Wake Up and Dream Catalyst: Short inspirational thoughts for the day. Raising questions & hopefully opening a dialogue with people interested in learning how to turn their dreams into plans and start navigating their way towards them.
Thought for the Day: In the last post, I shared a recipe: Say Cheese All Day, Keep The Therapist Away, the first in a series The Joy of Loving Relationships for CoupleTime.net, The Relationship Spa. I hope you tried the recipe and will share your results. +Krishna Patel shared her results earlier this week:"I tried your recipe today morning while he was leaving for office. First he got confused and than gave me a tight hug and left for office. Thanks for a wonderful recipe." Today’s post was written by my partner at CoupleTime, Melissa Glaser, MS, a Master's level licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience working with couples and families. I’m sure her recipe for Hot Cross Buns will be a helpful addition to your favorite relationship menu. We hope you will share this with your partner and friends and let us know how it helps.
Hot Cross Buns
Time involved: 7 minutes
Ingredients:
- 1 comment or interchange that rubs you the wrong way - Patience - Thoughtfulness, - Restraint, and - A dash of humor
Thought for the Day: Somehow Monday slipped away from me. I was unable to get to the blog to post. Here is a Tip from my HealthTap postings which came to me after working with a couple over the last few weeks in marriage therapy. They have two very different views of love. He is a romantic and expects love to be "blissful." She believes that love is sticking with someone through thick and thin. In her mind there is no such thing as "blissful" love. When she talks about how hard love can be, he feels disappointed. Part of helping them in therapy is the process of learning to find common ground so that they can understand each other's views.
Thought for the Day: It's time for Tuesday's psychology Tips. Today I'm sharing a Tip that I created with a little more information than the 100 characters allowed on HealthTap. Is love bettern than Valium for Anxiety or Neurosis? Read on to hear what love can do for personality development and see how the tip appeared on HealthTap:
Thought for the Day:I heard today's Song for the Soul recently at the end of a Zumba class. I try to exercise 4 or 5 times a week. Usually I swim, but have been adding additional types of exercise lately. For those of you who have never tried Zumba, it is an exuberant, fun mix of Latin dance moves and exercise to very loud uptempo music. I can only do about 30 minutes of a class and, therefore, don't always arrive at the beginning. It was the first time that I was present at the end of the lesson for a "cool down." As I listened to the lyrics of this powerful uptempo song (not really cool down music, but compared to the previous melodies, it was a bit more subdued), I was impressed. I knew I had to find out the name of the artist to share here. I found out that it was written and performed byAmerican Idolseason 11 winner, Phillip Phillips. The song is a testimonial to everlasting love.
Thought for the Day: Yesterday while driving in my car, I overheard 4 words from a song that stuck in my mind: "Broken Hearts Are Blind." Since I write songs when I hear a phrase like that I wish I had thought of it! I don't know who was singing an did not hear the rest of the lyric, but this morning I came up with a quote that I think may help people understand why it is important to take time between relationships. Here's my words of wisdom:
"Caution: Rebound relationships tend to fail because they are founded by people suffering from brokenhearted blindness." Dr. Barbara Lavi
Over the years as a clinical psychologist, I have seen hundreds of couples in marital therapy who report that they began their relationship just months after a failed long term relationship. This bit of history is like a red flag for me.
Thought for the Day: Today's song is a love song with a positive message and a sad lilting melody that became a huge hit for Frank Sinatra and many other artists. As Valentine's Day approaches, I decided to share a love song. I intended to share a simple upbeat song. Little did I know that "All the Way" which has been a favorite of mine since I was a young child would take me on a very different path. As I researched the song, I realized it was more than a love song & has a powerful connection to the problem of addiction which, as a psychologist has been on my mind due to Phillip Seymour Hoffman's death.
I attributed my love of the song to seeing Sinatra in a movie when I was in just in elementary school. I did not remember much about the movie, only that I saw it one of my Sunday visits with my father & brothers after my parent's divorce. Around the same time, we went on vacation with my father to the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Park. When we traveled with my father we ate only at Diner's Club network restaurants (one of the first credit card businesses), which were usually fairly fancy steak restaurants. When we stopped to eat in Las Vegas, my father spotted & pointed out that Frank Sinatra, whom we has seen in the movie, was drinking at the bar. I think my father went up to him & told him we enjoyed the movie. The song & that encounter led to a crush on Sinatra for many years.
Today, for the 1st time, I researched the movie, "The Joker is Wild."The song, "All the Way" by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, won the 1957 Academy Award for Best Original Song. Given serious adult content, I was somewhat surprised that I was taken to see the movie, but my father was not a very good judge of appropriate movies for young children. Sinatra's character, Joe E. Lewis, a singer, stand-up comic & alcoholic had serious trouble with the mob & his love relationships. In hindsight, I think the song struck a chord for me (although I did not understand the full meaning otf the song or the movie), since my parents were unable to sustain an "All the Way" kind of love. The song somehow made me feel hope that even if it is difficult, lasting love could be found.
The tragic death of actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, which I wrote about earlier in the week, What Preventable Plague Is Causing 1 in 4 Deaths?, alongside the movie from the 50's, raise some serious questions. The details of Hoffman's estranged relationship with his girlfriend and the photos of his grieving children, make me wonder why is our society not helping those suffering from the illness of drug and alcohol addiction better than when I was a child? When will we learn how to hate the addiction, love the person & help them get the quality care they desperately need? Can we love "all the way?' I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments on this important subject.
Here are 3 interesting videos: one of the song performed by Frank Sinatra, an trailer from the movie, and scenes from the end of the movie.
Although many people believe that opposites attract, research does not uphold the common myth about love relationships. It may be that during the infatuation stage of romance people are attracted to traits which they wish they had. For example, a shy reclusive person may be attracted to a more outgoing gregarious partner, hoping that they will make their social interactions easier. However, when push comes to shove, if the relationship continues, that personality trait may pull them apart in the same way that opposite poles of a magnet push away from one antoehr. The introvert may prefer to stay home, watch TV, read or play games on the computer while the extrovert will feel bored and caged in at home, craving social interactions, parties and events. The same holds true for fitness activities, hobbies, educational differences, and ambitions.
If you would like to read more on this topic, Karl A. Pillemer, Phd, a professor of Human Development at Cornell University, recently released a study, 'Opposites Attract' Or 'Birds Of A Feather' -- What's Best For A Long Marriage? He interviewed older couples who have been married for decades. His findings suggest that even if there are differences, similar core values and outlook on life are the most important ingredients for happy long marriages. He also looked at couples who were married for shorter amounts of time.
If you are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, keep in mind that while opposites may be attractive at first, it may lead to friction as you get to know one another. Similarities will predict better long term compatibility.
Don't forget to enter our Valentine's Day Voting Contest. It's easy. Just like our facebook page in order to enter & vote for your favorite photo from twenty of last year's blog posts. One lucky winner will receive a free 1/2 hour phone consult with me and a free copy of The Wake Up and Dream Challenge. The voting ends on Feb. 12th so that you can start moving towards your dreams by Valentine's Day.
Last night I saw +EmmyLou Harris and +Rodney Crowell at +Lincoln Center Concert Halls Out Of Doors. It was one of the best concerts I have seen all year! If you live near NYC make some time this weekend for their Americana festival events including performances by #Cassandra Wilson on Friday, +Rosanne Cash & +Buddy Miller on Saturday and another great line up on Sunday. If you live farther away the shows are being streamed live online, so go to #LCOutOfDoors to check out how to see the concerts. Have a great weekend!
Here's the trivia question: Thought for the Day: Today I am sharing a Trivia question from a post I wrote a year ago: Sex, Lies, Love and Psychology. I have made some changes, by adding some thought provoking questions about love and hope this will raise some discussion about not just sex education, but love education. Here's the question: Psychologists believe that love is: a) a biological phenomenon b) a learned behavior c) a motivational drive d) a social phenomenon e) a basic emotion f) a) & d) g) b) & d) What do you think? Is this just trivia or could the answer be important for the mental health of our society?
