famous successful people have suffered from drug & alcohol abuse & depression. The suicides of Marilyn Monroe, Curt Kobain & drug overdoses of Janis Joplin, John Belushi, Jimi Hendrix, & Jim Morrison are sad testimonies to the fact that what most people see as success does not always bring happiness. The tragic suicides of the children of successful people like Art Linkletter, Gregory Peck, Mary Tyler Moore, Paul Newman, & Judy Collins raise questions about parenting & success. Being financially successful & raising children to become productive responsible adults is a challenge. 

If success is a four letter word, what should we be striving for in life? Have you felt frustrated in your quest for success? What has helped you? I'd like to hear from you & will give you some of my alternatives to the race for success that i believe will make a difference in next week's Motivational Monday's post.

Motivational Mondays: How to Avoid Valentine's Day Blues

Thought for the Day: Whether you have a Valentine or not, many people struggle with Valentine's Day blues. Jon Stewart used this fact to poke fun when he said, "Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone." Today's post will offer some ways to avoid the depressive symptoms that may arise when things are not going the way you hoped for on Valentine's Day. As a psychologist, I have helped clients deal with all the challenges of relationships. Personally, after going through a divorce many years ago, I gave a lot of thought to the challenges of being single & meeting partners in a world filled with couples. Today, I am sharing some of the insights I learned over the years to keep from letting Valentine's Day get you down. As always, I'd like to hear your reactions, stories & comments. I'd especially love to hear about your worst & best Valentine's Day experiences.

     Sixteen years ago, I could have had a bad case of Valentine's Blues. I had been single for about a year and a half. In addition to my psychology practice, single parenting, writing songs, & dancing as exercise & social networking, I ran a small business helping single dancers find partners. The dance business was a pre-internet based resource for dancers. Although I did not run dances, I decided to try to co-sponsor a dance in NYC on Valentine's Day. In 1977, it fell on the Friday before President's Day. When plans to meet a friend from Texas fell through due to a winter storm warning, I had no other plans for my Big Apple escape. Therefore, I had a long weekend ahead with just the Friday night event. I was staying at my brother & sister-in-law's in Soho, but they were leaving the city Saturday morning.
      The dance Friday night was disappointing & I was beginning to feel a bit down on Saturday morning. However,  I vowed to take advantage of a weekend in the city that never sleeps & not to slip into the Valentine blues. I searched the Village Voice & the New York Times for activities. I chose a number of things that I knew would make it an enjoyable weekend. I had a massage in Chinatown, lunch in Soho, & a matinee of the movie Shine (see video clip from the Oscar winning performance by Geoffrey Rush), at the Angelica Film Center. I picked up dinner at one of the grocers near Greene Street & ate at my brother's loft. For the evening, I chose a Beau Soleil concert at Tramps (which closed in 2001). Since the band plays Cajun dance music, (in 1986 they were featured in the movie, The Big Easy) I hoped I would be able to dance. Just in case, I did not get to dance, I chose a late ballroom dance event for after the concert.

My daytime activities were great. When the evening started, I was not sure I had picked well. I was seated at a small table with an unhappily married woman who confided that she was on a blind date. Her date's muscular tattooed body was a bit intimidating. However, I like Cajun music & even had a tape of a song I co-wrote called, The Zydeco Swing, in my purse. I was hoping I would find a way to get the tape to Michael Doucet, the leader of the band (They played backup for Mary Chapin Carpenter on the crossover country hit, Down at the Twist & Shout). My table mate asked me to join her on the dance floor since she was a bit uncomfortable with her escort! On the floor, we stood near a small group of friends, 2 men in wheel chairs with their girl friends & their friend, Jerry, who was there without a date. Jerry & I began talking & dancing. He was a NYC special education teacher & a good dancer (I later learned that he had never done Cajun dancing & simply picked up the 2-step naturally that night.).  One of Jerry's friends, Mark, was a DJ for a small Long Island folk & blues radio program. Mark was lined up to interview Michael Doucet, during the band's break! Jerry asked him & Mark agreed to give my tape to the band leader! Jerry & I stayed for the 2nd set after his friends left. After the concert, Jerry walked me back to Soho where we had a 3 AM breakfast at Lucky Strike. Little did we know it was our lucky strike & we have been together ever since.

So, what are the lessons you can learn from my Valentine's Day experience. I was lucky, but the lessons apply whether you meet someone or not. If you are single, often you will meet someone when you least expect it. Here are some tips: 1) Make plans to do things you enjoy. Whatever happens, if you choose well, you will have a great time. You are also more likely to meet people with similar interests.
2) Speak with both men & women. Meeting new friends is always helpful. Having friends to go out to events with when you do not have a date, can be a huge asset. They may have, siblings, cousins or friends for you to meet. If you like them, you may like their friends as well.
3) Don't be afraid to go by yourself to events. Celebrate your freedom to do whatever you feel like doing without having to consider anyone else. You can meet someone anywhere & when you are alone, you are more likely to speak with & be open to meeting new people. Choose events where people might interact, museum talks, dances, or a class.
4) This year it's easy to find a dance. All week you can sign up for One Billion Rising to raise awareness & stop violence against women. Events are happening all over the world (see my #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds post for details). Women & men, who care about women, will be dancing all week!
5) Starbucks has offered a buy one get one free coupon till 2/14/2013. Get a coupon & offer to share it with someone at Starbucks. You never know who you might meet over a free cup of coffee!

Use this as an opportunity to repair things

If you are in a relationship, Valentine's Day holds different challenges. If you are getting along, the biggest danger lies in disappointments due to unspoken expectations. Take some time to talk about & plan your Valentine's Day. Do you hope for gifts or cards as part of your holiday? Do you want to be surprised or will you be disappointed if your partner's plans are less than you expect. No matter how long you have been together, your partner cannot read your mind. Take some time to discuss what you want your plans to include.

If your relationship has been rocky over the last few months, Valentine's Day can be even more challenging. However, it can also be an opportunity for a peace offering. Write a heartfelt letter expressing your wish to improve your relationship starting with Valentine's Day. Plan a getaway & surprise your partner. Visit the place you met or frequented when you were dating.

Now it's your turn please share your best &/or worst Valentine's Day stories.  Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Dreams In Motion Part I: Thriving on Stormy & Sunny Days

                                           Ruth - Sunny Days Manager from Boaz & Ruth

Thought for the day: Everyone deserves a second chance. Ruth, a graduate of the Boaz & Ruth program in Richmond VA, shared her story with us when the Dreams On Wheels Tour visited this summer. In the video above, you will meet Ruth, hear her story & that of Sunny Days, the store she now manages for Boaz & Ruth. She is living a life she never even dreamed possible. Just a few years ago, Ruth suffered from depression & tried to end her own life three times. She was the first participant who had never been incarcerated. Ruth convinced Martha Rollins, founder of Boaz & Ruth, that her depression made her a prisoner in her own mind & that she needed their help as much as ex-offenders.

Ruth's recovery & the story of Sunny Days is also a metaphor for all of Boaz & Ruth's amazing work. The store could only open on sunny days, since the roof would leak on rainy days. A visitor donated a new roof & an air conditioning system enabling the business to be open any day, rain or shine. The lives of the trainees & graduates of their program could not tolerate the rainy days & storms in their lives before they went through their program. When challenged by life's storms, most of them broke the law & ended up in jail. They lacked the skills to work & be productive members of society, but thanks to Boaz & Ruth they are now contributing to society & supporting themselves, their families, & their communities.

I had heard the stories about this amazing nonptrofit organization before visiting this summer. The reduction of recidivism from 33% to 12% & the reduction of crime in downtown Richmond. The stories impressed me & I included them as one of the Dream nonprofits in my book. Visiting the 5 businesses that their participants & graduates, like Ruth,  run was truly inspiring. Her passion, pride in her work are impressive. It was a pleasure to see how she is now giving back to the organization that saved her life by encouraging others, including her daughter who volunteers in the store. I will be sharing the stories of others from Boaz & Ruth & hope they encourage you to reach for your dreams as well!

To purchase The Wake Up and Dream Challenge & donate 1/2 of the profits to Boaz & Ruth click here

Cyberbullying Facebook App: Like or Ban?

No, YOU Don't! Help Ban EnemyGraph

Thought for the day: Last night I got an e-mail from my friend, Denise Restauri. She sent me a link to an article she wrote for Forbes, "New Facebook App: What Are You Waiting for? Go Make Some Enemies!". She reported on a new Facebook App which enables making lists of your enemies, People & things you "hate." I read it & was outraged. I commented, shared it on Facebook & LinkedIn, I Tweeted in protest, & Google+ed it. This morning, I woke up & I realized I needed to do more & I will need your help with this one. If you want to help stop Facebook from promoting this APP,  please comment here. I will forward all comments to Facebook directly.

Denise's article tries to be fair in it's presentation of the facts about EnemyGraph.com. The site was developed in Dean Terry’s research group at UT Dallas' Emerging Media + Communication program by graduate student, Bradley Griffith, with assistance from an undergraduate, Harrison Massey. They say they developed it because, “Most social networks attempt to connect people based on affinities: you like a certain band or film or sports team, I like them, therefore we should be friends. But people are also connected & motivated by things they dislike. Alliances are created, conversations are generated, friendships are stressed, stretched, &/or enhanced.” They see “EnemyGraph as a critique of Facebook's social philosophy.

Denise also reports that EnemyGraph may have some fun elements.  She notes that, if the app were to be used just to list things & places we hate, it might not be so bad. If you hate beer & join other beer haters, for instance. I agree with Denise, I'd rather make friends on positive connections, but joining together over hating beer isn’t harmful. Unfortunately an app like EnemyGraph will not stop there.  As Denise surmises, it will give "bullies & people with a sick sense of humor a great way to bully & attack.  It’s another example of “Absolutely nothing good can come of this.”

If the developers thought this was cute or funny, they need to think again. It's potential could be deadly. #Cyberbullying has already been a contributing factor in #depression, #schoolphobias, & even #suicides among teens. We do not need a Facebook app to encourage #bullying, #discrimination & #prejudice. I have spent my professional life using positive psychology to fight the fallout of #abuse & #bullying on the mental health of thousands of my clients. If you want to help stop this app, please comment below & I will forward all comments to Facebook. Thanks!