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Thought for the Day: I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to the beginning of March. I have been battling a cold and bronchitis for a month. Since I rarely get sick, it has been challenging. The weather here in New England has not helped, so I am hoping that March will bring better weather for us all. Today's post is a bit of an oleo and I did not have much time to organize it, but the finds are interesting. Hope you enjoy them & have a great weekend!
Thought for the Day: I hope you have taken a few minutes to look at the brief confidential survey on Children and Violence. I'd really appreciate it if you would spend 5 minutes and fill it out. Help be part of the solutions.
It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question so I'm sharing one I did a while back:
Thought for the Day: Usually, on Wednesday's Words of Wisdom, I feature a quote. Today I am going to share a guest post instead. Two days ago, on what would have been my brother Larry's birthday, my sister-in-law, Margie Bogdanow, posted a story on her blog that I feel compelled to share with you. Margie, who also happens to be a licensed social worker and educator, is someone I am blessed to have in my life and in my family's lives. Her parents, Irwin and Irene Freedberg, were both stolen from this world too soon by brain cancer. They were amazing human beings who touched the lives of all who knew them. (I wrote about Dr. Irwin Freedberg in my book as a role model of a parent who encourages their children to accomplish their dreams. Irene was a social worker whose wisdom helped design programs to help following 9/11.) Here are Margie's wonderful Words of Wisdom.
Thought for the Day: One technique used in songwriting is the "laundry list" song. Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is an example of this kind of song. Brainstorming creative ways to solve a problem or tell someone you love them are techniques used to start working on writing the song. Today, as I continue my Miraculous Monday's series on ways that psychotherapy can help people save their marriages, I decided to tell you about a similar technique that I use with couples who want to enhance their marriages or save themselves from divorce court.
Here's the assignment: I ask them to surprise one another. They are not allowed to tell their partner about their plan. They need to do things that they know their partner will enjoy and appreciate without telling them about it beforehand. When they come back for their next appointment, I ask if either of them were pleasantly surprised by something that their partner did for them over the week. Usually they do notice the effort and have had a pleasant time together.
Sometimes they forget and fail to do their homework. When that happens, sometimes I give them another week to work on it, but other times we discuss what may have stopped them from doing the assignment. If they were too angry with their partner to want to do something that would please them, I use it as a diagnostic tool. We have our work cut out for us to discuss what is bothering them. This may also help them sort out what is interfering in their relationship.
If one partner does the assignment and the other doesn't it can also help to understand what is happening in the marriage. The partner who made the effort is often hurt that their spouse did not take the time to do the assignment. Talking about the disappointment is also important. After an open discussion, often the partner who did not do the assignment is given a second chance.
In addition to giving the couple a chance to have a positive interaction or for diagnostic reasons to tease out underlying conflicts that may not be surfacing and therefore cannot be resolved, the assignment helps bring back some of the positive feelings from the initial stages of attraction. When people meet and are courting one another, they do tend to surprise one another with thoughtful acts. As a relationship develops, married couples often feel that their partner knows they love them and are committed to the relationship. Often, children, work, financial stress get in the way of showing the other person that they still care. It is important not to take each other for granted. Even if you are not in therapy, you can try this technique on your own. It may help spice up your relationship.
Here are a few ways to surprise your partner:
1) Place a rose on the windshield of their car
2) Write them a poem
3) Bring home dinner
4) Give them a foot massage
5) Buy tickets to a concert by a band that you liked when you met
6) Book a vacation, arrange child care, pack their bags & pick them up without telling them about the mystery destination
7) Text them a love note
8) Invite old friends to come for a visit
9) Take them to a spa for a few hours
10) Make reservations at a restaurant where you went on your first date
I'd love to hear some of the surprises that you have pulled off for your spouse or that you try after reading this article. Be creative & have fun, it may just start a miracle!
Thought for the Day: It is Sunday & time for a funny post. As I said on #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds, I'm sharing some of the posts that I find while surfing the web. Today's came from Parent Society on Facebook. All parents can appreciate this funny photo, but it highlights the importance that in order to raise twins, parents definitely need a sense of humor! Have a great weekend! Here's how it appeared on Facebook:
Post by Parent Society.
Thought for the Day: This week my finds came from various facebook pages that I follow. I decided to post them by copying them & pasting them here, which is a bit different from how I usually post my Fabulous Finds. Let me know what you think. The wonderful quote from Albert Einstein along with the cartoon gave me a theme for this week's finds. The posts loosely follow the theme of how we can bring out the best in our children regardless of their differences and challenges.
From TED on Facebook, I found a wonderful short video. The presenter's bio states:
The second find is a wonderful idea to help protect children. It is a good idea for any child, but even more so if the child is autistic or unable to speak for any reason. I found this on Momiverse on Facebook. It is easy to make one for your child and can cost under a dollar, but can save a child's life.
Thought for the Day: Quotes reach out to me from twitter, facebook and google+. Today's came to me from a feed on Facebook from The Compassionate Friends, Supporting Family After a Child Dies. Death is not easy at any age. My grandmother used to say at the end of her visits when I lived abroad that if she stayed for a day, a week a month or a year, it would always feel like not enough time and that saying goodbye would be difficult. That is true about life as well. Somehow the loss of a child magnifies grief. Children are so innocent and filled with potential, that the blow when they pass is simply harder to understand and accept.
When I saw the above quote, I did not know who RaeAnne Fredrickson was. I looked her up and discovered that she lost an infant child who was born with a fatal disease. She knew at 15 weeks that her son would not survive for long, but chose to bring him into the world. Since then she has devoted her life to helping others living with the same circumstances.
It reminds me of Simon Sudman. Here's his story from the Simon's Fund website:
Thought for the Day: I have been nursing bronchitis all weekend & just got to the blog with less energy than usual. I looked through drafts that I never finished & found this wonderful photo & quote by Bill Cosby. I decided to use it as a starting point for a conversation with you.
Instead of writing my thoughts on this quote, I'd like to try something different. I'd rather hear your thoughts. What do you think? Are there things that you want, but too afraid to try? For instance, do you hate your current job, but fear trying to find another in a bad economy? Are you unhappy in your current relationship, but afraid to talk about your feelings with your partner? Is your adult child about to make what you feel is a huge mistake, but you are afraid to let them know your opinion, since they are grown & on their own? Do you think that Bill Cosby's recommendation to simply decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it will help you to go ahead & confront the issue? Is being determined the most important element in motivation? Are there other psychological issues that need to be in place to overcome the fears?
Can any of you recall a time when you were afraid to do something, decided that you would do it anyway because it was more important to you & accomplished your objective? I'd love to hear about it.
Thought for the Day: I had trouble choosing which photos to post today and decided to post two. After yet another snow storm this week, the creative snow sculpture from Duchess County Fairgrounds on Facebook's post was too funny not to share right now. In my practice as a psychologist, almost every session begins with people, myself included, questioning their sanity wondering why they are living in Connecticut. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) diagnosis have sky rocketed this year and sales of natural spectrum light fixtures are at a record high. Since around half of the country has been affected by one of the worst winters in years, keeping our sense of humor will help us all cope with the weather till spring finally arrives. When it does we will appreciate it more than usual.
The second comic photo I chose is related to Valentine's Day. With all the hype about Valentine's Day many people forget how depressing the holiday is for people who are single and not in a relationship. If you don't have a special relationship, just broke up or are going through a divorce, Valentine's Day can be a very painful reminder of what is missing in your life. You can take advantage of 1/2 price chocolate and try to eat away your sadness. Humor, on the other hand, is a less fattening way to cope with Valentine's Blues. The writers at Buzz feed created some funny cards to give to yourself. Here's one that I chose, but you can click the link below to see more funny cards!
Thought for the Day; The day after Valentine's Day, Mary Chapin Carpenter and Michael Doucet and BeauSoleil changed my life. Back in 1981, I was doing a lot of country western dancing. The music and fun dance steps were like therapy for my soul. One of the songs and the dance that went with it "Down at the Twist and Shout," written and performed by Mary Chapin Carpenter with the Cajun band BeauSoleil was a favorite of mine. At the time, I was also writing country music and spending time in Nashville whenever I could to improve my writing skills. After I saw another zydeco band, Beau Jaques and the High Rollers, I came up with a tune called ,"The Zydeco Swing," which was in some ways similar to Mary Chapin Carpenter's crossover hit. I was in New York City for the Valentine's/President's Day weekend. I was feeling a bit down because plans to meet with a long distance friend from Texas did not work out, due to the possibility of a snow storm (Sound familiar?). My brother and his wife were leaving town Saturday morning and I had no plans for the rest of the weekend.
I was determined to have a good time. So I scoured the New York Times for things to do. When I saw that BeauSoleil was playing at Tramps (which closed in 2001) that night, I knew where I was going. I even took a tape with "Zydeco Swing" on it, in case I got to speak to the band. I hoped I would get a chance to dance, but knew that I would enjoy the music. What I did not know was that I would not only get to dance, but would meet my life partner, Jerry, that night. A friend of his, who DJ's a music program on Long Island, even gave my tape to BeauSoleil when he interviewed the band during their break. Jerry and I have been together ever since that night. If I had not gone to that concert, we would never have met!
Today's song for the soul is dedicated to Jerry and to finding love on the day after Valentine's Day or any day of the year!
Thought for the Day: While looking for photos for Valentine's Day, I found a few very funny ones in creative commons. This woman surely bends over backwards for love! Have you done crazy funny things for love? I'd love it if you'd share some. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Here are some of my Fabulous Finds for this week:
1) A very cute post from Our Mom Spot. There have been a lot of snow days lately! I'm ready for spring already!
2) The Little Girl from the 1981 LEGO Ad is All Grown Up, and She’s Got Something to Say The model from the lego ad from 1981 is grown and has a lot to say about legos new marketing plan which is aiming different lego sets for boys and girls.
3) For Valentine's Day, here's a video from Simon's Fund with the story of an Olympic medalist's journey. Save a life help get children's heart's tested.
Thought for the Day: There's close to 2 feet of new snow outside my door & I have come down with bronchitis. However, I still want to post today. Last night the Photo Contest ended and we have a winner. I want to announce the winner and keep the regular schedule of the blog in place. The winner is Patty N Neal Bilyeu from Facebook. They chose the Boston Strong image which was number one for last year. I will be contacting them to arrange their prize.
Today is Thursday & it is time for the Psychology Trivia Question:
The answer is true. Teens who don't get enough sleep are 4 times more likely to develop major depressive disorder than their peers who sleep more. In a recent study by University of Texas Health Science Center in Houston, a study of 4,000 teenagers found a strong correlation between lack of adequate sleep and depression. It is unclear from the study which comes first depression which leads to poor sleep patterns or visa versa, that poor sleep leads to depression. Seventy percent of teenagers go not get the 9 - 10 hours of sleep recommended by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
In another recent study, from Sweden the researchers found that lack of sleep and excessive media involvement were associated with depression and suicidal behaviors. The Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm collected data from over 12,000 European adolescents. They found that teens in both groups, insufficient sleep and excessive hours on the internet were 3 times as likely to have mental health problems.
These findings make it important for parents to monitor their children's bed times and internet use. It does get harder during the adolescent years, however, given these finding, helping your kids to learn to make time for sleep and limit their internet consumption is important.
If you would like to read more about these studies, click here.
Thought for the Day: Today I copied an image and a quote from Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. Those of you who have been following my blog know that I have been advocating for stricter gun control laws since the Sandy Hook Tragedy. I have lobbied with Moms Demand Action in DC and am impressed with their tireless efforts. They make political activism easy with twitter and facebook campaigns. I love the quote they used with their Valentine's Day campaign:
The image above came with a call for action for Valentine's Day. I hope you will tweet, post, and share it and follow the call to action. Just click on the bit.ly link below & tweet to your senators and congressmen. It will only take a couple of minutes, but it could save lives.
Thought for the Day: I have started answering questions for a column on a new website, Single Mom Playbook. The website focuses on helping single mothers deal with all the stresses involved in divorce and single parenting. I decided to repost a segment from this column: Ask Dr. B. Every Sunday, I will answer questions that come in from their readers. Feel free to post a question if you need assistance with a single parenting issue. Shanon Philpott, is a freelance reporter who is organizing this amazing resource for single moms.
Here's one of my answers about handling interference from an ex-spouse's new partner, which I cut & pasted from their blog:
Friday, February 28, 2014
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Blind Judo, Higher Ground, Girl Scouts Rock & Ways to reduce Stress
Thought for the Day: I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to the beginning of March. I have been battling a cold and bronchitis for a month. Since I rarely get sick, it has been challenging. The weather here in New England has not helped, so I am hoping that March will bring better weather for us all. Today's post is a bit of an oleo and I did not have much time to organize it, but the finds are interesting. Hope you enjoy them & have a great weekend!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings Fault
Thought for the Day: I hope you have taken a few minutes to look at the brief confidential survey on Children and Violence. I'd really appreciate it if you would spend 5 minutes and fill it out. Help be part of the solutions.
It's Thursday and time for a psychology trivia question so I'm sharing one I did a while back:
True or False: Your Intimate Adult Relationship Problems Are Your Siblings FaultWhat do you think? What were your relationships with your siblings and cousins like growing up. Did you fight a lot or get along. How did you resolve conflicts with them or other close childhood friends? Did you yell, have physical fights or avoid talking to them hoping the problem would blow over?
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Guest Post from Margie Bogdanow, LICSW
"As loved ones pass on, we can continue to hold them close and listen, learn and be supported by them each and every day." Margie Freedberg |
Thought for the Day: Usually, on Wednesday's Words of Wisdom, I feature a quote. Today I am going to share a guest post instead. Two days ago, on what would have been my brother Larry's birthday, my sister-in-law, Margie Bogdanow, posted a story on her blog that I feel compelled to share with you. Margie, who also happens to be a licensed social worker and educator, is someone I am blessed to have in my life and in my family's lives. Her parents, Irwin and Irene Freedberg, were both stolen from this world too soon by brain cancer. They were amazing human beings who touched the lives of all who knew them. (I wrote about Dr. Irwin Freedberg in my book as a role model of a parent who encourages their children to accomplish their dreams. Irene was a social worker whose wisdom helped design programs to help following 9/11.) Here are Margie's wonderful Words of Wisdom.
Wrapped in My Mom’s Warm Winter Coat
Translation: In Memory |
As my mom’s 8th (how could that possibly be?) Yartzeit surrounds me (due to the significant difference between the Hebrew and English calendars this year) I find myself thinking about what we take and what we leave behind when someone dies. There are the values that are ingrained in us – those we don’t always have a choice about. If we are lucky, we are happy with those values and lessons learned. If not, we struggle to create and develop new ways of approaching the world.
But there is also the “stuff” -the “things”, the “objects”. My parents died 7 months apart – too close together for me to have the luxury of grieving in a timely way for either one of them. The months surrounding and following my mom’s death are a blur to me.
Labels:
#grief,
celebrating life,
LICSW,
Margie Bogdanow,
Wisdom
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Tuesday's Therapy Tips: Can You Tear Up Without Feeling Sad?
Thought for the Day: I have been looking at answers to questions people have asked on HealthTap each week to find my Tuesday's Therapy Tips. Since the app restricts the answers to questions to 400 characters, I give myself permission to elaborate a bit more here. Here's the original question and my response:
A 43 year-old female asked:
Yes it can happen...
Sometimes, when we repress our sadness at the time of a loss or a traumatic event, it can suddenly appear even years after the event which was never processed fully. Consider speaking with a therapist to find out where the tears are coming from, it is healthy to process our sorrow and better late than never.
Feelings are a safety mechanism for our mental health. Sadness and tears help us express the sorrow that we feel when we lose a love one or are hurt in our lives. Many people are self conscious about crying and try to appear strong and stoic during challenging life events. This may work in the short run, but backfire in the long run. When someone comes to me wondering why they have been crying lately even though they do not feel sad, I know that it may be a delayed grief reaction. When I take their history there is some loss that is begging to be processed. One client lost her mother when she was in the midst of a high risk pregnancy. She had no time to grieve. It was seven years later when the tears began to fall. Another client was 17 when her father died and 18 when her mother passed away. She was the eldest of three children. She took over the role of parent to her siblings and stayed strong for their sake. She was now in her late twenties, happily married and contemplating getting pregnant, but found herself feeling sad for no apparent reason. When she began to talk about the deaths of her parents, she began to sob. In therapy, clients like these can be helped to process the loss and move on in their lives. If you know is feeling this way, let them know they can be helped.
If you would like to get answers like these and connect with me on my Virtual Practice on @HealthTap, click on the link & join me and experts from around the nation 24/7.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Miraculous Mondays: There Must Be 50 Ways to Surprise Your Spouse
Thought for the Day: One technique used in songwriting is the "laundry list" song. Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is an example of this kind of song. Brainstorming creative ways to solve a problem or tell someone you love them are techniques used to start working on writing the song. Today, as I continue my Miraculous Monday's series on ways that psychotherapy can help people save their marriages, I decided to tell you about a similar technique that I use with couples who want to enhance their marriages or save themselves from divorce court.
Here's the assignment: I ask them to surprise one another. They are not allowed to tell their partner about their plan. They need to do things that they know their partner will enjoy and appreciate without telling them about it beforehand. When they come back for their next appointment, I ask if either of them were pleasantly surprised by something that their partner did for them over the week. Usually they do notice the effort and have had a pleasant time together.
Sometimes they forget and fail to do their homework. When that happens, sometimes I give them another week to work on it, but other times we discuss what may have stopped them from doing the assignment. If they were too angry with their partner to want to do something that would please them, I use it as a diagnostic tool. We have our work cut out for us to discuss what is bothering them. This may also help them sort out what is interfering in their relationship.
If one partner does the assignment and the other doesn't it can also help to understand what is happening in the marriage. The partner who made the effort is often hurt that their spouse did not take the time to do the assignment. Talking about the disappointment is also important. After an open discussion, often the partner who did not do the assignment is given a second chance.
In addition to giving the couple a chance to have a positive interaction or for diagnostic reasons to tease out underlying conflicts that may not be surfacing and therefore cannot be resolved, the assignment helps bring back some of the positive feelings from the initial stages of attraction. When people meet and are courting one another, they do tend to surprise one another with thoughtful acts. As a relationship develops, married couples often feel that their partner knows they love them and are committed to the relationship. Often, children, work, financial stress get in the way of showing the other person that they still care. It is important not to take each other for granted. Even if you are not in therapy, you can try this technique on your own. It may help spice up your relationship.
Here are a few ways to surprise your partner:
1) Place a rose on the windshield of their car
2) Write them a poem
3) Bring home dinner
4) Give them a foot massage
5) Buy tickets to a concert by a band that you liked when you met
6) Book a vacation, arrange child care, pack their bags & pick them up without telling them about the mystery destination
7) Text them a love note
8) Invite old friends to come for a visit
9) Take them to a spa for a few hours
10) Make reservations at a restaurant where you went on your first date
I'd love to hear some of the surprises that you have pulled off for your spouse or that you try after reading this article. Be creative & have fun, it may just start a miracle!
Labels:
#marriage,
#psychology,
#Therapy. Paul Simon,
Dr Barbara Lavi
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Sunday's Comic Strips: Parenting Twins
Thought for the Day: It is Sunday & time for a funny post. As I said on #FF Friday's Fabulous Finds, I'm sharing some of the posts that I find while surfing the web. Today's came from Parent Society on Facebook. All parents can appreciate this funny photo, but it highlights the importance that in order to raise twins, parents definitely need a sense of humor! Have a great weekend! Here's how it appeared on Facebook:
Post by Parent Society.
Labels:
#Comics,
#funnyPhoto,
#humor,
#parenting,
#ParentSociety,
#psychology,
facebook
Friday, February 21, 2014
#FF Friday's Fab Finds: Einstein on Education, Rita F. Pierson on TEDTalks & Asperger Syndrome
Photo Found on It's A Lovely Life on Facebook |
From TED on Facebook, I found a wonderful short video. The presenter's bio states:
"Rita F. Pierson, a professional educator since 1972, taught elementary school, junior high and special education. She was a counselor, a testing coordinator and an assistant principal. In each of these roles, she brought a special energy to the role -- a desire to get to know her students, show them how much they matter and support them in their growth, even if it was modest."Here's the video:
The second find is a wonderful idea to help protect children. It is a good idea for any child, but even more so if the child is autistic or unable to speak for any reason. I found this on Momiverse on Facebook. It is easy to make one for your child and can cost under a dollar, but can save a child's life.
Genius!
The last Fabulous Find for this week is a slideshow of a book called: All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome. It is a book by Kathy Hoopman. If you know anyone who is raising a child with asperger or autism, it can help them explain the disorder to their siblings in a way that will make sense and help them understand and support their sibling.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: No Time Limits for Grief from RaeAnne Fredrickson
Thought for the Day: Quotes reach out to me from twitter, facebook and google+. Today's came to me from a feed on Facebook from The Compassionate Friends, Supporting Family After a Child Dies. Death is not easy at any age. My grandmother used to say at the end of her visits when I lived abroad that if she stayed for a day, a week a month or a year, it would always feel like not enough time and that saying goodbye would be difficult. That is true about life as well. Somehow the loss of a child magnifies grief. Children are so innocent and filled with potential, that the blow when they pass is simply harder to understand and accept.
When I saw the above quote, I did not know who RaeAnne Fredrickson was. I looked her up and discovered that she lost an infant child who was born with a fatal disease. She knew at 15 weeks that her son would not survive for long, but chose to bring him into the world. Since then she has devoted her life to helping others living with the same circumstances.
It reminds me of Simon Sudman. Here's his story from the Simon's Fund website:
In 2004, Simon was born. He weighed six pounds, 15 ounces at birth, and had an APGAR score of eight and nine. He was 50% for weight and 25% for height. Every few hours, he’d finish a bottle (except for a four-hour stretch overnight). It all sounds pretty normal, right?At seven weeks, Simon smiled for the first time. He died 47 days later.The Sudmans can never bring Simon back, but they have saved the lives of many other children and succeeded in getting laws passed to require education for coaches about SCA. Learn about Sudden Cardiac Arrest, have your family tested and help us spread the word. If you visit their website, you will see that they do not try to hide their grief, but they also have learned how to have the joy of helping prevent others from having to live through the pain they endured. Simon's Fund is one of the Dream Nonprofits featured in and benefitting from my book.
By all signs, Simon Sudman was healthy and normal. But his little heart had a tiny unknown defect called Long QT Syndrome.
His parents had never heard of this condition before, let alone know that Phyllis (mother) also had the condition. They also didn’t know that this heart arrhythmia was responsible for up to 15% of all SIDS deaths.
Simon was one of thousands of kids to die of sudden cardiac arrest in 2005. Some were babies and others were high school athletes.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Tuesday's Therapy Tips: What To Do If You're in a Bad Mood Sometimes?
Thought for the Day: I answered a question a while back on Health Tap and think it is an important one to share here, with a little more detail than the 400 characters that health tap allows. It was asked by a 59 year old man, but it could have come from anyone, since men and women of all ages experience moodiness from time to time. He simply said:
Here's my answer:
We all have bad moods
from time to time. If it happens every once in a while, that's normal. If it occurs frequently, you may want to consider speaking with a therapist to determine why you are feeling down so often. Talking about our negative feelings doesn't increase them, it actually relieves the tension and makes room for more positive moods.
To elaborate a bit more, we all could benefit from taking an inventory of how we are feeling. It could help to assess whether it's time for a mental health check up with a professional. Take some time, ask yourself how have you felt on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10, is joyful, and 1, is depressed, over the last week? Be honest and write it down for every day. If your numbers are leaning towards the negative end of the scale more often than the positive side, try keeping tabs for a few more days. Perhaps you will see a pattern. For instance, if every Monday when you need to return to work you feel depressed, problems at work may need to be addressed.
Once you begin to see that your "bad moods" are taking up too much space in your life, go ahead and call a psychologist to talk about what is bothering you. Psychotherapy will help you figure it out. You don't have to spend your life feeling down. Over time it will not only hurt you, but may impact on your family and work life as well.
If you would like to get answers like these and connect with me on my Virtual Practice on @HealthTap, click on the link & join me and experts from around the nation 24/7.
Labels:
#depression,
#HealthTap,
#moodiness,
#psychology,
#psychotherapy,
bad moods,
Dr Barbara Lavi
Monday, February 17, 2014
Motivational Mondays: Bill Cosby and You on Motivation & Fear
Thought for the Day: I have been nursing bronchitis all weekend & just got to the blog with less energy than usual. I looked through drafts that I never finished & found this wonderful photo & quote by Bill Cosby. I decided to use it as a starting point for a conversation with you.
Instead of writing my thoughts on this quote, I'd like to try something different. I'd rather hear your thoughts. What do you think? Are there things that you want, but too afraid to try? For instance, do you hate your current job, but fear trying to find another in a bad economy? Are you unhappy in your current relationship, but afraid to talk about your feelings with your partner? Is your adult child about to make what you feel is a huge mistake, but you are afraid to let them know your opinion, since they are grown & on their own? Do you think that Bill Cosby's recommendation to simply decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it will help you to go ahead & confront the issue? Is being determined the most important element in motivation? Are there other psychological issues that need to be in place to overcome the fears?
Can any of you recall a time when you were afraid to do something, decided that you would do it anyway because it was more important to you & accomplished your objective? I'd love to hear about it.
Labels:
#fear,
#motivation,
#psychology,
Bill Cosby,
overcoming fear,
Quote
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Sundays Comic Strips: Winter Blues and Valentine's Cards for Single People
Thought for the Day: I had trouble choosing which photos to post today and decided to post two. After yet another snow storm this week, the creative snow sculpture from Duchess County Fairgrounds on Facebook's post was too funny not to share right now. In my practice as a psychologist, almost every session begins with people, myself included, questioning their sanity wondering why they are living in Connecticut. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) diagnosis have sky rocketed this year and sales of natural spectrum light fixtures are at a record high. Since around half of the country has been affected by one of the worst winters in years, keeping our sense of humor will help us all cope with the weather till spring finally arrives. When it does we will appreciate it more than usual.
If you have had enough cold and snow, PLEASE...Raise Your Hands Photo from Duchess County Fairgrounds on Facebook |
The second comic photo I chose is related to Valentine's Day. With all the hype about Valentine's Day many people forget how depressing the holiday is for people who are single and not in a relationship. If you don't have a special relationship, just broke up or are going through a divorce, Valentine's Day can be a very painful reminder of what is missing in your life. You can take advantage of 1/2 price chocolate and try to eat away your sadness. Humor, on the other hand, is a less fattening way to cope with Valentine's Blues. The writers at Buzz feed created some funny cards to give to yourself. Here's one that I chose, but you can click the link below to see more funny cards!
Valentine’s Cards For Single People To Give To Themselves
Because if you’re going to buy yourself chocolate, you might as well give yourself a card.
|
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Saturday's Songs for the Soul: Mary Chapin Carpenter and The Day After Valentine's Day
Thought for the Day; The day after Valentine's Day, Mary Chapin Carpenter and Michael Doucet and BeauSoleil changed my life. Back in 1981, I was doing a lot of country western dancing. The music and fun dance steps were like therapy for my soul. One of the songs and the dance that went with it "Down at the Twist and Shout," written and performed by Mary Chapin Carpenter with the Cajun band BeauSoleil was a favorite of mine. At the time, I was also writing country music and spending time in Nashville whenever I could to improve my writing skills. After I saw another zydeco band, Beau Jaques and the High Rollers, I came up with a tune called ,"The Zydeco Swing," which was in some ways similar to Mary Chapin Carpenter's crossover hit. I was in New York City for the Valentine's/President's Day weekend. I was feeling a bit down because plans to meet with a long distance friend from Texas did not work out, due to the possibility of a snow storm (Sound familiar?). My brother and his wife were leaving town Saturday morning and I had no plans for the rest of the weekend.
I was determined to have a good time. So I scoured the New York Times for things to do. When I saw that BeauSoleil was playing at Tramps (which closed in 2001) that night, I knew where I was going. I even took a tape with "Zydeco Swing" on it, in case I got to speak to the band. I hoped I would get a chance to dance, but knew that I would enjoy the music. What I did not know was that I would not only get to dance, but would meet my life partner, Jerry, that night. A friend of his, who DJ's a music program on Long Island, even gave my tape to BeauSoleil when he interviewed the band during their break. Jerry and I have been together ever since that night. If I had not gone to that concert, we would never have met!
Today's song for the soul is dedicated to Jerry and to finding love on the day after Valentine's Day or any day of the year!
Friday, February 14, 2014
#FF Friday's Fabulous Finds: Valentine's Day, Snow Days, Gender Biased Legos & Saving Hearts
Thought for the Day: While looking for photos for Valentine's Day, I found a few very funny ones in creative commons. This woman surely bends over backwards for love! Have you done crazy funny things for love? I'd love it if you'd share some. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Here are some of my Fabulous Finds for this week:
1) A very cute post from Our Mom Spot. There have been a lot of snow days lately! I'm ready for spring already!
Are you snowed in today?
2) The Little Girl from the 1981 LEGO Ad is All Grown Up, and She’s Got Something to Say The model from the lego ad from 1981 is grown and has a lot to say about legos new marketing plan which is aiming different lego sets for boys and girls.
3) For Valentine's Day, here's a video from Simon's Fund with the story of an Olympic medalist's journey. Save a life help get children's heart's tested.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Thursday's Psychology Trivia: T or F Insufficient Sleep & Excessive Hours Online Lead to Emotional Problems for Teens?
Thought for the Day: There's close to 2 feet of new snow outside my door & I have come down with bronchitis. However, I still want to post today. Last night the Photo Contest ended and we have a winner. I want to announce the winner and keep the regular schedule of the blog in place. The winner is Patty N Neal Bilyeu from Facebook. They chose the Boston Strong image which was number one for last year. I will be contacting them to arrange their prize.
Today is Thursday & it is time for the Psychology Trivia Question:
True or False: Insufficient sleep and excessive hours online lead to depression and emotional problems in teenagers
The answer is true. Teens who don't get enough sleep are 4 times more likely to develop major depressive disorder than their peers who sleep more. In a recent study by University of Texas Health Science Center in Houston, a study of 4,000 teenagers found a strong correlation between lack of adequate sleep and depression. It is unclear from the study which comes first depression which leads to poor sleep patterns or visa versa, that poor sleep leads to depression. Seventy percent of teenagers go not get the 9 - 10 hours of sleep recommended by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
In another recent study, from Sweden the researchers found that lack of sleep and excessive media involvement were associated with depression and suicidal behaviors. The Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm collected data from over 12,000 European adolescents. They found that teens in both groups, insufficient sleep and excessive hours on the internet were 3 times as likely to have mental health problems.
These findings make it important for parents to monitor their children's bed times and internet use. It does get harder during the adolescent years, however, given these finding, helping your kids to learn to make time for sleep and limit their internet consumption is important.
If you would like to read more about these studies, click here.
Labels:
#AdolescentHealth,
#depression,
#health,
#parenting,
#psychology,
#research,
#Sleep,
Dr Barbara Lavi
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Wednesday's Words of Wisdom: Moms Demand Action & Mahatma Ghandi
Thought for the Day: Today I copied an image and a quote from Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. Those of you who have been following my blog know that I have been advocating for stricter gun control laws since the Sandy Hook Tragedy. I have lobbied with Moms Demand Action in DC and am impressed with their tireless efforts. They make political activism easy with twitter and facebook campaigns. I love the quote they used with their Valentine's Day campaign:
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will." Mahatma GhandiWhen we see things in society that we want to change we must find our inner strength to persevere and stand up for what we believe. Often when tragedies occur, we feel helpless, taking action and joining forces with like minded people, can help us feel empowered. Valentine's Day is a day dedicated to love. Too many lives of innocent children and loved ones are being stolen from us due to lack of sensible background checks for those who wish to purchase guns or to gun owners' carelessness . Too many children are dying when they have access to unsecured guns, leading to accidental shootings by children.
The image above came with a call for action for Valentine's Day. I hope you will tweet, post, and share it and follow the call to action. Just click on the bit.ly link below & tweet to your senators and congressmen. It will only take a couple of minutes, but it could save lives.
MOM'S Demand Action's VALENTINE'S DAY CALL TO ACTION: Despite the 43 school shootings since Newtown, Congress continues to turn a blind eye to America's gun violence epidemic. Use our Fast-Tweet link to tell Congress our hearts are broken, but our will is strong. And while you’re at it, Tweet them a pic of your Valentine with the hashtags#MomsBrokenHearts and #MomsDemandhttp://bit.ly/MCuDcd - LIKE and SHARE this post!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Tuesday's Psychology Tips: The Physical, Psychological, and Social Benefits of Dancing
Thought for the Day: Here's
another Psychology Tip which I wrote for HealthTap. The tip below was limited to 100 characters on HealthTap, but here, I can say more. I have loved to dance all my life. I don't need any health benefits to justify dancing. When I hear music, it makes me feel like dancing.
Just the exercise involved in dancing is a natural antidepressant. It's hard to dance and feel down at the same time. What many people do not know is that dancing also exercises your brain. It can help improve your memory. Other activities, like word games, can improve memory but they lack the physical health benefits that dancing gives.
If you are self conscious, even dancing alone can enhance your mood and memory, but when you dance with others the benefits are multiplied. Dancing helps people feel more connected with others and, therefore, improves one's mental health. If you don't know how to dance, take some lessons. With just a few lessons, you will be less self conscious and able to join in the fun! Or just turn on some music and move to the beat! Have a great week.
Here's the Tip as I shared it on HealthTap. It's a great site where you can ask any and all health realted questions and get answers from experts from around the nation 24/7.
INTERESTING FACT
Dancing exercises your body, brain, and memory. So keep on dancing to stay young and healthy!
Labels:
#HealthTap,
#MentalHealth,
#psychology,
Dancing,
Dr Barbara Lavi
Monday, February 10, 2014
Motivational Monday's: New Series Ask Dr. B How Can I Keep My Ex's Wife From Interfering?
Thought for the Day: I have started answering questions for a column on a new website, Single Mom Playbook. The website focuses on helping single mothers deal with all the stresses involved in divorce and single parenting. I decided to repost a segment from this column: Ask Dr. B. Every Sunday, I will answer questions that come in from their readers. Feel free to post a question if you need assistance with a single parenting issue. Shanon Philpott, is a freelance reporter who is organizing this amazing resource for single moms.
Here's one of my answers about handling interference from an ex-spouse's new partner, which I cut & pasted from their blog:
Ask Dr. B: How Can I Keep My Ex’s Wife From Interfering?
By sphilpott on
Dear Dr. B,
I have been a single mom for several years and my ex recently remarried. I am grateful that his wife is good to my children, but she is very pushy with me and tries to get involved in issues that should be between just me and my ex, such as child support and visitation. Her involvement has strained the co-parenting relationship I have with my ex and the children are picking up on the tension when we attend their activities together. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
ANSWER: Before I answer, let me say that I understand how you feel. It is hard enough dealing with an ex-spouse on financial and visitation arrangements. It is also challenging to adjust to having another women getting involved in your children's and indirectly in your life. However, they have become your ex’s new partner. It sounds like she cares about your children and wants them to feel comfortable in their home. (Not all step-parents are as welcoming of their partner’s children.) Often wives become the social planners which means they help their husband with organizing the calendar for their new family. If you have been flexible in the past, your ex-husband may assume that his wife can help set things up. If there have been problems and you want to stick to the visitation plans as set up by the courts, simply politely let her know it needs to remain the same.
Child support on the other hand should follow court guidelines unless your ex’s work situation changes. I would suggest that you speak with your ex and ask he be the contact person regarding financial issues. Even though his new wife is involved in their finances, you should not need to discuss their finances with her.
It is important for your children that you have as respectful of a relationship with his wife as possible. A caring step-parent can be a huge ally, especially when they reach adolescence. They may not speak with either you or your ex-husband, but might listen to them. We all can benefit from as many caring adults in our lives as we can get. Step-parents, teachers, coaches can play significant roles in helping our children grow into healthy responsible adults. Encourage your children to learn from and take advantage of their step-mother’s presence as a role model.
Child support on the other hand should follow court guidelines unless your ex’s work situation changes. I would suggest that you speak with your ex and ask he be the contact person regarding financial issues. Even though his new wife is involved in their finances, you should not need to discuss their finances with her.
It is important for your children that you have as respectful of a relationship with his wife as possible. A caring step-parent can be a huge ally, especially when they reach adolescence. They may not speak with either you or your ex-husband, but might listen to them. We all can benefit from as many caring adults in our lives as we can get. Step-parents, teachers, coaches can play significant roles in helping our children grow into healthy responsible adults. Encourage your children to learn from and take advantage of their step-mother’s presence as a role model.
Have a question for our experts? Submit your single mom challenges via our Contact Formand get the advice you need to stay in the game of single parenting.
Dr. Barbara Lavi is a licensed clinical psychologist in Massachussets and Connecticut. She is the author of the “Wake Up and Dream Challenge.” You can find out more about Dr. B atWakeUpandDreamChallenge.com.
Author: ”The Wake Up and Dream Challenge”, new edition published by (Kiwi Publishing (2012) & best seller on Amazon.com(http://www.amazon.com/The-Wake-Up-Dream-Challenge-ebook/dp/B008VEUOIA) will:
* Teach you how to ‘dream it forward’ at any age regardless, financial, health or personal challenges
* Inspire you with true stories of clients making what seemed impossible possible, so that you can too
* Show you how to silence your inner critic & set yourself free from it’s restraints
* Empower you to take control of your future by becoming your own “dream parent”
* Help you program your own DPS (Dream Positioning System) (™) to chart your journey to a happier life
Licensed Clinical Psychologist:
Dr Lavi began working as a clinical psychologist in 1978. She worked & trained in the Boston area before moving to Westport, CT in 2000. She holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Child Psychology & a Doctorate in Professional Psychology. Positions include:
- *Clinical Child Psychology Consultant Lawrence, Methuen, Andover & Burlington MA public schools,*Staff Psychologist/Coordinator of Child & Trauma Teams Harvard Community Health Plan, Burlington MA a Harvard Medical School Affiliate,
- *Clinical Director of The Delphi Center of Burlington.
- *Founder of ACT Now Psychotherapy utilizing her unique active, creative, time-sensitive approach to therapy. Creativity is an integral part of Dr. Lavi’s life & her therapeutic approach. Music, dance, writing & crafts are hobbies that have been utilized in her work with children, as well as adults. She also writes songs & has organized creativity enhancement workshops for other writers.
She tailors her work to meet each client’s unique needs. Drawing from a wide range of expertise & experience, she collaboratively develops the best therapeutic plan for each client. Clients are actively involved in the process. Time-sensitive therapy is as brief as possible, but the therapeutic relationship lasts for a lifetime. Depending on the issues addressed, some clients may be in therapy for a few months while others may come for a few years. After completing a segment of therapy, over the years, clients often return for a tune up or to consult about a new issue or life challenge. Each time a client returns, therapy tends to be briefer.
Dr. Lavi works with children & adults utilizing individual, couple, family, & group therapy. She utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis & EMDR. Her areas of specialization include: divorce, anxiety, fears, phobias, loss, illness & trauma. Dr. Lavi currently maintains a private practice in Weston, CT.
Dr.Lavi blogs daily at WakeUpAndDreamCartalyst.blogspot.com
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