Top 10 Special Editions 2013: Celebrating Holidays, Triumphs Over Tragedies, and Resilience

Thought for the Day: As I have been preparing the Top 10 posts that represent each of the themes covered here on my blog in 2013; i.e., Monumental Miraculous Mondays, Tuesday and Thursday's Psychology Trivia, #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds, Saturday's Songs for the Soul and Sunday's Comic Strips, I realized that some important special editions have not been included in the mix. These are posts that happen spontaneously in reaction to an event or a holiday. So today, I went back and looked for these posts and found the most viewed among them. They cover the highs and lows of the year. Some celebrate joyous occasions others reflect on tragedies with a mix of sorrow, anger and resilience. Here are 5 of the Top 10. I'll share the Top 5 in two weeks as I have with the other subjects.

#10 Thursday's Time to Reflect: What to Do When Bad Things Bring You Down 4/25/13

# 9 Stand Tall Tuesday: Boston Will Finish First 4/16/13

Tuesday's Psychology Tips: Seven Ways to Avoid the Holiday Blues

May all your dreams come true!

Thought for the Day: Holiday music is playing in every store and on every radio station around the world. Television and movies are filled with stories of loving families and people enjoying the holidays. If the whole world is so joyous, many people wonder why they feel blue? If you are feeling stressed or depressed despite this holiday season, know you are not alone. Here are some tips to help you avoid the holiday blues:

1. Television and movies are scripted with actors portraying perfect holidays. Remember real life is not so perfect;
2. Don't expect perfect gifts, meals or encounters or you may find yourself disappointed;
3. Family get-togethers can be stressful. If you are an alcoholic trying not to drink or if you lost a loved one recently, it may be hard to stay upbeat. If you are feeling stressed at a family gathering give yourself permission to go for a walk or take a ride to clear your head or reach out to a family member to talk about your feelings;
4. Know that if you are not happy with a gift you can return it and exchange it for something more to your liking;
5. Try to keep your sense of humor when things don't go as planned. My grandmother's apple pie was the best I've ever tasted, but in our family we still laugh when we remember the time when she put salt instead of sugar in the pie! Take the minor imperfections with a "grain of salt;"
6. If you are not getting along with your family, try to make amends, shorten your visit or spend time with people whose company you enjoy; and
7. Remember you don't need to wait for others to make your dreams come true. Start moving towards your dreams on your own. Help Santa and give yourself a gift that will help you do it on your own.   Have a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate this season! 

Miraculous Mondays: Part II: Can Writing a Letter Save a Marriage?

Thought for the Day: The holiday season is a hard time for couples struggling with marital difficulties. Often, even when they are past the point of no return, they delay telling the kids or making it a reality till after the holidays. Last week, I introduced you to Shelly and Tom, who were at an impasse in marriage counseling. I gave them an assignment, to write a letter to their spouse. They were to imagine that were writing to each other one year after they got divorced. They were not to discuss their letters till their next therapy session. Here's what happened. When I met with them the next week, I asked who would like to go first. Shelly deferred to Tom. 

Tom preempted his letter by saying, "I had a very hard time writing this. I put it off till yesterday because I did not know what to say." His voice wavered as he read it and fought back tears. He said he still could not believe that they were unable to work things out. "It kills me to see how angry, Tom Jr is and that his grades are falling." Molly, their 8 year old cries when she has to say goodbye after visits. Five year old, Scott, has started hitting kids in kindergarten and has nightmares. Tom wrote that he hardest thing for him is, "I miss you so much. You were not only my wife, but my best friend." He went on to tell Shelly he is not ready to date anyone, but wonders if she is. He closed the letter by saying that, "Not a day goes by when I wish I could turn back the clock and take back the actions which lead to the divorce."

As he read his letter, I watched Shelly's reaction. She was also close to tears. When Tom finished reading his letter, there was an awkward silence. Shelly took a piece of paper from her pocket and opened it slowly. She began to cry as she said, "My letter is blank. I tried to write it several times, but simply could not write a word. I don't want to face what will happen if we get divorced." She then told Tom that hearing his letter made her even more sure that she wants to find a way to work things out. She admitted that she still is having trouble accepting his infidelity and doesn't know when she will be able to trust him again, but she wants to try to make it work.

This was a turning point, I had witnessed another miraculous moment. It does not always turn out this way. Often, it does since it forces people to confront what they will be giving up and what the future may hold if they cannot reconcile their differences.